A fast read suspense novel that started out with a great plot but ultimately became sad and disturbing.

I will admit, when I received a copy of HOW I LOST YOU by Jenny Blackhurst, I had been expecting a more emotional psychological thriller as this deals with the death of a child. What I received was heartfelt, gut-wrenching, captivating, and unlike any other thriller out there. Not that I wasn’t expecting a good book, I always start a new book with an open mind but I was floored with Jenny Blackhurst.

This novel is not only emotional, but the suspense is intense, dark and brooding. Including so much suspense and wickedness in a psychological thriller is not only effective, but a real treat when reading a book with a plot like this one. In fact, looking back I am surprised this novel is a whopping 384 pages as it flew by so quickly. Not one page of filler is found in this one. The characters are not only three-dimensional, but believable and all beautifully flawed in their own ways. The pacing in this novel is not only intensely perfect, but doesn’t take long to get into the meat of this plot. Another thing that always works for me is the multiple story lines taking place all the way from the 1980s to present. The reason for me why this was so effective with this plot is I was finding myself thinking of not only the main plot, but the subplots within this novel when I wasn’t reading it. I was hungry for more and eagerly anticipating the next time I could sit down and dive into this.

Reading the plot alone to this novel does not do it justice as there are so many other things included that will jump out at you like a black cat on Halloween. I would highly recommend this novel for fans of psychological thrillers and suspense novels. With a writing style similar to Chevy Stevens, the heart of Jodi Picoult, and the twists and turns of Gone Girl; this is sure to be a novel you will kick yourself if you don’t pick up your copy when this is released on October 10, 2017. My only complaint about this novel? That I don't have a physical copy in my hands yet. This is one I will definitely want to read again.


*Special thank you to Atria Books for providing me with a copy of this one in exchange for my honest review.

I have to start off by saying how much of a fan I am of Jenny Blackhurst! She has slowly climbed up my top favorite ladder of authors. I was able to read her novel "Before I Let you In" and I was floored with her talent. So, as you can say I was extremely excited to be given the opportunity to read "How I lost you".

Here we are introduced to Susan Webster who has just been released from Oakdale Psychiatric Institution for murdering her 3 month old baby boy. Susan has the chance to start a new life living under her new name as "Emma Cartwright." Emma has no recollection of the terrible crime that she committed and is having such a hard time wrapping her head around that she could murder her sweet baby boy Dylan.

Susan aka Emma is starting to re-build her life when strange things start to happen to her. Emma receives a mysterious envelope that is addressed to her former name Susan Webster. How does anyone know her new address and where she is?! The envelope holds a key to Susan's past... a photo of her TODDLER Dylan?! What.... isn't her son dead? She was charged with suffocating her son with a pillow? How can this be?! Susan is determined to find the answers about her son and what truly happened that horrible day she was charged of murdering her son. Now, if that doesn't grab you.. I don't know what will! ;)

How I lost you is a gripping thriller that is told from Susan's point of view. The novel's pace/buildup was unfortunately a little slow for my taste. I was having a hard time connecting to the characters and understanding exactly what was going on in the beginning. Finally, around 50 percent the plot starts to bubble up and grabs your attention.

I was a little annoyed at how Susan/Emma's character was so naive and quick to trust/believe every character in the book. She is supposed to be living under a new identity. So, that was a little odd to me. At times, in the book I literally wanted to hit her over the head and was screaming at her to SEE the red flags!!

The ending and surprise to the story was lacking for me big time. I found the story to be a little over the top with it being some what ridiculous. The previous novel I read by Blackhurst had so many twists and turns and I was shocked by the ending. I was disappointed that I didn't enjoy this one more. I still am a huge fan of Blackhurst and look forward to seeing more from her :).

Overall 3 stars on this one. Thank you to Netgalley, Atria, and Jenny Blackhurst for the advanced arc.

***Thanks to NetGalley for providing a complimentary copy of HOW I LOST YOU by Jenny Blackhurst in exchange for my honest review***

4.5 STARS

What an unexpected gem!

Susan, recently released from a forensic psych hospital after completing a sentence for murdering her infant son, now lives under the name Emma, fearing she'll be recognized. She receives a picture of a boy, who could be her son. With the help of her only friend Cassie, another parolee, and Nick, a reporter, she sets out to investigate where Dylan is still alive and what really happened the night he supposedly died.

HOW I LOST YOU kept me guessing until near the very end. Was Susan/Emma a reliable narrator? Could Cassie, who killed her husband in self defense and seemed almost too good a friend to be true, be trusted? How much more did her ex know and what was he hiding? Why was Nick so invested in helping Susan/Emma? What about the forgiving new neighbor? Why did the medical examiner go missing shortly after testifying against Susan? I read late into the night to discover all the answers.

Jenny Blackhurst created such a complex story and backstory, at times too complex for me to follow. Told in Susan's first person POV with a few chapters from the past, written in italics from the points of view of characters who seemed unrelated to Susan's, the italics chapters confused me and distracted from the main plot. I wish Blackhurst was a bit clearer sooner.

HOW I LOST YOU is a must read for mystery and thriller lovers and Jenny Blackhurst should be on your radar.

usan Webster has spent the last few years of her life in the Oakdale Psychiatric Institute ever since being charged with killing her three month old son, Dylan. Susan doesn’t remember what happened that terrible day when her son died. Over the years though Susan has been led to believe from the doctors that she suffered from depression after Dylan’s birth causing her to take actions without any memory of them.

Now that Susan has been released she has changed her name to Emma Cartwright to hide from her past and what she had done and try to begin her life again. However someone doesn’t seem to want her to move on from the past when she finds a picture left at her doorstep of a beautiful little boy and written on the back is the name Dylan leading Susan to believe her son is still alive. With the help of a friend and reporter Susan plans to find out just what happened that day to her little boy.

How I Lost You by Jenny Blackhurst is s psychological thriller that is mostly told from the point of view of Susan, a grieving mother that had been accused of suffocating her baby that is now out of the hospital. Some parts also flash back to other characters to tell another side of the story of just what led up to that day that Susan lost her baby boy and who was behind it.

The story of a child’s life at stake is certainly one that I found quite compelling. I found myself quickly turning the pages to find out if I should be rooting for Susan or perhaps hating her if she had killed her child. As the story unfolded I’m still not quite sure if I’m a huge fan of the ending overall but I didn’t take off too much of the rating as I was definitely interested in getting to the end.

I received an advance copy from the publisher via NetGalley.

For a suspense/thriller I thought Blackhurst gave away way to information in too short a time. This was made even worse by the fact that Emma/Susan was quite an irritating character that I had no emotional connection or sympathy. Books like this only work if you can build some type of connection to the MC and I could not.

I really wanted to like this book. It definitely looks like it would be just my type. Unfortunately, it just didn’t really work for me.

The pacing felt off. It seemed to drag on and on until about the last quarter of the book. It took me five days to read this, which is kind of unheard of for me for a book of this size. By the end things started to happen at a faster, more suspenseful pace, but it couldn’t really save it.

The alternating POV and timeline, which I usually am a big fan of, didn’t work for me. The story was told mostly through Susan’s 1st person POV, which I liked, but mixed in were flashback chapters from a group of boys from their high school and college days. Though we know they are obviously involved with Susan’s predicament in some way or another, it takes awhile until a connection is revealed. Besides that, though, I found those portions kind of confusing. Part of the problem could have been that the formatting of the ARC was kind of messed up, which I imagine will be cleaned up in the final published version. But I also think it could’ve used a little more editing.

I did find Susan to be a mostly likable and sympathetic main character, though. I found her frustrating at times, but she had obviously been through a lot. I liked her loyalty to her friend, Cassie, even though I was suspicious of her at times. I also liked Nick, even though I didn’t really trust him, either. While there was obviously many suspicious characters, I’m glad I was wrong about a few of them.

Overall, there was just something missing for me in How I Lost You. While I did ultimately want to find out what really happened, I just didn’t care for most of it and found myself skimming a lot. I think that it could have benefited from a steadier pace in the beginning. I’m sure that there will definitely be people who will enjoy this, though, even if it wasn’t really for me.

Overall Rating (out of 5): 2.5 Stars

I was enticed by the comparsions to S.J Watson and Ruth Ware, but I did have a bit of difficulty getting hooked. The action really started in the middle and accelarates to a very melodramatic conclusion. I would like to give this book a 3 because I did find it engrossing despite my major dislike for the main character. She came across as very naive and too trusting.

Ok, confession time. I am notoriously bad at figuring out twists in books. You'd think after how many books I read, especially thrillers, I'd have a better grasp...but alas. Even the times when I'm convinced I've worked it out—I'm thrown a swerve. And How I Lost You threw me multiple swerves.

Susan Webster has just been released from a psych ward after she murdered her baby son, Dylan, in a fugue state of "puerperal" or postpartum psychosis. She starts over, new locations, new name, and begins to rebuild her life. Then, she receives an envelope with a picture in it. Of a toddler. With the name, Dylan, written on the back.

Dun dun dun.

After seeing some less than favorable reviews, I was nervous going in. But I was interested from the premise alone, and the first few pages definitely suck you in. It's your bread and butter psychological thriller. Unreliable narrator; he said, she said; etc, but it works. "How I Lost You" went waaaay darker than I was expecting. There's a background plot that is not only disturbing and unthinkable, but makes its way to the forefront in an equally dark way.

3.5 stars for me. Thank you Atria Books for the ARC and their publicity assistant, Rachel, for her recommendation.

I have read many reviews about How I Lost You and how this book/author was being bashed. I read "This book was dreadful, the dialog was full of holes" and the list went on. I don't know what book these people were reading because I thought this was a good story. I think people sometimes forget that what they are reading is a fiction book not a real life tale.
There are some twists I did not see coming and I was not 100% sure "who done it" until the last few pages.. I will definitely be reading more by Jenny Blackhurst and will be stocking her books in my store with a great review so my customers can read a good book by a good author.

Starting off this story we meet the main character Susan Webster whose name is now Emma Cartwright. She has been in a Psychiatric Institute for the past four years. Now she is out and has the chance to start over. She has done a great job so far. She’s made new friends, kept an old friend from the institute, Cassie, and is well on her way to living a new life. Until it all goes wrong, or maybe I should say right. Inside an envelope that has been dropped off on a Sunday there is a handsome picture of a 4 year old boy. On the back of that picture is the name of her son who she killed almost 3 years ago.

The first person Emma calls is Cassie. Cassie reassures her that this is just a nasty prank. Even though she has a new identity, if a person wanted to, they could figure out your past. People don’t like child killers, do they? There is completely no way possible that her son is still alive. Or is there?

One day, as Emma is sitting at home trying to convince herself that her son is not alive, a man comes to the door. His name is Nick and he knows exactly who she is and she knows exactly who he is. A reporter. Not feeling at all comfortable she slams the door in his face.

Emma starts experiencing the feeling of being watched. She has had her house trashed and she even came home to her cat murdered. Who could be tormenting her like this? Turning to her new found friend, Nick, and her dearest friend Cassie, they set out to find the perpetrator behind the tormenting. But more importantly to find out if Dylan is still alive.

Deep within these pages you see a woman go from confidently believing in the fact that she killed her child, to not knowing who she can trust, digging up her husbands past secrets and fighting for her life. Then to realize that she spent the last four years in a place she might not have deserved to be at.

I really enjoyed Emma/Susan’s character. Not having children of my own, I could still very easily put myself in her shoes. I mourned the loss of her eleven-month-old son. I was terrified with her as she was getting harassed and attacked. I even fell in love with her when it came to the characters of her past and her present. She was very easy to get long with it which is something that wins me over in a novel!

Throughout this novel, I always thought I had the answer. I always thought I had the characters figured out, only to be side-railed with another twist to remind me not to judge too soon. This book was absolutely clever and can easily be read in one sitting

This was a novel that had me on the edge of my seat asking for more! There were twists, there were turns and then there were shocking moments that had me saying “oh sh*t!” The characters are developed perfectly and are charming. But while you’re reading, I must warn you: trust at your own risk!

Thank you to Atria/Emily Bestler books and Netgalley for the chance to review this exciting novel.

Let me just say, it’s a good thing I didn’t have a paperback copy of this book because I wouldn’t have been able to turn the pages fast enough.

Books like How I Lost You are the reason I love reading. It brought back all of my nostalgic feelings of enjoying books way past my bedtime as a child. I haven’t been this enraptured with a story in years.

There’s just something about a book with a case of amnesia or blank spots in memories that draws me in. I love the guessing games. I love the unreliable narrators. I love not knowing.

After having read so many books, I feel a bit jaded in some ways. I find that I’m harder to impress with the books I’m reading. I can usually guess what will happen in the plot within the first five chapters almost with one hundred percent accuracy. It’s not a good thing. But How I Lost You was a whole other story entirely. I didn’t have the slightest inkling what was coming. I didn’t know who was a culprit, I didn’t know anything, and I was so very happy in my ignorance!

Let me back up and give you book lovers a brief synopsis of How I Lost You by Jenny Blackhurst. Emma Cartwright, formally Susan Webster, has just been released from her sentence in a psychiatric hospital for the murder of her twelve week old son. She is given a new identity and sent into the world to rebuild her shattered life. When she checks her post one day, she finds a photo of a young boy with the name Dylan written on the back. The name of her dead son. Susan begins to question herself, her doctors, and her former life. Could her postpartum depression really have driven her off the deep end? She remembers her unfailing love for her son, but she doesn’t recall his death or many of the details surrounding it. With the determination only a mother could have, Susan sets out to unravel the mystery.

This novel is so deeply plotted, I had to wonder if Jenny Blackhurst wrote it backwards while erasing little details from the story as she worked, to make it the compelling conundrum it is. As we meet the characters in Susan’s life and surroundings, I felt myself being led to distrust everyone, whether they ended up being involved or not. It was like an old school game of Clue, attempting to guess who was on Susan’s side. One of the best things about this book was the lack of any lulls within the story, especially the entire last half. With droopy eyes, I was determined to stay up much past midnight to finish, even if it meant I was the definition of a #mombie the next day. I had to know if Susan was as crazy as she was made to seem or simply a victim the life ruining circumstances of other people’s actions.

The only, and very minor downfall of the story in my eyes were bits of the revelations in the conclusion. For that reason, I knocked one star off my rating for a final total of four well-deserved stars. I was scratching my head at a couple of things that seemed slightly far-fetched or out of the realm of where the story had previously gone. I was surprised by some of the details and it took a bit more of a darker turn that I had expected. Regardless, I loved the ride I was taken on!

As a mother, I have found many mysteries with children at the center of the plot difficult to read. This wasn’t a novel that struck too many nerves for me, fortunately. Of course losing a child would be devastating, more than words could ever say, but I felt as if the author presented this story in a way that distracted me from the loss of the child in some ways and pointed me towards Susan’s task at hand. If mothers are worried this story might be too much for their tastes, I would urge you to give it a try anyway. I think the plot was handled with the utmost care and will not present triggers for readers’ maternal sides.

How I Lost You was published across the pond in 2015, as Jenny Blackhurst’s debut novel. Lucky for us, it has made its way to the United States by way of Atria/Emily Bestler Books. I hope you all will consider purchasing this exciting page-turner when it releases on October 10 or pre-order it now. It is worth the read! Be sure to add it on Goodreads to be reminded of its upcoming release.

Happy Reading,
♥ Ashley

What would you do if you were told you murdered your child, but you have no recollection of it?

That's what the main character in this psychological thriller is struggling with throughout the books.

Just out of prison and with a new name, Susana (now Emma) has come to accept that she indeed killed her son. But then one day a picture arrives and changes everything.

I really enjoyed this book, it was a page turner for me and I could not put it down.

I liked the writing, the characters and how things came together in the end. This book is so full of twists and turns and I can't recommend it highly enough for fans of psychological thrillers like myself.

Who do you believe? Your husband or your damaged self?
Twists and turns make this an interesting read

I received this as an ARC from NetGalley!!! This book was way better than I thought it was going to be! It started out a little slow but as the story got more involved I really had no idea what was going to happen at the end until I go there. Susan has been convicted of murdering her infant baby but she can't remember any of the details surrounding what happened. After being in a mental hospital/prison for over 2 years, she is released and moves to a new town with a new name to start over. She starts receiving things that indicate her son might still be alive--clues about his possible life now, while also having her life threatened multiple times. The characters involved and the story leading up to what really happened is for of interesting twists and turns that were really unexpected. I really had no idea what the outcome was going to be and to me that is the sign of a great book. Highly recommend this one!!!

I loved the title, the cover and the blurb. It was intriguing but the flashback scenes and too many characters stole from the essence of the story.
I liked the friendship with Susan and Cassie but there was an unnecessary scene between them that sullied the strength of the friendship.
One question I had was how could so many people find her that easy? What was the point in having the name change? It didn't contribute to the story in any way.
The author crafted a tricky tangled web that she miraculously detangled by the end. Glad for that, but my main question was, why? If you're going to introduce a twisted backstory, then make it meaningful. None of the characters changed.
There wasn't one good person in the story that I could think of. Nevertheless, I did enjoy the suspense but my questions overshadowed full enjoyment.
2.5 stars. Thank you Netgalley for this read.

It’s been three years since Susan Webster killed her infant son, Dylan. She has no memory of the event and has been housed in a psychiatric facility ever since. Now, out on parole with a new identity as Emma Cartwright, she finds lodgings with a fellow inmate (also convicted of murder) in a small town. Emma has always doubted the story about her son’s death, and lately, she begins to believe he’s actually still alive. She joins forces with a journalist to try to uncover the truth, but almost immediately, her house is broken into and threats come pouring in. What really happened to Dylan? Is Emma unable to accept the truth or is he still alive somewhere. Okay, so there are a few parts of this story that strain credulity (like a journalist eager to help appearing out of nowhere), but this is a novel, not nonfiction. Go along for the thrill ride and enjoy