Engaging, thoughtful, and insightful. Levy's take on her life circumstances is very brave.

I really enjoyed the first part of the book, but then thought it kind of lost focus and went its own way.

I had to drag myself through the first half of this memoir. It was mostly Levy feeling sorry for herself and trying to justify her inability to remain faithful to her various significant others. But the second half. Oh, my goodness. The chapters that focus on Levy's marriage, pregnancy, and what comes after those events were powerful. She breaks your heart and leaves you wanting more. So if you can manage to get through the first half, the second half is definitely worth it.

Who is this Ariel Levy, anyway? It’s always a risk to read a memoir by someone you’ve never heard of, or who isn’t a blogger with lots of creds. I’ve been burnt before. But this is definitely a keeper. Levy, at 38, had it all, and was dazed with happiness as she looked forward into the future. And then Poof! It’s gone. In a nanosecond her life turned to hell.

Levy is an excellent writer. When I read that she worked for The New Yorker, I figured her writing would be exceptional, and it is. The story has good bones: both the sentence structure and vocabulary are sophisticated, the language is beauteous, and the pacing is good. There’s even suspense—at times I felt like I was reading a novel. And like in a novel, she starts with telling us that a big terrible thing happened to her, and then she doesn’t tell us exactly what it was until way later in the story. (The big terrible thing is that she lost her child, her spouse, and her house—no spoiler here; she tells us this within the first few pages.) So the whole time, I was on pins and needles, wondering how she ended up with all the important things in her life gone. The in-between story—a little about her parents, her climb to success, her marriage, her bad choices, her writing assignments—is fascinating. (One assignment, about an intersex runner in South Africa, is particularly interesting.) It’s heartbreaking to realize that this is not a made-up story, that a real person felt real pain. It also shows that bad things and real pain happen whether you’ve had a good, easy life or not.

Levy is a journalist. Journalists sometimes only supply the facts and tell dry, unemotional stories. That is not the deal here. She’s very self-aware. She analyzes her actions and feelings, constantly reflecting on what she did and shouldn’t have done. Before her tragedy, she was cocky and proud that she was living a successful, unconventional life. After the tragedy, she was devastated. She conveys her emotional state well; I felt sorry for her, and even more so because she didn’t beg me to.

Here is what she says about her grief:

“I am thunderstruck by feeling at odd times, and then I find myself gripping the kitchen counter, a subway pole, a friend’s body, so I won’t fall over. I don’t mean that figuratively. My sorrow is so intense it often feels like it will flatten me.”

And she has lots of other gems (not related to grief). I’m controlling myself and only showing you a few. This is very hard.

“Writing is communicating with an unknown intimate who is always available, the way the faithful can turn to God.”

“There is nothing I love more than traveling to a place where I know nobody, and where everything will be a surprise, and then writing about it. It’s like having a new lover—even the parts you aren’t crazy about have the crackling fascination of the unfamiliar.”

“To become a mother, I feared, was to relinquish your status as the protagonist of your own life.”

“Daring to think that the rules do not apply is the mark of a visionary. It’s also a symptom of narcissism.”

What sticks in my mind the most (besides the horrific event itself) is the guilt she felt. She will forever be tormented by the question of whether what happened was her fault. (I wonder the same thing about her, though I try not to.) No amount of success, no distractions, no new relationships, will work to rid her of that feeling.

A weird and only sort-of-funny thing happened while I was reading this, and it drove home the idea that I make assumptions, sometimes false, based on how society has trained me. I was sure I had read at the beginning of Levy’s story that she had lost her husband. (I also assumed she lost him and her baby in a car wreck or some other kind of wreck. Don’t ask me why.) In the middle of the story, we learn that she married a woman. I kept thinking that she must have remarried a man later. When is the husband going to enter the story? The book is almost half over and there’s no sign of him! So she has to divorce her wife and remarry pretty quick here if she’s going to finish her story. I went back and reread the beginning few pages. Guess what. She had never said “husband!” She had said “spouse.” I had assumed she had been married to a man! Wow! Shows me a thing or two!

So, it tells you something when you see that the Complaint Board is missing. Yep, I loved this book. And the icing on the cake is that Levy knew my favorite writer of funny, Nora Ephron (though she mentions her only in passing). I’ll for sure be checking out other books and articles by Levy. She’s one smart writer.

Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy.

Very moving memoir centering on Levy's miscarriage. I couldn't stop reading. She explores the deep feelings of her failing relationship and the loss of her child.

Ariel Levy opens up with raw emotion in her descriptions of childhood, relationships, pregnancy and regrettably, miscarriage. I honor Levy’s strength to be willing to share her feelings so honestly.
I can’t imagine being alone, miscarrying, and holding your little premature newborn as he takes his few breaths. I expected Levy to become a cynical wench after something this gut-wrenching, but she gets up and carries on. She has deep wounds and scars from these episodes in her life, but by sharing them with others she seems to be healing (and forgiving) herself. Forgiving ourselves is the hardest mountain to climb. She scales it. I honor that.
(I received an advance copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an unbiased review. Thank you to Random House and NetGalley for making it available.)

A wonderful read - a memoir that's raw and open and messy, just like life itself. A memoir of loss and healing from that loss, from a relationship that dies in the face of alcoholism to the slipping away of hope as Levy miscarries, this is thought-provoking and honest. Highly recommended.

"Imagine running over a butterfly with an SUV. Everything that was beautiful about this living thing – all the color, the light, and movement – is gone. What I’m left with is the dry husk of my friend, the broken body chipped, dismantled, and poorly reassembled. Dead. That’s my book.’" Ann Patchett, This is the Story of A Happy Marriage.

Writers have the power to rearrange a story and turn it into fiction. It's this powerful ability that can transport us into new worlds. It takes a very special writer who can turn this power on themselves and bring the reader into their mind. Ariel Levy's memoir The Rules Do Not Apply fits into this category. A freelance writer and book author, she takes very painful aspects of her life and writes it out in this book. She is able to pull out the beauty from this pain.

The memoir begins ominously as she recounts recent events to a small neighbor child. They have come over to see the new baby. There is no baby, no longer a spouse, and soon enough no home to live in. It is devastating to watch as Ariel Levy's life falls apart. Even in retelling small details to friends leaves them speechless. It probably can only be fully explained in a book.

We see Levy's upbringing and her meeting Lucy, the soon to be the love of her life. Things evolve as they get married, build a home, and talk about raising a family. She laments the choices a woman has to make as they get older. Do they have a career or have a family? She even asks this question to Maureen Dowd about raising a family, to which she replies, you can't have everything. It is that interchange that becomes the theme of the book. Can she have everything? She pushes for it all and loses everything. All that is left is broken pieces destroyed in horrible detail. The part when she is pregnant in Mongolia is one of the most heartbreaking pieces I have ever read.

It is tough reading, but well worth it for the beauty of the writing and the story.





NOTES FROM
The Rules Do Not Apply

Ariel Levy

April 17, 2017
Chapter 4
Nothing really bad could happen to me in my movie, because I was the protagonist.

April 20, 2017
Chapter 24
I have an excruciating wish that she would age backward, into a baby, so that I could raise her now. So I could forgive her everything, anything, and love her with all the violence in my heart, and none of the need.

April 20, 2017
Chapter 28
I asked if she’d ever wanted children. She told me, “Everybody doesn’t get everything.” It sounded depressing to me at the time, a statement of defeat. Now admitting it seems like the obvious and essential work of growing up. Everybody doesn’t get everything: as natural and unavoidable as mortality.

April 20, 2017
Chapter 28
But in a strange way, I am comforted by the truth. Death comes for us. You may get ten minutes on this earth or you may get eighty years but nobody gets out alive. Accepting this rule gives me a funny flicker of peace.

April 21, 2017
Chapter 30
I want to be fertile. I never want to expire. But death comes for us. What first? What else? What next?

April 21, 2017
Chapter 31
In writing you can always change the ending or delete a chapter that isn’t working. Life is uncooperative, impartial, incontestable.

All Excerpts From

Levy, Ariel. “The Rules Do Not Apply.” Random House Publishing Group - Random House, 2017-03-14T15:50:37Z. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.

Ariel Levy had it all. And then she didn't. And then she wrote a book about that, The Rules Do Not Apply. 

When she was 38, Levy was married to her best friend. She was carrying their baby. She had financial security. She went to Mongolia to write a story for The New Yorker. And when she came back, she lost it all. She lost her baby. Her marriage dissolved. Everything she had worked for, everything she had counted on, it was all gone. Just like that. 

This emotional and wrenching memoir of love and loss, of choices and consequences, is beautifully written. It is lyrical and moving and will leave you in pieces on the floor. 

As a kid, Levy was always told that she was too--too loud, too active, too male, too much. She writes from this place of openness, and she spills out all of her intensity, all of her emotions, all of her self on these pages. She was never all that good at following the rules. She questioned them at every turn. It makes her a complex human being, and it makes her a transformative writer. I guarantee that the person you are at the beginning of this book will be different than the person who reads that last page. 

The Rules Do Not Apply is one of the most talked-about books of 2017. Levy's writing style and brutal openness make this book impossible to put down. Her courage in sharing this painful journey makes it a story of strength, of healing, of grief, and of our mutual humanity. Read this book and remember what it is to be truly alive. 



Galleys for The Rules Do Not Apply provided by Random House through NetGalley.com, with many thanks.

I made small talk on the cold front deck of the restaurant with a curly-haired woman, and she told me about her daughters and how exhausted she was all the time, and then something turned in her head and her face looked like it wasn't sure what to do with itself. She said, "Are you the Ariel who all the bad things happened to?"

I said that I was, and wondered how many Ariels she could possibly have chosen from.

The Rules Do Not Apply is a fascinating and gritty memoir that really took me by surprise. I did not know who Ariel Levy was to be honest. I saw the book marked "to be read" off and on on my GR updates feed and went to Netgalley to see if it was available but it was not. I requested it (as a wish) and really did not know what I was in for.

What a life this woman has led. A lot of heartache and sadness. Joy too. But, it's an amazing story and she can certainly write. Really write. She has a lot of self awareness which I always find appealing. She lays it all out and at times her story is heart - cracked - wide - open - gut -wrenching and completely raw.

I highly recommend this to any and all. Had me examining my own life and some of my choices. Not a bad thing. I have not read anything else by Levy. I would welcome the opportunity to read more by her.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher, Deckle Edge, for an opportunity to read this incredible story. What a life!

Plato is credited with the quote, "An unexamined life is not worth living." I live my life by this. It seems Ms. Levy might as well. I am not nearly as open-book with my struggles and failures. Her truth gets 5 stars from me. Not easy to do....to live your life so openly. Admiration from me is an understatement.

Again....an especially a huge thank you to the publisher for granting me a wish on this one.Thank you, thank you, thank you!

A major bummer but also I kind of loved it. It was like a little reminder to keep going. Not because good is guaranteed to come, but because life will and hey, that's something.

disclaimer: between requesting this on netgalley and being approved to read it, I won a copy of this from random house on instagram. So I didn't actually download this copy. I read a beautiful hard back copy. The color choice is perfection. But anyway, thanks random house! You're aces.

I really loved this book of essays from Ariel Levy. She writes with honesty and pluck reminiscent of Cheryl Strand, and shares herself through her work in ways that can at times be gut-wrenching. The writing is strong, so if you like reading profiles/articles in the New Yorker, you'll like the writing here (she writes for them). Life can change in an instant.
I liked the beginning of the book more than the end (some essays/chapters are better than others), yet I stayed up late to finish the end because I was in need of some sort of closure. The chapter based on her article "Thanksgiving in Mongolia" shattered me. Strong writing.

I received a copy from NetGalley in exchange from an honest review (thanks for granting my wish, Random House!).

I enjoy reading memoirs and this one was no exception. I enjoyed reading about her travels while writing various stories and about her life. I am proud of Levy for writing about her terrible experience with her miscarriage. So many women suffer from miscarriages and do not talk about it.

EPICCCC!!
You need this book in your life. Don't wait PICK IT UP!

This was awesome. I chose it as a staff pick. It is a great spring/summer read.

Tough book to review, a memoir is. The writing, or the person's life? Ariel Levy's writing is bold, raw and purposely in your face, which is good for magazines and books to grab you by the throat. A memoir, most, should grab you by the heart for better or worse., but Levy's also grabs your conscious. I mean she takes it out to dinner, a seedy bar after, all the drinks, all the feels, and whips it around the room. You don't know who you are by the time it's over. Having grown up with upper-middle class privilege, Ariel always expected to succeed in everything. She would work for it but she would not be denied.
A writer she is and fairly accomplished. A person, a partner, a friend; who are we to judge? Yes you say, she did put it all out there so we may have a comment or two. Fine. Millions, really, millions of woman have miscarriages and understand her grief and pain. I'm wondering how much she shared all of that with Lucy, her wife and the donor, the father, who seemed really involved. Almost everything she said about Lucy was implied as an inconvenience to Ariel. Maybe Lucy felt ostracized, maybe she needed your love and help. I feel compassion for you both, but Ariel you need to develop some compassion for others.

This is a heartfelt moving memoir of a woman's journey to reinvent herself from expected society life goals. As she experiences love , loss and growth she takes the reader through her emotions deeply felt. The author has well crafted a very personal journey in which she rebuilds her life only accordingly to her own terms. This is very reminiscent of Eat Pray Love in how the author begins her transformation from beginning Of the end of a traditionally expected life to her own personal happiness in a better more fulfilling life. I highly recommend The Rules Do Not Apply. A wonderful enthralling read.

I love a memoir! There’s nothing like the ability to see life from a new perspective and I am grateful to the fearless writers who allow us to peek into their experiences.

In The Rules Do Not Apply by Ariel Levy, the author has lived a life of ups and downs, mostly ups. She’s lived a really great and exciting life in New York City as a writer and enjoyed her career and her ambitions as a single woman. Then she falls in love and that relationship leads to Ariel getting pregnant.

But how quickly things can turn. Ariel is forced to deal with a miscarriage and her wife’s alcoholism which leads to divorce. Its Ariel’s beautiful writing that I most enjoyed about this one exploring relationships, love, loss, career, alcoholism, and grief.

Here’s what you need to know:

When thirty-eight-year-old New Yorker writer Ariel Levy left for a reporting trip to Mongolia in 2012, she was pregnant, married, financially secure, and successful on her own terms. A month later, none of that was true.

Levy picks you up and hurls you through the story of how she built an unconventional life and then watched it fall apart with astonishing speed. Like much of her generation, she was raised to resist traditional rules—about work, about love, and about womanhood.

“I wanted what we all want: everything. We want a mate who feels like family and a lover who is exotic, surprising. We want to be youthful adventurers and middle-aged mothers. We want intimacy and autonomy, safety and stimulation, reassurance and novelty, coziness and thrills. But we can’t have it all.”

I've heard so much about this book, but mostly along the lines of "It's so good, everyone should read it." I didn't have any spoilers ahead of time except "It's about a miscarriage."

Well, that is true that it's about a miscarriage, and it's true that it's good. More than "about a miscarriage," though, it's about that early-midlife point when even though the author has many wonderful things -- love, an amazing career, privilege growing up and a fine intellect -- she has to face a bunch of horrors that she could never have predicted. Levy's memoir tells a gripping story without making the details of her marriage, affair and fluid sexuality into something salacious or gratuitous. She doesn't linger in the pain and gore (both physical and emotional) of her miscarriage, but circles back around, as life does, to find new ways to gain insight into what happened, and sometimes to suffer from it. The words and pages fly by, but I think this book will linger with me.