This is certainly an unusual way of relating a story of romance and murder. However, the thoughts of the comatose patient can only be guessed at and this does not convince me as a reader.

Alex had lay in a comatose state for two years following a rock climbing accident, but unbeknown to everyone around him, he wasn't brain dead but still had a constant internal dialogue. This unspoken monologue is the narrator of the story.

I liked this book but it didn't blow me away. The story became monotonous and despite there being only a few characters, I didn't really care that much about any of them. That said, the storyline was, for most part, engaging and thought provoking and it certainly kept me guessing until the end.

Many thanks to Netgalley for providing me with this ARC, for which I have given a voluntary and unbiased review.

This appealed to me on paper because read a book about Locked-In Syndrome and found it chilling. This was not like that however. The premise was interesting and I got palpitations from imagining being awake but unable to commuicate that fact. The problem for me was that it was painfully slow. It could have done everything it needed to in half the length but maybe that was deliberate, to add to the sense of boredom and frustration Alex felt in his coma? The story is told through the snippets we hear with Alex during hospital visits which means you need twice as much exposition just to get half as much actual info. In any case, this was readable but I had to skim and skip!

Ahh, another great read to continue my excitement at the fantastic novels being published in 2018! This is a tricky book to write my review on for two reasons - 1) I wanted bits of it to be different, and 2) I'm glad really that those bits weren't different! You need to read this novel to see what I'm saying, but I hugely enjoyed starting If I Die Before I Wake without knowing all that much about it, so I'm going to avoid including any details in this review which might give too much away!

The premise itself is really interesting - we see everything through the mind and consciousness of Alex. No one else is aware that Alex is actually conscious though, because Alex is in a coma after having a climbing accident. As the novel continues, however, we start to see that it may not have been such an accident after all...

There are plenty of doubtful characters in If I Die Before I Wake, a trope I love - I like that feeling of unsettledness, when you don't quite know who is authentic and who is hiding something. Alex himself starts to doubt some people around him, for different reasons. The fact that he is stuck in a hospital bed, fully aware of what's going on (though he can't see) and being able to feel and experience a lot of what's happening, means this book felt very claustrophobic. At times I noticed myself feeling more and more constricted, as Alex himself feels increasingly like this, and Emily Koch's ability to make the reader mimic Alex's feelings is amazing (though makes for an uncomfortable reading experience at times!). I felt like I was there with him, stuck in an unmoving, unresponsive body, having to hear conversations he doesn't want to hear, or being put in painful positions by unaware nurses. It's so uncomfortable to read sometimes, but this only makes it so much more powerful as a novel.

Then, of course, there's the mystery element. I do love a good mystery! This book is obviously quite unique in that we don't follow the police, or a smart private investigator, or even Alex's girlfriend Bea, as the case unfolds. We only find out what Alex can piece together, which is even more frustrating as he is never told anything because no one realises he can hear! It's a very unique way of storytelling and, although at times I just wanted to know WHAT IS GOING ON?, I appreciate the powerful storytelling that Emily Koch has presented here. I'd also like strong words with her about *that part* (I don't want to specify anything more so as not to give too much away). It definitely evoked strong feelings in me, and left me thinking about it long after I'd finished, which is certainly a sign of a compelling, well-written story!

Took awhile to get into the crime fiction bit but it did and was interesting and unique in it’s telling. Also raised the interesting questions around people who are in a coma as you will find out when you read this book.

A man ends up in hospital, unable to communicate with those who visit him. Will he pull through? Will the family have to make difficult decisions?

What happened on that cliff face to have him end up in hospital? What happens when the police start further enquiries months after the original belief that it was an accident?

If you want to read a completely different take on a mystery, crime fiction story this on will be for you.

Review will be posted on https://lovebooksreadbooks.wordpress.com/

Alex is in a coma, a vegetative state. Well, that's what everyone thinks. Truth is, he is actually suffering from Locked in Syndrome and is very much aware of everything going on around him. He just can't communicate that fact. A journalist by trade, his main hobby, his passion in life, is rock climbing and it was a fall, a nasty accidental fall that caused the head injuries he is now suffering with. He is our rather interesting narrator for this story and all we learn is from his observations of people talking in his presence as well as reminiscences from his past, told in flashbacks. When we first join him he has been in his care facility for two Christmases, he has to gauge time by events, and he has slowly been coming to the conclusion that maybe his accident wasn't as cut and dried as all that. This feeling is backed up when he hears talk of his case being reopened. Struggling to recall the events leading up to that fateful day, can Alex piece it all together to get to the truth before either it's too late for him, or too late for others close to him?
This book completely blew me away. All that we learn in the present and recent past is gleaned from Alex's eavesdropping on his visitors and the staff gossiping. This could have been a little contrived in nature, but every new piece of information was imparted in just the right way as to feel completely natural. As Alex also delves into his own past; his childhood, his growing up, his relationships, we learn more about him and, along with him, we start to piece together the puzzle in a rather haphazard and often incongruous way. Such in the nature of the beast that is his condition. Thank goodness for the human condition that is the nature to gossip and talk about people behind their backs!
Aside from the main story unravelling throughout the book, we also have insight into what it means for Alex to be in the predicament he finds himself in. How his care is managed, how the staff differ in their execution and attitudes, the technology employed to just keep him alive and the ongoing tests and procedures he had to endure, and I found that enhanced the story rather than distracted me from it. It was indeed somewhat of an eye opener in parts.
The story itself, his accident and what actually happened that day and the days, weeks, months that followed held me rapt throughout. Peppered along the way by the flashbacks and fill-ins from Alex's past, these being injected at just the right times to add interest and intrigue into the mix. Yes, you get the odd mis-remembered moment, only to be expected given the circumstances, and also the misinterpreted facts, and the mandatory red herrings along the way but these just added to the whole air of mystery that the book relied on to keep going as well as keeping me on my toes with my guessing!
Characterisation was also excellent. It's hard to give flesh to characters when the majority of interaction with them is through a single person's one-dimensional perspective but this is where the flashbacks really came into the mix, putting flesh on Alex's observational bones. Given the nature of the story, it's quite an emotional read all told, with Alex as he is, a situation that affects not only him, but his immediate family, his girlfriend who has stuck by him, and his main friends who also still visit him. As well as the story at hand, we also see things from their perspectives; how the accident has affected them too. Got me reaching for the tissues a couple of times along the way. One character that really stood out for me was the wonderful care nurse that attended to Alex's needs with total compassion.
Don't get me wrong, it's not all doom and gloom. There are also quite a few lighter moments to be had in this book. Had to be really otherwise the book would get too heavy, but with them, the book it manages to stay on the right path.
Once again, after finishing such as good a book as this was, I checked the author out and, to my utter shock, found that this is actually a debut book. A fact that I really do find hard to swallow as it was so very cleverly plotted and executed, and indeed quite brave given the main character and what he goes through in the book.
All in all, another top five read of the year for me and another author to look out for. With such as brilliant debut as this book, I really can't wait to find out where she takes me next time.
My thanks go to the Publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book.

I've heard of locked in syndrome, I'm sure most people have. It sounds utterly terrifying and Koch brings that terror to the pages of her debut novel, If I Die Before I Wake.
Alex is in a vegetative state. The doctors have convinced his friends and family that he cannot see, hear, feel, or well, anything really. He isn't there anymore. An accident has claimed him mind and body, it's quite a miracle that he's still able to breath alone, but that's pretty much all he can do for himself.
Except it's not.
Alex can hear everything. He can feel everything and he is desperate to make those around him realise that he's still there, he hasn't left them at all.
A bit of a slow burner, I wasn't quite sure where it was going to start with, told purely from Alex's point of view, we are taken on the journey of his life as he lies in his hospital bed. We see the good, the bad, and the ugly of the NHS, and the frustration of someone who is unable to communicate with the people around him. Not only that, they don't think he can hear them so there's no holds barred on some of things people say or do to him.
As we hit the halfway point, things really start to pick up. Alex starts to realise his accident wasn't an accident at all, but because no one thinks he's 'there', they don't tell him anything. He has use his fractured memories and snippets of conversations from his various visitors to try and piece together what happened to him, and when he does, he's launched into a race against the clock to save those he loves before they flick the switch.
If I Die Before I Wake is such an impressive debut novel, it's shocking. I haven't cried this much at a book since Louise Jensen's The Sister.
How Koch manages to keep the reader engaged when there isn't any action going on is testament to her writing skills, I was completely gripped and literally couldn't put this one down until I knew what would happen. Would Alex's family and friends discover the truth in time? Would the police believe that the accident wasn't an accident? Would the culprit be found? And most importantly ... Would they discover Alex was still there in time?
A fantastically unique idea to introduce a group of characters, I have to admit I'm still a little shell-shocked at how much emotion I still for them all. Completely captivating, heartbreaking, and definitely one you need to get pre-ordered and add to your TBR folks, it's a flipping belter!
I cannot wait to see what Koch has in store for us next!

Imagine being trapped inside your own mind,you can't move any part of your body,you can see but only every now and then and then that's only blurry images.The only thing that is working properly is your hearing and you are forced to listen while others decide wether you have a future or not.That's the nightmare world that Alex Jackson has found himself trapped in.Everyone believes that he is in a coma and is unlikely to wake up and all he can do is lie in his hospital bed and listen.As time passes Alex begins to realise that the accident that caused his condition wasn't really a accident.Even worse the person who tried to kill him is still out there and Alex is not the only one in danger.

The reader spends the whole of this gripping thriller being a passenger inside Alex`s head as he struggles with his fear,anger and frustration at the situation that he finds himself in.we follow as he goes back over what he can remember of his past,hoping to find some clue that will help him identify who tried to kill him.We listen into the interactions between his visitors including his father,sister and girlfriend Bea as well as the private thoughts that they shared with Alex himself.we also learn about the hospital staff who are responsible for his care including kind,caring Pauline and horrible,obnoxious Connie.The characters where a well developed cast of realistic personalities,I was really routing for poor Alex as he lay there,trapped inside his own head,trying desperately to communicate with the people who came into his hospital room.

I was hooked in by this riveting story from the very first page.There was a number of twists and red herrings that kept the reader guessing and the short snappy chapters gave me a very bad dose of Just one more chapter syndrome.The ending really got to me for personal reasons and I was close to tears when I finished the book.I loved this well written debut thriller and I look forward to reading more books by this author in the future.

If I Die Before I wake is a crime mystery which is original in that the narrative is delivered entirely from the perspective of Alex who is in a coma. Alex is trapped inside his own mind and despite tests indicating otherwise, he can hear, smell and feel pain but he cannot move.. Emily Koch has created an interesting and captivating crime thriller around Alex's tragic accident and the subsequent revelation of what happened to him.
With thanks to Net Galley for my advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

If I Die Before I Wake is such an interesting book and I enjoyed it from start to finish.

So, how do you solve your own murder? Alex’s family and friends are convinced he is in a coma, put there as a result of a tragic climbing accident with no chance of recovery. So much so they’re contemplating withdrawing his life support.

As his future is discussed, Alex can only listen. Slowly he begins to realise maybe it wasn’t an accident after all and can he use his remaining senses before it’s too late?

This book is a fabulous debut novel. Emily Koch draws you in from the first page and guides you to a fabulous ending. I can highly recommend this book and look forward to reading more from this author in the future.

Thank you to NetGalley, Random House UK and the author for the chance to review.

I loved the concept of If I Die Before I Wake but it just didn’t work for me.

The book is narrated by Alex, in a coma since a ‘hiking accident’ two years before. He is awake, can hear and feel everything around him, but in unable to move or speak. Doctors have long given up on him.

The book offers an interesting POV but I had major issues with this.

This slows down the pace at times to a snail’s pace which quickly became frustrating.

I found it hard to believe the various tests carried out did not show any brain activity for Alex. Really? I’m not a doctor so maybe this is possible but I just didn’t buy it. I’ve read books where people have what’s known as Locked-In Syndrome but as far as I’m aware they still register as having some brain activity.

I just found the POV very awkward at times, with Alex’s thoughts in italics and reading part conversations of various people who visit him. This didn’t work for me.

There are some good twists and turns in If I Die Before I Wake when Alex finds out what really happened to him. However, the awkward POV spoiled the whole book for me. It would have worked better to have the POV of other characters as well.

This book is surreal and unusual, and truly original. What is it like to be in a coma, but able to comprehend what is going on around you? After a terrible accident, Alex Jackson, wakes up and finds himself able to hear and understand the doctors and nurses, and all the family who love him, however, he cannot move or show that he is conscious and aware, as he is paralysed, and unable to communicate in any way. The doctors can't seem to find any brain waves to confirm he is still aware. Gradually he begins to understand that he may be the victim of a crime, after piecing together in his mind all that is said around him, with the bits and pieces he remembers. Surreal and unusual, ultimately this book reflects on the meaning of family and memories, and what it is to love. A brilliant book, and thought provoking. in so many ways, not least about ethical questions.

The horror Alex felt when he woke to tubes, strange sounds and the unfathomable feeling of being unable to move, talk or see, shocked him to his core. As he gradually discovered by listening to the nurses and his girlfriend, Bea, as well as his Dad and sister Phillipa – he had had an accident with his last climb. He was in a coma and had been for over a year. They were saying he was in a vegetative state, unaware of his surroundings, unable to hear anything. But they were wrong – he could hear; he just couldn’t respond.

Gradually, with his thoughts going around constantly in his head; the awareness of the police being involved; and what was being said around him – his thoughts turned to suspicions that someone had caused his accident. But who? And why? And how could he let his family know? But the talk was also of turning off his life support – he needed to solve the strange mystery before that happened? How though he just wasn’t sure…

If I Die Before I Wake by Emily Koch is a debut psychological thriller with a difference. Completely narrated by a man in a coma, unable to communicate in any way whatsoever, nevertheless he must solve his own murder! Some excellent twists, an intriguing plot and a gripping narrative, I have no hesitation in recommending If I Die Before I Wake to fans of a gritty thriller.

With thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for my digital ARC to read and review.

I found this a brilliant read,yet it was a scary scenario and could happen to any of us,that's what made it so chilling.
The narrator is Alex,badly injured after a rock climbing incident,that has left him with locked in syndrome. Alex appears lifeless,yet can hear every word spoken,despite being unable to communicate with friends and family members. Both nursing and medical staff are starting to prepare the family for the possibility of withdrawing care and letting Alex die. One day,Alex finds out that the police are investigating the possibility that the accident was attempted murder and someone is stalking his girlfriend . Later,on the ward,there is an attempt to dislodge his tracheostomy breathing tube and also his air mattress is tampered with,which could lead to pressure sores and infection. Alex, for his own peace of mind wants to find out is trying to kill him and why,before he dies.
A murder story with a difference in that the victim is still alive for the time being. The reader knows what the eventual outcome will be,but you are rooting for a happy ending. This book is tragic but thoughtful in all areas, not a story of failure but a heroic struggle against fate.
I found there was a great deal of informed medical research,a great understanding of the dilemma of withdrawing care to such patients,is it ever kind to refuse food and fluids to dying patients,even though it is medically sound in its application. As a nurse, I used to treat such patients by using the guidelines of the Liverpool Care Pathway, sadly, now it has been discredited although its intentions were concerned solely with the well being of the patient.
I can't imagine how I would feel in the situation that Alex finds himself in,being able to understand that people are planning for your death and you are awake,silently screaming for someone to notice you before it is too late,truly the stuff of nightmares. I found this book to be composed,heartfelt and non sensational. I will be recommending this book to my nursing students and to the hospital library. I am posting this review on Goodreads today.

Alex is in a coma, unlikely to ever wake up, but his active mind is trapped in a lifeless body and unable to communicate. As his family debate withdrawing life support, and his friends talk about how his girlfriend Bea needs to move on, he can only listen.

But Alex soon begins to suspect that the accident that put him here wasn’t really an accident. Even worse, the perpetrator is still out there, and Alex is not the only one in danger. As he goes over a series of clues from his past, Alex must use his remaining senses to solve the mystery of who tried to kill him, and try to protect those he loves, before they decide to let him go.

This Book is told entirely from the point of view of Alex, in a coma with everyone believing he is gone, but he is still in there and can hear what’s going on around him and feel what is happening to him. He has had an accident – or was it? As we get information from those around him we come to realise that all is not as seems.
Alex is torn between wanting to die and wanting to live, all the while trying to work out what has happened, you really feel for him, lying in that bed, unable to communicate.

If I Die Before I Wake was a very original mystery written from the Point of view from Alex a man trapped inside his lifeless body, surely one of the most terrible situations a person could find themselves in. This book is so different to others that I have read.

I was expecting a different ending, but I guess that’s just the good twist that Emily Koch intended. A brilliant and thought provoking read.

The ending, Emotional. Deeply sad yet beautiful, all at the same time.

Many thanks to Net Galley and Random House UK for supplying a copy of this novel in exchange for a fair and honest review

The premise of Emily Koch’s If I Die Before I Wake — a man trapped in a coma and unable to move or communicate tries to solve his own attempted murder — might have been more unique had I not read two other novels published in 2017 featuring comatose protagonists. Nonetheless, the mystery soon drew me in and had me rooting for our hero, Alex, to get to the bottom of it before his nearest and dearest decide, regretfully, to switch off his life-support machine.

Alex is assumed to have been involved in a climbing accident that put him in a coma. He can’t remember what happened and at first depressed by his situation, he decides not to make a effort in any of the assessments of his brain activity and his doctors believe he is in a persistent vegetative state. His father, sister and girlfriend Bea still visit regularly, however, and it seems that he is also receiving other visitors — including from someone who makes Alex believe that his ‘accident’ may not have been quite so accidental after all. Someone whose plans for Alex, and indeed others, may not yet be complete.

As Alex trawls his memory for clues and focuses his few available senses on gathering as much information as he can from his surroundings, he starts to piece together a theory. But the real truth may be more shocking than he could ever have imagined and as his family and even Bea lose hope that he will ever wake up, Alex must race against the clock for his own survival.

If I Die Before I Wake is a fast-paced, clever and original psychological thriller. Alex is a sympathetic hero and Koch’s prose, which conveys Alex’s small triumphs as well as his frustrations realistically, is compelling and warm. I was a little unsatisfied by the resolution of the mystery, but the ending itself was fitting. Do expect to stay up late finishing this novel: it’s a real page-turner.

I enjoyed this book and it kept me guessing - was sad when it ended :-(

Wow! I loved this book, it kept me up at night dying to find out what happened to Alex. This is a very unusual storyline of a guy who is ‘ locked in ‘ after suffering brain damage during a fall. The book is set around his hospital bed, I won’t give too much away but I can say it’s a real page turner and the reader is constantly willing on Alex to move. I would recommend this book 100%

*thank you to Netgalley and Random House UK, Vintage Publishing for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review*

4 stars.
Wow. This was SO good! Id read the last 80% in one sitting. I kept wondering the whole way through if the main character, Alex, was ever going to 'wake up'. The whole story was a real page turner. I could picture myself in his position and felt so completely frustrated at his situation. Most of us at some point have probably experienced Sleep Paralysis and know how terrifying that felts. So i tried to imagine how it must be to be in that state month after month after month, trying desperately to make even the slightest movement so the doctors or loved ones can see and say, 'Yes he/she is still there!'.

This book keeps your attention really well and I like the way it flowed throughout the story. Its interesting all the way through and I wont ruin the ending so there isnt anything im going to say about that. Definitely recommend this and especially for fans of 'If I Stay' by Gayle Forman, as I thought of it when I first started reading this.

This is an original crime mystery with a narrative delivered entirely from the perspective of 27 year old Alex Jackson, a passionate rock climber and journalist on the Bristol Post. He is living with girlfriend Bea, whom he met when working in a Canadian camp on his gap year. He loves Bea completely although their relationship has its ups and downs. The novel begins with Alex having a climbing accident that leaves him in a coma, suffering from locked in syndrome. He is aware of what is going on around him, hears conversations, and experiences the daily medical care he receives from nurses Pauline and Connie. For a while his focus is on trying to get others to notice he is not in a vegetative state, his failure is demoralising and he cannot bear to see the suffering of others, and how his condition affects them. He gives up and thinks it best if he is left to die.

The author has done a terrific job in giving us such in depth insights and details of Alex's world. We see how the trauma plays out with his dad, his sister, Philippa, and more importantly with Bea, whose life comes to a standstill in the wake of the wreckage of Alex's accident. We become aware of a letter sent to Alex some time ago which claims that he is the father of the child in an enclosed photograph. Bea discovers the letter and thinks Alex has cheated on her. However, what changes everything for Alex is the slow drip feed of the knowledge that someone tried to kill him. Who hates him so much that it motivates them to murder him? Alex goes through all the suspects, the women he has slept with in the past, Eleanor, who loves him, and what seems to him to be the most likely candidate, someone who was angry that he was writing articles on the miscarriage of justice perpetrated on William Ormond, a man convicted of murder. The killer it seems is now fixating on Bea, this galvanises Alex to try and save her. As danger edges ever closer to Alex and Bea, will Alex emerge from the coma?

The author gives us such an interesting and compelling premise, the boyfriend in a coma so in love with his girlfriend that he would rather die than see her life wrecked by him. Eighteen months in a coma, and he gives up, until he becomes determinedly engaged in the mystery of who tried to murder him and the fear they will try again. The importance of solving this is paramount to Alex when it becomes clear that Bea is in grave danger. I was so impressed with Emily Koch's ability to enter the world of a coma patient and see the world from their perspective. Within this scenario she gives us the gripping introduction of a murder mystery. The character of Alex is beautifully fleshed out and developed, his struggle to connect with others, his oscillating emotions, and his stake in the well being of Bea, his family and his friends. If you are looking for something offbeat in the field of crime fiction, this fits the bill perfectly. A brilliant and thought provoking read. Many thanks to Random House Vintage for an ARC.