3 “Intriguing, but confusing” stars

ARC via NetGalley

Thank you, Sourcebooks Fire!

I requested this book on NetGalley because I wanted to give this author another chance, and see if I was the problem since I one-stared her bestselling debut, This is How it Ends. The good news is I liked this a lot more than the author’s previous book. The not-so-good news is that this book could’ve been a lot better.

Before I Let Go is the story of Corey and Kyra, two childhood BFFs who grew up in a tiny town of 200 inhabitants in Alaska. Kyra was bipolar and rejected by the rest of the town, and when Corey’s mom received a job offer somewhere else, she left her town and her best friend behind. Seven months later, she gets a phone call that Kyra is dead. They say is suicide, but she doesn’t believe it. When she flies back to town, it’s obvious there’s more to the story.

First, this book is supposed to be suspense/thriller, right? But with all the supernatural vibe I got from it, it’s hard to put it into a specific genre, which is something that often takes me out of the story. I kept hoping for some explanation to the voices, “predictions” and overall supernatural-y things happening, but I was left disappointed.

Something else that confused and irritated me a lot were the narrative choices. The main story was told in first person present tense, which I don’t mind at all. Then we had flashback chapters, which are always hard for me to connect with (especially when they’re repetitive and add little to the connection they’re trying to establish). But I could deal with them. My biggest problem were the script chapters. Yes. There were some chapters that were written in script format, and WTF was that about? I also kept hoping for an explanation, because that change in narrative made no sense whatsoever, but again nothing came. It was just thrown there. I honestly don’t know what purpose it was trying to serve. Can someone explain it to me, please?

Still on the needs-improvement part, Corey was not an easy character to like. Look, you best friend is struggling with mental illness—I won’t comment on how the portrayal of bipolar because I don’t know enough about it—and you leave her behind with a bunch of people who never liked her and talked about sending her away. I get that Corey had no choice on the matter since she was a teenager and was following her mother, but couldn’t she have at least tried to be a good friend? She promised Kyra she’d come back for her, made the girl promise to wait for her, and she couldn’t even bother to answer Kyra’s letter? *rolls eyes*

Then when Kyra dies, she goes back and starts confronting every single person about how they did not care about Kyra at all. Girl! Girl! The nerve!

I don’t understand what they purpose of having Corey be so careless was. Whatever it was, it wasn’t worth the risk of making her unlikable, which was what it did for me. I found myself getting irritated with her every time she confronted Kyra’s parents or the rest of the folks in her hometown. Also, repetition ruled this story. Corey had the same conversation over and over and over again, and it was completely unnecessary because I had already gotten the idea behind the whole mystery.

Since this was supposed to be a thriller, I was expecting something with a little more mystery to it. But there was no build up. When Corey arrives at her hometown, people are already super weird and the hints about what they did to Kyra were already too strong. There was no going from “oh, this town is nice and cozy” to “OMG, this is creepy.” We started with creepy and kept that pace. There was little find out. Little possibilities to explore.

The motivation for what happened was also a little weak. I get that desperation and hope can change people—even 200 people. But to think the ones that loved Kyra the most would behave in the matter they did? And that there’d be no sign of regret? I don’t know if I can buy it. But I blame that on the lack of character development. Aside from Corey and Kyra, everyone else was interchangeable, even Kyra’s parents.

On the other hand, this book was quite addictive. I read it superfast, and the beginning did make me curious about what would happen next. It would’ve benefited from being a littler shorter, but I didn’t consider DNF’ing it at any point, which I can’t say about many books lately. I also loved the setting—a tiny Alaskan town. I thought it helped with the eerie atmosphere the author tried to create. Again, I would’ve liked the town folks to have distinguishing personalities and for the supernatural vibe to have been clarified, but I think the setting in itself was a positive thing.

Before I Let Go was different than what I normally read, and it was a better experience than the author’s debut. I don’t know if I’m the right reader for this author, but I like her premises, and if she comes up with something else that peaks my interest, I may check it out again.

Corey is only gone from Lost Creek, Alaska for seven months before everything changes. It’s not just the town that’s changed—a fact she doesn’t want to accept when she comes to 5170C53eImL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_visit—but her best friend is gone. Dead. Everyone says Kyra drowned under the ice a very frozen Wolf Lake, but Corey believes there is more to the story than what people are telling her.

Corey knew her best friend better than she knew herself. Or so she thought. When Kyra was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which kept intensifying, Corey was the only one who still stayed friends with Krya. Friends so close that lines blurred between love and friendship. So close that when Corey comes home to Lost Creek for Kyra’s memorial, she swears she hears and sees Kyra everywhere. What she knows she does see is a town that once shunned Kyra was now celebrating her. Kyra’s paintings and murals were everywhere, showing life in Lost Creek getting better.

But was it actually getting better for Kyra?

In a town that refuses to change, Corey begins to unravel the horrors of what made Lost Creek so accepting of Kyra. The deeper into the truth Corey gets, the more she understands the hell her best friend went through after she left. And the more Corey’s life is in danger.

Nijkamp navigates the ambiguous areas between friendship and love in such a way that will have readers examining their own friendships. She also brings to light how easy it is for someone who doesn’t have a mental illness to think they understand what it’s like and be completely wrong. There are a multitude of lessons to be learned in Before I Let Go, from the importance of storytelling, to respecting the stories and lands of other cultures, to the need for a better understanding, and acceptance, of the normality of mental illness.

Heartbreaking and horrifying, Before I Let Go will draw you in and hold you hostage until the very last page.

This is the second book I've read by this author. While I was sucked in by her first novel, This is Where it Ends, I fought to keep reading this book. I would read a section and then put it down, contemplating if I should finish it. I finally got to Day Three, where the story took hold of my interest and couldn't put it down. The characters were not easy to bridge a connection with at first, though I began to warm up to the main character and some of the supporting characters. Teens who are going through similar issues as the protagonists will immediately find a connection. I liked the mystery revolving around the townspeople. I wondered if they were in some type of cult or conspiracy due to their responses throughout the story. The author touches on several delicate topics like homosexuality, mental illness, suicide, and destiny. The book is a "dark" and I don't recommend this for middle grade students. The author's approach allows for great discussions with teens and adults. 2.5 stars

This book was boring and after reading 38% of it, I gave up.

This is the second book I have read by Marieke Nijkamp, This is Where it Ends. I really ended this book. The story is about Corey and her best friend Kyra. Corey returns to her childhood town after hearing that her best friend committed suicide. Kyra has been battling mental illness for sometime and Corey promised to come back for her. Kyra has always been an outsider to the town of Lost until Corey leaves and then becomes the towns prophet through her paintings. This is a sad book, Corey tries to find out what really happened to her best friend, if she was murdered or actually committed suicide. The towns people want Corey gone, they will do anything to run her out of town instead of her learning their secrets. I did find Corey to be naive for her age especially with her years of Kyra's illness. She keeps trying to dig into what happened instead of seeing that Kyra was depressed and exhausted. This is a good YA novel on mental health. The author keeps this novel going at a steady peace throughout it. I found the characters to be a little flat but you can understand the sadness that both Corey and Kyra feel. The author jumps around from the past to the present in a way to show Kyra's life with Corey before Corey went off to school.

I would give this a 4.stars out of 5 and look forward to the next book by Marieke Nijkamp.

Corey learns of her friend's death and returns to the town where she once lived. What she finds there is not at all what she expected. Very little of the place she left when she moved away still exists and she finds herself feeling a bit more than uncomfortable in some of the situations. Her visit raises questions of her friend's death and of her own safety. Something is just not right and Corey sets out to find out what happened. The mystery, combined with the short chapters that always tempt me to read a little bit more, is really all that kept me going with this book. The switching back and forth from the past to the present was a bit confusing at times and I found parts of the book to be less than attention-grabbing. I really just wanted to skip ahead to the end and see what happened.

Unfortunately, this was only a 2-3 star read. I wanted to like it but the characters were annoying and the story boring. It could have been so much more. No suspense at all.

Just ok, writing quite pedestrian, a bit boring, difficult to stay motivated to finish reading.

Simply put, this book was haunting. Effed up comes to mind a little bit too. I'm not even sure WHAT I read, just that I couldn't put it down.
This book follows the journey of Corey as she returns home to the literal middle-of-nowhere town of Lost following her best friend's mystery death. What follows after is equally disturbing and intriguing. It really makes you wonder how many towns like Lost have secrets overflowing in the streets. My heart raced and broke when it was needed, and I was satisfied with the pacing, the mystery and the ending. The voice Nijkamp gives to Corey is one I related to immensely.
The bipolar angle was, from my point of view, well done. I have little experience with the disorder outside of psych classes, but it hit the buttons it needed to. It especially worked well in the story, with how Kyra coped and needed help and support.
However, there were times when the book came across as somewhat repetitive, and it was unclear what exactly what was happening. Like, was this just a thriller, or was there a magical element to it? I also wish the story had a bit more of a build-up. It started right away and I think took away from it reaching its full potential.
Overall, I really enjoyed this. 3.5/5

Before I Let Go is a story about Corey dealing with the death of her best friend Kyra. When Corey hears that her best friend has passed away, she races back to her hometown of Lost Creek, Alaska to mourn the death of her friend. Kyra was never liked in the small community, even though her parents are very successful and well loved, Kyra's only friend was Corey. When Corey was leaving the town, Kyra finally decided to go to a psychiatric hospital to help her with her bipolar disorder. As Corey comes back to town, it turns out that Kyra never left, and in those 7 months that she was away, Kyra went from most hated person in town, to friends with everyone. When things don't add up about Kyra's death, Corey must uncover the secrets of the town and what exactly happened the past 7 months in order to solve the mystery behind Kyra's death.

This book was alright. It wasn't great, but it also wasn't horrible. It just floats in the grey area of "meh" books.

The book started off very slow. It felt like there were a lot of parts that were very repetitive, and other parts that were kind of pointless.
On the plus side, this book was a fairly short and easy read (language wise). So you can definitely finish it in one day.

There was only one character I liked in this book, and it wasn't Corey or Kyra. It was Roshan. Kyra was a good person, from what we hear about her from Corey's point of view. If she got the right help she could have been a truly amazing person. I completely understand whys he did the things she did once Corey left the town, but I don't necessarily like them, with a little bit of thought and effort from Kyra's part the story could have turned out very differently. Corey was an okay character. We see parts of her growing up in Alaska and just how much she has changed in the 7 months she was away. It was a bit boring reading from her point of view, as it was very repetitive and for someone who's lived in this town before, she made a lot of mistakes where she should have known better. Throughout this whole story, it didn't really feel like Corey developed or changed at all, she is basically the same person at the beginning and the end of the story.
The character I loved most was Roshan. He is new to the town, and only arrived when Corey left. He knew Kyra, and helps Corey deal with her passing. When Corey gets in trouble he is there to help her without asking for anything in return. He's not like the others in the town, and will definitely follow his heart to do what is right. I honestly wish that he played a bigger role in this book.

The plot line was okay. The mystery wasn't that big of a mystery. It was really easy to tell what really happened to Kyra and how she died, early on in the book, even though Corey couldn't see it. The pace was very slow, the characters were boring. I didn't feel like there part of the book that really shocked me, there were no twists or turns in the book. It was basically a flat line right to the end.
A pet peeve of mine is plots with loose ends. There were multiple things in this book that weren't explained, and they were just left there without any answers.

Overall, I wouldn't necessarily recommend this book, unless you were looking specifically for an easy book to read with a plot line like this. I think with a few changes this book could have been a lot better.

I was initially drawn to Before I Let Go by the remote Alaskan setting and by the beautiful cover, but found that sadly the story did not work for me. I don't normally read many YA books, but think that even my teenage self would have had trouble connecting to the main character Corey. A third into the book I found I still had no feel for Corey at all (it actually took me some time to work out that this character was female, not male), and found her internal dialogue more puzzling than intriguing, and her friendship with Kyra strange to say the least. The story got off to a very slow start and unfortunately never really picked up enough for me to stay engaged. I concede that I am not the right audience for this novel, which delivered more o self-centred teenage inner dialogue than the promised mystery and did not manage to hold my interest. Sadly not the right book for me ....

I really wanted to like this book, but it just did not work for me. I think the overall message is a very important one, but this book felt like three different books shoved into a very tiny amount of space. There's a weird almost paranormal aspect going on that's not really explained, the people of this town are seriously messed up and creepy, and then you've got the whole "how did my best friend really die" mystery. There are also random bits of screenplay style writing that just kinda threw me off - I don't really understand why they were included. Honestly, this was a three star read for me - not bad, but not especially good either - until the last like, 3-5%. There was a chapter that I really thought was the ending - it had a nice ending tone and it just felt like the ending chapter, then all of a sudden something wild happens and it's out of the blue and really jarring. It just completely ruined the nice feelings that chapter I originally thought was the end created for me and left me wondering what in the world just happened, but definitely not in a good way. I also didn't particularly like any of the characters, which isn't always an issue for me because sometimes unlikable characters work in a book, but man, the people of the town are just awful and the main character, Corey, was just pretty blah for me. This was a super quick read though. The way the chapters are written you feel like you just can't stop, so I finished this in one sitting and it did keep me hooked, for the most part. I went in with pretty low expectations, but I still didn't really enjoy it.

This book does have the words asexual and pansexual on page, there's a m/m couple, and the best friend, Kyra, has bipolar disorder, but I can't speak to the actual representation.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.



Returning to Lost Creek, Alaska for her best friend's funeral after moving away several months ago, Corey is devastated. She never found the words to tell Kyra that there was a great big world outside of Lost, and now she'll never have the opportunity. Guilt-ridden over never responding to Kyra's letters, Corey doesn't know what to expect in Lost.



Lost isn't what she remembers, and neither are the people that live there. The town that she once loved and that loved her seems like it's hiding something. Determined to uncover the truth about Kyra's death, Corey sets out on her own. Desperate to find answers before her return to Winnipeg and terrified for her safety, Corey races against the clock before her flight departs. Told in present tense, letters sent and unsent, and flashback narratives written in play format, Corey's and Kyra's stories unfold as Lost fights to keep its secrets.



THOUGHTS: The remote Alaskan wilderness amps up the creepy factor in this mystery. Through the emphasis on Kyra's storytelling, readers will be compelled to learn what actually happened to her, but they may not feel fully invested in the novel, as the characters lack depth. Though identity and mental health issues are addressed, they are not at the center of the story. Before I Let Go is a good read for mystery fans and those interested in exploring the way mental illness affects one's life and experiences.

I think that there was definitely a strong idea here, but that the execution left a little bit to be desired. The supernatural elements weren't fleshed out enough, as it was heavily implied that Kyra was predicting the future, but it wasn't explored much. I think that had there been more details about that, or at least a bit more explanation it could have been a stronger element. There were also some strange format choices in the telling of it. I didn't mind getting perspectives from letters and phone calls, as those are pretty old had and can still fit into the narrative. But there were strange moments where it would suddenly written in the way that a movie script would be, with int/ext and movement directions and everything. This didn't show up until about half way through the story, and it was really jarring. And this book is advertised as a mystery, and while it sort of is it never felt like the stakes were very high, or that the resolution was terribly well planned out or well explained. It's kind of a shame that these moments took me out of the story, because I did think that there was serious potential for it. I liked Kyra's character, and I like that it seemed that Nijkamp did her research when it comes to bi-polar disorder and tried to make it not only accurate, but also a respectful representation and to try and de-stigmatize it.

I had higher hopes for this one. I can see myself recommending it to some teens, but for those who want a solid and creepy mystery, this wouldn't be it.

Before I Let Go
by Marieke Nijkamp

Before I Let Go

Copyright: 2018

Pages: 372

Read: Dec. 16 – 22, 2017

Rating: 2/5

Source: NetGalley





Blurb: Best friends Corey and Kyra were inseparable in their snow-covered town of Lost Creek, Alaska. When Corey moves away, she makes Kyra promise to stay strong during the long, dark winter, and wait for her return.

Just days before Corey is to return home to visit, Kyra dies. Corey is devastated―and confused. The entire Lost community speaks in hushed tones about the town’s lost daughter, saying her death was meant to be. And they push Corey away like she’s a stranger.

Corey knows something is wrong. With every hour, her suspicion grows. Lost is keeping secrets―chilling secrets. But piecing together the truth about what happened to her best friend may prove as difficult as lighting the sky in an Alaskan winter…

Review: I received a copy of this book from NetGalley for free in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.

So this was totally an impulse request on NetGalley. The cover really drew me in. The blurb made is sound so creepy. I don’t read a lot of YA, but this one really sounded great to me.

But. It fell flat. Very flat for me. There were times I considered just DNF’ing it. The writing itself was good, but the actual structure of the book was strange. There were flashbacks and then there were chapters that were written like a script. It was just a strange set up for a book in my opinion.

And the overall plot/storyline? It fell flat as well. I think I expected more from it somehow. It started out extremely slow. Like slower than slow. And it was a little bit all over the place and really confusing.

I didn’t really care for how Kyra’s bipolar illness was portrayed. If you or someone you know has a mental illness issue of any kind, I do not feel like you should read this book at all. The way it is presented was just very disheartening to me.

Bottom line? This book just didn’t work for me.

Posted to Goodreads: For a more in-depth review watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMjXy2S8ols&feature=youtu.be

Corey and Kyra had been best friends through everything including: Corey's father leaving, Kyra's mental illness, and Corey's moving. But when the two girls are living in different countries they slowly drift apart. Months later Corey is shocked when she learns Kyra has committed suicide and she returns to the small town of Lost, Alaska to uncover the mystery of what happened to her friend.

I was disappointed by this book. The characters were never quite developed enough for the reader to actually care about their story, the mystery felt a little obvious, the surprise twist was a little too familiar to be a surprise, aspects of the book (mental illness issues and asexuality) felt as if they were added to try to make the story more buzz worthy and the entire book just move very slow.

I received an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

This is one of those cases where I think it's unfair of me, as an older adult, to comment on a YA novel. This is really written for teens, who have a different way of looking at the world. Writing for them is also different than writing for older people- where we might be annoyed about repetition, not so much of a problem for others. This is an interesting mystery that uses relevant themes in an Alaskan setting (loved the setting.). Corey is searching for the whys and hows of the death of her friend Kyra. It's not an especially complicated story but it is a worthy one. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.

Corey moved away from her isolated Alaskan town Lost. While she had several acquaintances, her best friend Kyra was her whole world. The town rejected Kyra because of her bipolar diagnosis, but Corey did not allow it to change the nature of their friendship. Corey moved away and in doing this she stopped communicating with Kyra. Now, several months later, Kyra is dead and Corey travels back to lost to figure out what happened.

I expected to find a realistic fiction book, but instead got a fantasy/mystery mashup. The author has a beautiful way with words. The legends described throughout the story were vivid and compelling. I was less interested in the actual story and had difficulty understanding what was actually happening in the plot.

When Corey gets the call that her best friend, Kyra, has passed away--falling under the ice in their frigid hometown of Lost Creek, Alaska--she is devastated. Corey has been gone from Lost, as it's known, away at boarding school, corresponding with Kyra only via letters. She was due to visit in a few days and now her best friend is gone. Lost always shunned Kyra because she was bipolar and had maniac episodes. The small, insulated town couldn't understand Kyra's highs and lows. She stood out too much in a place where being different was wrong. But the seven months that Corey's been away has been long enough for the town of Lost to turn on her and now deem her an outsider. Since Corey's departure, Lost has suddenly embraced Kyra, though Corey isn't sure why. Even worse, they are calling Kyra's death meant to be, her time. They've rallied around in her death and they want nothing to do with Corey. Kyra always said she would wait for Corey to return: why didn't she?

I definitely have some mixed feelings about this one. It's billed as a YA mystery, and I can see its drama appealing more to teens, perhaps, but I could never really fully tell what the book was truly about or what it was trying to be. It has weird unexplained mystical elements thrown in--think Carol Goodman or Jennifer McMahon, but they aren't fully fleshed out or well-explained. I believe the intent is to slowly build up suspense and creep you out, but they don't slowly build up (they sort of start out full force and stay there, or almost trickle away... it's hard to explain) and they never really seem to have a purpose. So it's just one element of the book that leaves you hanging. The ending, too, leaves you with little closure.

The novel is told mainly from Corey's perspective, but we also get weird snippets told as if in a play format (like we're hearing from the town), but those aren't fully formed either. It's very strange. I liked Corey, but she comes in angry at her town and we don't get a lot of explanation into her character or real background into her friendship with Kyra, despite being assured that they were best friends up until Corey left.

It's sad, because I was really drawn to the character of Kyra (you get flashbacks to the girls' friendship and life before Kyra's death). I thought the book did a fairly good job of portraying mental illness and honestly Kyra--despite her death--seemed to be the most fully formed character in many ways. She implores Corey not to fix her, that she's not a puzzle to solve, and she discusses her manic spells in a very mature and very thoughtful way. It's one of the reasons that I'm keeping a three-star rating for this one; I'm hoping the portrayal of her illness can help and inform others.

There are also a variety of relationships portrayed in the novel--albeit, I thought, rather superficially--lesbian, pansexual, asexual, gay, etc. I wouldn't say any relationship is at all fully delved into, but I appreciate that Nijkamp at least wanted to try to be representative with her characters.

The other thing is that Nijkamp's books are just so darn easy to read. I remember that about This Is Where It Ends, too. I read almost this entire novel in one setting. Her writing draws you in so easily, even if you don't always agree with what you're reading, or if you wish for more character development. You could pick this up and fly through it in a day.

In the end, this certainly wasn't what I expected. The strange mystical elements seemed out of place and they, along with most of the characters, weren't really fleshed out. I was a fan of how easy the story was to read and the mental illness portrayal, though, as well as how easy the story was to read. I was drawn to the character of Kyra and wished I could have learned even more about her. The story was compelling and Nijkamp did an excellent job making you feel the cold of the Alaskan setting and the similar coldness of the townspeople. At the same time, while I could certainly see a small town being incredibly close-minded (and they were), some of the other plot points seemed a little overboard. A quick read, especially for teens.

A tense thriller that is well plotted. The characters are excellent and the writing is gorgeous.