I was curious how the author would approach this subject as I've read it from other authors previously and some have hit it out of the park. Others.. not so much. This was definitely worth the read.

I’m sorry about the lateness in posting! I’ve had a wi-fi blackout at home for the past month and unfortunately I’ve been too busy at work to be able to blog. :/ This post is long overdue, so let’s just get straight into it!

In short: I loved Terminal Regression beyond reason. The main character was witty and had an enjoyable pov; I snickered at a lot of her wry asides and observations of society. What was most important to me was the depiction of mental illness – I empathized so much with Laura who suffered from clinical depression, and her reactions and coping mechanisms rang very true to me. Her depression wasn’t simply window dressing to make the book ‘edgy’, it was a major part of her character and informed her choices and the events of the book.

There was a fairly small cast of characters and while a couple weren’t as fleshed out as they could’ve been, for the most part I felt that the supporting characters were well-drawn and realistic, and I liked how Will, Grant and Mimi had their own stories and history instead of just being players in Laura’s hero’s journey.

The author came up with such a creative and fresh take on the dystopian society trend that is very popular right now, with a revolution unlike any other I’ve read before. In an era of Hunger Games and Divergent and the like, this was a breath of fresh air. Some may find the climax to be, well, antic-climactic, and perhaps it was a little too easily resolved, but I appreciate the originality and found it very appropriate to the story being told. This is more about Laura and focuses intimately on her issues and struggles, as opposed to focusing on the society in general.

At length (with some spoilers, be warned):

This book really moved me. I can’t emphasize enough how deeply it affected me. The reason I requested this ARC was because I’ve struggled with depression for over a decade now and while I’ve never acted on it, suicidal ideation (wanting to die) has been a part of my daily routine. I read as a form of escapism, but I also like to read books in which the main character represents something personal to me and articulates what I’m unable to express.

Unfortunately the few other books I’ve come across with suicidal protagonists haven’t really spoken to me because the authors have saddled them with a whole stable of issues – there’s almost always some form of sexual abuse involved, emotional abuse, eating disorders, drug addiction…basically everything that could be wrong HAS gone wrong. And that hasn’t been my experience, so I can’t identify with those leads. I feel guilty, because they have every reason to want to die with all the abuse and hardship they’ve suffered whereas my life is fine (as my mother says, I have a roof over my head, I have a stable job, food on the table, nice things, why should I be unhappy when I have so much).

But Laura IS me. Okay, her life isn’t entirely perfect, her father was taken from her when she was young; he was given a ticket for a journey on a train that nobody ever returns from (popularly assumed to either lead to one’s death or simply the next adventure), which is how this dystopian society deals with non-contributors, those who don’t fit in or criminals. Aside from that, though, her life’s great on the surface – she has a mom that loves her, a supportive community, enough food and resources…and yet Laura ends up applying for a ticket on this train because she feels she has nothing to live for.

“I just kind of reached a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. Being me was so sad. I’d wake up and wonder if I should even bother getting out of bed. I was questioning my whole existence, and the best I could come up with was that the universe had made a mistake, that I couldn’t possible exist just to be miserable. And it wasn’t like I wasn’t trying. I tried everything, just desperately searching for a feeling I couldn’t name. So finally, I just gave up. I left because I didn’t have a purpose. I didn’t like my life or the person I was. I was just tired of failing every time I tried. There’s something wrong with me, I think. Nothing really excites me. Honestly, I’ve felt dead for a long time.”

This whole passage makes my heart ache with sympathy – I feel this, I LIVE this every day, I know exactly what it’s like. I share so many of Laura’s feelings on life and death that it’s like the author’s bared my soul on these pages instead of writing about a fictional character.

Unfortunately the train doesn’t lead to the oblivion that Laura craves – instead, she and the other passengers are shepherded into another community they didn’t even know existed and put to work in different areas including manufacturing, general labor, agriculture and management. Given that she’s a suicide, she’s given the easy role of farm hand at an orchard, whether those like her are given simple repetitive work to distract them from their issues as well as put into group therapy, but that doesn’t work out.

“It’s always rough at first. But soon enough, you’ll find something to live for.”

“That’s my problem, sir,” I said. “I can’t wait anymore. And I won’t wait anymore. If there’s nothing on this earth to make me feel good about myself, why should I keep living? Why should I have to go on feeling inadequate and worthless when I’ve done nothing to deserve it?”

This is the same kind of line I’ve been told for years, and it frustrates me how complacently people just ASSUME that eventually some purpose will be magically bestowed upon me. ‘Just read a book, watch tv, engage in a hobby, make some friends, go out on the town’, etc. etc. which is such rubbish. It’s not like we CHOOSE to be unhappy, and if only we put some effort into trying new things, it would solve everything.

And sure, if you take away all our privileges, we’ll have more reason to be unhappy, but it’s not like living in a palace with our every whim catered to would provide a magical cure either. Sometimes it’s just the mysteries of brain chemistry that deal you a bad hand of cards, and then this apathy and misery is something you’re stuck with for the rest of your life.

So Laura’s as wretched and miserable as she was back in her old life, just without her mother and the comfort and familiarity of her former lifestyle. And it’s a routine that’s set to continue, until she runs into a former classmate, Will, who’s being forced to work under inhumane conditions and she finds some sense of purpose in caring for him and trying to improve his life.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Oh, god, so all her problems are solved because she falls in love with a GUY? Gag.’ But no, seriously, that doesn’t happen at all! One of the GREATEST things about this book is that Laura’s depression isn’t magically handwaved away by the end simply because of a romantic relationship. She specifically states that just because she’s dating Will isn’t a guarantee that she’ll be able to throw off the shackles of mental illness and I LOVE IT.

It’s even acknowledged that their relationship isn’t formed under the healthiest circumstances and they’re mutually using each other to meet their emotional needs, and that makes me adore their co-dependent romance all the more. They really do have the quirkiest, most adorkable relationship even in the midst of some really dark, traumatic circumstances:

“Will, I don’t want a boyfriend. I want to be dead. You’ll always be second place. You can’t expect me to want you more than what I want most. But if you want to kiss me and stuff or act all stupid and flirty, I’ll do my best to respectfully receive it.”

“In a weird, roundabout way, did you just say you’ll be my girlfriend?”

THEY ARE THE CUTEST. <3 I’ve never had a book boyfriend before, but Will is simply #boyfriendgoals what with the tender way he supports and cares for Laura, building her up when she tears herself down. The way their relationship is developed is so beautiful as they become friends under adverse conditions, developing a strong bond before falling in love, and their courtship had me giggling as Laura dealt with her social awkwardness and romance throwing a wrench in her whole ‘walking dead’ persona by being extra droll and sarcastic and Will patiently reaffirms their connection and waits her out. The ending is hopeful without being unrealistically sappy and perfect. I love everything.

The author has created an interesting dystopian world but I found the young protagonist difficult to relate to.

Laura feels she has failed at everything in her life. She doesn’t have a place in a world where everyone finds their niche and happily goes about their chosen work.

Laura’s parents were both talented artists but her father was sent away when she was a child. She watched as he boarded the Terminal B train, understanding that he was being sent to his death. She couldn’t understand why and her life has been a struggle ever since. Her free-spirited mother is active in the artist community and continues to push Laura to use her art even though Laura is sure her efforts are pathetic. Laura has made the rounds of the different communities, hoping to find a place where she can find a purpose; where she can fit in. Finally, she decides she will just get a ticket for Terminal B but she will let her mother think she was sent.

On the Terminal B ride, Laura runs into Will who was the most popular and friendly boy in fifth grade. Laura is surprised he even remembers her and more surprised that he should be on the train. They arrive at the end of the line to discover they are not dead… although they might wish they were.

Laura is sent to a farm and Will to a factory plant. Laura later learns that Will’s ticket wasn’t voluntary. He was accused of violent behavior and now must work in a place that treats the workers as expendable. Laura takes on the task of keeping Will alive and sane. Will is upbeat and optimistic to balance out Laura’s dark, moody pessimism. He needs her help but she needs him to provide her a purpose.

Laura believes that she must get word back to her mother and the city dwellers of the true nature of Terminal B, especially if Will is to survive. Some of Laura’s new co-workers help her plan a clandestine escape. Before Laura and Will can get back to the city she will face another huge surprise. If they can manage to escape, life will change for everyone.

I had to push to get through this because of Laura’s negative, defeatist attitude. The character’s statement at 42% in, “Happiness was a foreign concept”, is a totally foreign concept to me. That theme of failure and unhappiness permeates the book and is repeated, ad nauseam, even at 92%.

Will at least gives a breath of hope. The author has created an interesting dystopia world where perception is not always real. I found the young protagonist difficult to relate to and I think I might have enjoyed it more with less teenage angst and self-centeredness. I did like the twist and suspense late in the book. I recommend this to readers who like dystopia and can deal with the defeatist tone.

I received this title through NetGalley. My rating 3.75.

This YA offering has a really interesting protagonist. She is numb. Life washes around her and while her artistic, talented mother is endlessly encouraging and positive, Laura’s efforts to try and find her own enthusiasm and passion have all ended in failure. Wretched and discouraged, she decides to volunteer for the train to oblivion. Everyone knows about the train – it ships out criminals, misfits and those who can’t cope with living anymore and they never come back. There are also a handful of talented, effective people who are commandeered to board the train – like Laura’s dad eight years earlier – and they are never seen again, either.

It’s a tricky business writing a protagonist with severe depression. The classic symptoms – such as an inability to get out of bed, inability to communicate and prolonged fits of crying to name but a few – don’t generally make for the sort of character readers are going to warm to. But Hill manages to pull it off, which is a major achievement in this debut novel. She also tackles the issue of suicide head-on to the extent that it was causing me some concern, given the target audience are teens. I was uneasy with a protagonist who declared she’d rather be dead – and then acts on that impulse. However, by the end of the book I was far happier with her overall stance and felt that she handles the subject with sympathy and insight.

This is a brave book that wears its heart on its sleeve. The inevitable romantic element is very sweet, to the extent that this particular reader who is a dyed-in-the-wool cynic about such matters was won over by the love interest, who I initially was convinced would turn out to be some psychotic murderer. The sequence of events near the end of the book also had me wondering whether it was realistic to have such a seismic shift without any deaths, but then recalled the bloodless revolutions that have occurred throughout history. Overall, I think Hill has pulled off this one – an impressively ambitious book that marks Hill as One to Watch in the future. Receiving a copy of Terminal Regression from the publisher via NetGalley has in no way affected my honest opinion of this book.

Book Review: Do the Dead Actually Die in This Dystopian Society?

TERMINAL REGRESSION

By Mallory Hill

In Mallory Hill's AuthorsFirst contest winning novel, TERMINAL REGRESSION, she creates a dystopian world within a Utopian existence. Meet Laura Bailey, a young adult trying to find her place in society, trying but failing. She's grown up in the artist's community. Both of her parents are highly gifted and well respected artists within the community. That was until 8 years ago when her father was selected to board the train. Everyone lives in Terminal A. Everyone knows if you board the train you never come back.

Laura never gets over her father's death and she doesn't quite understand why he was chosen for it in the first place. If someone as good as him, as talented as him, as giving to the society as him was chosen how can she live up to that standard and still not be worthy of her place within the community?

Laura does the unthinkable, she volunteers for a ticket, she volunteers for suicide. After "trying" all of the sectors and not finding a passion even in the arts where she has talent, she feels she'd be less of a burden on her mother and on society if she just boarded the train into oblivion.

Thinking she was taking the train alone to her death, she is reunited with a childhood friend, Will Noble. They both sit together as they approach their end, realizing how much they appreciate not being alone at that moment.

When the train arrives at Terminal B they are separated. Laura is placed on a farm to work the rest of her life. Angry, she feels cheated from her much desired death. Until one day she sees Will crawling in the mud away from the power plant that she drives by daily to get to the farm.

Will wanted to be a police officer back in Terminal A, so while in training he noticed a man taking more than his rationed allotment. A fight ensued and Will was sentenced as a prisoner. In Terminal B every prisoner works at the power plant pulling levers in dripping water and being electrocuted the entire shift.

Laura takes Will back to her apartment to nurse him back to reasonable health. He gets the next day off as the shift rotation is one day of work, one day of recuperating until eventually the prisoners die or become incapacitated to continue working.

Laura finds friends at the farm and eventually takes Will there on his day off. Her time on the farm has taught her a valuable lesson that all life is precious. She can't stand seeing her friends suffer and decides something must be done. There must be more to life than what they confront daily in Terminal B.

She realizes that her father isn't dead but must be somewhere in Terminal B. She questions the society that separated the two terminals. She questions why her friends on the farm, Will, and people like her father aren't good enough for Terminal A's standards. Finally she has to act to save Will's life, in the process she starts a revolution.

TERMINAL REGRESSION is a wonderful story, sad and frustrating but equally captivating. Knowing how frustrating people in today's societies struggle to find their place this story brings that struggle to light.

TERMINAL REGRESSION is full of poignant topics that need to be addressed; all life is precious and even suicidal people have something to offer to others; those seemingly without a calling/purpose have something to offer to others; the ideal of Utopia is not without drawbacks, namely judgement of others and individual worth and above all no matter the despair there is always someone to help, no one ever need be alone in their struggle.

This is a story that should be on every teenagers reading list. If it can save one life from being taken, if it can open the eyes of anyone doubting their self-worth, if it can spread light on how we judge each other rather than support and uplift each other, it is worth the time to read. More than that it is an entertaining story with the added bonus of giving much food for thought. Once you start reading, it is difficult to put down until you find out if Laura succeeds, until you find out if one person can make a difference in the Terminal societies.

When all hope is lost, this story shows that hope can once again be found and it can move mountains, er walls, er trains.

It is well deserved to have won THE SECOND ANNUAL AUTHORSFIRST NOVEL CONTEST. Truly a story that one person can make a difference in the lives around them.


To learn about author Mallory Hill visit her website at: https://malloryhillauthor.wordpress.com

To learn about AuthorsFirst please visit: http://www.authorsfirst.com

FTC disclaimer: I received an ARC of this title by The Story Plant for review purposes only; no other compensation was awarded.






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I received a free ARC of this book from The Story Plant in exchange for my honest review.

I wasn't quite sure what to make of this book when I first saw it. The cover is very dramatic, all swooping colors and ALL CAPS TITLES, and an indication that this was a contest winning book, and this was the author's first novel. I'm always nervous about first novels. I've read some that are amazing, and others that I'm just not quite sure about.

And as I told a friend of mine just a moment ago, this is the first book in a while now that I've read...and haven't wanted to stop to do anything else.

Read more…

The book follows Laura Baily, a young woman who feels utterly lost in the world. Where everyone has a community to be in (her parents are artists, and the rest of the population is divided accordingly, not dissimilar from the concepts in Hunger Games or Divergent) she feels useless. She has no ambition, no drive, no passion. So she obtains a ticket for the train--a one-way trip associated with death. No one ever returns.

What she finds over there isn't death, but Terminal B: a world filled with people much like her, who have lost their way and feel they don't have a purpose--including an old schoolmate of Laura's, Will Noble. And Laura starts to realize that maybe her life is pointless, but the others around her are fascinating...and the more the looks, the more she starts to see the holes in the system. When the lives of the people she's grown to like start being threatened, Laura finds the mission she's always lacked...and can only hope that one resigned outsider can change the world.

Wow. Just...wow. I sympathize with Laura in some aspects; while I do feel I know my calling in life, I struggle with depression and wondering if any of this really matters or if the world would be better off if I just took the train away, as it were. She struggles with the apathy she wants but doesn't seem to be allowed to keep, with her new "assigned mission" in life, and whether or not any of this really matters.

Will Noble is the perfect foil to Laura. He's cheerful and optimistic where Laura is cynical and pessimistic. He pushes her to keep trying, even when she doesn't want to--and as time goes on, simply being him and being there begins to inspire her. I don't want to delve to deeply into what we see with them, because I think it's better to experience it, but it's an amazing journey and one that particularly resonated with me. I can only dream of meeting my own Will Noble some day.

The others in Terminal B who we meet, even the ones with very little page time, are all very real character, not dropped off with a name and a line and then never spoken of again. Mimi, Grant, Seth...they all have their pieces to play. And if the cast of characters--named characters--is rather small because of it, I'm okay with that. Laura does enough to even it all out, and there's just enough to make it seem reasonable. (Making Laura fairly anti-social helps this as well.)

Last night, I decided to read just a few chapters--and realized that I'd suddenly read twice as many. Once I got into the final descent into the conclusion this afternoon, I quite honestly couldn't put the book down. You always have an idea of where the book might end, but there's just enough to be skeptical of that you need to see it through all the way. Absolutely brilliant. Knowing that this is Hill's first novel makes it all the more spectacular. I hope to see many, many more books from her, and wish her all the best with whatever her next project is. Thank you for this gem. These characters will stick with me for a while.

Rating: ***** (Highest Recommendation)