I don't like this book which is surprising because of how much I loved Marieke's last book. I found that this really glorified suicide and I really didn't like that. It just made me real uncomfortable being someone who has previously attempted suicide.

Corey moved away from the only home she really knew in Lost Creek Alaska and promised her BFF, Kyra, that she would still stay in touch and stay the same friend she always had been. Though lost in teenage life, Corey makes new friends and starts this whole new life and keeping in touch with Kyra became more and more difficult. Though Corey told herself she would return to Lost Creek soon and see Kyra. Though before that happens Kyra is found under the ice in the lake, dead. There are different stories about just what happened. Some say she went looking for a week spot and did this on purpose. after battling mental illness for years. Corey knows she has to return and get answers to just what really happened that night.

I wills start off by saying this is my first Nikamp book. And this wasn't a bad story. I love the synopsis. It also had a really great hook. The short chapters were helpful, too, because it gave me a place to stop. I often read at work and it is easier to have shorter chapters. I loved the town of Lost Creek. It is creepy with people that are just as creepy and everyone has a secret it seems.

Unfortunately, half the time, I had no idea what was even going on. Some of the flashbacks didn't seem to have a point and even finishing the book, I can't find one. I was lost through most of this book. I didn't care for the character of Corey, I felt she could have been a bit more developed and I often found her annoying when I did understand what was going on. And even with the short chapters this book seemed to drag on. And I did love the town of Lost Creek, but at times it was unrealistic. I grew up in a small town and I think it missed the mark sometimes.

Overall I have it 2.5 stars. This book wasn't for me, though it hasn't put me off of reading more Nijkamp. I would probably try something else of hers, but I wouldn't re-read or recommend this book.

When Corey planned a trip to her former hometown of Lost, Alaska, she had no idea that she would also be attending a funeral for her former best friend, Kyra. So many things have changed in Lost since Corey's family moved away. The town seems revitalized and full of life. The people who once shunned Kyra now seem to revere her and are a lot less friendly towards Corey. She didn't expect the hostility she received from her former friends and the people she once considered family or all of the mystery and unanswered questions that surrounded Kyra's death. Corey refuses to leave town without answers but getting those answers may leave her in Lost forever.

This book was intriguing and engaging although it was a bit predictable and left several questions unanswered. I was also confused about the script-like chapters that were randomly dispersed throughout the book. To me, they were awkward and completely interrupted the flow of the story. Overall, I enjoyed the story and Corey's determination to uncover and reveal Kyra's story.

<b>Thank you NetGalley for providing this arc in exchange for an honest review. </b>

This book started well and I really wanted to like it but it was just okay for me. The main character seemed to be able to see the future but that part didn't seem to be developed the way it could have been and I feel like the story line flattened. This small town in Alaska sure did want to hold on to its secrets and I feel as if I kept wanting more action and mystery. I feel like the story ended with more questions than answers but was that what the author intended? It's really unclear. I didn't hate the book by any means but the action never seemed to go anywhere.

One of my favourite books of 2015 was This Is Where It Ends, a story of an American school shooting written by a Dutch writer, and with the most gorgeous chalk cover art which still gives me shivers.So when I noticed that Source Books was at YALC, I went looking to see if they had proof copies of her second book, Before I Let Go, and I was delighted to realise that they did.
I went into this book expecting another realism. Having thoroughly enjoyed This Is Where It Ends, I wanted an exploration of the mystery of Kyra’s death, treatment of mental illness, female friendship, asexuality, and possibly murder or small town prejudices. And I did get all of those things. There were lots of really great things in this. It actually reminded me a lot of the book I read immediately before (Nemesis), not only because of the isolated, small-town nature of the protagonists, but also the explorations of prejudice and the notion of the treatment of outsiders. But the other way in which this book reminded me of my feelings about Nemesis was that I went in expecting something that I did not get.

before I let go is a magical realism book. There’s something almost other-worldly about Kyra, the nature of her death, and her existence in the time since Corey left Lost Creek, their tiny Alaskan town. And I just really don’t like magical realism as a genre. I like fantasy – I like high fantasy, I like low fantasy, I like YA fantasy, I like adult fantasy. I also like thrillers, murder mysteries, conspiracy books. And I like realism. So I should, in theory, like magical realism. But I really, really don’t. So as I went through this book and realised that this was where it was going, I just disengaged more and more.

I think my disgust with magical realism is that it never really gives an explanation for anything. How did this happen? Was it real? Was it just mental illness? I hate that kind of ambiguity and the lack of clarity you get from it.

So although the relationship between Kyra and Corey was lovely, and the murder mystery was dark and creepy, and the small-town mentality of Lost and how they treat Corey as an outsider less than a year after she left the town was wonderfully drawn, and Nijkamp is still a really great writer, I did NOT like this book.

But that’s on me. I just hate magical realism. So my rating of this book is my reflection of how much I enjoyed it, and not really how good it was. I’m not sure if that’s fair to Nijkamp, as it really is well-written, but this is my opinion, so I’m giving the rating!

This book was not exactly what I expected but it was a pleasant surprise. When Corey left her friend, Kyla, back in Alaska to persue her education, everyone was afraid of Kyla due to her having bipolar disorder. However, a few months later when Corey comes back to town everyone swears that Kyra was truly loved by everyone and they seem to support her suicide. Things start getting weirder and weirded and Corey starts looking for the truth as she was Kyra's one and only true friend prior to leaving and knows that things are not adding up.

The pacing was great. I was intrigued through out the book even though I was a little confused/distracted at what I was reading since it was not what I was expecting, which is the reason it lost a star. I would recommend this book and to go into it with an open mind as to why things are weird.

This book was a little ironic to me. The entire book was our main character, Corey, visiting her hometown after her best friend, Kyra's, apparent suicide. The entire book details Corey's dislike for her home town Lost, and it's people for treating Kyra as less than a person. They've also just seen her for her Bipolar Disorder but the author's lack of character development for Kyra really just leaves the reader feeling that she is nothing more than her disease as well. I'm not sure if this was intentional but I feel like if her character was more developed, you would feel more for her. Even Corey was lacking personality something that would draw myself to her. I of course felt bad about the situation but wished that I could feel for her more.

I also found the entire situation a little strange and found it hard to beleive that a whole entire town could be so cold/odd. I felt like it was unrealistic due to this fact. I understand that it is a small town isolated from other civilizations and customs would be much different but the entire town's lack of empathy was not only unrealistic but also very strange. 

I think this book could have had a lot of potential and the suspense could have been so much better. The book feels a bit unfinished to me not because there is no ending but because it lacks so much of what a reader wants.

Corey returns to Lost, Alaska, a place she called 'home' for all but the last 7 months of her life, for a previously scheduled trip during her school's spring break.  She was supposed to spend this week with her best friend, Kyra, who promised she would wait for her, promised they would spend the week together, promised she would try.  But days before her flight Corey learns that Kyra was found under the ice of the frozen lake.  That she was lost to her.  Forever.  Corey, instead, returns to mourn her friend and find out what happened.  In doing so, Corey is confronted with a Lost that she doesn't quite recognize and she flounders to understand the changes she sees around her, while finding herself an outsider in a town she still considers her home.  

Corey grapples internally with Kyra's death and struggles to come to terms with the fact that she is really gone, all while faced with a town that seems reluctant to see her friend's death as a tragedy at all.  Corey's confusion and disbelief is highlighted and complemented by the surreal, dream-like quality of the imagery and prose of this novel.  It is a story seen through the eyes of a grieving seventeen year old girl and the grief is a tangible thread woven throughout.  

While reading I wasn't sure what to believe, just as Corey doubts the stories and events that the people of Lost present to her.  I wanted Corey to find the answers she was looking for, but I was afraid that they didn't exist.  Or wouldn't be enough.  But when those answers begin to come to light, the confusion and sense of betrayal only intensified, leaving me feeling as empty and alone as Corey felt.  I feel that Nijkamp deftly brought me on a journey of despair, while leaving me a small trace of hope at the end of it all.

Before I let go was a great book and one word to describe it is WOW. I couldn't put this book down and can't wait to see what she up her sleeve next.

This book just didn't have enough build up in any storyline to keep it interesting. There were too many areas that were set up as if they might be interesting, but by the time the storyline continued I didn't car or had forgotten details to keep it going. I would have enjoyed it more if there were not so many side stories. They just weren't all that interesting.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to read this book before the release date. I will buy the book as soon as I can and review it then. Sorry!

It started off quite well with a plot I was beginning to care about (teenager returns to her hometown in Alaska where her friend has recently died) but then all got a bit weird and I skipped the rest. I find that with YA - I either love the books, or they just annoy me. Sadly this was the latter.

Ah, Alaska: the US state where the people have Canadian accents, can see Russia from their backyards, and have one of the only decent Republicans in the entirety of Congress. (Their senator Lisa Murkowski has been instrumental in stopping ACA repeals, though her general record is spotty and she’s very pro-gun.) You won’t find many YA books set in Alaska and now Before I Let Go joins the small club. It also joins the “books I’m gonna get but never reread” because it’s SO GOOD but omfg I can’t put myself through this book again. MY HEART.

Once upon a time, as this storytelling-focused story might begin a tale, Corey and Kyra were best friends in the microscopic Lost Creek. Then Corey’s family moved to Canada and Corey went away to boarding school. Seven months later, Kyra died when the ice broke on a frozen lake and she fell in. In those seven months, Lost went from considering Kyra a bipolar “danger” to the revered hometown golden girl. Corey doesn’t trust a bit of what she’s hearing, but Lost no longer trusts her. Seven months away is enough time for Corey to become an outsider–and Lost doesn’t take kindly to outsiders. Contemporary, horror, suspense, mystery, something unexplainable–the span of genres in Before I Let Go lends it a multifaceted quality. Though busy at times, it works well and keeps you reading.

If you were worried this would be just another Dead Girl book–one in which the main character’s personal journey is centered entirely on an unknowable dead girl–you will be pleased to know it’s not. Though Lost is obsessed with controlling Kyra’s narrative and Corey tells us of the Kyra she knew, the dearly departed still tells her own story through her letters to Corey and a diary she hid from Lost. Like I said, storytelling-focused story. If you were a fan of Hamilton‘s storytelling theme, Before I Let Go will be your new best friend.

Nijkamp’s chosen setting of tiny Lost Creek, Alaska is brilliantly written and appropriately claustrophobic. It more than fulfills the two needs for such a setting: a sparse town with only a handful of places to be and a small population of recognizable, individual people. My mom grew up in a town like Lost Creek and regularly tells stories about it. The way Corey talks about lost is almost identical to the way Mom talks about her hometown when we visit and she points out all three notable places.

The people of Lost are what gives the novel its tinge of horror and suspense too! They–especially Kyra’s parents–are so determined to protect Kyra’s “legacy” that they unite into a single terrifying entity when Corey opposes them. For God’s sake, they just stood there and watched when the cabin Corey was staying in caught fire and she had to escape through a window. A town and population like this could come right out of a Stephen King novel.

The legacy Lost wants so desperately to protect? Kyra’s painted prophecies. The return of mining work to town via a new investor, specific people and places Corey visits throughout, her own manner of death,… She predicted these and more in her art. It’s not paranormal or magical realism, simply the unexplainable. Among other unexplainable things: WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH AARON’S CABIN?

But the strongest idea at the core of Before I Let Go are deconstructions of “suffering for your art” and the misconceptions surrounding mentally ill creatives. Kyra painted to cope with her bipolar disorder, not to indulge any passion for art. Once Lost discovered her painted prophecies, they came to depend on her only for her art and isolated her in a abandoned spa. Since she only painted during her manic episodes and her medication helped control her moods, they withheld her meds. If the painted visions required she suffered for her art, then so be it. They’d make sure she suffered. She’d already foretold her own death, after all.

Think about some of the mentally ill creatives throughout history, like Sylvia Plath and Ernest Hemingway. Both wrote works of literary genius and both committed suicide when they were relatively young. Had they gotten effective treatment, they may have lived much longer and produced much more work. But would it have been as well-received as the work they made with poor treatment or none at all?

Like the people of Lost, we simply accept the relationship between their work and lack of treatment without much thought. We don’t wonder whether they created due to passion or simply to cope, or how they felt about what they created. A mentally ill creative might make something they dislike or nothing at all with poor/no treatment and only make something they truly love/are passionate about when getting good treatment–or nothing at all if they’re like Kyra and only create to cope. No art is ever worth the suffering of the artist. Them getting treatment is more important than any art they make without it.

Because Lost never thought about any of the above, Kyra died. How many lives have prematurely ended because we didn’t think about any of this either?

Nijkamp’s debut This Is Where It Ends has set a high standard by spending over a year on the New York Times bestseller list, but Before I Let Go has it beat. It’s a deeply layered, moving, and at times terrifying novel I’d teach to high school students if I could stomach teaching. It’s not emotionally easy to read, but you’d be missing brilliance if you skipped out on this visceral reading experience.

I needed more character development. Interesting premise though. There were a lot of hints to backstory I wanted to read and didn’t get.

Some stories weave their way into your head while others work their way into your heart. Then there are those that seamlessly do both. Before I Let Go was one of the latter. I couldn’t even begin to sum up my thoughts initially, yet I could sense there was something special about this book.

Kyra and Corey were best friends; however, as happens, life intervened and drew them apart. Now, many months later, Kyra is dead and Corey is left with an unbearable amount of grief and regret. But what’s more, she’s also convinced that things aren’t as they seem in Lost. Although Kyra was a troubled soul, her sudden death makes no sense. To Corey, things are undeniably amiss, and she will not rest until she has the answers she’s looking for or dies trying.

Before I Let Go touches on the deeply emotional, very real, and extremely important topic of mental health. It beautifully covers the stigma many attach to it. Likewise it draws attention to how proper care, treatment, and focus, in these situations, is paramount. I believe Nijkamp has, once again, tackled a truly difficult subject matter in a remarkable way that leaves her readers not only invested but overwhelmingly so. This is a story that won’t leave you the minute the final page is turned. No. I think this is one that will stick with you- haunt you even a little- leaving you accutely aware of how fragile life is. Bravo, Ms. Nijkamp; well done!

My utmost thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for this review copy and opportunity.

* spoiler alert ** I feel as if I am about to commit literary heresy. I'm not a fan of Shel Silverstein's "The Giving Tree." There it is. I admit it. I'd love it IF at the end there was a little seed left over from the poor tree which grew into a new apple tree and the cycle started anew. But, sadly the story ended on such a depressing end for me with the tree just sucked dry. That's kinda how "Before I Let Go" felt for me as I read it. I kept waiting for a hopeful twist or something bright to make my time reading it worthwhile. But no, like the tree the parasitic town took all they could from Kyra's gift (and we all have them whether enchanted or not) and then watched her prophecy come true as she sank below the ice. It was too predictable, too depressing, and too much time wasted on too many characters who just didn't care enough about their own story. Even the protagonist admits over and over again how she left her "best friend's" letters go unanswered. What a sad commentary on mental illness and how most of society really does deal with it.

I like how the story captures you from beginning to end - you want to know what happened to Kyra and how the events unfolded. The book is divided into small chapters, each one adding up to the mystery surrounding Kyra’s death, but at the same time helping to understand a little bit more of what happened. Honestly? While I liked the book itself, I didn’t really like how it ended. It’s more like a good journey - you can enjoy it up until the end, but in the end still feel that it could have been more.

I really tried to enjoy 'before I let go' but I read two chapters and then then had to give up. The book just didn't hold my attention .

The level of mediocrity here is just astounding. Given how ranty this review is, maybe I should one star this, but I honestly just don't have the fucking energy to hate this book. It's too mediocre to deserve hatred. Before I Let Go is a cliche story that tries to be something more but is not fooling me.

I'm going to full-out explain everything I disliked and liked about this book, but really, I should replace the whole review with “read Tess Sharpe's Far From You” written fifty-eight times down the page. That book is also focused on girl friendship with romantic vibes, but it's got far more developed characters to drive the story. Read Far From You!! Do it!!
🌺 CAN YOU EVEN BE MORE CLICHE

Can I summarize this book for you? It's a mashup of "dead best friend had secrets and may have been in love with live best friend, because bury your gays" and "girl moves to small town and discovers family secrets", except if you leeched every single good thing about both those plots out of the book.

Before I Let Go was especially disappointing for me because of all the comparisons it begs to every other suspense book ever. I was really hoping this would differentiate itself with a new take on all those tropes. Uh. Nope, it's not an original take. This is a mashup of a lot of way better books and also predictable.

Here's the thing, though: any cliche suspense book can be saved. How do you save a cliche suspense book? There are two options: characters or atmosphere. Yeah, this book doesn't do either. Let's get into those two factors.
🌺 WE NEED CHARACTER WORK, KIDDOS

We all know that books in which the protagonist goes back to her small town are a bit of a cliche. But I do tend to enjoy them. Why? Because at its core, this trope is about the exploration of relationships and childhood. Yet this book doesn't explore a single fucking thing about our protagonist's childhood. (Do you know why I just called her our protagonist? Because it has been less than twenty minutes since I finished this book and I just forget Corey's name.) Moving on. For good character-driven suspense, we need to focus on all of the above: 1) the protagonist's character, 2) the former best friend's character, and 3) the complexities of their relationship.

#1 - As I've already mentioned, our protagonist is incredibly bland. Informed traits do not make a character - what we need is an inner monologue. And unfortunately, Corey doesn't have any unique thoughts or reactions to the world. I feel as if she's a character I should adore, but most of her character is for the reader's emotional manipulation.

#2 - I do think the author put a vague amount of effort into developing Kyra, the dead best friend. Kyra's BPD is represented well, at least, and the narrative is clear on the fact that she is more than her BPD. But, uh... she's textually not much more than her BPD because she has basically no personality. I do think, to be positive, that it comes from a matter of lacking effort on the part of the author rather than a genuine distaste for mentally ill people.

#3 - Kyra and Corey's relationship just seems so... lacking in problems? Kyra gets rejected and is not that weird about it, they hardly fight, there's not much tension between them. There are one or two moments where past Kyra mentions feeling like no one, not even Corey, sees her as anything but her BPD. That was interesting idea I would've liked to explore. Yet their issues feel oddly glossed over , and more importantly, we don't get much of a sense that they have issues from Corey's narration. It feels like an informed character trait and loses all its interest within the narrative.

Basically, I just felt like every problem and character trait was informed rather than shown. And like, I get that it's young adult, but listen, young adult can and has do better. Moving on.
🌺 WHAT IS A SUSPENSE? I DON'T KNOW HER

The book could've gotten away with its incredibly lacking characters if the plot weren't so fucking obvious. But there's no twist. I had the solution guessed from the blurb. The townsfolk start saying “it was her natural end” on page 50 and they stay on that exact same phrase right to the end and it is so, so obvious where it's going.

There's not even a slow progression from normal atmosphere to creepy atmosphere, which could've replaced a slow-burn plot. And this is maybe what ruins the book the most.

I am firmly of the belief that a good atmosphere can save an otherwise mediocre book. Nijkamp tries to add atmosphere, at least. There are a ton of minor touches where Corey thinks she's being followed by ghosts that echo gothic horror and are, in hindsight, kind of cool. But some of these touches feel superficial because they don't add to the story, meaning they feel a bit like a transparent ploy to scare the audience.

The other issue is that any atmosphere created is ruined by the thrown-in chapters written in script format. This somehow feels both gimmicky and lazy. There were a few scenes written in script that honestly kind of felt like the author drafted a scene and couldn't be bothered to translate it into normal writing. But okay, let's say Nijkamp genuinely thought it would add to the book. Here's why it doesn't work: the epistolatory chapters and the flashback chapters fit in fine, but the play-script chapters completely throw you out of the story. I literally thought Nijkamp was planning on some kind of reveal about these chapters being fake because of how misplaced they felt.

I did like the use of snow-covered Alaska as a method to create atmosphere - I happen to really like the cold-wintry aesthetic. Honestly, though, I've seen this done better. If you're looking for a book that uses Alaska to create a truly great atmosphere, look to The Smell of Other People's Houses instead.
🌺 OH MY DEAR GOD, USE GOOGLE

On the topic of representation.

So this book is really diverse, first of all. It stars an ace lead, her dead best friend is pan and has bpd, there are two side characters who are mlm and people of color. And in my positives section I'm going to discuss the discussion around bpd and narrative depersonalization. But for now, let's talk about the ace lead. Though at one point Corey uses the word, the major plot point framed to show that Corey is ace seems to be Corey rejecting Kyra. Which is a major inaccuracy as to what asexuality actually is. The result is that asexuality is equated to aromanticism by the narrative. I expect Nijkamp was trying to make this book more palatable to readers who don't know what asexuality is, let alone aromanticism, but I am incredibly unhappy with this as a writing decision and to me, it undermines representation that would've otherwise been really revolutionary.
🌺 SOME LONE POSITIVES?

So the main theme of this book is the trope of the magical mental illness - the idea that someone with mental illness is someone deeply other, the idea that mental illness will make your art greater or suffering will make you deeper. And this book, at its core, is about taking down that trope. That's a really compelling theme and I really appreciate it. [If you're looking for more with this, also with super-diverse leads, Final Draft by Riley Redgate is calling your name!!]

I will say that Nijkamp has a very readable writing style. I finished this in only two sittings and it wasn't a struggle to get through. And while a lot of the book felt to me like smoke-and-mirrors meant to make the readership think things were deeper than they are, I think this could be a good book to consume quickly. It's not going to be a DNF. However, I think plenty of readers will find it easy to see through this book. I'm starting to doubt if I would like This Is Where It Ends if I read it today - Nijkamp is good at emotionally manipulative writing, but I don't think this book is trying to shoot for anything deeper that readers can truly connect to.

I received a copy from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
This was an off-the-beaten-path category of interesting book! I was intrigued from the beginning, and the course this novel took did not disappoint. Thank you to both Marieke Nijkamp and NetGalley for the opportunity to enjoy this publication.