Another great read from Kelly Corrigan. There is something about this author that is so relatable for me (close in age, from the northeast, Irish Catholic wit) to name a few. I loved how she shares her personal stories and relationships in teaching how to handle these 12 phrases that seem to affect most of us at different times in our life. She speaks from the heart and always manages to do it with humor.

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2269983399

This book hooked me from the first chapter/essay, when I had to stop and ask myself, "did she really just SAY that? ha!" Kelly's great sense of humor comes out (along with a little snarky and "choice" words), as she shares stories and experiences of her life, learnings, and losses. This was a book good for entertainment, and reflection.

I had never heard of Kelly Corrigan. But I was encouraged to read this book of personal essays when I saw GR friend JanB’s lovely review that described reading Tell Me More as sitting down to talk with a close friend. At the core of the each chapter is Corrigan’s grief over the recent loss of her father and a close friend. But throughout the book there are many anecdotes and lots of relatable self reflections about being a parent, a partner, a daughter, a sibling and a friend. In an understated way, Corrigan dwells on what it means to strive for a good life — or a good enough life. Corrigan doesn’t offer any trite answers, which is precisely what makes her seem very human or like someone you would want as a friend. It’s short but well worth reading. Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity to read an advance copy.

I was really eager to read this after hearing the author interviewed on a podcast recently. She was so funny! I was not disappointed reading this collection unlike any other. I really appreciated the thought and the weight and meaning put into these stories, and the phrases chosen really made me think about what I say repeatedly and the connections to my words and phrases. I really enjoyed this and found it very thought provoking!

This is the first time I've read Kelly Corrigan and I now know what I've been missing. I loved this book - it as lovely and real. I could swing from laughing out loud to tears streaming down my face. I even bought a copy for a friend because I thought she would be moved by it as I was. I've thought of Corrigan's words often since reading. Recommend.

I like Kelly Corrigan and her writing is conversational and entertaining. This book did not resonate with me as much as some of her others, but it is nonetheless well written and conversational. Kelly takes phrases that she is trying to incorporate into her life and using stories and personal anecdotes, shares them with us, her readers. At times, Kelly shared so much that I felt uncomfortable, it almost seemed invasive. I think this might make a good book discussion group selection simply because it DID make me uncomfortable. I think there is lots of material to discuss and debate.

[4.5 stars]

I absolutely adored (it’s my favorite 2018 release I’ve read so far!) this memoir that spoke to me in a “yes, that’s exactly how it is” way. She kicks things off with an essay that will touch the conflicted hearts of overtaxed moms everywhere and moves on to cover many big life issues (marriage, motherhood, illness, religion, friendship, grief, and loss) in a relatable and irreverently funny way. And, the second to last essay might even make you cry. Corrigan is a welcome addition to my “women who get women” club (current members include Anna Quindlen, Ann Patchett, and Cheryl Strayed) and I’d highly recommend Tell Me More to anyone who loved Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake or This is the Story of a Happy Marriage.

I picked up this book on NetGalley because I’m interested in improving my communication skills.  Corrigan’s book is exactly what it says it is: a book about twelve things that are important to learn but hard to say.

I was particularly interested in the title, Tell Me More, because listening is a skill I’m working on.  I interrupt a lot, have trouble remembering details about conversations, and my mind often races towards the next thing I want to say rather than taking the time to think about what the other person is saying. I recently took a 360 assessment which said, to my surprise, that a lot of my friends and co-workers think I’m a good listener.  Still, being a quiet person doesn’t mean one is a good listener.  Are they wrong or am I?  As I’m learning, I’m frequently wrong about how others perceive me, so that’s an open question.

Corrigan relates her own personal journey in using these twelve expressions.  This is not a book that will give you strategies to communicate better, and it’s not based on any scientific evidence.  It’s personal, anecdotal, sometimes humorous and sometimes tragic.  Corrigan uses memorable stories to illustrate, rather than lecture – and I’m willing to bet that when it comes time to use some of these phrases, those stories will come to mind.

The title chapter, for example, relates the simple power of saying “tell me more” to a person who’s struggling – when what you really want to do is advise or jump in with your own story.  The idea is that most of us don’t talk about what’s really bothering us at first.  We need to be prompted, we need space to talk and to think as we talk.  Saying “tell me more” is a way to really get at the truth of a person’s problem, and also a way to make them feel better, without offering advice or solutions.

I was more struck by two other chapters: “I was wrong” and “good enough”.  “I was wrong” is (again, what you’d expect) about the importance of admitting you made a mistake and giving meaningful apologies.  Corrigan notes that we have apologies thrown at us all the time.  Many of us (myself included) say “sorry” way too often.  But knowing when to apologize, and how, doesn’t come easy.  She points out that saying sorry doesn’t at all mean the same thing as “I was wrong”.  The first can mean “excuse me” or “I feel bad for you” or “I wish this had gone differently” but it isn’t an admission of specific personal wrongness.

“Good enough” turns out to be something I may make my mantra in the coming year.  Corrigan writes about the courage of a crisis counselor who doesn’t know what she’s doing and doesn’t feel she has anything to offer.  As she grows into the job, she learns she doesn’t have to be perfect, or to have experienced exactly what her clients have, in order to help.  As another example, Corrigan writes about all the terrible things she did as a young adult (including being arrested for shoplifting) and the importance of having her father say “you’re good enough.”

That’s how it works: someone important believes in us, loudly and with conviction and against all substantiation, and over time, we begin to believe too – not in our shot at perfection, mind you, but in the good enough version of us that they have reflected.

Why is “good enough” one of the hardest things for us to tell ourselves?  I’ve said before that I like being in my 40s, because I feel a sense of self-acceptance that I never felt in my younger years.  And yet, I still began this year with a lengthy self-improvement list.  I’m in a leadership development program, and as I mentioned already, I had to take a 360 assessment where my closest friends, family and colleagues evaluated my emotional intelligence.  I love a good self-evaluation but this was really scary for me.  Turns out, the people who completed the assessment saw me in a much more positive way than I saw myself.

I’m going to think about that every time I feel devastated about a meeting that goes horribly wrong or the stupid things that often come out of my mouth.  Or when I don’t exercise enough, or find the perfect gift that shows how much I care.  And as my new year’s resolutions begin to pile up, as they so often do, I wonder: is it lazy to feel I’m good enough, to not strive to improve?  Is the need to constantly improve myself a good thing or a bad thing?

Some of the later chapters in the book are less well developed than the earlier chapters, but in general this is a short read with useful insights.  There is a good amount of contradiction, but I chalk that up to communications being confusing and contradictory. For example, in the “good enough” chapter, Corrigan is heartened by her father’s constant attitude that she is just fine and will come out okay in the end, and yet it’s a very specific compliment from her mother that seems to have more meaning.  (That is something I’ve read research on regarding children: general compliments don’t improve self-esteem, but specific ones about real accomplishments do.)

In short, context always matters.  For those of us who aren’t as good at “reading the room” we already know that sometimes it’s helpful to say you understand, and sometimes saying you understand is the worst thing you can say.  Sometimes it’s helpful to say nothing, and other times it’s helpful to get involved.  Knowing which applies is the challenge.

Corrigan isn’t trying to tell us things we don’t (at some level) already know.  But by using her own life, and the lives of her friends, as examples, she brings these ideas vividly to life.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from NetGalley and publisher Random House.  The book published January 9, 2018.

(Full Disclosure: I received a free eGalley of this book via NetGalley in exchange for my honest review).

In some ways, I don’t understand how Corrigan has so much awesome material going on in her life to keep coming out with memoirs, but then I realize it’s not that her life is necessarily more exciting than anyone else’s; its just that she knows how to write about it in an appealing way. I love the concept of this book in that Kelly took 12 phrases she’s trying to learn to say that are difficult for many of us (like “no,” “good enough,” “I love you,” etc.) and writes a chapter on each. There’s definitely a heavy focus on loss and parenthood (two things I don’t have much experience with) and some chapters were more engaging than others, but overall, I loved reading about Corrigan’s life experiences and found ways to relate to many of them. And the chapter in which she shares a letter she wrote to her friend on the anniversary of her death had me in serious tears.

I hope Corrigan keeps coming out with memoirs because I will keep reading them!

TELL ME MORE by Kelly Corrigan was everything I had expected: another heartfelt, clever commentary on everyday life from a favorite author. Reading this book is like sitting down and having a cup of tea with your oldest and best friend. I learned about Corrigan's parents (and reflected on my own) with her 2014 memoir, Glitter and Glue. In TELL ME MORE, Corrigan shares insights and wisdom through "Stories about the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say." I especially loved the first section on dealing with her daughter’s angst by saying "tell me more" and asking questions versus interrupting or jumping in immediately with advice. Corrigan continues with anecdotes about saying I don't know, I was wrong, I love you and more. She frequently sprinkles in humor and is so honest and open with her feelings, noting "the truth is I am always teetering between a mature acceptance of Life's immutables and a childish railing against the very same."

4.5 stars; I will be returning to this book of essays and look forward to sharing it with others. TELL ME MORE received a starred review from Kirkus.

What a beautiful, poignant and moving book. Reading this book is like sitting down with a good friend and chatting over lunch. She’s the friend who can say what's in your heart but expresses it so much better. She conveys these 12 phrases through offering us glimpses into her own life. One minute she's telling you how she went ballistic over a toilet that wasn't flushed (by the way, if you ever find yourself at Kelly's house don't let the dog lick you 😳), and the next minute she's breaking your heart over the deaths of her beloved father and one of her best friends.

As I read, I nodded in recognition, I laughed, and I cried. I'm not talking about my eyes welling up with tears, I'm talking actual tears running down my face. Kelly Corrigan has such a gift with words, of using just the right ones to convey exactly what she means to say, words that often pierce your heart. She’s funny, relatable and honest. She is self-deprecating, and doesn’t shy away from owning up to her less than desirable qualities, the mistakes she’s made along the way, and what she learned from them. And what a storyteller she is. She doesn't offer up magical solutions, she's learning right along with the rest of us.

I received an e-galley of this book but will be purchasing a hard copy for myself to keep by my bed and dip into from time to time. It would make an excellent gift for any woman in your life.

*many thanks to Netgalley, Random House Publishing, and Kelly Corrigan for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review

We all want to be better versions of ourselves, but it’s not always easy to pinpoint how to get there. Kelly Corrigan’s journey, organized by the things she is learning to say, is at once incredibly humorous and heart-breakingly honest. It is both specific to her and relatable. I would definitely recommended this to others.

I first became acquainted with Kelly Corrigan when I watched a talk she had given, Transcending, and then read her book The Middle Place. This was my very first book review, March of 2009, prior to that the blog and been more about my family and my changing role as mother, daughter, caregiver. To say I was smitten with Corrigan is an understatement.

Written in a comfortable conversional style, Kelly Corrigan’s books are like listening to a really good and smart friend. You want to be her friend. To have her in your corner. Tell Me More takes 12 phrases that say easy and do hard, and delves into how Kelly has been working at doing better, accepting these simple things and working towards understanding them. Topics include, I Love You, I Don’t Know, I Know, No, Yes, It’s Like This, I Was Wrong, and perhaps most gripping, No Words at All.
Her observations are ones you may have already discovered or ones you’re working to learn and achieve. Kelly is open and honest and not afraid to share the things she is afraid of. The most gut wrenching reality is the loss of her dear father, Greenie. My own dad has been gone nearly 5 years and still I can hear his voice and the unrelenting support he gave me.

I enjoyed this book very much, it’s a short read and again written in a way that the pages fly by and while you will likely laugh and cry, you will feel good about the time spent.

Thank you again Random House for allowing me early access to this book.

Links to reviews of Kelly Corrigan’s books

Lift

Glitter and Glue

I really wanted to get into this book and made an effort but it was too hard to get past the self involvement of the author. She is dealing with grief (a LOT of grief) and this book seems to be little more than a personal journal to get through the rough of it. She is very honest (sometimes painfully so) about how she has failed herself and others and while I think that is brave there were things revealed that made me like her less. You know how there are people in your life you learn things from? This is not a person I think I could ever learn anything from except who not to be. (Wow, that sounds harsh even to myself and yet....I don't know how else to say it!) Do I want to know what the big mystery is she keeps alluding to with her best friend who died? Yes, but not enough to finish.

Corrigan is incredibly relatable, while being insightful. Her personal anecdotes made the book fly by and were a fantastic way to illustrate her points without shoving them down your throat.

First time reading anything by Kelly Corrigan - it was so good! Her tone was very conversational, and I felt like I was listening to a close friend throughout.

The author's chapter titled Yes is a list of things she will always say yes to. One of the items on my Yes list? Reading Kelly Corrigan's books.

I am now three for three with loving her books. I can't remember how I came across her memoir The Middle Place a few years ago but it was a revelation, as was its follow-up Glitter And Glue.

I didn't even need to know what Tell Me More was about before I requested an advance copy. I knew I'd love it and I was right.

Kelly Corrigan's writing never ceases to amaze me. Tell Me More is structured differently from her memoirs but we still get her excellent storytelling. There were a few chapters where I wasn't quite sure where her stories were going or how they connected to the chapter's phrase. But she always, always brought it home.

True to form, I laughed out loud and I teared up. Her writing can be so moving and especially when paired with the lessons she's learned.

I'd finish reading the chapter and sit back a little, taking it in, thinking through how it applied to my life. I think that's the point of reading Tell Me More. It's giving us a chance to consider what things we need to say to the people around us.

When I worked for hospice, we'd often reference the five things you should say before you die: thank you, I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, and goodbye. I thought about this as I looked at Corrigan's twelve phrases. There's very little overlap and yet the two lists partner well together.

Onward was one of my favorite chapters. It includes one of the best metaphors about grief and loss I've ever encountered. Corrigan quotes her friend Andy's eulogy for his wife and her best friend Liz. The book is worth reading for that alone.

But honestly, this is a book that's just plain worth reading. Corrigan is relatable. She's not perfect. She doesn't have it all figured out and in that vein, she invites us to come alongside and learn with her. This is a book I want to refer back to for when I'm in a sticky situation or I'm not sure what to say or I need to improve my communication skills with loved ones.

I you hear me saying, "tell me more" or "it's like this" a lot more, you'll know why.

Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan is an open, honest, thoughtful, loving memoir which shares points in her life when she learned the true importance and meaning of saying 12 different phrases that we constantly hear in our language. The phrases include: tell me more; it's like this; I don't know; I know; No; Yes; I was wrong; Good enough; I love you; No words at all; Onward; and This is it.

Through her reflections, she teaches us not only the importance of the words we choose, but also how to better our own communications and relationships with others in our lives. Some of my personal favorites to remember are:

"Learn to say no. And when you do, don't complain and don't explain. Every excuse you make is like an invitation to ask you again in a different way."

"Sometimes the art of relationship is declaring your limits, protecting your boundaries, saying no."

"There's so much that you don't know, you can't know, you aren't ever going to know."

"You can't be really loved if you can't bear to be really known."

"We can be damaged and heavy-hearted but still buoyant and insightful, still essential and useful, just by saying "I know"."

and finally,

"Life is a mystery. Live your mystery."

Thanks to NetGalley and Random House for allowing me to read an e-ARC of this book. All opinions are strictly my own.

Corrigan is so relatable. She talks parenting, the death of a close friend and the death of her father, marriage and real life. She can be funny, honest, self-deprecating, and poignant all within the same story. This one will stay with me.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC copy in exchange for a review.