This stunning debut novel ripped me to shreds between the dual narrative of fraternal twins Tovah and Adina. The absolute cruelty the sisters exhibited towards each other before their final denouement and fragile peace had me riveted. The raw sexuality and power exhibited by Adina brought to mind What Girls Are Made Of. However, the original sin that caused Adina to owe Tovah was absolute exquisite in it’s terrible vindictiveness (compared to the issue in What Girls, which frankly, had me going, “Really? That’s what she did?”).
Also of note: the writer deftly portrays a Conservative Jewish home, complete with one devout follower, and one who is not … but hiding it from her family. There’s a scene where Adina orders a pasta dish with cream and bacon, and Tovah just stares in complete and utter confusion and horror. This brought to mind conversations I’ve had with formerly kosher friends on what is was like to eat something treif for the first time.

You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone has an interesting premise. Twin sisters Tovah and Adi take a genetic test to find out if they will inherit Huntington's Disease from their mother later in life. They're both worried they'll inherit, but then one twin does and the other doesn't, and it changes both of their lives forever.

I really liked the focus on Huntington's - I feel like this book was spot on in dealing with the question: "If you could learn your future, would you want to know?" I mean, if you could find out that you're going to get an incurable disease SOMETIME in the future, is that something you would want time to prepare for is it something you'd prefer not to have hanging over your head for the rest of your life?

You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone explores that question and others, and really gets to the heart of what it means to live with incurable disease in your family - what it means to watch someone you love suffer from it and what it means to live with the knowledge you might one day succumb to it yourself.

Unfortunately, Tovah was the only twin I could stomach. Adi was completely insane and I really hated her - I had such a hard time even feeling the slightest empathy for her situation because she was just so selfish and irresponsible, not to mention self-destructive and delusional. Her voice grated on me the entire time I was reading. Also, her storyline is WAYYYY to explicit for my YA tastes. I was not expecting so much sex, and I just didn't like her obsession with sex and power and using her body to get things from other people.

Tovah, on the other hand, had a much more sympathetic voice, and I really wanted things to work out for her. I wanted her to gain more confidence in herself and not tie her self worth to just one thing, and I really liked how her story progressed. Zack and her have the cutest little budding relationship - it was definitely a highlight of the whole book!

In the end, this one was a miss for me. It's fast-paced (I read it in a single sitting) but Adi really ruined it for me.

Rating: 3/5 stars

This is the first YA book I've ever read about a violist. The first from a major publisher I've read really centering on Jewish characters that actually deal with their faith in any capacity. I was not expecting where this went at all, nor was I expecting to be nearly so moved. Reading this book at home over winter break with my sister elsewhere in the house became a deeply contemplative experience for me. There is some romance in this book, and a refreshing take on teen sexual desire that I applaud for its authenticity and its many, many layers. However, the main focus isn't on romance: there is an incredible sister relationship here that becomes both so broken and so believable it hurt. I want sisters to read this book and then go hug each other.

Disclaimer: I received an eARC of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone is a complex contemporary novel that's gripping and very human. Told in dual perspective, Adina and Tovah both have distinct passions, voices, and characteristics, and you really get to know them and their family before the test results so you feel the impact of it. The alternating perspective really does allow for an understanding of the complex reasoning behind the decisions and emotions each twin has, as flawed as it might be, though often that's because of information they aren't privy to. But that wasn't in a frustrating lack of communication way; it all made sense because of their characters and situations. This made it incredibly realistic, especially as it grappled with intense topics. (TW for self-harm and suicide ideation.) The thought-provoking topics of genetic testing, assisted suicide, religion, family, and relationships are handled very well and will make you think about where the story might go.

For a YA book, college admissions is a major focus, and frankly I very much needed this book when I was a senior. I don't want to spoil too much, but I found that Tovah's eventual peace at not having her life completely planned out as she had originally hoped--including with her relationship--was so important and something I REALLY needed at that time in my life. Meanwhile, it was refreshing to hear about a teen pursuing classical music, as you don't see that too much in media (meanwhile, Tovah's love for more modern music also adds to the music love which I appreciate). Each twin's romantic relationship was also well-explored as they navigated the differences between lust and love from different perspectives. Toxic situations are called out, and there are many sex-positive discussions about relationships, desire, and contraceptives.

I also appreciated the many details of Judiasm in this book. Adina and Tovah's mother is Israeli, and they speak Hebrew with her and to each other at times and are raised as Conservative Jewish. The distinction between this and other forms of Judiasm are explored, as is how American society tends to ignore it. Adina, Tovah, and their parents all have different relationships to their religion and culture, especially influenced by their mother's declining health due to the genetic disease of Huntington's. I learned a lot and found this complexity not just interesting, but realistic.

Ultimately, this was such a good read that was not afraid to push its characters to act logically and emotionally when confronting big topics, while still managing to wrangle the messiness into a satisfying ending.

>>Immediately engaging, like stayed up all night to finish it and did not see shit coming!
>>Loved both sisters for different reasons. They’re a study in contrast, but it’s not gimmicky. It didn’t feel forced or contrived at all.
>>Impressed with how the age-gap romance was handled. I haven’t see such a realistic and nuanced portrayal before.
>>There are some brutal, heart wrenching, and awkward moments that made me want to look away and will haunt me.
>>Love the sex positivity and talk of girls masturbating.
>>The ending is AMAZING. Feels like how it was always supposed to be, I just hadn’t realized it yet.

This book examines the relationship between fraternal twin sisters Tovah and Adina after they take a genetic test to determine whether they have inherited the gene for Huntington's Disease from their mother. One teen tests positive and the other negative. The two girls have had a strained relationship ever since their mother's diagnosis about four years prior. I have to say that I thought Adina was going to be the type of character that you love to hate, but when you really think about the motivations behind some of her actions, you can't help but wish the best for her. This story also reinforces the idea that life is not always going to go according to plan, but that it's also ok if it doesn't. You can use it as an opportunity to discover a new path for yourself. Jewish faith and culture also play a big part in the book, so it's a good pick for representation in your collection. There are some pretty explicit sex scenes, so I would say this is for grades 10+. This would be a great book discussion pick because of the complex relationship between the sisters and their friends and family.

I recognize that YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE by Rachel Lynn Solomon has received some great reviews. However, while there were aspects that I liked, I would be hesitant overall to recommend this title to high school students. Some of it is due to the rather explicit scenes involving sexual activity, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts, of course, but I also had trouble believing that any parent would push their 18 year-old, (and by definition, still maturing) children to participate in such an important and life changing genetic test like the one for Huntington's disease. Why not wait? Why not wait until the twins were more settled in their lives with college choices and career options a bit more understood? Why not wait until they had worked through the grief of seeing their mother experience the disease - instead of forcing them to think "that could be me?" Why not wait until they "felt ready," perhaps with a life partner to help each cope with the results? Obviously, the author succeeded in developing my emotional attachment to the main characters, Adina and Tovah who are the twin sisters, seniors in high school, dealing with their mother's deterioration from this cruel disease. I also liked the discussion of religion/faith, plus the emphasis on music and science as primary interests for the two girls, but they seemed very immature and in need of some caring attention and adult guidance. I will be recommending other titles instead of this one, although YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE received a starred review from VOYA.

Gah, where do I even start, friends? So a lot of you know that I have been slumping, hard. For like, many months. And no book was able to really and truly "wow" me. Well, that is until I read You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone. Yep, Rachel Lynn Solomon, with her debut, no less, managed to break a slump that lasted the better part of a year. That is how good this book is. And now I am going to tell you why I felt that way!

Obviously, this pulls at the heartstrings. I suppose that goes without saying when you're talking "book with terminal illness" but still. It wasn't all teary, though! I thought that the illness part was handled very realistically. Yes, it is a curse that hangs over this family's head every single day. It effects all of their lives immensely. But they also have other aspects of their lives, of their personalities. Still, you can't help but feel for each of them, as this disease is truly a horrific death sentence.

Family. Just family. Not only do we have the incredibly complex relationship between sisters Tovah and Adina, but we have their interactions with their parents, and the interactions of the family as a unit. While each girl does have her own interests and daily lives, this is absolutely a family-centric novel through and through. Dealing with the slow, painful demise of their beloved mother haunts the girls in different ways, but they both are clearly grieving. And the parents, knowing that one of their daughters will also see this fate, well they were of course devastated. How does a family cope with something like this? That is the sort of question that this book beautifully tackles.

The book is quite sex-positive. I so wish this was around when I was a teen. The same feelings I had, the same questions I had, these girls had, and the book absolutely showcased their questions, their worries, their feelings as normal and valid. I also like that while sex is positive, the pitfalls and consequences are also discussed. It was such a good, responsible balance.

The complexities of religion are also well handled. One sister is quite devout, and one has seen her faith lapse, but the author handled both situations with a lot of sensitivity, and was very clear that there is no "right" answer. Religion definitely had a central focus in the family, but it also was okay that one of the sisters had doubt and questions.

Both sisters were so, so relatable. I saw bits of myself in both Tovah and Adina. At first, I admit I wasn't a fan of Tovah. But by the end of the book? I realized that the things I didn't like about Tovah were issues that I didn't like about myself, and for a book to make me see that kind of blew my mind. You can't not feel for these girls, no matter how much you do or don't have in common with them, because they're so very human, so they're relatable at their core.

The writing was fabulous. I flew through this book, because it was emotive, but also because the writing simply blew me away.

A lot of very difficult issues are tackled in this novel, including the Right-to-Die issue. I don't think I have ever seen that in Young Adult before, and the author handled it just as she did the other big issues- with grace and sensitivity, and completely judgment-free.


Bottom Line: This is going to be a book that I push on people all year, hell, all decade. It's simply that good.

Welcome to my stop on the blog tour for Rachel Lynn Solomon's debut, You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone! This is a fantastic novel about sisterhood, love, and loss and I would definitely recommend you go out and grab yourself a copy right now.

But, if you're not wholly convinced based on that short description alone, read on to find my review of this stunning debut!

5 stars

Rachel Lynn Solomon's debut, You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone, is a heart-wrenching novel about sisterhood, love, and loss.

Eighteen-year-old twins Adina and Tovah are vastly different, the rift between them widening with each passing year.

Adina is a viola prodigy who yearns to be a soloist--and convince her music teacher that he wants her the way she wants him. But Tovah is an academic overachiever looking to be accepted at Johns Hopkins, start med school, and become a surgeon.

Their ambition is just about the only thing they have in common, especially when a genetic test for Huntington's, a rare degenerative disease that slowly steals control of the body and mind, fractures their bond leaving Adina with the short straw.

They both end up wrestling with guilt, betrayal, and the thrill of first love, unsure if their sisterly bond is even worth saving.

Can we just take a moment and relish in the glory of this book? Because it's fantastic.

There are so many things I can rave about this book, and the best place to start is with the characters, who are the core of the story.

I loved reading about them, and although at times I wasn't too keen on them (I can hear the voice in my head scolding each of them to play nice), I still really enjoyed their story and their characters.

Despite them being twins, they're so different and there's this huge rift between them that might not be bridged. It's a very rocky road for both of them to reach a state of sisterhood where they're able to accept one another.

There's absolutely no way that I'll be able to write this review without spoiling who is diagnosed with Huntington's. But I'll try, for the sake of "spoiler free."

Adina and Tovah both have their own sets of problems and flaws. Each struggles with the idea of romance, especially with the weight of the results of their genetic test imposing on both of them.

I loved how unique yet similar the characters were--despite them having very different passions and outcomes, they each had the same primal feelings of things like jealousy and fear of the future and so much more.

They were vastly complex and with the addition of one of the twins' diagnosis, their bond grew even more tangled. I'm not going to go into the details of each twin's struggles because of the spoiler, but I think Solomon did a great job of shaping their characters into that complex, flawed person that you want to read about and never get bored of reading.

They each had their struggles, especially with more serious topics (trigger warning) like self-harm, depression, suicide, etc. Huntington's played a huge role in this story, not just with the twin bond, but also as it leads one of the characters to abnormal actions.

One has to suffer with the idea that she'll become like their mother and lose control over her body, while the other has to suffer with the survivor's guilt, creating a very interesting dynamic.

Adina and Tovah weren't so flawed that they became annoying or offensive and they weren't so perfect that they were a bore to read.

Their own friendship dynamics were reflected in the less-than-healthy or non-existent friendship dynamics the girls had outside each other, and that feeling of friendlessness is something I think a lot of readers besides myself can relate to.

I'd also like to point out how the romance was great! There are a lot of complications on Adina's end and I didn't ship her & her music teacher (kudos to Solomon for making the girls of age, though), but Tovah's romance was super cute but subtle and not the main focus of the story.

The pacing was fantastic and I absolutely zoomed through the book. The plot worked very well with the character growth. This isn't really a plot-based novel, but developments in the plot did a great job of intertwining with the girls' own stories and growths as characters.

The alternating points of view were really fun to read and I thoroughly enjoyed reading from both girls, sympathizing with both.

There were a few small, special things about this novel that I adored, and I thought this would be a great opportunity to shove in a list too!

1. I loved how there were body shapes represented that aren't normally shown in young adult literature. Both of the girls mentions their heavy busts and this is something I don't normally see in young adult novels. It's usually that "perfect breast that fits in the palm of the guy's hand," and seeing girls with D cups in this novel was a lovely surprised.

2. The importance of Judaism in this novel was something I loved seeing and I actually have a friend who talks a lot about the lack of Jewish representation in novels, and I immediately texted her to read this book after finding out about not only the main characters being Jewish, but the importance of the religion in widening the rift between the girls and how both practiced it differently.

3. I loved how Huntington's plays a huge role in this story and I've already mentioned this plot-wise, but I also love how it helps educate readers about this disease, which is so cool!

Overall, I absolutely adored Rachel Lynn Solomon's debut and would 100% recommend it to everyone to read (and so they'll fangirl with me about it).

The links will go live January 4th with the blog tour.

I honestly could tell by the writing of the first few chapters that it wouldn't be a good fit for our box because of the sex related excerpts -and had to put it down. I may read it again in the future!

“Sonatas and concertos tell stories. They make you feel every possible emotion, sometimes all within a single piece…they are joy and tragedy and fear and hate and love. They are everything I never say out loud.”

There are a lot of truly lovely and meaningful quotes I could have used from this book to start my review of it, but the above best sums up this reading experience. Adina and Tovah’s story is full of joy and tragedy and fear and hate and love.

I have two sisters, and Adina and Tovah’s sisterly relationship just rang so true to me. It reflected a lot of my own experiences. The petty jealousy, the competitiveness, the sometimes blinding dislike, it was all there, and then some.

You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is told through dual first person PoV, and while I’ve read a lot of books that use this method of storytelling, this was hands down one of the best executed.

Adina is a musician, and her narrative reads much like a symphony. Her chapters are filled with highs and lows, poetical metaphor, and lyrical, beautiful storytelling. Her twin, Tovah, dreams of becoming a doctor, and her chapters are written in a clean, concise, sometimes surgical voice that reflects that. From the very beginning, you’re given a clear understanding of who each girl is, and how they differ. And yet they’re twins, so the similarities are also there, subtly woven into each PoV in such a way that you can’t help but hope that they resolve their conflict and realize they’re more alike than they think.

And there is a LOT of conflict within this book.

Imagine that your mother has a fatal disease. One that manifests much like rapidly progressive dementia, only with the addition of more apparent physical symptoms along with the memory loss. Now imagine finding out that you’ve inherited it. Every time your mother forgets a name, or stumbles, or has a facial tic, or slurs her speech, you’re forced to watch your own fate. A thousand times a week, you bear witness to the inescapable reality of your future. Now imagine having a twin who has escaped this fate.

Talk about a firestorm of emotions.

The fact that Adina and Tovah’s relationship was fraught with betrayal and animosity before one is diagnosed with Huntington’s only makes the resulting emotional turmoil that much more intense. The dual PoVs add an interesting dimension to this for the reader, because you find yourself sympathetic to both, angry at each in turn for what they do to the other, and yet also empathetic.

I loved it. I loved that I couldn’t figure out who I was meant to root for. Now that I’ve finished the book, I’m pretty sure it was both.

This is a more mature YA, complete with swearing and sex and mental health issues. There are some stronger themes in here than a lot of the contemporary YA that I’ve read, and I’m happy to say that they were very well portrayed, and handled with the depth they deserve. There’s also some great representation of diversity in this, and I love that I’m seeing more and more of it in YA.

The sisters – well, Tovah, at least – would identify as conservative Jewish. Their faith is an integral part of the story. Not only do they speak Hebrew at home, but there are a hundred smaller references to their beliefs and practices throughout this. It was superbly executed. As a non-Jewish reader, I never felt overwhelmed or confused about the details. I never felt as if I was being lectured or preached to, like I sometimes have with other books including a strong religious aspect. It was just who they were.

Was this an easy read? No. And you should know that going in. You are probably going to feel ALL the emotions. You are probably going to get really angry with these sisters. But know that it’s all worth it. Because the ending, while not a perfectly tied up little bow of peace and happiness and resolution (which would be BS if it was), at least leaves you feeling like these two have learned and grown, and will continue to do so off the page.

I can’t recommend this enough for YA readers. I enjoyed it so much that Rachel Lynn Solomon is going on my one-click list. She’s truly an author to watch.

SPOILERS AHEAD


A story of familial tension, faith vs rebelling against it, and a future with certain hardship, this novel pulled at me from the onset.

Growing up is hard. There are the usual pains that a lot of people expect, such as drifting apart from friends or facing the future that everyone expecfs you to have figured out for post-high school life. Tovah and Adina have something else to worry about: Huntington's disease, a genetic disease that their mother has and that they have a chance of inheriting.

When the book begins, neither know yet whether they're positive, but already the crack in their relationship are widening. Having lived four years with their mother slowly becoming someone unfamiliar because of HD, Adina and Tovah's relationship is spread thin. Their interests are quite different and the lives they're preparing for will separate them even further. 

Jealousy and selfishness caused the big rift we see at the begining of the novel and, when the results of the test for Huntington's comes back, it grows. Coping with the results is an ordeal, but how will they face it when knowing for sure doesn't bring them closer together, but only highlights the differences between them? The life that one will be able to lead and the other that leads to the same fate as their mother?

Reading the time before the results was tense and inspired a feeling of sickness in my stomach as I waited along with them to find out which twin would be the one to get the diagbox is. Afterwards was something else as they considered, again, what their futures would be like with this new information. It's a time fraught with emotions that run the gamut from despair to disappointment. Light moments were hard to come by and I think it was after the test when we really got to see into the hearts of these sisters.

Beneath the oppressive weight of one twin testing positive there was beauty and order. Adina's music, the viola pieces that lift her heart and one day might give her a conservatory seat. Tovah's medical aspirations, fixing those that can be fixed. There's a soothing quality to Adina's music and Tovah's studies and the Jewish faith that links them and yet is different for each.

Throughout the book there is talk of faith and the minutiae of a Conservative Jewish family. There were terms I was already familoar with and then ones I didn't. I found it comforting and interesting to learn more about what it was like for these two, different as their experiences were. 

There were scenes in which difficulties in today's society were mentioned in a clear way, getting through to the reader in an understandable way. The two that stand out are: 1. When Tovah and Adina are at a skating rink in Winter and it's full of Christmas decorations, Tovah makes an observation that she doesn't understand why people don't say Happy Holidays. Christmas is not the only holiday during December and it's silly that people can't adapt a greeting. It isn't just about. The greeting though, as later in that chapter she reminisces about learning what it meant, being Jewish & half Israeli. The history, the past, the pain and suffering and culture and history that led to her being who she is. 2. When Adina is picking a fight about Tovah and the range of choices she has in front of her, Tovah thinks about how, just because Adina will be sick one say, doesn't mean that she (Tovah) isn't allowed to experience hurt as well. Small scenes in the bigger picture of the book, but important ones.

While I favored Tovah and intensely disliked Adina, I felt like I understood Adina a little better. Her thoughts and the idea of dying with dignity before Huntington's can rob her of everything made sense. I hated the way she acted toward Tovah, toward the world in general after her diagnosis. I don't feel like she was a good person even years before that, but I still think I got her view point. I can feel sympathetic about her potential illness, supportive of her decision in the face of all the pain and loss, and yet still dislike her as a person.

The writing was incredibly well done; even when I was shaking my head at some of the characters I still craved the story, still had to know what happened next. This was an incredible novel and I hope to read much more from Rachel.

***Actual rating: 5/5 Tov Stars***

The thin ivory candles in the middle of the table are a third their original height. Jews are not to extinguish them; we are supposed to let them burn on their own instead. That’s what I have been taught.
Tonight I lean over and blow them out.


It’s official! You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone just drew my reading year of 2017 to a close perfectly. Wow, I don’t even know where to begin with this splendid piece of writing by the lovely Rachel. This book is highly educational (in my opinion) and slightly entertaining. I learn a lot about the mysterious Hebrew language, Jewish people and their traditions; I also learn a lot about both physical and mental health issues.

You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone starts with a pair of 18-year-old, half-American, half-Israeli, Jewish twins, Tovah and Adina Siegel, hating each other’s guts from the very beginning to the end. They never stop feeling jealous toward the other’s achievements in life and they also have trouble communicating with each other since they all have so much to complain about and find fault with. Tovah is the academic genius who never fails a test and participates in a variety of extracurricular activities so that she can be fully prepared for the early application to the one and only Johns Hopkins. She aces in all her works and has an ambition to become a great surgeon in the future. She’s a well-disciplined and extremely obedient daughter who always follows the Jewish rules such as keeping kosher or wearing the evil eye bracelet all the time.

On the contrary, Adina is the treacherous, rebellious one who never quite listens to her Aba and Ima (that’s how Tovah and Adina call their papa and mama), who’s not afraid to go on an adventure just to see what life has to offer. Just because she doesn’t study as hard as Tovah doesn’t mean she’s not talented. In fact, Adina is a viola prodigy. She spends days and nights practicing viola; she even takes private lessons with Arjun, her 25-year-old Indian music teacher.

I don’t know why but Tovah and Adina seem to fight/compete against each other on literally everything; one gets envious when the other achieves something great. They never stop arguing about trivial matters all the time, and I get that it’s probably the sibling thingy (honestly, sometimes twins are even worse because they’re the same age, they look identical and they have to share their parents’ love) but what I find hard to believe is how opposite, how different Tovah and Adina are.

It’s already dreadful enough that both sisters keep comparing themselves with each other and constantly make the other’s life miserable; to make matters worse, the story truly begins when they get their genetic test results for early diagnosis of Huntington’s disease, the one that slowly eats their Ima away day after day. Huntington’s disease is an inherited disorder that results in death of brain cells; some of the earliest symptoms include memory loss, mood swings, unsteady gaits, lack of coordination, hallucinations…etc.

With the completely opposite test results, the twins are no longer twins. In order not to spoil anything about the story, I’d leave this part out for you to discover by yourselves. *wink*

What I’d like to talk about is Adina’s characteristics. It never comes across my mind that such a talented viola player can be someone so dangerous—both physically and mentally—because she always seems so passionate and confident about her life. Little do I know how mentally unstable Adina actually is and the more her story unfolds, the more shocking I become.
Tovah will bring me zero relief. If she and I grow close again, she will be a constant reminder of everything I am missing out on. It’s because we are twins that it will hurt so much, seeing her experience things that I cannot, knowing I am so close to them but unable to grasp them. I will watch her graduate college and become a surgeon and fix people and get married and maybe have children. I will watch her plan an entire fucking future without worrying about an impending death. I will watch her mull over choice after choice after choice.
Maybe life is better without her.

She’s so determined to destroy Tovah’s life by accomplishing everything Tovah can’t or fails to accomplish, and then she’s so sure about sleeping with older guys. She never truly experiences puppy love because she always deems herself as a young girl with mature mind who deserves to have sex be with older men. Yep, Adina is this kind of double-life girl who seems to perform excellently in front of prominent musical influencers while seeks a way to satisfy her sexual desire at nights.
It is a mystery to me when lust turns to love, when sex turns into a relationship. If a relationship means playing duets and cooking together and teaching each other words in other languages, then maybe that is exactly what Arjun and I have. Maybe love is what comes next.

In the meanwhile, since the lovely-teacher’s pet-Tovah is so wrapped up in her studies and extracurricular activities, having a boyfriend is never on her to-do list in the near future. But who knows? Thanks to the adorable guy with a gap between his front teeth named Zack, Tovah finally manages to see the world through an artist’s eyes. *heart eyes & pink bubbles*
Zack reaches across the table and touches my evil-eye bracelet, his index finger spinning one of the beads. Jewelry’s always itched and scratched me, but this is a link to a family member I know so little about, so when Ima gave it to me for Chanukah, I vowed to wear it as much as possible.
“That’s new,” he says. A statement, not a question. This close, I can smell his ocean-salt cologne.
“So is your cologne.”
His cheeks flush. “You got me there.”
“This was my Israeli grandmother’s, on my mother’s side.”
“Can’t say the same about my cologne.”

Tovah and Zack’s transformation from friends to lovers is both cheesy and awkward but I love it! I mean, they have some serious, real talks about love, life and even sex instead of the cliché sorts of sweet nothing.
I also appreciate how Tovah can look past Zack’s unexperienced self in romantic relationship/sex and she can also put aside the stereotypical thinking that artists are poor. Seriously, it’s really rare for an ambitious, successful genius to see beneath the ordinarily beautiful.
”There are a lot of ways to be smart,” I say, though I probably wouldn’t have considered Zack’s art intelligent before this year. “It’s not all about grammar or tests. Your art, for example, that’s smart. I can tell how much thought you put into it, even when you claim it doesn’t mean anything.”
“What I’m trying to say is, you never make me feel that way. Like I’m not smart enough to be with you, even though you’re a genius too. And I really appreciate it.”

Undoubtedly, the main focus of this book is on the Siegel twins because whoa, you won’t believe how much they’ve improved throughout the story. When it comes to character development in a story, I always think it means the little steps those protagonists take or the subtle progress they make because those are pretty much what I’ve read so far. Thus, color me shock when I finished reading this book. *deadpan* Adina is the ticking bomb in the Siegel family and Tovah is the most motivated one in life; in the last few chapters of the book, both of them somehow realize the essence of life and the knowhow to live life to the fullest all of a sudden. No kidding, the twins suddenly find their unique way of compromise and for once, I finally feel relieved to see them stick together like a family does.
Our relationship probably won’t ever be what it was before we started growing into our own skin. Before we hurt each other. Before the world hurt us. Maybe we’ll never fully understand each other or know all of each other’s secrets, and surely we’ll never recapture our childhood innocence. But we can have something new. Something messy and real and imperfect, because that’s what both of us are.


All in all, I have a good time reading You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone since the plot twists are so intense and the huge difference between Tovah and Adina’s personalities is pretty intriguing. Though I admit that this book at some point makes me feel really, really down because there are some serious issues addressed and Rachel’s writing is so good that it’s hard not to feel what the characters are struggling with.

In my opinion, trigger warnings for Huntington’s disease, depression, anxiety, suicide, and strong sexual desire are necessary before reading/recommending this book to someone else. Besides, I would totally suggest teenagers (especially senior high school students) read You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone since most of the main characters are facing a lot of indecisions about their college majors, future careers, meanings of life and such but most importantly, their lessons of life are what you truly don’t want to miss!

Anyway, You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is a brilliant debut work of Rachel and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it to everyone (*please note the TW)! It’s one of my most anticipated reads for 2018 and I’m pleased to say that it doesn’t disappoint. Lastly, I just want to say that Rachel, you’re officially one of my top favorite authors from now on!

You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is a heartbreaking story about sisters at a crossroads. Adina and Tovah, now in their final year of high school, have spent the last few years at odds and find themselves a year from college with no reconciliation in sight. Everything will change with the results of genetic testing to see if they also have Huntington’s Disease like their Ima. The results will either drive them further apart or force them to finally make amends.

Set in Seattle, Solomon beautifully describes the city and makes it impossible to imagine this story set anywhere else. The passing of time is chronicled in seasons and provides great pacing for the novel. Each season the sisters orbit around a possible reconciliation while waiting for what the future could hold. The twins have their own dreams and college plans but everything feels mired in slow sinking sand once they get the results of the genetic test back. The sisters’ abeyance is beautifully written to make readers hold their breath in suspense of how they will repair their relationship.

Adina and Tovah are both magnificent main characters that were hard to say goodbye to by the end of the book . Adina, an unstoppable force of a girl, puts on her siren red lipstick and faces the world with a fierceness her sister has never understood. Tovah, a quintessential conservative Jewish good girl, just wants to follow her well laid plans to get to Johns Hopkins and start her career path to becoming a surgeon. Adina is a first chair viola player, sexually active (and not apologizing for it), not always kosher, and falling for her older music tutor. She’s close with her Ima and isn’t ready to face what life beyond a possible diagnosis could mean. Tovah is a straight-A, AP student who’s never had a boyfriend, but she’s worked tirelessly to gain acceptance into her dream school. She’s close with her father and while she never fell for classical music like Adina, she loves Nirvana and cherishes her father’s vintage Nirvana concert ticket. The sisters are so different but were once close. This novel provides some flashbacks and present day scenes to help the reader understand their relationship.

Their mother’s diagnosis of Huntington’s Disease became the catalyst for all the changes in their lives and now their possible diagnosis is taking over every part of their lives and relationship to each other. Reading about Adina and Tovah trying to repair their broken sisterhood in sweet scenes of skating and making fun of bad movies was so realistic. You could feel the yearning that each girl had for their lives to just be normal again, to just go back to that time before Ima was sick and before they were at odds. You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is a deep dive into sisterhood.

This book also offers important representation of Jewish characters written by an author who is Jewish. Tovah and Adina have different relationships to their Jewish heritage and religion. Tovah is kosher and considers her faith an important part of her life. Adina isn’t sure what she believes or if Judaism will ever be a major part of her life, but it still means something to her. Solomon has provided important representation of two of the multitudes of Jewish experiences.

This serious book about genetic testing, diagnosis, and a sick parent also has light-hearted scenes with cute guys, carnivals, and music performances. However, it does follow heavier topics and sheds light on Huntington’s Disease, of which there aren’t many YA books about. It also features scenes of suicidal ideation and self-harm. Solomon delicately and sensitively covers these topics and provides a recovery plot. Mental health issues are treated seriously within the novel.

You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone is about confronting your future. It’s about families and finding forgiveness to be able to move on regardless of what the future could hold. It’s am emotional story that will grab you from the beginning. Readers looking for great Jewish representation, stories about sisters, books that will make you cry, or just a book about girls with ambition will love this story!

An absolutely beautiful and haunting read. This book is a story about sisterhood, friendship, family, love, sexuality, identity, religion, and so much more, and it's one that's going to change lives. I cannot recommend this book enough, and I loved it so much.

Wow! This is one powerful read. The prose is achingly beautiful at times, and the characters are wonderfully flawed. This book is raw, honest, and doesn't pull punches.

I've always had a special fondness for books with twins, probably because my younger sister and I are so close to each other we very well could be twins. This book does not disappoint. I am fascinated with how close yet far apart from each other Adina and Tovah are. I also learned so much about Huntington's and Judaism.

Overall, this is a thoughtful, unflinching book which made me stop and think about how we as humans deal with life when things don't go according to plan.

This was such a haunting read.

I can’t give this anything less than 5 stars because I devoured it. I read it in one day, and by the end of it I was emotionally drained. This story broke my heart over and over again. I had to take little breaks between chapters to just catch up on my thoughts.

This follows two estranged sisters, who are complete opposites. One artistic and outgoing, and the other academic and an introvert. After their 18th birthday, they are tested for Huntington’s, which runs in the family. One of them tests positive, the other negative. Now one sister must rethink her future plans and factor in Huntington’s, while the other has to wrestle with the guilt of testing negative while her sister tested positive.

There were times that both Adina and Tovah were unlikable, but that just made me like them even more. They were flawed, sometimes selfish, but very complex and real. Their relationship was so far from perfect, with jealousy and guilt between them. And there were times when you were siding with Adina in their arguments, and then the next chapter you were rooting for Tovah. But the end of day, you just couldn’t help but sympathize with both of them. They both made their mistakes, but they both were so well-developed and you just wanted them to reconcile and try to fix their relationship.

Every single relationship in this book was so fragile. Adina and Tovah’s relationship, their relationship with their parents, with their love interests, their friends. I recommend this to anyone who likes reading about complex characters.

This story also has a heavy focus on the sisters’ religions: Judaism. They talk a lot about their faiths, traditions, and practices. One sister is very religious while the other has her doubts.

This book was heartbreaking but also hopeful. It was one of my most anticipated books of 2018 and I’m so glad it didn’t disappoint me.

Before I start reviewing this book, I want to tell you that You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone by Rachel Lynn Solomon is probably my favourite book of the year. It's one of the most powerful reads of mine, it was raw, it made me feel things. It was absolutely perfect and when it comes out in January, please make sure you read it because you have no idea what you're losing on.

"I thought I could force him to love me. Relationships are not about control, though, and perhaps that is why I have never had a real one. I want to always feel strong when I am with guys. That isn’t going to change. I am always going to wear my dresses and red lipstick because I like them. I am always going to have people watch me when I am onstage, but my looks are not the only things that make me Adina."


I'm not sure how to make a structure for this book review as I usually tell you first about the things I've enjoyed and then about the ones I didn't. But this book is different because I've enjoyed absolutely everything. Like literary, there's nothing I didn't enjoy. So, buckle up because we're going on a fangirling trip, my dear.



Things that I absolutely loved about You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone :

How the books makes it pretty clear that women can be everything and don't have to be limited to only on trait (like smart, beautiful or talented).

The characters are absolutely unique, Rachel Lynn Solomon did a great job at creating complex and three-dimensional characters. They felt so real, that for the first time, I had absolutely no problem imagining them, imagining what they would like, what they might do in a situation. I absolutely love how Adina and Tovah, the main characters, are very different. Adina is a music prodigy, she is very cofident, she loves make-up and dresses, she's experienced in relationships. And then, Tovah is the smart girl, the one that never gets comments on how she looks, but is always complimented on her brain, she's not that experienced in relationships. You get the idea.

What I absolutely loved about Solomon's book is how she fought these cliches. She showed us this sister rivalry that was pretty much rooted in people's expectations and how society sees girls. I've always been annoyed with how girls can only be smart or can only be beautiful and there's never both of them. And if you're beautiful, then you're expected to have a boyfriend, if you don't, then there's something wrong with you. If you're smart, you're expected to focus on your studies and forget about the boys. So, society wants us to be one dimensional, pretty much. And Rachel Lynn Solomon slammed it all.


2. Sisters and a very complex take on their relationship

Tovah and Adina don't have a good relationship at the beginning of this book, they are arguing all the time, they don't spend time together and so on. The thing is they have very valid reasons and it's not that simple. You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone is, in my opinion, a love letter to sisters, in the end, you realize how beautiful and touching it is to have a sister, how that bond is beyond everything else. To me, as an only child, it really touched me and made me envious of everybody who has a sister.


3. Family over relationships, always

Solomon did a great job of focusing on family rather than on romantic relationships. I think you've seen pretty often on my blog commenting on how YA does pretty badly in incorporating family interactions in the stories a.k.a the missing parents. This one again destroyed everything you could expect from YA, it was mainly focused on family, relationships were there, but only to show us more facets of Adina and Tovah. It was amazing how every relationship from their family was explored by the end of the book, you get Adina and Tovah together, Adina and her mom, Tovah and her dad, Adina and her dad, Tovah and her mom. And they are all very unique. They feel so real because they are normal relationships. For example, Adina is very much connected with her mom, but she has a colder relationship with her dad, not because of issues, but because they don't connect as much. With Tovah, it's the other way around. And I think it's highly relatable because even in a family, we are all people and there are some persons with whom we can identify and get along with better than with others (even if they are our parents).


4. Incredible representation of Huntington's

As a psychology major, I'm highly interested in mentally ill people being represented in a good way. I'm fed up with books that demonize them, make them seem violent and aggressive and like they don't matter. I know better than that. We should all know better than that. Because we can do so much better for them by starting with trying to understand and be there, listen.

I got into this book not knowing much about Huntington's besides the fact that it is genetical. The premise of the book is that Adina and Tovah are going to take a DNA test to see whether they're going to have the disease like their mother or not. I think Solomon did such a great job at representing this illness as it is, not romanticized, not distorsioned in any way. It just felt very real to me and I understood many facets of it.

What I highly appreciated was the outcome of the DNA tests and how the sisters progressed from there. I don't want to say much because I want you to find out for yourself. But at some point, I was very worried about one character's potential decision. It's a very difficult matter and I don't think there's a white or a black in here, it's about decision and perspective. But the author managed to show that there are choices and I loved that, showing alternatives is amazing.


5. Religion being very important in this book

I think religion is becoming somewhat of a taboo for our society, I rarely ever see it talked about in books anymore and I dislike this trend because I feel like it's not that people aren't religious anymore, as much as they don't feel the subject will be interesting to people. And it's pretty wrong. It was so refreshing to see both perspectives in the book. The characters are Jewish, Tovah identifies with Judaism a lot, while Adina doesn't because for her there's impossible for God to exist and let her mother be as sick as she is. I think it was refreshing to see both of these perspectives in one book because it was impossible not to relate to any of them. And while I'm a religious person, Adina's thoughts were relatable, at times, as she does, I've always questions what's the reason for all the suffering. You know, it's highly relatable. And it's great, we should talk about these things instead of letting silence divide us.


6. Not very nice characters

This one is a favourite of mine. In my opinion, Adina was one of those characters that aren't nice (at all), but you can't help, but feel for them. I rooted for her all the time, even though I wasn't okay with her actions. You just realize that she's flawed and that's totally okay. Women don't have to always be agreeable, nice in order for us to like them. We all have different personalities and we should accept that in female characters as we do with male characters. Adina challenged everything, she liked to play games, she wanted to be liked and appreciated, she owned her body. I loved seeing such a confident character in a YA book.


7. Sex representation in YA

Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. A million times thanks.

We have to understand that teenagers have sex. (WOW!) And they should be informed and those healthy representations of sex in YA are absolutely necessary if we want them to be informed.


8. Amazing plotlines

What I enjoyed the most was how Adina came to realize that her relationships weren't what she wanted. She realized that most of her past relationships had been about her body and not about who she was. And I loved how she came to this realization. Solomon presented us her relationship with Arjun and Tovah's relationship with Zack and they were contrasting each other. Tovah and Zack made Adina aware of some of the issues she had when it came to relationships and life, in general. I really loved it.

9. Making your dreams come true

Both of these characters are very dedicated to what they want and I loved how hard-working they both were. I loved how their objectives were very high and they wanted everything, at once. And I adored how the book showed us that sometimes you might not get what you want because it's not meant for you or because you're not prepared for it. It showed us that it's okay to take a break from something you've worked a lot on, to just wonder if it's what you want. It's okay to try to get to know yourself better, any time. It's never too late to understand who you are and what you want.


All in all, this book challenged a lot of cliches, a lot of unhealthy tropes, it is a dreamy book and it is an important book and I hope you all find yourself in it.

Also, I'm so happy for Rachel Lynn Solomon who got to write the book she probably always wanted to read.
"I wrote this book partially because the only Jewish stories I read growing up were Holocaust narratives. We cannot stop telling those stories, but they are not the only stories we as Jewish people have to tell."

(this line is from the acknowledgments and it stayed with me a lot.)

4.5 stars. This novel dealt with a lot of heavy/complex topics - Huntington's disease, Judaism (with a parent from Israel), thoughts of suicide/merciful death, complicated family relationships, first loves... But I think all of the topics were handled well and really added something different to this story. I have never read a book with a Jewish main character (besides awful Holocaust novels from high school required readings that I have blocked from my mind). The author wove the Siegel family's Jewish heritage in Tovah and Adina's stories so wonderfully - it was great to see one whose life was heavily influenced by their culture and another whose life... wasn't, as much. And I actually learned a lot about Huntington's, a disease I am not at all familiar with, so I am glad we are going to have this novel for me to shove at students so they can learn as I did.

The author gave some trigger warnings (self-harm, suicide ideation), but one thing that I wish was mentioned was Adi's relationship with an older man (Adi = 18 still in high school, love interest = 25). I had a really hard time getting past this - as someone who works in a high school, and is the age of Adi's love interest, this made me supremely uncomfortable (I very nearly quit reading the book because of it). However, the relationship is not at all glamorized, and Adi explicitly realizes he took advantage of her because of her naiveté (sidenote - I cheered when she realized she is more than just her body).

This was a beautifully written novel and I highly recommend it. I will definitely be purchasing it for my media center (and then putting it on display, how beautiful is that cover?!).

I really want to read this but cannot access it on my device. Will be getting from library when published and will review! Rating based on summary