So this book is a lot, and way outside my comfort zone. But it is also very conversational and accessible. While this is not a lifestyle that I would want for myself, this book actually really helped me to understand.

This is such an important book, and one that I think improves on each edition that comes out. For a while I was put off by the title, but I've come to enjoy the indulgent way even that is used.

I am unfamiliar with earlier versions of this book. I went into it not knowing what to expect.

What I found was a helpful guide to a wide variety of interrelated topics. Some of the sections read just like those Relationship Ed classes which we all should have taken in high school (the basics of communication, owning your own feelings, etc). Other sections were more concerned with the theory and practice of polyamory, ethical nonmonogamy, and the reminder that it is okay to want things.

A little drier in some sections than I would have liked, but I found the meat of the book to be interesting and useful. Four stars if the polyamorous aspect of the subject matter is relevant to your life, three if it isn't.

I filed this under Reference.

I've had this on my TBR list for a long time so when I saw the third edition as a NetGalley ARC, I jumped at the chance to read it. It took me a long time to get into the rhythm of the book. A lot of the things that were possibly shocking in the first book seemed a little more tame now. However, the book is open and accepting of all relationships (sexual and nonsexual; even including monogamy). All of the relationships and orientations are described in a frank, knowledgeable, non-judgmental manner that makes the book easier to read. Is this book for everyone? Probably not. It would probably best serve in a sociology class on sexuality but is also a good primer people who are starting to explore sexuality outside the bounds of one-man, one-woman.

Three and a half stars
This book came out August 14

I was very happy to read this revised version. I have my original copy signed by the authors and have shared it many times. I still think it's a bit dry in the reading, especially having met both of the lovely authors several times and they are so full of life.

But overall, it's well written, informative, and eye opening. A must read.

Even for someone who chooses to be monogamous, this book is a good read. As well as helping to understand other people's choices and points of view, it's useful to question why we think the way that we do and make the choices that we make. The authors aren't opposed to monogamy when it's a free, conscious and deliberate choice, but argue that it's no good for anyone when it's culturally imposed with no alternatives. There are also cultural narratives around monogamy and relationships in general which the authors highlight as harmful; they argue that you cannot get everything you need from just one person, you cannot own another person and if the spark goes out of a relationship, this doesn't mean it's necessarily over but that it needs work.

There is a lot of useful advice in the book for people single and partnered, polyamorous and monogamous. It deals with consent, communication, boundaries, listening skills, the importance of honesty, dealing with jealousy, how to argue productively and resolve conflicts, knowing and saying what you want, break up etiquette and how to move on in a healthy, constructive way.

There are plenty of real life examples from the authors' own lives as well as exercises to work through if you feel like it.