I really wanted to enjoy Before I Let Go especially after how wonderful This Is Where It Ends was. Unfortunately, I struggled to find any connection with the characters or even the story. I feel the plot was missing something and had a hard time getting into the story enough to finish.

I really wanted to like this a lot more than I actually did. I did still enjoy the book but there were a couple of things that really did decrease my enjoyment.
I really still like the message about the book and that the main character and a few others do not change their conviction that suicide is not the answer and that Kyra needed help. I really did not like the way the townspeople almost had a hive mind. I've been in small towns and that's never the case. It was the one thing to me in the story that just felt glaringly supernatural or something with no real explanation. I'm conflicted about Kyra's parents. I like the struggle scene between Mr. H and Corey but a teen is old enough to make people question her story and then investigate. I can't imagine people finding Lost normal when they went to investigate.
Overall, it was still an enjoyable read, I just really wish they would have had some explanation or actual reason why the town of Lost acts the way they do. I would have bumped it up at least to 4 stars at that point. Still, I'd read it again and any book that works to rid the world of the stigma around mental illness is good.

I would like to thank the publisher, author, and Netgalley for providing me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.

Before I Let You Go was such an unexpected surprise. I knew, from Nijkamp's first novel, that I'd like the writing style but I was wholly unprepared for the content. It was atmospheric, and eerie, and such an ode to grief and friendship and storytelling and it left me feeling a little haunted by the end. The way that the story unfolded was so visual and interesting that I felt like I could see it in my minds eye--and I kept thinking again and again that this would make a really great film.
This is another Marieke Nijkamp book that will definitely find itself on my classroom library and I have a feeling that it will be borrowed often.

Rarely have I been at such a loss for words regarding how to write a review. I loved the format of this book with its short chapters and letters throughout which served to make this an extremely quick read. Also contributing to being a quick read—my inability to put it down. I knew that I could NOT go to work tomorrow wondering what was going to happen in this book so I read my little heart out today.

This book was right up my alley as I really enjoy suspense/thrillers. The psychological aspect of this book completely freaked me out. I had many theories in different places of this book and none of them were the full tale by a long shot.

I feel that this is all that I can say without spoilers.

Thank you, Netgalley and Source Books Fire, for providing me with a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.

I really, really wanted to like Before I Let Go, especially since I loved the Author's first book This Is Where It Ends. But I just wasn't able to get into it. I didn't feel any connection to the characters, and I felt like I was starting in the middle of the story. For me, it just didn't work. I always felt like I was missing something and nothing I was reading was allowing me to get it and to catch up. I ended up having to DNF this one.

I didn’t finish this one, I gave it a try but it just wasn’t for me. Something about the authors writing style just wasn’t sitting right with me. As an avid reader of mystery/thrillers I have trouble with YA ones and I think that’s what happened here.

I just read one of the worst fictions about mental illness I've ever read. Worst...not as in terribly written...but as in most incredibly triggering.

Seriously, if you are going through any kind of episode, steer far clear of Before I Let Go. But more on that in a second.

Let's start with the premise:  Corey is getting ready to head back to her tiny, out of the way hometown in Alaska, when she finds out her best friend has killed herself. She knew Kyra's bipolar disorder had been getting worse, but she had been hoping to make it back in time to help. Instead, Corey finds the to find Lost changed by the tragedy...just not in the way she expected.

You know when you watched Jordan Peele's Get Out, and the whole time you just felt torn between throwing the TV out the window, and needing to rescue Chris from the horrible nightmare unfolding around him? That's how I felt the entire time I was reading Before I Let Go. It's the same kind of "social commentary horror," only regarding mental illness stigma instead of racism. The whole thing is just spooky as all get out.

It left me with a lot of mixed feelings. The biggest one, obviously, is that it's triggering as fuck. If you have bipolar disorder, depression, or any suicidal tendencies at all, you need to be very very careful with this book. The townspeople are constantly talking about how "it was her time" in regards to her suicide. It makes sense in context to the plot, but it's a pretty slippery slope.

There's also a really big plot hole regarding time slipping that I couldn't figure out. Every so often Corey would come across places that were dusty and abandoned...but then later they were normal?  Or there would be whispering and writing on walls. It's almost as if there was supposed to be a ghost or another piece to the story that got left out. I felt like I was missing something but I never did find it.

I'd be amiss if I failed to recognize the LGBTQIA+ representation:  in this tiny out of the way town, we have pansexual, asexual, and gay characters.

Even though there were some holes and triggers, I liked the book. Again, it has that sort of Get Out sort of commentary, that makes you look at mental illness from a different angle--or maybe the same angle but just shines the light on stigma a little brighter than we're used to. Before I Let Go cages that stigma in a tiny environment where it can only grow in one direction or the other, and Nijkamp is such a great storyteller that it works.

First off, thank you to Sourcebooks and NetGalley for providing me a digital ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.

The premise of this book, a girl named Corey goes back to a small Alaskan town only to find her best friend Kyra mysteriously died days before and the town is acting very strangely, made it sound like it'd be a psychological thriller tinged with mystery and YA contemporary. Broadly, I suppose that's what it was but everything was poorly executed.

The psychological thriller elements felt like you were being clubbed to death with the same nonsensical creepiness of small town folks who refused to talk about Kyra's death and only said, over, and over, and over again to Corey that she "didn't understand" or "couldn't understand" because she was "an outsider." Sure. Seems plausible.

The mystery was never really a mystery because it was clear from the get go what had happened to Kyra. The exact circumstances were blurry but you knew what had happened so... where's the mystery?

The YA contemporary was the least bad of the elements here but it was still not done well. The dialogue was boring and often rehashed what had been said before. Scenes were so similar that you ended up feeling like you weren't moving along. The letters from Kyra all basically said the same thing. This book could have been 30 pages long.

What was good about this book, was the representation of diverse characters. Despite the town having a population of 247, there were gay, pansexual, asexual characters. Not much in terms of racial diversity but considering this is a town somewhere in Alaska with a population lower than my High School graduating class, I think that wasn't too bad.

Ultimately, the book was a drag for me. Everything felt redundant and repetitive, and redundant and repetitive (Gilmore Girls reference, couldn't help it). The ending was so dramatic and unbelievable that I just sat there laughing like a crazy person. It was never explained why 200 and forty some people would unanimously agree to act deranged and why they would believe something (trying to avoid a spoiler here) so stupid with such zeal as to explain away a girl's death as if it were nothing. People just don't act like that. They need reasons and these characters never had any that actually made sense.

Honestly, I struggled with Before I Let Go. The short, disjointed chapters and the mix of real time, memories, flashbacks, and ghostly occurences distracted me. I was never able to get to the point where I was totally immersed in the book and just could not put it down.. My guess is that Before I Let Go will have a loyal following, but that readers will be polarized and will either love it or hate it.

Let me start off by saying Marieke Nijkamp can write! I've read "This is Where it Ends" which discusses a school shooting and now "Before I Let Go" and both books have not disappointed. Nijkamp is a very talented writer who is able to make a novel very lyrical and poetic, without having lyrics or poems. "Before I Let Go" turned into something I was not expecting, but I still really enjoyed the book. We live in a world where mental illness is a major issue. People are committing suicide and even killing people because they are not getting the help they need. I love that people are finally talking about mental health issues in books! Kyra, one of the main characters, killed her self, or at least that's what the town says. Kyra's story (or part of it) is not unique. I hope novels like this will bring more awareness to the issue and get people to ask for help. As for the story itself, I was thrown for a loop. I was not expecting that ending. I also have no plans to ever visit Lost Alaska (I doubt it exists anyway). The town of Lost scares me. In a way this book was more terrifying than some horror novels I read since the town seems like cult. Ahhh! Creepy! I was captivated with the story from page one and was unable to stop reading until the very end. Great job on another novel Marieke! I can't wait for the next one!

Before I Let Go is a dark novel about one town that pretty much loses its collective mind. Fitting then that the town happens to be called Lost. What Corey finds upon her return to this remote Alaskan community is anything but normal and difficult to believe. Set during early spring in northern Alaska, when the sun returns but only briefly, the entire tone of the novel is disturbing as the answers Corey seeks prove to be dangerous to find.

It takes a lot to rattle me, but rattle me Before I Let Go did. The townspeople's actions towards Corey are not just discomforting but downright sinister. It is difficult to envision an entire town ganging up on one of their own, making threats, and going out of their way to cause as many problems for the returnee as possible, and yet this is what happens to Corey. The unbelievability of it all as well as the sinister undertones make for damn uncomfortable reading.

Corey adds to your discomfiture by being a rather whiny character. She is completely unable to accept the truth until it is almost too late, long after you have already figured out what happened. Her unwillingness to see what is right in front of her is frustrating, especially as it causes her to make some poor choices. She also spends a lot of time contemplating her friendship and what it means to be a friend. We do get some good insight out of this, especially as it pertains to someone with a mental illness. However, the rest of the novel does not fit with this more internalized story. It is as if in Corey, the author tried to create a story within a story even though the two clash more than blend.

My overall problem with Before I Let Go is that I have no idea what it is meant to be. Is it a cautionary tale about friendship? Is it a thriller? Is it supposed to be realistic? Is it just supposed to be entertaining? Throwing me off even more is the introspection Corey does as she tries to learn more about what happened to Kyra. Does this make it a coming-of-age story? I just do not know, and this bothers me. I usually enjoy stories that cross multiple genres at once, but this leaves me perplexed. The two stories - why/how did Kyra die and how Corey is handling it - are not tightly woven together but appear as separate and distinct. Add in the creepy and highly unrealistic town transformation and you have a novel that is as confusing as it is disturbing.

The townspeople and their actions are so creepy and the story is so dark that I finished Before I Let Go with a sigh of relief and thankful to be able to put it behind me. This is not because the story is shocking. The answers, when you finally obtain them, are not much of a surprise even if they are as odd as you suspect they will be. I suspect my relief was more due to the fact that I was done with this weirdly unrealistic novel masking as contemporary fiction and could move on to more pleasant reading, which is not how you should ever want to feel finishing any story.

2 1/2, rounded to 3?

Cory comes home after the apparent suicide of her best friend to find her itty bitty Alaskan hometown had changed. The townspeople who had avoided Kyra, who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, were now idolizing her in memorial. Cory quickly realizes a few things: it wasn't a simple suicide, and her fellow Lost townspeople had something to do with it. Sadly, I feel like Ms. Nijkamp didn't go far enough with the story. It was as though she wanted the reader to understand that there was more, but she wasn't going to state it straight out in the story. That left a not-quite-fulfilled feeling at the end of the book. Additionally, somewhat at random, Ms. Nijkamp changed from presenting the story in narration to a play script. Not sure why, but as I've said before, I am not a fan of "experimental" books.

Thanks to NetGalley and Sourcebooks Fire for the opportunity to read and review Before I Let Go by Marieki Nijkamp! Corey receives news of the drowning of her best friend, Kyra, and she travels back to Lost Creek to mourn her death and discover how she drowned in the middle of winter when the water is frozen several feet deep. Corey is treated like an outsider because she’s been attending a boarding school away from Lost Creek, so they disregard her questions and concerns. Corey’s determination reveals more than she ever wanted to know about the downward spiral of Kyra’s mental health and the ignorance and selfishness of the people of Lost Creek! 4 stars for a poignant look at bipolar disorder and the struggles of the sufferer and the coping mechanisms of the people closest to them.

First, let me say that I loved This is Where It Ends, and I was so excited to read another Marieke Nijkamp book. But this one proved unsatisfying. I felt like it moved in one place for too long, as if its wheels were spinning until its last quarter, when we discovered that there was more going on in Lost than we realized. By that point, I'd sort of stopped caring, though. I can't give this more than two stars, so I'm not going to leave a review.

I was really looking forward to reading "Before I Let Go" but it just fell short for me. The book basically is about two girls growing up in a town called Lost. One had mental illness and the other tried to help and protect her. The town just did not understand her and just used her. The town wanted to hide the secrets The chapters were repetitious and seem to be saying the same thing over and over but in a different way. I think that struggling readers would have a difficult time staying interested in this book.

I had a lot of mixed feelings while reading this story. It is somewhat a jumbled mess that switches from a present day narrative, to flashbacks, phone conversations, a script for a movie/play and letters written by Kyra to Corey. All these different styles made it hard to keep the story flowing, but somehow it all worked in the end and made for a beautiful story of grief and knowing that we can never go home again.

I don’t think that I can say that I liked Corey, but I certainly understood her and I sympathized with her plight. At times I thought she was delusional in her belief that she was a good friend to Kyra, at times it seemed that she didn’t understand her at all. But at lease she tried, unlike most of the people in Lost. I could also understand her need to know what had happened to her friend in the 7 short months that she had been gone. I think Corey comes out stronger in the end with a better understanding of life and loneliness.

We mostly only get to know Kyra through the eyes of those she left behind and by the notes and diary she left behind. She was diagnosed as bi-polar and I felt that the author did a good job of describing the effects of that illness on the person and on those around them. I liked Kyra and felt her pain. I would also liked to have seen more from her diary or letters than what we got.

Although Lost Creek is the setting, it was almost a character as well and the place and the people that live there certainly contributed to the story. The setting was beautifully written and certainly captured the Alaskan wilderness well. This quote certainly captures the town in a nutshell.

“The first colonial settlers in Lost found that winter is not malleable, and frost settles too, Kyra once told me. And no matter how hard they tried they could not escape being lost… And they could not escape Lost.”

The plot is a bit of a mess, as far as continuity goes. It is hard to put the pieces all together when you are constantly going back and forth between present and past. But as we learn along with Corey about what has been going on in Lost while she was gone and ultimately what happened to Kyra, sent chills down my spine. The towns people’s motivation was also puzzling and a bit freaky.

In the end I found this to be a beautiful and powerfully moving story. I don’t think that it is a book for everyone, but those who do push through to the end will find it a moving story about grief and friendship.

Lost Creek is an isolated town deep in the interior of Alaska, accessible only by one road or a small airfield - and the people there like it that way. They have each other, their history, and their secrets, and that's all they need to survive the deep dark winters. Corey lived her whole life in Lost Creek up until a little less than a year ago, when her mom moved Corey and her brother to Canada. Corey was sad to leave this safe, caring town behind, but she was most sad to leave her best friend in the whole world, Kyra. Kyra is... different; she doesn't fit into the town of Lost Creek like Corey does, and that makes the people of Lost Creek distrustful. And mean. And when Kyra was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, the town became even less accepting. But when Corey and Kyra were together, at the lake, at the spa, in Kyra's room, they were heroes; they were better and stronger and happier. But as Corey prepared to leave, Kyra's manic and depressive episodes began to get worse, creating a small rift between the girls. A rift that continued to grow, whether Corey wanted it to or not, after she moved to Canada and her new school, where she made new friends and joined new activities. Then, the call came. Kyra had been found dead, under the ice, an apparent suicide. But Corey knows that can't be right. She was going to visit Kyra soon; Kyra wass waiting for her! Something else must have happened. So Corey flies back home for Kyra's funeral, but when she gets there, everything has changed. She is an unwelcome, distrusted outsider, and no one is willing to share this new batch of secrets the town of Lost Creek holds.

I was so excited to see that Marieke Nijkamp had a new book coming out! I read "This Is Where It Ends" and... loved it isn't the right word, but it was an amazing story told by a brilliant storyteller. I was hoping "Before I Let Go" was going to be more awesomeness; I wasn't completely wrong. But, "Before I Let Go" is different in many ways from "This is Where It Ends." "This is Where It Ends" I would classify as realistic fiction dealing with the very real current (political) issue of school shootings and gun control. The psychology of the characters certainly came into play, but it was a very real-feeling story of a school shooting. "Before I Let Go" I would classify as a mystery/thriller/magical realism (or paranormal). It deals with the social issues of mental illness and the social stigma that is attached to them as well as the private, insular nature of small towns. Both books are intense; both books are well written; both books involve violence. But, to me, the books were very different.

That little compare/contrast tangent aside, "Before I Let Go" was good (as attested to by the fact that I read it in one sitting)! It took me a little time to get into it, but once I was in, I was in. I had to know why what had happened to Kyra had happened. Exactly what was going on in town and the exact personalities of the people in town was never really crystal clear, but I think that was intentional. We were left a little confused because Corey was confused. Her perception of the town as it had been when she was there and her perception of the town as it was now did not line up, and she didn't really know why. Things slowly become clearer throughout the book, but I never really felt like everything got resolved, and I suspect Corey never did either.

There were a few little mysteries that were never solved, like how did the garden still bloom in winter, who burned down Corey's old house, who started the fire in Kyra's old building/room, and that irked me a little. But, the one thing that kind of got on my nerves, and the reason I took one star off of my review, was the ghostly presence that seemed to keep popping up. Was it Kyra's ghost? If so, why did it sometimes seem to be threatening? If it wasn't Kyra, then who/what was it? To me, it felt superfluous, added to ramp up the fear factor, because nothing ever actually came of it, and we never get an answer to what it was. It's just there to make the book feel more spooky. In my opinion, the attitudes, actions, and words of the people in Lost Creek were creepy enough! No additional random ghostly presence needed.

The other star I took off was for a mixture of things. For one, the plot was kind of flat. We know from almost the beginning that the town, at best supported Kyra dying, and at worst had a hand in making her death happen. So, from the beginning we know Kyra didn't really commit suicide - we're already that far down the investigative path - all that's left to figure out is who was there when she died. Also, the chapters that were written like scripts were a strange choice. I thought there must be some reason for it the first time it happened, like this was how it was supposed to go, but in reality what happened was (insert next revealing chapter here). But, no; these were just chapters written as scripts instead of regular exposition. Huh.

But, on the plus side, the setting is unique - not a lot of YA set in the frigid depths of Alaska; the abandoned spa was appropriately creepy; the writing style is interesting and easy to read; and the book deals with some important social issues (i.e. teens with mental illnesses and the stigma and isolation that they face). I think this is a YA mystery that many teens will enjoy!

This book was a very quick read. It is pretty fast paced and just keeps going until it hits the end.
Corey returns home, her first home in Lost, Alaska, after she finds out her best friend Kyra has passed. Corey goes for the funeral and some answers but not everything is as it seems. Secrets seem to be the trade of Lost now and Corey may be stirring up trouble she shouldn’t in her search for answers.
I was sad for Kyra and all she endured. She deserved better and now she'll never get it.
Corey was relatable for me. As someone who had a best friend with a similar illness when I was a teenager I can attest to how hard it is to understand and how easy it is to be afraid for your friend and sometimes yourself because you don’t understand. You want to help, but maybe your help is making it worse. I saw myself in Corey and I was both relieved and saddened because I saw my own mistakes but when you’re a kid yourself how much better can you do?
Also, real quick. Yay for representation but I think asexual and aromantic where being pushed together as one and the way Corey described herself seemed more aromantic really than asexual. There was no real thing addressing sexuality that would make me think she was asexual, but yes definitely aromantic.
I think this was a good story, but I think it could have been better. The sense of wrong was immediate upon Corey's return, if it had been built up the impact might have been more. The potential supernatural aspect which wasn’t really fully explored and was really glossed over but the reason why these things had happened could have been better too.
It was a quick, good read and my second book by this author. She’s definitely one I’m keeping an eye on.

I hade such high hopes for this book. But sadly I had a hard time not to give up on it. There is nothing wrong with the style it is written. But I just couldn't really get into the story, I couldn't understand the motivation of anyone and was getting more and more annoyed with everyone. I chose to read this book and all opinions in this review are my own and completely unbiased. Thanks to NetGalley and SOURCEBOOKS Fire!