Chase Hansen is a college dropout. He had no choice. His parents were killed in a car accident and he had to come home to take care of his younger brother. Discovering their parents’ debts are more than the life insurance can cover, Chase now has to deal with grief, a brother who’s acting out, and needing a job where he’ll make enough money to support them. One day, Chase’s best friend, Gavin, drags Chase to a unique job interview…and a strip club where women (and the occasional man) come to blow off steam with their friends.

Noah Carpenter has always dreamed of being a doctor. He begins to doubt himself when he blacks out in the ER when a married couple is brought in…one DOA and the other dying on the table. On top of that, he’s become unhappy (I’d go so far as to say apathetic) with his relationship with his live in boyfriend, Rob. That, in itself is rough, but it gets worse when he arrives home one night to find Rob in bed with another man.

Picking himself up by his boot straps, Noah resumes his status quo until the night of his best friend Chelsea’s bachelorette party…at a male strip club. It’s there he takes an interest in one of the dancers, “The Professor.” Chelsea notices and pays for Noah to get a lap dance, and it turns out to be the hottest thing he’s ever done.

Chase finds himself attracted to the man he dances for, and he does what he’s never done before…slips the man a note to meet him when he gets off shift. Things turn hot in the limo, and Chase and Noah discover they have a real chemistry, not just the hormones of a one night stand. Things aren’t easy for them, though. Work, Chase’s brother, the hospital, and a few misunderstandings get in the way. Now the men must decide if what they have is worth fighting for, or if they should just let go of what might be the best thing they’ve ever had.

I really liked As I Am. I’ve read several books where one of the MCs is a stripper and I’ve grown fond of the trope. They’re often misunderstood, broken men who have been through a lot. They’re not necessarily hoping for a handsome prince to come and rescue them, but when that actually happens, they can become unsure of themselves and whether they’re worth of the love they’re getting. This is what happens here. Chase was stripping because the money was better than working flipping burgers or cleaning offices. His parents are dead, and the last time he spoke to them, it was a fight. His brother, Benny, is dealing with his own mess, and they clash. He just wants to do right. I felt for him…especially about his last communication with his parents. Chase was one of those characters who just needed a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I wanted to be that shoulder.

As much as I loved Chase, I really loved Noah. My parents were nurses, so I pretty much grew up in a hospital. I was taught to be respectful of the doctors, but I eventually discovered that, while they deserve respect, they’re just people. People who have lives outside the hospital. For Noah, that life was lonely and sad. I have heard all sorts of stories of patient losses, so I was able to identify with Noah. I also happen to know a bit about being cheated on, so…yeah, there’s that too. Once again, we have a man who just wants to do right by people.

I don’t want to give away too much of the story because I thought it was good, and I think the book should be read in order to be enjoyed. Let me just touch on a few things, and you can get busy loving Chase and Noah the way I did.

First of all, their relationship begins with sex. I had no problem with this. I know some people frown upon that, but it fit the story and their personalities. Both men needed something, and that something was a comforting connection. It was hot and they clicked, but the base of it all was that comfort. Speaking of hot, every single sex scene with Chase and Noah was smokin’! From the lap dance on the stage at the club, to the limo, to the first night they spent together, it was off the charts. The author was able to give Chase and Noah and intense chemistry, and it was amazing!

Along with the chemistry, there is a fair amount of angst. Not enough to make me start skimming pages, but enough to make me feel sad and frustrated. Both men had crises of worthiness. Chase lives in a dumpy apartment, dances for a living, and takes care of Benny, so he’s afraid he won’t fit into Noah’s life. Noah has a huge apartment, money in the bank, and drives a Mercedes. Noah discovers what we all know, and had known since the beginning. Because of that, he feels like Chase won’t want to be with him when he finally finds out. These issues are resolved in a relatively short time, but the drama involved will satisfy readers who love angsty stories.

The background characters are important to the book, but they’re not over the top or in the way. I didn’t particularly care for Gavin at the beginning. He was a pretty big ass, but he did fall in line eventually. Rob was almost stereotypical as the loser boyfriend (and coincidentally, the brother of Chelsea’s fiancée, Alex…awkward). Chelsea and Alex were sweet and supportive, and Chelsea had just enough of the whole nosy female BFF. Benny was amazing. He ran the gamut. He was an angry, grieving seventeen year old who had to face the loss of his parents and the loss of the home he was raise in. He came back strong, though, and he became supportive of Chase and a fan of Noah.

The ending tied up neatly, and I was immensely satisfied. It was on the predictable side, but that was just fine by me. Being surprised is nice, but sometimes, I just need a nice, comfortable ending that makes me feel happy. As I Am gave me that happy feeling.

I highly recommend As I Am. It was a lovely way to spend an evening, and I was pleased to be able to read it.

I'm a fan of A.M. Arthur but I have to admit that I didn't adore this series as much as others. This time around we have Will and Taz. Both have their own demons and are trying to navigate their relationships, while at the same time deal with their issues.

I felt this book was quite a slow start for me but in the end I did end up liking it. It didn't wow me but I did like Will and Taz together. I like how their issues were dealt with. Some of the banter was good.

"It is what it is, right? I'll never be a competitive eater, and you'll never be America's next top model."

Even though this series and this particular book didn't blow me away, I'm still a fan of this author and can't wait for more.

This was a sweet romance from an LGBT author that I've come to love and I definitely would read more. But I'd also like to see a little more...oomph from the plot.

*I received this book a while ago, but due to a stressful internship and my very last finals - which are still not over - I kind of abandoned my blog and all the books for which I still own people reviews. So here's me catching up. I'm sorry it took so long*

~ Book provided by NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion

I love A.M. Arthur's way of writing "broken" characters, they are so very real. Even though I don't personally struggle with the problems the characters portray I feel so very connected to them. Another thing I really like about A.M. Arthur's books is that her New Adult books take their time. There is no insta-love and I absolutely love how the characters get to know each other and fall for each other over time. I also love how we always catch up with characters from previous books.

I totally recommend her All Saints series if you want a M/M romance with some darker elements. I totally hope for a fourth installment in this series.

Rating: 4,5 stars

As with the first two books in this series, the story centers around two people who are indeed recovering from something... In the case of Taz, his PTSD is a direct result of a horrible situation that's left his scared, physically as well as mentally. For Will, it comes from years of abuse. Both are suffering from different pasts, both with PTSD that contributes to them each having a hard time building trust in new relationships. When they meet in a chat room, it's like finally finding that one person who gets it. They might not completely understand all the little nuances of all the horror their lives have wrought, but they get the panic, they get the nervousness... they get it. They understand, mostly, but definitely more than anyone else does. I liked the friendship they built, even if the trust was challenged repeatedly. The way they gravitate towards each other is not surprising in the least. Even the way they each have little setbacks with each other, is not surprising. It is a sad and heart wrenching story.

Sadly, it's also a little bit too much and over the top with the angst, uncertainty, and the big reveal moment on how closely their lives are intertwined when they never even knew it... that moment pulled me out of the story with a bit of a shock and it felt forced and not at all believable. I think that I saw the tie in coming but really hoped it was going to turn out differently. I guess it's not unexpected when it comes to this author. Sometimes I love them, sometimes not so much. I think I'm sort of in the middle this time around. Maybe. I don't know...

In the end, this was disappointing for that alone. A good hurt/comfort story doesn't need to always have these over the top moments that seriously don't make any sense. In the end, things work out as they always do... in a neat and tidy bow with a tiny bit of mystery as to what might happen in the future with Taz's dad. I just wish that this focused more on their relationship and the two of them finding the confidence in themselves and each other that they deserved, and not about the sinister issues and past that tied them together.

As I Am, book three in AM Arthur’s All Saints series, is a contemporary M/M that packs an emotional punch. Seriously. Buy stock in tissues before reading. Will Madden suffers from severe anxiety, an eating disorder, and PTSD brought on by sexual abuse and neglect as a child and teen. His mental health issues have limited in a myriad of ways, especially socially. He finally finds a friend in Taz Zachary. Taz has suffered his own abuses, and against all odds the two men help each other discover the lights in themselves.

There was not one element of As I Am that I didn’t adore. Will and Taz are the perfect complements to each other and Arthur had me rooting for their HEA from the beginning of the book. It’s rare to find a book that depicts mental illness so realistically, but As I Am stands out as among the best. Neither the illnesses nor the healing was demonized nor glorified. The men did not walk off into the sunset “cured”. They did, however, learn to cope together and individually.

In addition to all of that, As I Am is well-written with a superb cast of characters, both main and supporting. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants an emotional roller coaster.

I want to start out by saying this book deals with some disturbing past events that still plague the main characters. Will Madden was subjected to horrifying sexual assaults as a minor. Taz Zachary bears acid scars after a hate crime attack in college. Both still carry the wounds of those past events, physically and mentally. The flashbacks and mentions of these events are not extremely explicit, but may be triggering to some readers, so keep that in mind.

That being said, As I Am is such a good, hopeful romance about two individuals, trauma survivors dealing with PTSD on a daily basis, finding their new normal and learning to live and to love. It’s really kind of beautiful.

Nineteen-year-old Will lives in a halfway house and is unable to hold down a normal job due to his extreme, panic-attack inducing social anxiety. Twenty-four-year-old Taz suffers from crippling agoraphobia that prevents him from leaving his apartment and makes him completely dependent on his father, who he only recently actually met.

Will and Taz meet online and immediately bond over their shared PTSD struggles. When they meet in person, they discover their connection extends to physical attraction as well. They hit a snag right away, as Will, who’s self-worth is tied up in his perception of his value as a sexual being, wants to jump into a sexual relationship, and Taz, who struggles with his own body issues and low self-esteem, highly values his friendship with Will, the only true friendship either of them have really, and doesn’t want to ruin anything by going too fast too soon. His perceived rejection of Will doesn’t go over well, as you can imagine, and it’s an issue they have to deal with on more than one occasion.

It’s a long, sometimes painful, journey towards a happily ever after for these two – to a place of love, acceptance, and feeling safe – but they do get there, and they get there together.

A.M. Arthur got me in the feels once again with this one. I really enjoyed As I am. Yes, there’s a lot of angst, but also a lot of love and hope, and it does get better. As with other books in this series and Universe (The Belonging Series, The Restorations Series, and The All Saints Series, so far), As I am can be read as a standalone, but also includes and features characters from the other books, which I think is one of the big draws of the books in these series, the ability to kind of check in on how some of your past favorites are doing – it’s kind of like catching up with old friends. Crossing my fingers that Arthur continues this trend and continues to add more books and more series to this Universe.

I did not end up reviewing As I Am. However, I very much appreciate the opportunity to read this title.

I liked this book and I have enjoyed the series but the first book was my favorite and the other two never quite lived up to my expectations.

As I Am by A.M Arthur is the third book in the All Saints series. I have not read all the previous in this series. I was not lost with the main story itself.
Will has huge panic attacks. He tries to keep them hidden from people. Only one who really knows him is Taz his online friend. Who also has PSTD. The one man in the whole world who gets him. He would love to meet him for real but he is not sure Taz is ready.
Taz has bad scars both psychically and mental ones. They are from acid burns. He hopes when he meets Will in person that will will see the man he is not the scars he carries.
Will has a fiery personality and is very brave and strong. Together these two have much to over come, and will love be enough?
I really liked the message to this book. Of loving yourself just as you are. Accepting your disabilities and making them strengths. I like that what makes both of these men broken to others actually makes them perfect for each other. Over all a very emotional sweet book. Loved it. Would love to read more of this series in the future too.


Five Shooting Stars

I love broken boys, and A.M. Arthur gave me two of them. Two very broken young men that found one another and helped to learn how to love and help one another heal. They could lean on each other, not in a co-dependency way, but in complete understanding of what the other was experiencing.


I loved Taz. I loved watching him learn to love himself and grow stronger as others accepted him without a second glance at his disfigurement. I also loved watching Will learn to accept love from others and learn that he is worth so much more than being just a sex pawn.

This book is about growing up and healing. Both characters support each other and grow and mature together throughout the story. They have bumps in the road along the way, but what relationship doesn't? The story is heartbreaking at times, yet also sweet and sexy. It has strong characters you can root for to get their HEA.

The book was enjoyable, well-written and paced well. It's a bit instalove, but the time frame seems much longer, so it didn't feel instalove. It's filled with a host of emotions from sadness, happiness and of course, love, as well as some passionately sweet sex. I loved catching up a bit with Tag, Nate, Ezra, Donner, Ale, Jaime, Brendan, Romy and, of course, Jonas and Tate. I love that Ms. Arthur continues to keep me informed as to what's happening with some of my favorite characters. A great read, highly recommended!!

*Copy provided to me via NetGalley for my reading pleasure, a review wasn’t a requirement.*

Sometimes a very, very minor character makes such an impression on readers that they beg the author to tell his story and that is exactly what A.M. Arthur did in As I Am. Readers met one of the main characters briefly in a previous book and took such an interest in him that this author gave him a voice to tell his not so pretty story. While As I Am is very much a romance it is so much more than that; two young men both suffering from PTSD and trying to live in a world they don’t feel safe in find friendship and more all while learning to deal with their triggers, anxiety, as well as building trust in another human being.
Will Madden has been working hard to deal with the trauma and abuse he suffered for years and while he continues to get therapy, there are things that still set him off. Will’s self esteem is a work in progress and he often takes one step forward followed by two back. He is thankful for the people in his life he knows he can count on, but he craves more in his life. While on a hiatus from meaningless sex and random hook ups, Will befriends a fellow PTSD sufferer in a chat room. Meeting Taz Zachary in person proves to be difficult for both of them, but their connection is strong.
I enjoyed watching these two open up to one another and begin to realize that in each other they had a friend. I liked that despite the physical attraction to one another, they didn’t jump into that type of a relationship right away and even when they did they took that slow as well. It seemed very appropriate given their pasts and both their need to be in control of their own situation. My heart hurt for the atrocious acts perpetrated against them both, but I do feel in one another they were able to open their hearts and heal beyond anything they’d done prior.
Outside forces put them in danger and also threatened their sanity, but together and with the help of some of their new friends they found not only the love they never expected, but a pseudo family they both desperately needed. I loved seeing characters from this author’s previous works befriend these two young men, not only because they needed that support, but also because it gave us a chance to see how those previous couples are doing as well.
I was able to figure out the “suspense” plot twist immediately so for me it was a matter of waiting for everyone including the police to catch up which was a bit annoying to me and one of the main reasons I don’t read romantic suspense anymore, and to be honest I didn’t think it was all that necessary and really did little to further the plot.
Highly emotional, intense and hopeful, As I Am was difficult at times to read, but highly enjoyable

My favorite so far in this series… hands down!

The All Saints series is one of three of A.M. Arthur’s series that have common threads. I love it when a series brings characters from previous books back. Especially when characters are as ‘broken’ as some of Arthur’s. It’s nice to check up on them. 😉 These books take things even further by keeping readers in touch with not only characters from the current series, but with characters from past series. It seemed like As I Am had even more ‘cameos’ than most, but I’m not complaining. ❤

I’m also pretty sure that Taz and Will might also come close to being the most broken couple that I’ve read in a while. Both of their back stories were heart breaking, but they were individually stronger than they gave themselves credit for. I ended up admiring them both for their courage. They had set backs and revelations were revealed that could have easily crushed them… and almost did. They held on though and learned to trust, not only each other, but people outside their tight inner circle. That circle expanded to include several supporting characters that readers had already met. As I Am made me fall in love with some of them all over again.

I’m pretty much caught up on the books in the series that are set in Wilmington, but I still have a few to go. If you want to read a few of A.M. Arthur’s thoughts on her Belonging, Restoration and All Saints series, you can visit her website. It kinda makes me want to start from the beginning 😉

4 Stars!!!

As I Am is book 3 in the All Saints series and can be read as a standalone, but really the previous books are really good so you'll missing out if you don't read them at some point.

Will is healing and getting past some of the awful things he had to live through in the past five years with the help of his therapist, even if he still suffers from panic attacks every once in a while. After meeting Taz online, who suffers from PTSD, he thinks he might have found a kindred spirit and finally meeting him in person only cements that fact.

Taz has barely left his apartment ever since one of his wrestling teammates threw acid to his face when he came out as bisexual, but something about Will makes him want to try. They are both broken, but somehow together they are stronger and the chemistry between them is undeniable. There are a few things that might put a damper on their growing relationship, though.

I loved both Will and Taz, they were flawed, broken characters that had gone through so much already. My heart broke with each new revelation, but at the same time, I loved seeing how perfect they were for each other and how much they helped the other with their issues. They gave each other strength, unconditional love and someone to rely on. That's not to say they didn't have problems, because they did. They were so young and immature in some senses, miscommunication, a surprising reveal regarding Taz' father and their own ghosts being obstacles in their course, but I adored that they were willing to work through things and make it better. Taz, especially, won me over by how sweet and caring he was with Will and how he always tried to reassure him of his unwavering feelings, no matter what Will told him of his past.

This book was hard to read, it deals with abuse, PTSD and anxiety, but it does it in a sensitive and informed manner. A.M. Arthur did a fantastic job bringing Will and Taz alive for me, making me care for them and rejoice in their small victories. It was nice seeing characters from other books from this author featured in this one, they gave depth to the story, by accepting Will and Taz into their fold. As I Am was well-written and the progression was realistic and believable, all things considered. Very recommendable!

*** Copy provided to the reviewer via NetGalley for my reading pleasure, a review wasn't a requirement. ***

Another book that ripped my heart out.

As I Am is the third book in the All Saints series but it stands alone just fine. I've read all of the All Saints books and they are wonderful and I highly recommend them.

Will Madden has suffered more trauma, physical and emotional, than I could ever imagine. I know bad things happen in this world but what happened to him is just unbelievable to me. I don't want say any more about it – I don't do spoilers – you need to read the book.

Thomas (Taz) Zachary also suffered physically and emotionally when he was attacked because he came out as bi to his friends. He's pretty much a hermit and unwilling to leave his house. Both Will and Taz suffer from PTSD and their understanding of each other's problems almost instantly creates a strong bond between the two.

This was such a hard book to read in some ways but it was also inspiring to read how these two young people work hard to confront their personal demons. This story contains a mystery and suspense along with a twist that I didn't see coming.

Characters from Ms. Arthur's previous Carina Press series – Belonging and Restoration – make appearances in As I Am. Readers of those series will be sure to enjoy seeing more of them in this book. I haven't read them yet but they are in my TBR pile.

Readers should be aware that this book discusses acts of sexual and physical abuse.

A review copy was provided by the publisher via NetGalley but this did not influence my opinion or rating of the book.

Possible triggers include: Statutory rape, coerced child prostitution, drug abuse, child abuse/neglect and assault.

I, like many others have waited patiently for Will’s story to be written. From the first time he appeared so fragile and distant in book one of the All Saint's Series, Come What May. With my interests peaked I needed to know more about this lonely boy named Will. Then I had an "ah ha" moment. I realized that the Will from this book is in fact the same Will from Getting it Right, another book by A.M. Arthur. I really liked how well she intertwined both series; making it her own “universe” so to speak.

I swear, as this series progresses so does the amount of pain the two MC's go through. I mean, I knew something horrible happened to Will with how he has carried himself since book one, but I never thought it was to this extent. He's broken yet finds the strength within himself, with the help of his therapist, Dr. James Taggert (also in above said series), to start to reclaim his life. Then due to a no-sex rule by his therapist he meets Taz in an online chat room; of course not trolling for sex. After some time passes, they decide to take the step to meet one another. Taz, however has his own demons he fights daily. One moment he's an outgoing senior in college, kissing his boyfriend for the first time, after his wrestling team didn't win nationals. The next he's a recluse hiding from the danger and judgement of others that lurk outside his apartment. It only took a split second and an ignorant asshole to change his life forever.

Even though they both suffer from PTSD, their pasts affect their actions differently. Will is on the verge of sexual addiction (hence no-sex rule); though it took a lot of therapy and over three years for him to get to this critical/risky behavior (not saying this is a positive result). His mindset being he's the one taking control; making the choice to give his body, giving him the power. While Taz is the exact opposite, and is too afraid to let anyone near him, much less be intimate with them. Fearing that some other hate monger is out there waiting for him. Practically making him a born again virgin; since he hasn't been close to anyone in over two years. However, I really like how the author took the time with these two. It means more to Taz to have a friend, than to give into their desires which might only result in a one and done. By doing this one simple act, which at the time caused a lot of strife, is what makes them work IMO.

As time passes, and their friendship turns into something more, they find their lives connected in ways they never would have imagined. This is where the main turmoil lies, and where the mystery part of the story starts to unfold. As usual, I don’t want to spoil the story for others and will leave it at that.

IMO the author does a great job with the realism of these characters, their lives and of course their HEA. In fact, there are no magical wands that can be waived; no Band-Aids to cure-all nor free them of their psychological confinements. What does happens though for both Taz and Will, are that small victories are slowly won each day. Because together they can do anything, and in the end they are who the other needs.

As I Am is the third book in the All Saints series. I recommend reading them all, because I think it's a great series, but each one focuses on a different couple so you're welcome to read whichever one most interests you. For As I Am, the book focuses on Will Madden - who we meet in previous books - and Taz Zachary.

These two meet in an online chat room where the goal is just to talk, not to arrange hookups. They find quick friends in one another as they both suffer from PTSD. Eventually, the two decide to meet each other and that's really when the story takes off. I thought the background behind each character's PTSD was done really well. It was obvious that the author wanted to show that while the two could help each other, they couldn't completely heal one another. Just being in a relationship wasn't going to make everything okay. They would still have panic attacks and need other things in their life to help them heal.

Both Will and Taz are easy to love. They aren't perfect by any means, but I like that. They felt like real characters who were unfortunately carrying a lot of baggage. Their baggage just happened to go together well enough.

This book has a bit of a mystery attached, which was exciting! It gave the book a suspenseful tone, along with the budding romance and delving into the characters' respective pasts. As I Am is definitely a good read - as are all the other All Saints books.

This book is a bold book, the storyline is not conventional and I’ll admit to at first not being sure this book was going to work.

Will Madden has a past, he has a past that tortures him emotionally and despite having help to get through it, it is still incredibly difficult for him. There is no magic switch you can use to make the emotional scars no longer exist. This book has some dark elements incorporated so please be aware of potential triggers.

Taz has a past too which hurt my heart, there are so many different facets of abuse referenced in this book which as a whole made this book very poignant and different. I really did think it was well written and well researched but it felt like at the same, these two characters were the ‘cure’ and that didn’t sit very well with me. In fact maybe cure was the wrong term but it didn’t work as well as I thought it would.

I think this book is just a matter of being the right kind of read for some people. It didn’t completely work for me but I’m sure it’ll work for others.

3.5 stars

I enjoyed this books just as I have the others in the series. I like Arthur's obvious compassion for humanity (in general) and her ability to portray vulnerable characters in a manner that inspires respect rather than pity. I liked both Will and Taz, and although I found it a little frustrating that Taz's struggles were minimized a bit (in my opinion), overall, their relationship seemed realistic and thoughtful and nicely portrayed. This would be 4+ stars (if I had the option), missing the five simply because of the slight inequality of Taz's position. (I also appreciate how Arthur brings in characters from the past books -- it's always good to see them again.)