I thoroughly enjoyed. MEMORY’S LAST BREATH: FIELD NOTES ON MY DEMENTIA. This true story documents the author's journey dealing with the diagnosis and then onset of dementia due to a portion of her brain not receiving appropriate blood flow. Gerda Suanders, a highly educated college professor and writer, decided to record her experiences losing memory and other capabilities over a period of time in the form of journal notes. These started out as essays and then evolved into a book in order so others might better understand what those suffering from Dementia feel like as they lose their capacity to function as they once did. Gerda's background growing up in apartheid South Africa and the challenges she faced when moving to the U.S. adds considerably to the story as well as her many humorous anecdotes. I liked the way she shared personal experiences juxaposed with scientific facts about the brain's normal functioning and how this changes with dementia. She is a very unique person with an incredible understanding of life's meaning and how one faces their own mortality with grace and compassion. Thanks to Netgalley for allowing me to read this book.

Memory's Last Breath: Field Notes on My Dementia

by Gerda Saunders

I chose this book on NetGalley because the topic was timely for me — my mom is dealing with many of the same issues — and I wanted to learn more about it, especially given the first-hand account. As it got closer on my to-read pile, I found myself resistant. By then, I had read the eye-opening book, The 36-Hour Day, which certainly helped my understanding, but also pretty much squelched my desire to be more informed. In this respect, Saunders anecdote-filled book was a relief, but, as a scientist herself, she balanced the narrative with so much information that it was occasionally overwhelming. It is always difficult to see someone whose livelihood depends on their superior intellect affected by a disease of the mind, but I was more moved by the daily diary entries that detailed embarrassing lapses in the countless mundane acts we all perform thoughtlessly every day.

There are a lot of digressions here, but I forgive her those. I think that, given the platform of this book, she is allowed to show off a little, to prove that she still has a wealth of information at her command, despite this disease nipping at her heels. A thought-provoking story, and, for those of us who truly understand her struggle, a comfort.

For Goodreads:

Why I picked it — Because I wanted to understand the disease from her unique perspective.

Reminded me of… Still Alice, which scared me when I read it because I was very close in age to Alice. But that was fiction, this is not.

For my full review — click here


http://kathyannecowie.booklikes.com/post/1787722/memory-s-last-breath

4★
“Our family’s experience in comparing individual memories is congruent to my finding that the brain refreshes the ‘truth’ every time you retell.”

The author remembers a spectacular event from her childhood when a very fat death adder was discovered and killed and a whole lot of babies burst out! Not something you’re likely to forget, eh? She told the story in a straightforward manner, and I wondered why.

Then she contacted her siblings and others who were either on the scene or who had been told about it – earwitnesses, she calls them. and guess what? No two stories were the same! They differed on who was there, who killed the snake and with what, and what they did with the bits and pieces of all the snakes.

The only agreement was that a snake full of live babies was destroyed.

“So, a memory is changed every time it is remembered. These findings upends the model of memory (still) held by most people, namely that memory ‘works like a video camera, accurately recording the events we see and hear so that we can review and inspect them later.’ It raises questions whose answers may have far-reaching consequences. Given our contrary new understanding of memory recall, what is the status of our legal system’s reliance on the veracity of eyewitness testimony?”

This is an unusual combination of the memoir of a busy woman and a current journal noting her mental challenges as she is slowly dementing, as she puts it.

Gerda Saunders grew up in South Africa as a privileged white person. Her father owned land and she was white. That was the privilege that she didn’t understand until many years later when she lived in the United States. Her family had little money, their mother made all their clothes and refashioned hand-me-downs, and they lived quite simply. Hardly the stuff of privilege as it’s generally defined.

But they had black workers and staff who lived in even more primitive circumstances at the mercy of the Apartheid laws. They couldn’t go anywhere without actual passes and couldn’t go out after curfews, etc. It was not unlike the Jews as they were gradually ghettoised in WW2.

But little Gerda didn’t notice – she was busy playing outside and studying. She realises now that she just grew up thinking this is how life is, and she wonders if she will gradually retreat to those memories of an idyllic childhood as her new memories fail to form.

A top student, she eventually met Peter, her husband, when both were at university, and a good deal of the book revolves around her intellectual and academic prowess. I kept being reminded of the lady who doth protest too much and the saying “the older I am, the better I used to be”. I have no doubt that she is/was that bright, but I didn’t need her to keep describing the complexities of what she and Peter were studying or how talented she was and he is. I get it already!

After settling in Utah and taking up a position as a professor (the title of which is mentioned numerous times), she was diagnosed with Alzheimers, possibly like her mother’s.

She discusses the mechanics of the various regions of the brain and how they interconnect (or not) and how they make us seem who we are in a way that’s easy to visualise. When she writes, she says, she’s got plenty of time to make notes, look things up, ask questions, correct herself.

But getting dressed in the morning, she’s not sure which piece of clothing goes with which and may forget to put on her underwear.

“I write, in other words, so I won’t die of Truth.”

Many of her concerns are the same as anyone of advanced years, but she had just turned 64. [Okay, advanced years to someone who’s 25, but not old for someone like me!] She and Peter, her husband, are very close and she has lots of support, but for someone who left her homeland for a foreign country, it’s even more challenging. I won’t start on the American medical insurance issues!

She’s researching as always, collecting information and theories about memories.

“One of Fermi’s questions has attained cult status among physics and chemistry aficionados—a cult to which I belong. The puzzle is known as ’the last breath of Caesar’: When you take a single breath, how many molecules of your gas intake would come from the dying breath of Julius Caesar?”

There is an answer, and she likes to think that every breath she takes now could contain a bit of the air from all of her beloved family members and friends. [It’s certainly a nicer thought than the details about how many people have drunk the water in London before you do.]

Memory’s Last Breath is an apt title, and I’m sure this will be widely enjoyed by anyone interested in or dealing with dementia of any sort. It's a bit disjointed, but hey - what do you expect?

Thanks to NetGalley and Hachette for the review copy from which I’ve quoted (so quotes may have changed).

Memory’s Last Breath

Gerda Saunders

I am glad that this erudite woman has written this, her account of her own dementia, along with a memoir of her and her family’s life in South Africa and then in the US. Full of literary allusions and asides it is a fascinating glimpse into the interior processes of dementia. It caused me to look into the ramifications of one’s dying beyond oneself, into the sociocultural aspects that are affected by individual deaths. And what are the genetic factors involved? Her mother also had dementia although it wasn’t identified early.

Her actual diary is interspersed throughout the narrative. Her ability to write remained although she suffered many setbacks in her daily life. There is still some editing to be done but the story flows.

I will not sugar coat this and say that Gerda Saunders' memoir was an easy read. The format itself was quite unique, but the subject is one that breaks my heart. Saunders bears witness to both the clinical and personal aspects of the disease. The clinical is exactly that, facts and figures, history and science, as well as the possible future. The personal aspects were a little more guarded than I had expected. Perhaps the approach makes more sense when we explore Gerda Saunders' background and education. I appreciated her willingness to explore the process and progress of the disease, and as the relative of a sufferer, I feel I gained some valuable insight.
If you're expecting a pity party - Memory's Last Breath is certainly not that read. I think it's the kind of book that opens readers up for discussion and the opportunity to learn. It would make an interesting book discussion selection.

3.5 stars
So, after reading this, I've got very mixed feelings about this book. Overall, it's an amazing journal of what it means when a 61 year old woman is diagnosed with a form of dementia. Of course, it hit home especially hard for me as we are basically the same age. And whom among us doesn't have those moments of forgetfulness that strike fear into our hearts? But to have them over and over and realize it's not just the odd occurrence. It's my major fear.

Saunders hits some nails on the head, especially when she raises philosophical concerns. How much is one’s identity tied up in our idea of ourselves as a rational human? Or how can we trust any memories when some have been found to be false? Or how is the self revealed through life?

Saunders includes enough science to help understand how memories are formed and maintained and how dementia works on the brain. I'm a bit of a science geek, so I really enjoyed this part of the book. Those of you not keen on reading biology notes, might not find this as enjoyable.

Her background as a professor helps her find that perfect blend of analysis and antidote. She uses Iris Murdoch’s dementia to augment her own story. She gives us all the details of her life leading up to her diagnosis. It's like she wants to show us how much she does remember. I will admit that I did not find these sections as interesting. I think because I was so keen to hear her thoughts on her life after Alzheimer’s, I resented the pages devoted to her prior life. She doesn't let herself get bogged down by emotions. But that's not to say this book is dry or detached. It's not. Some of the most interesting parts of the book to me were all the “work arounds” she devised to stay independent as long as possible. Taking pictures of her different outfit combinations or how she took notes for this book are examples.

I was amazed to see the quality of writing in this book. As she points out, the parts of the brain most used retain their abilities the longest. And obviously, as a professor, her writing skills were highly developed.

Those who enjoyed, if that's the right word, Still Alice will find this book a worthwhile read as well.

I would have rated this higher if it had been more about the after diagnosis, not the before.

My thanks to netgalley and Hachette Books for an advance copy of this book.