First, some background on my reading Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijkamp. I received an ARC of this at ALA this past summer. I really enjoyed Nijkamp’s debut, This Is Where It Ends. Around 11 on Monday, I was thinking Oh crap! I need to read something for Bout of Books. I knew Before I Let Go was just published and I had been invited to read an e-ARC of it, I could have gone to grab my physical ARC but convenience was a factor so my Kindle called.

After reading the Goodreads Summary for it, I was wondering why I hadn’t read it long before then. I only read eleven percent of it Monday, but it was a wonderful eleven percent. Despite it being a hard-to-put-down book, I didn’t finish it until Wednesday. I may have been binge-watching a show during this week which did not help things.

Now, let me dive into five reasons why you need this book in your life.

1. Dark, Wintery, Mystery Read

It is the most perfect haunting, dark, wintery, mystery read ever. Allow me to elaborate, Before I Let Go takes place in a small town of Alaska called Lost. In a town called Lost, can you expect a happy ending? At the beginning there’s only a population of less than 300 people. Think of it as maybe Ravenswood (the Pretty Little Liars spin-off) where things are not as they seem. This is the warning that the pilot gives Corey when she arrives. An interesting warning to a girl who grew up there.

The Alaskan setting was so chilling and stunning. It made the story 100 percent more creepy to me. The woods, the dangerous anitmals in the woods, the creepy townspeople. . . I felt scared reading this at night, but of course I didn’t want to put it down either. Honestly, the setting was it’s own character. It amplified the characters a lot. It’s interesting to see how the place where you grow up can change or maybe you never truly saw it as it was. t

2. Mental Health Representation

To be more specific though, there is representation for bipolar disorder.

There was so much that was done well here. There is NO romanticism done here. When Corey attempted to make Kyra’s bipolar disorder sound like a blessing, Kyra put a stop that that then and there. I loved seeing Corey’s view on Kyra’s mental illness and how that affected their friendship. There were times when Corey questioned whether she was a good friend to Kyra or not, especially after she left for boarding school. Before I Let Go displayed the struggles well and carefully of having a friend who’s mentally ill and being unable to help them. There was also the heartbreaking letters from Kyra that we see throughout the story. They seriously broke my heart as I read each one. I just wanted to give her a thousand hugs. I wanted her to get the help she so desperately needed. I hated the people in town who treated her like she was nothing until they figured out how she could benefit them. This was an excellent display of ableism for those without mental health issues. It opened my eyes a lot to the privileges that abled people have without the struggle of having a mental illness. Finally, I loved the display of Kyra’s highs and lows. I thought she questioned Corey very well, especially when Corey talked about how Kyra was good at art and how she was “happier” when she was manic. Kyra really told Corey how it was, well, as much as she could, being her. It wasn’t sunshine and flowers and “I have this amazing talent in art” when she didn’t like art. I really felt the problems that Kyra dealt with. Her mania periods and low periods made me want to cry. i can’t imagine what she went through. There was so much in the bipolar disorder portrayal that I want to re-read it.

3. Asexuality, Pansexuality and possible Gay Representation

It can be difficult to find LGBTQIA+ representation, especially beyond those first four letters. Before I Let Go openly represents asexuality and pansexuality on page. Kyra says she is asexual and we see her best friend, Corey disclose that she is pansexual. I loved the way this was done with both girls googling and discovering names for their sexuality. The internet is a fantastic resource for discovering, so it was nice to see it being used. There is a relationship between two guys named Roshan and Sam. It isn’t said whether they are gay or bisexual but showing a positive relationship was lovely.

4. Short Times-Span

Before I Let Go takes place over the period of six days. Books spanning over a short amount of time are my favorite. I felt there was a lot of depth in the six days. I thought this worked very well because with Corey trying to solve the mystery of her best friend’s death. We know we’ll get resolution in only see six days in this town. It was interesting to see how things had changed so much after Corey left for boarding school in town.

5. The Cast of Characters

Oh my gosh, I am forever crying over Kyra. My heart was so broken for Corey and Kyra. It hurt to see how much Corey wanted Kyra to wait for her and how she was so determined to figure out what really happened to her. Friendships can be so messy and I loved how Before I Let Go showed this. After Corey moves away and goes to boarding school, she doesn’t answer a lot of Kyra’s letters. This doesn’t change the fact that they were still friends seven months later. It was lovely to see how despite the distance, they still considered each other friends even with the issues that happened.

I hated the people of Lost. They were awful to Kyra and had the nerve to then use her to benefit themselves. They were truly evil. Kyra stole the show in the cast of characters though. I only wish i’d seen more of the friendship and Kyra’s scenes in the moment.

I read this author’s first book and was drawn in by the suspense of the story. While I was trying to figure out what happened in this mystery, I struggled to stay as engaged in the book as I had the last one. I do have students that I know will love this story, so while I may not love it, I will continue to share this title with students.

I read the last book from Marieke Nijkamp and really liked it, I had high hopes for this one, but unfortunately it does not measure up. I liked the short chapters and the underlying story about mental health but parts of it were a bit strange. When the town grabs onto this teen and uses her manic episodes to heal themselves and the town, it was difficult to understand. How parents went along with this was a huge mystery to me. As far as a YA book goes, teens might enjoy it very much and the message of accepting those with mental illness is very timely. The character of Corey was well written and it was easy to feel her emotions but most of the other characters were shallow and hard to understand their motives and actions. I do not want to give away the story so will leave it at that.

Erie and mysterious. The story meanders for a while leading the reader to believe that, yes there is something strange happening in Lost Creek but maybe it is not as weird as Corey thinks. A sudden twist puts Kyra's death into question.

The setting is beautifully created in this book. Also Nijkamp captures that creepy feeling throughout. Motivations and back history could have been better developed. Overall, it was a good read.

SO much here to feel absolutely nothing about. The characters in the town were beyond bizarre with no real motives for their actions (were we reading a horror novel at the end?), the two main characters were such cliches and yawn-inducing. I read the whole thing, but couldn't tell you what happened because I didn't really care about any of it.

Before I Let Go.....I’m a little torn after reading this. I like the story or premise behind it, but the execution just wasn’t quite there. I felt like a lot of the flashbacks were irrelevant or could have been better served. I also just feel like I didn’t know the characters well enough. Obviously, there was concentration on Kyra’s bipolar disorder. I just wish we’d gotten to know her better. I think it would have been great to start the book before Corey moved so we got to experience Lost and Kyra and Corey together. Then moved into the aftermath of Kyra’s death and relevant flashbacks.

My Review:

What I Liked:


Corey and Kyra. The friendship between the two girls was at the center of the novel and the author did a great job of showing it. My heart broke for the two as the mystery unraveled. I felt that the author did a great job of representing bipolar disorder with the character of Kyra.


Writing Style. One of my favorite aspects of the novel was the writing, the author writes in a beautiful and lyrical way that I loved.


Sexuality. This was one of my first times reading about a main character who is aromantic, or who I read as asexual/aromantic. That included element made the story interesting and I was able to relate to Corey, which made me more invested in the story.


Atmosphere. Nijkamp did an amazing job with the setting/atmosphere of the novel. I felt a sense of unease right from the beginning of the novel, the town and the people really brought a great suspense/thrilling element to the story.


What I Disliked:


Plot/Twists. I liked the main story, the suspense was strong but I felt that the ending fell flat for me. I wanted more from it and it felt opened ended to me.


Characters. I felt that the side characters, and even Corey herself, were underdeveloped. I would have loved to learn more about them. The most fleshed out character for me was Kyra, which is why she ended up being one of my favorites.


I recommend checking out this atmospheric and interesting mystery.


My Rating:


4 Stars Out of 5 Stars

My thoughts on this novel are mixed. I don't think I loved this novel as there were a lot of features that really bothered me or weren't done well, but the story itself - well, it had me hooked.

One of the things that was severely lacking in this story was character development. There was none. Corey started off feeling guilty and angry, and she left that way. She maintained her pigheadedness and her insistence that the town was to blame for Kyra's death right to the end. It didn't help that the only way we got to know Kyra was through Corey's interactions with others in the town, as well as Corey's own memories; it made Kyra a very one-dimensional character, although the author did try to fix that by including letters that Kyra wrote to Corey. But even those letters didn't have much substance to them so I couldn't get a good feel for Kyra.

What I found weird about the novel was the writing style. There are moments taking place in the present, followed by memories from the past, and then random excerpts that read like a script from a play or a phone call, and then diary entries/unsent letters from Kyra to Corey. It affected the flow of the novel a lot. While the author may have been trying to use these different mediums to give the reader a more rounded picture of the scene, it failed in that attempt.

While the plot was intriguing, I wish there had been more of a build-up there. What were the crowning instances that caused the town to change their attitude to Kyra? How did they get to that frenzy point that tipped Kyra off the edge? These were things that were never really addressed. If it had been, I feel like the story would have been better developed and more intriguing and the suspense would have been better. As it were, there was no real mystery to it; everything becomes clear in a short while and there is nothing to really change it up. There were also a lot of details in the story that were mentioned but never reconciled, and this really bothered me. Why mention Corey hearing voices or seeing things if you aren't going to do anything about it? 

My general feelings for this novel are still mixed. There were a lot of things that could have been improved and that would have made this story so much better, because the concept behind this novel was actually really intriguing. It was just the execution that suffered. I'm giving this a 2.5 stars rounded to 3.

Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

Corey and Kyra grew up as best friends in tiny Lost Creek, Alaska. Kyra was vibrant and artistic—and manic/depressive, so the town ostracized her for being different. But Corey was always there for her. Until Corey’s mom got a new job and Corey had to move away, promising Kyra she’d be back in exchange for Kyra’s promise to stay strong.
Days before Corey’s visit home, Kyra dies, and Corey is devastated. Her grief turns to confusion when she returns to Lost, and discovers the town has changed in her absence. Everyone grieves for Kyra, but whispers that her death was meant to be.
Corey doesn’t know what to think. The town that shut Kyra out seems to have embraced her in the past months, but the more Corey asks questions, the more she’s treated as an outsider herself. As she tries to learn more about what happened to Kyra, the more her suspicions grow. Lost is hiding a secret—and Corey can’t get through the darkness to the truth.
I’m just going to say it: this was a weird book. It’s a mix of YA, magical realism, and death investigation—kind of. Lost comes to vivid, haunting life on the pages, and the characters are both compelling and strange. Kyra and Corey’s friendship was heartwarming and sad, and I enjoyed Corey’s attempts to find out the truth about her friend. In the end, though, I still wasn’t quite sure what happened. An interesting, unpredictable read.
Marieke Naijkamp was born and raised in the Netherlands. She is the New York Times bestselling author of This is Where It Ends. Her newest novel is Before I Let Go.
(Galley provided by Sourcebooks Fire via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.)

More reviews at <a href=” https://tamaramorning.com/”>Tomorrow is Another Day</a>

Corey and Kyra are best friend Corey helps keep Kyra grounded and Kyra helps Corey see the world.  But the people of their small town of Lost Creek Alaska doesn't understand Kyra and her bipolar disease and they are afraid of her  sometimes.  So when Corey has to move away they promise to see each other in a few months over winter break, so they just need to wait until then, just wait.  But just before Corey's visit Kyra dies, when Corey goes back for the funeral things are different very different.
This is a wonderful diverse book, also very suspenseful and has action as well.  This book is exciting as well as haunting at times.  It is a book you won't want to miss, so don't let it go.  You will  always be  rooting for Corey to help tell Kyra's story.

The book is set in Lost Creek, a small town in Alaska. It is the story of Kyra and her friend Corey. Corey moves to another town to pursue her studies, while her friend who is also mentally unwell stays back. Corey promises to come back and Kyra decides to wait. But Corey comes back to a dead Kyra.
The town seems to have embraced the girl who they always neglected, if not in life then in her death. The town seems to be keeping a secret. And Corey is now an outsider who they harbor no love for.
The book has elements of magic, it's dark and scary. The narrative goes back and forth in time, alternating between Corey looking for the truth and the narrator giving us more insight on their relationship.
It highlights the gruelling moments that someone with a mental health condition faces. It shows how a person is treated and how their relationship changes. Kyra burns her energy through painting. It shows how one can use art to channelise their emotions.
However, I genuinely wanted to know more about the secrets, more on how she died? Why? The book keeps dragging you to the end, and you hope the climax is going to hit you like a blast of cold air. But the climax was underwhelming, it was a little unrealistic. The book shows how close knit the town is, but there were bits that showed the whole town as a bunch of crazy people.
I have mixed feelings about the book. While the strong connection of the two friends is the highlight, the eerie occurrings leave one a bit unsettled, everything else is a bit boring.
Overall, not the best read there is out there!

Corey, her mother, and her brother leave the only home she has ever known in Lost Creek, Alaska. Corey is ok with leaving and is looking forward to going to a boarding school where she fits in well. However, leaving Lost is hard because it means leaving her best friend, Kyra. Kyra has never fit in but it has been even worse since she has been diagnosed as bipolar. Then, Corey find out that Kyra has committed suicide. When she returns to Lost, everything has changed and Corey can't quite believe that everyone in Lost suddenly loves Kyra.

This was a bit of an odd book. I think the author was going for magical realism, however, I am not sure it quite worked. Overall, it just left me with more questions about how things were happening. I couldn't quite get to the point that I could suspend belief and just go with songs playing and flowers appearing.

I will say, at points this was the most creepy book I have read in a while, so I would definitely recommend it to students who like the scary stuff.

I like the writing style in this, and I found the narrator sympathetic. I thought the setting provided an integral part of the story, which was fantastic. However, for me personally, I didn't love the overall feel of the tale. This is simply personal taste -- I like a little more obvious hope in novels, and although this definitely had hope for the main character, the lingering sense of sadness and resignation for other characters simply didn't work for me. However, those who like writing that sinks into you will appreciate this.

This book is so hard to describe. It's a sort of ghost story and a sort of cult story and definitely one about grief and friendship. (Basically all my favorite things in one gorgeous mishmash that shouldn't work, but does.)

It's not a secret that Kyra has been diagnosed bipolar. The whole town knows and the whole town (except for Corey, basically) has shunned her. Except when Corey goes to a new school out of town, somehow things have changed and the town now views Kyra as...well, to paraphrase Groundhog Day,  something like A god, if not THE god.

And now that Kyra is dead and Corey has no idea what happened to her friend, she is trying to piece together exactly what happened. (It doesn't help that she is now viewed as an outsider--seriously, guys, this place is hardcore creepy.)

To say more would be to rob this story of its beauty (and creepiness, and it has both in roughly equal measure). You want to experience this for yourself. Recommended.

I did not love this, which makes me sad, because I love and often recommend her first book. I just couldn't stay interested and didn't want to get in bed and read this at night.

I was really looking forward to reading this book, as I quite enjoyed This Is Where It Ends. However . . . as I got more and more into this book, it left me mostly confused. Is it a thriller? A tale of psychological suspense? A mystical story? I would have been OK with the first two but, unfortunately, it seemed to fall into the realm of mystical, which is NOT in my wheelhouse AT ALL. I just didn't buy into the whole seeing the future thing and, while I could kind of get on board with the Stepford vibe the town exuded, I wasn't sold on it. I WANTED it to be creepy, but it came across as just plain weird.

I didn't care for Corey's character and that in itself was a big problem, because this book was ALL about Corey. I applaud the author on her diverse characters and I *think* she did a good job in portraying the effects of bi-polar disorder (although my experience is nil, so perhaps others with more experience in this area feel differently). I do think that the author captured how difficult being different in a small town can be, particularly for teenagers.

When a teen in a small town dies under mysterious circumstances, her best friend tries to find out what happened. The residents of the town resist all inquiries, leaving the friend to wonder whether something more sinister is afoot. Author Marieke Nijkamp’s second novel contains a weak storyline that tries to skate on its intensity in Before I Let Go.

The 200 or so residents of the town of Lost Creek, Alaska, don’t approve of outsiders. Or anyone different. Or anything that goes against everything the town has stood for in all the decades it’s existed. That’s why Corey Johnson finds some relief when her mother gets a job in another city and they move away.

In some ways, leaving Lost Creek feels like a foreign concept. Corey can’t stand the thought of separating from Kyra Henderson, her best friend since time immemorial. But she does want to get away from the oppression of small-town life, which she’s experienced firsthand. Ever since Kyra’s official diagnosis of bipolar disorder, the town’s residents treat Kyra like a pariah. They ostracize her from town life and give her a wide berth when she walks down the street. Corey knows she’s Kyra’s first line of defense, but the effort to remain so is exhausting her.

She thinks about Kyra constantly, but a new school and new friends begin to occupy her time more and more. Anyway, nothing has changed in Lost Creek since the town’s founding, so Corey has no doubt that everything will remain status quo until her next visit back. When she gets the phone call, then, that Kyra has died, everything Corey knows about Lost Creek comes into question.

Corey rushes home expecting the town’s residents to be relieved that Kyra is gone. What she gets is a town that reveres Kyra and her art. Corey tries to confront various people, including Kyra’s parents, about the sudden change of heart towards her gentle friend. No one has any concrete answers about anything, including how or why Kyra died, and the more Corey digs the more she learns that Lost Creek really is lost in more ways than one.

Author Marieke Nijkamp’s first book This Is Where It Ends offered readers a compelling plot that follows students at a school under the threat of a shooter. She maintains the same level of tension in Before I Let Go but lets down her characters as well as the readers with a plot that doesn’t measure up to the premise proposed. While it’s easy to understand the stereotypical wariness small-town citizens harbor for anything out of the ordinary, Nijkamp can’t quite make a convincing argument about why those same citizens would suddenly turn on one of their own.

The hostile behavior of the residents of Lost Creek feels forced. Readers will understand Corey’s relief at leaving, and the subsequent guilt that follows, but when Corey comes back to Lost Creek to look into Kyra’s death the town turns on her too. Again, the hostility seems almost thrust upon Corey, as if no other antagonist would have sufficed in the plot.

Nijkamp seems to want to tackle several subjects all at the same time, and in doing so she sacrifices full commitment to any one of those topics. Corey leaves and Kyra stays, but no satisfying explanation is offered as to why that particular event makes the town embrace Kyra without question. Smart readers might wonder whether Corey was the problem all along, and if she’s got a great new life in a new city then they might ask what the big deal about the way Lost Creek treats Kyra is after all. Everything works out in the end, more or less.

Fans of Nijkamp’s previous book might want to pick this one up; her writing is solid is ever and she offers some lovely turns of phrase. But for the most part, Before I Let Go is Bordering on Bypass it.

I had read ‘This is Where It Ends’ by this author and found it a very different story but real page turner that kept me engaged throughout so I jumped at the opportunity to read this. Unfortunately, it just didn’t work quite as well for me, but that could be just because I tried reading it over the festive season and it really doesn’t go with the celebrations - so don’t let me put you off giving it a go!

Growing up in Lost Creek, Alaska, Corey and Kyra were inseparable best friends. When Corey moves away, she makes her bipolar friend promise to stay strong until she returns. Unfortunately, life gets in the way of them keeping in regular touch but then Corey has a call to inform her that Kyra’s body has been found under the ice in a nearby lake - a lake that should have been frozen solid, one she shouldn’t have been able to end up under the ice. Corey goes back to Lost Creek to find out just what happened to her friend. Can she uncover the truth? Can she get the community to open up and reveal their secrets, now they’re treating her as an outsider? What are they hiding?

This is an intriguing story, a YA mystery that involves community secrets, suspense, danger and life threatening scenarios. Through it new relationships develop but who can be trusted? Who is in danger? Who is the danger? Why? So many questions - you’ll have to read it yourself to discover the answers!

I requested and received a copy of this novel, via NetGalley. This is my honest review after choosing to read it.

I received a free copy from NetGalley. I didn't put this one down and read it in just two sittings (the kids wanted to eat). Told in both current events and in flashbacks. Set in small town Alaska. I did have a few unanswered questions at the end. It was a gripping tale of young adults growing up and facing their choices and the results of their actions while dealing with mental health.

After reading and loving This Is How It Ends I was super excited when Netgalley approves my request for this book. It is similarly dark, but in my opinion a bit confusing, because of the back and forth between now and various times in the past. It was a weirdly good book (I know that’s a strange description, but to understand what I mean you would need to read it yourself), and if not for the slightly confusing way it’s written I’d have given it 5 stars. I wish we had seen more interaction between Corey and Aaron since he didn’t seem as crazy as the rest of the townspeople, as well as with Sam and Roshan. It was still very good and I’d recommend it if you are into dark, psychological style storytelling.