Romance narratives are alien to my personal experience and circumstances and I’m perfectly okay with this. It’s not what I look for in my reading and, as far as I’m concerned, “relatable” has always been a dirty-word. The important thing is that my primary fictive reading is “literarily” familiar to me: in other words, I always read Austen, the Brontës, Mrs. Gaskell, and male authors, for the romance. When I started reading romance, I finally realized what they were missing. They left me hungry for more ‘o’ that; I took my romance where I could find it. Amber Belldene’s Not Another Rock Star added a dimension to romance I’ve never experienced. It felt as close and familiar to my theological viewpoint as a romance novel can get. I say this because what I have to say about Not Another Rock Star will be coloured by that sympathetic prejudice. It isn’t part and parcel of the religious tradition in which I worship, but its theological ethos and romance raison d’être are deeply sympathetic and right. I may have lost perspective, in other words, but take the review as you will, with that in mind.

Let me start off by saying that Belldene, an Episcopal priest herself, does not write what the romance genre defines as inspirational romance. She includes religious and theological content, her heroine is a priest, but Not Another Rock Star doesn’t use a conversion narrative, or posit the idea that evangelical Christianity is the matrix of everyone’s “Come to Jesus” moment. Belldene also includes elements, pun intended, anathema to inspie romance: explicit love scenes of the premarital variety, an atheist hero and remains so, and quite a bit of spirit-imbibing, of the bottled variety.

If I’ve told you about the elements Belldene’s romance contains or doesn’t to make it inspirational-not, it’s also not like any romance I’ve ever read because it makes full and beautiful use of the Christian narrative-metaphor that crosses barriers of faith, culture, and creed. It does so by using a song that means a lot me and another that Belldene doesn’t reference, but fits her purpose, Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” and “If It Be Your Will”. Belldene believes and works out in her characters that we are broken in a million ways, by ourselves, others, and the randomness of life. She believes and works out in her characters that we can be made whole and healed by love, for each other, for the vulnerable, for ourselves, and for God. She also believes that an attitude of “listening” to the “still, small voice” of God, or conscience, or whatever you choose to call it, answers, if we adopt an attitude of active surrender.

Belldene, unlike the majority of evangelical-Christianity-based inspirational romance, is not puritanical. She is, at least in theme, and as illustrated by her characters (I don’t purport to make these assumptions on a personal basis) moved by the beauty of a practicing faith as by art, music, friendship, and love. Her romance narrative is the story of people coming to love and matter to the other, bringing them to a commitment of fidelity and love, as much as it is about, to echo one of my favourite philosophers, Ivan Illych, convivial community. Friends, family, and community play important roles in the HEA-bound romance of rock-star-bad-boy Rush Perez and Episcopal-looker-priest Suzannah “Suze” DeWitt.

But does it work as a romance, you ask? (Except for a need for an editing hone) gloriously so. Rush and Suze are “thrown together” when Peggy, Suze’s organist at St. Bartholomew’s Episcopal Church, breaks her arm and brings in Rush as a replacement. The famous rock star, founder and heart of his band “Stentorian Hush,” is in San Francisco taking care of personal business, being treated for Meniere’s disease, which he keeps secret, suffering in fear and silence, terrified at losing his band and what he loves above all else, music. When he and Suze meet, he is, though strained and drawn, a beautiful rock god. Suze is still proving herself to St. Bart’s parishioners and doesn’t find the charismatic, brilliantly talented organist any help to her win-them-over campaign. Rush and Suze start out pretty antagonistic. But they’re attracted to each other and soon joined in a shared love of music in piano-bench duets, the most important of which is Cohen’s “Hallelujah”.

I absolutely loved that the allusion threading throughout Belldene’s romance novel was Cohen’s song. I’ve loved it, sang and sing it in car and shower, since it came out in Cohen’s Various Positions album (along with “Anthem,” “If It Be Your Will,” and “You Want It Darker,” Cohen’s greatest achievements). In Cohen’s song, Susannah and Rush find a mutual love of music for human and God’s glory and an apt metaphor for woundedness in Cohen’s “broken chord,” Susannah’s perfectionism, and Rush’s hearing loss. Belldene’s Rush and Suzannah recognize brokenness in themselves and each other:

“Suzannah.”

Her name was a question – are you listening? – and a demand – pay attention. She nodded stiffly against his firm hold.

“You need to know, I’m one of the broken hallelujahs.”

“Aren’t we all? That’s what makes the song so good.”

What answer does Belldene suggest in Rush and Suzannah? That brokenness is the given, but, to echo Cohen’s “Anthem”, “that’s how the light gets in”. To act freely in giving and receiving love is how the world and we can be mended. In the romance, the hero Rush, in this case, has to reach out for connection:

His ears were screwed up, and his Mama had long ago broken his heart. He wanted somebody to be broken with. He picked up his phone and sent her a text. How are you broken? Right away a symbol danced on his phone, indicating she was reading. Then the phone buzzed with her reply. Oh, the usual ways. A thousand tiny cracks and few deep fissures.

Connection and sharing heal brokenness. Rush and Suzannah must exercise their free will to connect to others in various ways: with each other, in play, conversation, the breaking of bread and sharing of bodies, and in the community, by helping and caring for others and each other, in family and friendships, by sharing the truth of themselves, of their brokenness, with each other and their family, friends, and community.

Like the Christian narrative that makes the world new through worship, prayer, and liturgy, brokenness also comes in the form of betrayal, indeed, betrayal is necessary to the working out of and towards renewal. One of the loveliest and most moving moments of Belldene’s romance is that she makes the moment of betrayal not a sin, not a bad choice, but a necessary one, a healing one, with kernels of light and possibility and love in it. Could this romance have been a more perfect one? Yes, with some pruning, with better pacing – could it have embodied what the romance narrative can and should be any better than it does? No. With or without Miss Austen, whose own faith was so circumspect, I would say in Amber Belldene’s Not Another Rock Star, “there is no charm equal to tenderness of heart,” Emma.

Amber Belldene’s Not Another Rock Star is self-published. It was released on June 27, 2017, and may be found at your preferred vendors. I received an e-ARC from the author, via Netgalley.

I'm not one to usually read books that are of the religious theme, and having a main character who was a priest would be the kind of thing to turn me off. I almost put it down before finishing the first chapter but for some reason I kept reading, and did actually finish the book. Despite the underlying background and God talk, I did end up enjoying the other parts of the story. I liked the relationship between Rush and Suze.

I received this book from NetGalley in return for an honest review.

Rocking the Church: Amber Belldene's NOT ANOTHER ROCK STAR

I've been seriously fan-girling over Amber Belldene's Hot Under Her Collar series; it is one of the few contemporary romance series that manages to combine religious belief, feminist principles, and an acknowledgement that folks with spiritual conviction can also be deeply invested in the pleasures of the flesh. Belldene's series features female Episcopal ministers as protagonists, four women friends who went through divinity school together and who are now working to find their footing in their first jobs after graduation. The latest entry in the series, Not Another Rock Star, features a former opera singer turned priest who finds herself falling for a rocker who is subbing for an injured organist at her San Francisco church. Susannah ("Damn right, she was rector—the twenty-eight-year-old #girlboss" [Kindle Loc 42]) is an appealing combination of strong, sexy woman and empathetic but self-doubting parish priest who, like previous heroines in the series, struggles with a bad case of perfectionism. For Suze, said perfectionism stems from several sources: her failure to make it in the competitive opera world and her determination to do better by her spiritual calling; her feminist education, which tells her that while revealing her messy failures may help her appear more human to her congregants, since she is a woman it is also likely to lead many of those same congregants judging her as "weaker, and less capable" (908); and her highly accomplished realtor mother, who continually coaches her on how to avoid sexism by presenting a "never let 'em see you sweat" facade to the world.

The unlikely hero to Suze's "good-girl" priest is "bad-boy" Rush Perez, keyboard player of the rock band Stentorian Hush. Usually based in LA, Rush has encouraged rumors that he's checked himself into a detox center to keep the real reason for his erratic on and off-stage behavior under wraps: he's been diagnosed with Meniere's disease, a condition which causes episodes of dizziness, vertigo, and ringing in the ears, and which can lead to deafness. He's in SF to work with a doctor who specializes in the condition, hoping a new trial drug will help him enough so he can go on the road with the band for their upcoming tour, only a few months away. In the meantime, he doesn't want anyone to know about his physical problems: not his mother, not his manager, and especially not his bandmates, who he fears will toss him aside, just as his mother has.


Rush has a chip on his shoulder about church and preachers, as, on the basis of advice from her Catholic priest, his mother cut him out of her life after he turned to rock music. He's only doing a favor for a favorite teacher by filling in at Suze's church, and immediately gets off on the wrong foot with the priest by criticizing her perfectionist performance of the liturgy during church services: "I know something's off with your diva priest. She's trying too hard." [I remember having a similar feeling toward an ex-boyfriend, an actor who I felt was showing off rather than actual expressing religious feeling during services we attended together...].

But as Suze fights with some of the church's more well-heeled parishioners (including the former director of the SF Symphony, who feels that overlooking art's role in nourishing the congregation is a mistake, and who is also a former mentor of Rush's) over the establishment of an on-site food pantry, Suze and Rush have to spend more time together than just during services. And as Rush becomes involved in the food-pantry project, the two decide to act on their strong physical attraction to one another, both knowing that the relationship has a clear end-date: when the band goes on tour.

I loved how open Suze is about her sexual desires, and how willing she is to engage in a romance in which she knew the end goal was not marriage or even a long-term relationship. I also loved that despite that sex-positive attitude, her own past experiences with sex weren't always perfect. Orgasms during sex don't come easily to her, and in her perfectionism and her desire to please others (a key positive characteristic in her professional calling, but a problematic one when it comes to meeting one's own needs) she's faked orgasms in the past. After she does the same with Rush during their first time, Rush calls her on it, just the same as he called her on her "performance" during the liturgy. He's disappointed and angry, not because she lied, but because he doesn't like what such faking suggests about him: "Look, I'm not just in this to get off. I want to make you feel good" (1525). "You should have said, 'I'm not ready, slow down.' Or 'finish me off'," Rush insists. Suze acknowledges in her own head that he's right—"Perfectly reasonable words other women probably said all the time. But, it had been their first time, and she didn't want her lovers to feel like a failure for it. It was her fault, after all" (1525). Only after some honest talking, some physical experimenting, and some joking around do they reach a place where both Rush's need to please his partner and Suze's perfectionist ways can coexist in bed. And some recognizing how people sometimes get stuck in a limiting role, even (or perhaps especially when) they are engaged in something that's typically coded as "natural" behavior, like sex. Favorite line: "Did she think she was supposed to have a magic orgasm button, and come on demand when a man said so?" (1582).


As typically happens in the "just for now" type of romance, one partner in this unusual relationship starts to want more. But in this case, that partner is the male rocker, not the female priest. Suze is reluctant, having dated a would-be rocker in high school who dumped her after hitting it big. And also because Rush doesn't open up to her emotionally the way she has for him.

It takes some more honest talk, a controversial betrayal, some rallying of the friends and family Rush has kept determinedly away, and a big rejection before Suze begins to realize just how much Rush has come to matter in her life. It also takes some negotiating over how best to fulfill our many different human hungers—for food, for art, for spiritual enlightenment, for tight-knit community—before Rush and Suze can imagine a life in which a devoted priest and a disabled rock musician can both be life partners and be true to their own selves.

I read to escape real life as I at the same time expect to be able to believe the story unless of course it is sci-fi. I had a hard time believing Suzannah acting the way she did while being a Rector at a church. Rush I can totally believe him acting the way he did except for the insta connection he felt to Suzannah. I had a hard time feeling the connection between the characters. Suzannah talks about her erotic collection and has no problem with cussing and premarital sex. While I know they are human and mistakes happen that is not this case. She makes sure certain things are laid out so that she won't get in trouble with the church. I find it hard to believe that the one preaching in front of everyone would be a huge hypocrite. Rush of course acts like the typical rock star thinking mainly of himself and the minute things get hard he gives up.

Suzannah's first year as a priest is off to a rocky start. The foodbank project her church called her to spearhead has run into unexpected opposition, she is putting in too many early morning and late nights working on her sermons and worst yet some of her parishioners have noticed. When her organist, Peggy, breaks her arm in the weeks leading up to Easter it is a stress she doesn't need, but the replacement, Peggy's former star pupil, Rush Perez, a troubled rock star, might just the thing that makes her break.

Rush is hiding out in SF, trying to sort through treatment options. Losing his hearing and battling vertigo might not be life-threatening but they are career threatening. His worry and frustration has isolated him from his friends, too worried about the possibility of life without music that he rather let them think he is struggling with addition than tell them the truth about his prognosis. 

I really love Belldene's Hot Under Her Collar Series. First because they are so familiar and feel so right. My husband was a pastor for 15 years, and I find myself nodding along, as her priests tackle church politics, difficult parishioners and crises of confidence. Her priest are smart and passionate, with genuine faith and calling and, so often in romance and fiction in general characters are either one or the other. I believe in Suze's distracting attraction to the brooding rockstar just as much as I believe in her desire to serve God in her community.

I really enjoyed the progression of Rush and Suze's relationship, from antagonistic and prickly to wary and hopeful. They both carry a lot of baggage when it comes to music, faith and how they handle peoples expectations and  work pressure. Their relationship becomes believably unbalanced as Suze tackles her fears and insecurities, trusting in Rush to listen and provide good advice. While Rush comes to trust Suze with his struggles, opening up about his pain, he almost unable to trust himself to let her care for him. I cried big fat tears when Rush finally comes to realize almost too late that the barriers to their relationship's success are almost exclusively of his own making. Those are some of my favorite kinds of resolutions, when a character realizes that they are the ones that need to change, that they need to bend, and that all the external conflicts are secondary and endurable together.

If you like me are hungry for more romance where spirituality, and faith are not antithetical to sexual desire and passion, where couples struggle to be truly vulnerable and intimate with each other, and do a wonderful job at portraying friendships and community give this series by Belldene a try.  The books standalone quite well, so you can start with any of them, but they are all worth reading.

Would love to read something by this author again! The story was well thought out and the characters were very likable!

Suzannah/Suze is a young Episcopalian minister who is trying to get a food pantry going. Rushmore/Rush is a rock star who has been classically music trained and steps in to play the organ at church one Sunday even though he hates church. Rush is hiding out from everyone : his band the media . Rush has been diagnosed with a disease and he is keeping that a secret from everyone even the band. Rush is in the process of trying a new treatment out. Rush is afraid he will go deaf and not be able to perform music anymore. At first Rush and Suze just don’t get along as Suze has the memory that she had dated before and had been painfully dumped by a rock star. But there was an attraction between Suze and Rush right away. Suze tried to fight it at first but it didn’t work and she finally decided to let Rush in.
I liked this story a lot but at times got a little confused. However this was well written and I liked the plot. I like how Rush encourages Suze and how she was always there for him. This kept my attention and I did enjoy this book. But I did feel the ending was a little rushed but did not ruin the story for me. I liked the characters and the ins and outs of this story and I recommend.

3.5 stars
There were a lot of things I liked about this book: how the hero and heroine (Rushmore Perez and Suzannah DeWitt) interacted, the hero and his serious and complex condition, the insight into the music creative process, the novelty of having a very young woman priest as the lead female character.
I liked how the author developed all these dimensions, particularly those about the disease, blending data with the real effects of it on the patient, and the hero as a music artist, the singularity of the creative process and the unique joy of playing (and listening to) music.
And I really enjoyed this lady-priest who is comfortable in her own sexual skin.
I was disappointed with a sudden twist (chapter 20, about 64%) when the heroine makes an assumption about the hero’s commitment based on his nature and her mother’s alleged wisdom that was out of character, just like the following fatalism.
Some things left me indifferent and distracted from the romance – both MC’s problematic relationships with their mothers and the hero’s with God and religion, the heroine’s previous failed romantic relationship, and, to an extent, the food pantry project.
The author’s tone sounded often detached and, at a certain point I was distancing myself from the characters and their circumstances too.
In the final part I was also confused about the hero’s decision on whether or not to go ahead with the surgery.
I was also a bit surprised with Suzannah’s youth (28 years old) – aren’t rectors supposed to have more (life) experience? But I admit I don’t know much about these matters, I’m not familiar with Episcopalian church.

This was an awesome book. It was hot as well as a good lesson about opposites attracting, being kind to one another despite having prejudged them and appreciating the support system that you have and using it in hard times. Must read!

This book captivated me from the start — the idea of a rock star playing the organ in an Episcopal church for the female priest was intriguing. It only got better from there. The story was a good one — the rock star is in his hometown of San Francisco for medical reasons, which he is hiding from everyone. The priest is new in her role and has been burned by love before — another rock star. The story may seem familiar but it is not, The author makes it her own with characters who are unique, full of life and certainly not the stereotypes one expects. They are, in fact, the opposite and fun to discover. The book is full of a great supporting cast and while the dominant storyline is great and is in the spotlight, the minor storylines are just as good and will leave you with the feels, too. Worth the read.

I really liked this book

I received a copy of this novel from the publisher via NetGalley.

3.5* rounded up.

Suze is an Episcopalian minister and finds a rock star called Rush standing in for her organist one Sunday morning. (Rush originally had classical music training). Rush has been diagnosed with Meniere's disease, a fact he is keeping a secret, including from his bandmates, while he tries a new treatment. He is suffering mainly from bouts of vertigo, but fears going deaf and being unable to perform music. Initially Suze and Rush clash - Suze's first boyfriend also became a rock star (why has this never happened to me?!) and then dumped her - but then one thing leads to another...

I enjoyed this story, especially the bits relating to Suze's job and the battle to open the food pantry. Should the church be about ministering to the community or about beautiful music and the arts? The transformation of Winston and Seymour was inspiring.

However, I thought the ending was a bit of a muddle -


SPOILERS

Should Suze really have called Samy and broken Rush's confidence? - that didn't sit right with me. Did Rush go ahead with the surgery? It said he had decided to wait six months, but then he seems to go ahead. The surgery was positioned as the choice Rush would make if he was prioritizing music over everything else, but then suddenly it is the right choice even though he has committed to Suze... I didn't like the way he pulled away from Suze after the bout of vertigo - it made me have doubts about their long term future.

Not mad keen on the cover.