“I had been so lucky. So little had truly gone wrong for me before that night on the bathroom floor.” This memoir of how Levy builds a life and eventually a family, loses it, and survives is a deeper, albeit implicit, commentary on feminism and happiness than the explicit, sociological book The H-Spot. Love and loss is a common trope, but Levy’s description of her grief is special and at the same time universal. “Grief is a world,” she writes, “you walk through skinned, unshelled.”

This wasn't the most impressive or even unique memoir, but I still thoroughly enjoyed it and can see it become a popular read this summer. Solid 3.5/5 stars.

Read on the heels of The Animators, I was enthralled that I had some requisite knowledge of the original career interest of this memoirist, Ariel Levy. How have I not read the previous writings of this phenomenal writer?! Well, I will now. This book is crammed with memorable moments wrapped up in perfectly crafted sentences that become little nuggets of pure gold. Here's a few examples:

"Whether that is the truth or merely my truth, whether everything would be different if I could only back to my younger self, I do not know." p. 68
"But I understood, now her dilemma, I wanted, what we all wanted: everything." p. 74

Best words: Esurient, perspicacious, simulacrum, ersatz
Best descriptions: "Extricating myself from my affair was like shattering a great pane of glass in the middle of a room: months after I'd finished cleaning up the crash, I'd still find shards lurking in the corners. I was still picking small vicious slivers from the soles of my feet." p. 85
"...the deepest adoration you'd known since childhood, when you would come home from the fruit tour to find that you were the apple of your parent's eye." p. 85
Best advice on leaving someone be: "Because she needs to understand that her actions have consequences." p. 99
Best exit "to the left" line: "But I am worn down and out. The thought of another trip crushes me, I tell you Lucy, you are my family. But I am going." p. 143

Thanks to Net Galley for an advance copy in exchange for this honest review

I feel like the more closely you've followed Ariel Levy over the past few years, the less you'll get from this. It's a good memoir, well told, I enjoy her use of language and the links she draws between seemingly disparate situations and notions to get to a larger point. But I read Thanksgiving in Mongolia, and I've heard a few different interviews with her where she outlines the aspects of this book that I think would've been the most interesting to me before I read it, so it was less powerful for me than it might have been. A solid message, though, for anyone who's putting motherhood off for later in life, and for anyone who gets or has at sometime gotten to feeling that their life is immune to difficulty.

The preface to this searing memoir begins with a devastating statement from journalist Levy, “For the first time I can remember, I cannot locate my competent self - -one more missing person. In the last few months, I have lost my son, my spouse, and my house. Every morning I wake up and for a few seconds I’m disoriented, confused as to why I feel grief seeping into my body, and then I remember what has become of my life.” And for a fairly young person, quite the life she has led!

Levy spends the briefest amount of time on her childhood, just enough to let readers know she was a precocious but lonely only child, raised in the 1970s by left leaning parents and she took her mother’s encouragement seriously that she could and should become a writer, as well as her advice that she should make her own way in life and never become dependent on a man. As Ms. Levy states later, “We were raised to think we could do what we wanted – we were free to be you and me! And many of our parents’ revolutionary dreams had actually come true… “

Fairly quickly, one can see the kernel of her writer’s quest to investigate and challenge society’s conventions and rules. Her first article for a journal (at the age of only 22), and one she pursues independently before having an assignment, is about a nightclub in Queens where obese women go to flirt and dance with admirers dubbed “chubby chasers.” Her skill and sincerity in making this unknown world relatable to the general public lands her a regular writing job with New York Magazine where she had been toiling as a clerical assistant. By the time Levy is 28, she is already a staff writer specializing in compact profiles of public figures and essays about pop culture.

The book recounts some of Levy’s journalistic pursuits – without any previous experience writing in a foreign country and no contacts or pre-planning, she convinces her editor at the New Yorker (her employer at the time) to send her to South Africa to research a profile on the Olympic runner Castor Semenya, a world class athlete who had been challenged by female competitors that claimed she was a man. Levy is persistent and eventually locates Semenya and while she never gets to formally interview her, she has a revealing conversation with the runner that makes the journalist trust her own ability as a reporter and she publishes an article on sex and gender in sports that garners much attention.

The meat of the book concerns Levy’s bending of what she perceives as society’s rules, for example, she marries a girlfriend long before same-sex marriage is legal and she enters into an obsessive disastrous affair with a former girlfriend who has transitioned to male, cheating on her vulnerable alcoholic wife. When she and her spouse desire parenthood, she persuades a close male friend to father a child with them (donate his sperm), with a pledge to provide monetary support but leave the child-rearing to the couple. After Levy becomes pregnant, she travels to Mongolia on assignment and tragedy strikes. While there is never doubt that Levy’s world will come crashing down, what keeps the reader going is discovering how she responds to her crises.

The book is extremely well written; however, Levy comes across as self-indulgent and entitled. As a reader, at times I was appalled by her actions but I admired her honesty and willingness to show herself in the worst possible light. She does appear to mature as a result of her life experiences and by the end of the book she seems older, wiser, and surprisingly resilient. When she attends her best friend Emily’s wedding (Emily is expecting a child), and the bride poignantly inquires whether Ariel hates her because she is pregnant, she generously replies that Emily’s child, in a lesser but still crucial way, will be hers too.

Fascinating, frustrating, sad, and memorable, The Rules Do Not Apply will make a great subject for book discussion groups. There’s a lot to admire and criticize in these pages.

Disclosure: I was unfamiliar with any of Ms. Levy’s journalistic writing before reading this book and now will most certainly locate and read several of the articles profiled in the memoir. I received a free digital ARC from NetGalley in return for a fair honest review of the book.

Autobiography of a writer at The New Yorker and her feminist quest to have it all.

While I, of course, sympathized with the author dealing with the devastating loss of a baby born at 19 weeks gestation and her spouse's alcoholism, for whatever reason, I just didn't feel connected to the author or her story. I did, however, enjoy her writing style and her extremely honest voice. Overall, it just wasn't memorable or life changing, in my opinion.

Thank you to the author, the publisher, and NetGalley for a free ARC of this book in exchange for my very honest review!

I just love memoirs of strong, funny, intelligent women like Levy! Recommended to so many friends already.

Ariel Levy's story is breathtaking at some points, and drab at others.

I had read such mixed reviews of this one that I almost didn't read it, but I'm glad I did. Where other people saw an unlikable writer, I only saw honesty, about relationships, deciding what kind of life you are going to have, etc. I sat and read it cover to cover.

One example:
"I wanted what she had wanted, what we all want: everything. We want a mate who feels like family and a lover who is exotic, surprising. We want to be youthful adventurers and middle-aged mothers. We want intimacy and autonomy, safety and stimulation, reassurance and novelty, coziness and thrills. But we can't have it all."

Fair warning, there is a traumatic miscarriage depicted in these pages. I appreciated knowing that going into it.

Moving and vulnerable from start to finish. Beautifully written. She expresses human emotion in a raw and intimate way that is simultaneously painful and soothing.

I just couldn't get through this -- it was boring and I didn't care anything about the characters.

The Rules Do Not Apply is a compelling and extremely readable biography. It deals with many different issues, including loss of a baby, alcoholism, love, bisexuality, and friendships. It is candid, honest, and at times raw. I want to read more of Ariel Levy and see what other directions her life is to follow.

I didn’t know anything about Ariel Levy – who is a writer with The New Yorker -- but the description of her memoir sounded interesting. Well, it turns out that I would probably be happy to read anything by Levy and I need to look for some of her other writings. Her memoir deals with terrible personal losses she suffered a few years ago. She talks about her childhood, her early years as a writer and her history of relationships. This background is presented as a build up to the events that turned her world upside down. There is nothing unusual about a memoir focused on loss and grief. But what I liked about Levy’s writing is her unvarnished candidness. She grew up with an uncanny self-confidence that has clearly served her well as a journalist and in the ways she has navigated the world since childhood. While her confidence no doubt came from her upbringing and social position, she nevertheless has an unusual innate sense of who she is and what she wants. A few years ago, life knocked her down, taught her that no one is immune to loss – it turns out some of life’s inevitabilities do apply to everyone. She appears to be using her memoir as an opportunity to re-evaluate what she thought she knew about herself and the world. Still, at the end of the day, her writing is bold and what shines through and what I really liked about this book remain her strong voice and confidence. I’m not sure I would recommend this so much because of the story Levy has to tell, but more because of how she tells her story. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity to read an advance copy.

Levy's memoir is as absorbing as her writing is lovely.

I enjoyed the essay that this book was based on, (Thanksgiving in Mongolia, originally published in the New Yorker) much more than the expanded story. I was hoping for a book about motherhood and grief, what I got was a lot of personal drama with not much insight. That said, I'm betting this book will be wildly popular!

The NetGalley review described this book as "darkly humorous." I found no humor in it. Instead, I found sadness and a story for which I was unprepared based on the description. I regarded it as well written, with comments about life that stopped me in my tracks or at least in mid page. I was naive to believe the description. It was not the book I anticipated. I am glad to have experienced it but would not wish to reread it.

I immediately fell for the writing in this searing memoir of self-examination by a current New Yorker staff writer (also a native of my current town). Levy takes a brutally raw and honest look at her life including love, massive loss, and bad decisions. Her style is rambling – covering topics from crafting her career as a professional writer to gardening to covering the Caster Semenya story (the South African runner who was gender-tested at the 2009 Berlin World Championships) to her views on marriage in general and gay marriage specifically (she’s a lesbian) to infidelity to Mike Huckabee to late-in-life pregnancy – but it flows seamlessly. It’s a risky thing to market a book as “for readers of Cheryl Strayed” and, while I’m not putting Levy on equal footing with the giant, the comparison is not unfounded.

This memoir covers a short span in Ariel's life. Hopefully she has a lot of living yet to do . This book depicts her life as a budding journalist and development into a more traveled and acclaimed reporter. Along the way she discovers the Women 's movement and finds love with an older alcoholic partner . Like any marriage it has its ups and downs which is certainly compounded when alcohol and fidelity are involved. Like most women she longed for a child and is grief- stricken when she suffers a miscarriage. Ariel seemed to become a more caring and empathic person as she went through some hardships. Her memoir is not remarkable by any means.

The author, a talented writer, travels the world writing articles for prestigious magazines, while trying to sort out her own personal life. She is a powerful force, and used to getting her own way through sheer determination. Her strength is also her weakness, as it has led her to believe that she can control the way her life unfolds. A tragic event that crushes her forces her to reexamine this belief.
Although I admire the extraordinary writing skill of this author, I wasn't impressed with the book. The events of her life held my interest through most of the book, but I felt strangely dissatisfied at the end. It was interesting to gain insight into the motivations and lifestyles of these driven high achievers, and to see the kinds of problems that plague them, but in the end, it failed to elicit any inner response from me.