This was a great book for reminding parents that perfection is not necessarily the ultimate goal.

We are all doing our best and Jim Daly reminds us of that and the book is full of tips and tools to help parents navigate their way through parenthood in a realistic manner.

I thought this book had a lot of practical and biblical advice for parents.

It was interesting to hear Jim Daly’s personal story and why he and his wife have made and are making the decisions they do. As much as I enjoyed to personal anecdotes I felt that was much of what the book was made up of.

So while you can learn a lot please read with a discerning heart.,

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for allowing me to read and review this book.

<b>**I received a digital copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.**</b>

<b>Introduction</b>
Jim Daly uses personal anecdotes both from his own childhood and from being a father himself in order to help encourage and enlighten parents. Parenting is tough, and no matter what facades we may erect in public and on social media, no parent is perfect.

<b>The story</b>
When we screw up and yell at our kids, or we forget a promise, or we misjudge a situation, or we make any one of innumerable possible mistakes as parents, to whom can we turn for advice? Can we ever rectify these mistakes? If so, how? Are we doomed to permanently mess up our kids? Jim Daly endeavors to answer all of these questions with compassion, personal examples, and a healthy dose of biblical application. He shares extensively about his childhood and how it shapes his decisions as a parent. He also shares recent examples of how he teams up with his wife to parent their two sons. Ultimately, Daly concludes that no parent is perfect, but God is. When we rely on God to guide us in our parenting efforts, His grace is sufficient to cover our mistakes and His love is immeasurably bigger for our kids (and for us!). God chose each of us and entrusted us with our children. As long as we strive to do our best and seek God's will, He will not allow us to irreparably "screw up" our kids.

<b>Literary analysis</b>
This book is engaging and contains a lot of practical, biblical advice. I enjoyed the personal anecdotes as well. It was particularly interesting to learn how Daly's childhood shaped his parenting decisions. I did feel that Daly occasionally relied a little too heavily on personal anecdotes. I would have preferred a little bit more scientific or biblical application at times. However, the book is well written. There were no errors that I could find in this edition.

<b>Conclusion</b>
I recommend this book as a light, easy read for those looking for some practical advice and entertaining anecdotes. It is not the deepest, most intimate or life-changing parenting book you will ever read, but it's worth your time all the same. Of anyone in the country, Jim Daly's credentials speak for themselves and <i>When Parenting Isn't Perfect</i> is a respectable and enlightening tome.

What is a "normal family?" Is it the one painted by TV shows like the Brady Bunch or My Three Sons? Can a family ever be perfect? We have often asked about why families are not as perfect as they seem, regardless of how hard we try. What if we abandon the search for "why" and focus on "how" to bring about a better family instead of a perfect one? This is where this book comes in. The promise in this book is about helping us deal with "truth and reality" in a manner that embraces our blessings and to empathize with other families struggling to do the same. Imperfection is a key recognition here. Those of us who fail to recognize this will tend to project expectations of perfection onto others. The question "How good is good enough?" is a good diagnostic. The author shares the story of Casey and Doug who despite the best Christian upbringing still ended up getting pregnant outside of marriage. Do we practice "resume virtues" (appreciating good throughout life) or "eulogy virtues" (appreciating good after death). If we emphasize character above achievement, we would most likely practice more of the former. We will never be good enough, so let us not put all our eggs of hope into the basket of earthly achievements. So what do we do when parenting isn't perfect?


Be aware of our limitations in thought and in deed. Just saying that everybody is not perfect will not cut it. We must avoid letting our desire for success place unhealthy expectation on the family. When a parent forcibly implements a certain expected behaviour, no matter how good it is, it could very well plant the seeds of dysfunctional behaviour. Be careful of perfectionism. Broken families that rigidly insist on perfection will end up forming fragile people. Daly puts it very well, that "Perfection is the enemy of parenting." This is the key idea in the entire book. What follows is a four-part framework to drive home this point. Part One addresses the question: "What's wrong with trying to be perfect?" Are we insisting on unrealistic targets? The author then presents to us the futility on trying to attain perfection, that being real is more important than imagined perfection. Like many books of this nature, readers are reminded to look to Jesus and to pattern our parenting in the ways of Jesus. Some fundamental tools proposed are geared toward knowing our kids rather than imposing our expectations on them. Tools like:

Knowing our kids through joining their world
Laughing with them
Practicing the Golden Rule with them
Remain consistent in our parenting
Show them the proper behaviour through modelling instead of telling
Quantity time is important
Talking with them

Indeed, one key fundamental factor in good parenting is about good marriages. Parents need to take a step back to examine their own marriages, and to see differences as blessings to live with rather than barriers to overcome. Learn to delight in differences and to enjoy learning about each other. Part Three deals with the difficult phases of coping with depression, tragedies, and when circumstances go horribly wrong in some manner. We need to quit the blame game by learning to listen; to be frank; to lighten up; and to love. This is a critical skill because it is so easy to escalate any argument through the blame and shame strategy. We all need a safe place to be honest and to be humble. Parenting is also about discerning when to give freedom and when to hold back.

There are lots of personal stories and illustrations in this book that will keep the readers engaged. Instead of aiming to be a perfect family, aim toward being the best family that we could possibly have. By applying the skills and principles laid out in this book, we would be much better off avoiding the trap of perfectionism. Indeed, this single biggest takeaway is worth the price of the book. Having said that, this is often easier said than done. Just like the way we approach life with the Sunday-School "Jesus is the Answer" solution to every problem, we too can say "Nobody is perfect" and exempt ourselves from expecting perfection in what we do. Parenting per se is never complete. We are always learning. Many parents who had grown up children would be filled with wisdom about what to do and what not to do based on hindsight. Unfortunately, by the time they had learned that, it would be too late to apply it to their own children. The best that could be done is to share the wisdom and knowledge with others. This book is doing some of that through the experiences of the author.

This book is down to earth and puts to practice what we often talk about in theory. This is particularly relevant for young parents just starting out in their parenting journeys. It is easy to fall into the cycle of expectations and perfection. Learn from the experienced. Listen to the stories. Let our hearts be open and willing to change, and to acknowledge that we too need to be shaped by the Lord. That is the best way to be a good parent. I am curious. When will we know if what we do is the best? How will we determine when we are stuck with being "good enough?" That discernment will probably be related to how well we know our children and ourselves.

Jim Daly is President and CEO of Focus on the Family organization. He succeeded James Dobson in 2003. Dobson went on to start Family Talk ministries. While there has been philosophical differences between the two persons, both are passionate about parenting, the family, and Christian witness in the home.

Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.

conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Zondervan and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.