I was not familiar with Tim Kreider's work before this but I'm now a real fan. I greatly enjoy writing that says something a little or a lot profound combined with a sly wit. A slight comedic slant embedded in a piece demonstrating some element of psychological profundity is attractive writing.

Thank you to NetGalley for introducing this writer's work to me - an ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

You may wonder after reading the book description if I would have anything new to say about the book. The answer is, not really. I agree that this book is profound and hilarious and Tim Kreider has lived a most interesting life with his romantic and platonic relationships. Each essay gave insight into this man’s thinking but he also touched most frequently on universal truths of human relationships; observations we can all relate to our own lives. The women in his life were all different with some strong similarities. They were smart and adventurous. No shrinking violets here. I highly recommend this book!

This book is a group of essays by the author written on the subject of love in different circumstances with a humorous bent. It is my first experience with his writing and I'd never heard of him before. I became interested in reading it from the description and found it rather diverse and entertaining as he takes a deep introspective look at his various relationships during his adult life. This serial dater seems to question his choices in women and wonder if it's become obvious that he's a committment-phobe when it comes to women, now that he's in his forties and still has only ever lived with a cat.

An advance digital copy was provided by NetGalley, Tim Kreider, and Simon & Schuster for my review. Publication date is Feb. 6, 2018

I felt like this book was definitely misrepresented going in to it. The cover is humorous, and the opening pages are filled with praise for the author's comedic genius, but the essays that follow are really not funny, though they certainly are well-written enough to hold my interest even when discussing things that generally wouldn't draw my interest.

Any serious self-examiner who may consider him or herself a discerning reader, will completely miss out on an uplifting and enjoyable reading experience if caught up in ignoring this book because of its title. Obviously, Mr. Kreider, on surface, could have come up with a better choice. But the hype surrounding it, and all the publisher’s included blurbs, at first made me excited enough to read this book regardless of the corny title. My rather lukewarm reception and relative non-engagement with the very first essay severely disappointed me however. But, in fairness, his second essay, titled "Kind of Love", happened and all was forgiven. In it the ex-cartoonist, Kreider, is reversely propositioned by a performance artist doubling as a successful prostitute, and the book definitely becomes for me a potentially interesting read. Her offer of a no-strings-attached appreciation-blow job followed by the fortuitous opportunity of his spending an entire week with her at his secluded cabin seemed to me to be an extraordinary proposition. They spend hours discussing questions of existence and relationships, not to mention a few other experimental behaviors.

"…We both suffered from bouts of abysmal self-doubt, and each sometimes lay awake at night wondering O what is to become of me?…"

This second essay offered many reasons for self-reflection, and even as I continued on reading Kreider’s further essays, I was astounded by the quality and interest still generated by that amazing second one.

"…I’ve often thought that if I’d been impressed into an arranged marriage with one of my old girlfriends I’d’ve been perfectly happy—or at least no unhappier than I am now…"

Kreider is so refreshingly honest on the page, and though he makes no excuses nor apologies for his being so forthright, he realizes his flaws and humbly submits them to a meaner reader’s criticism. David Foster Wallace publicly declared, “Kreider Rules”. And the more I read of him I too get what Wallace was saying.

"…I suspect the more unsettling truth is that there are quite a lot of people out there you could fall in love and spend your life with, if you let yourself…The romantic ideal whereby the person you love, the person you have sex with, and the person you own property and have children with should all be the same person is a more recent invention than the telescope."

The essays keep getting better and better. Even if a reader believes he or she is involved in what could be considered a healthy relationship, Kreider provides ideas and anecdotes that further the discussion and examination of one’s self. An amazingly intelligent and interesting read. Not myself a cat lover, Kreider even suggests that feline romance might be looked into as well as he goes into great detail regarding his own nineteen-year relationship with a once-stray cat.

"…having been given up at birth…It wasn’t until I found myself still single in my forties, long after all my friends—even the most obvious misfits, womanizers, sots and misogynists—had successfully mated and reproduced, that I started to wonder whether it hadn’t had some more significant effect."

Kreider’s adoptive mother volunteered him at John Hopkins University for a psychological study as an infant. His brilliant and charming essay, "The Strange Situation", goes into great detail over his search for answers over why he is the way he is and his investigative research into a study that had been previously kept secretly protected.

"…“Whereas if I was securely attached as an infant”, I told Margot, “it would mean that I’m not a victim of some primal loss or trauma but just another dickhead.”
“My point exactly,” she said. “Even if you were traumatized, and even if you had some scientifically documented evidence for this, you are still ultimately responsible for any dickhead behavior.”… "

Refreshing today to actually hear somebody state existentially that we are responsible for our own behavior, and our lives. So much blame on our mothers these days. Not to mention the trashing of our dads. A reminder that without these flawed characters reproducing we wouldn’t have had the opportunity of a lifetime. I am forever grateful my parents had me. Of course, things could have been better, but here I am working out my own existence, attempting to evolve, and struggling through my nagging frustrations.

"…Church was boring, make no mistake—the drawings I did in bulletins could fill a multivolume set of notebooks—but at least it wasted far fewer hours of my life than school…Ceasing to believe what your parents and all the other nicest grown-ups you know have always taught you, and still believe themselves, is initially liberating, but it’s also alienating. It makes you feel secretly snobby, and sorry, and alone."

Kreider especially touches a nerve in this second-to-last essay in the book. There are so many relative points he makes in his always entertaining and enlightening prose. He is funny even when deathly serious. It also becomes obvious throughout that Kreider is simply a pretty good man, still single, but who maintains a growing number of close friends. Relationships that might be rightfully construed as long accomplishments similar to a good marriage.

"…Although Lauren doesn’t love the idea of dying any more than the next person, it doesn’t especially upset her to believe that life is meaningless or the universe indifferent. She thinks people like me, taught as children that a just and loving God is watching over the sparrows, feel bereft, cheated of something promised. Which is why we’re the ones who suffer these chronic cases of existential despair."

The psychological aspects of author essayist Tim Kreider’s bachelorhood in relation to his long term relationships with several women are explored in “I Wrote This Book Because I Love You”. These fascinating, humorous and entertaining essays cover a period of about two decades. Kreider candidly explored his near obsessional love for a close married friend, his brief affair with a sex worker, a love relationship with a pastor that established her own church, and others.

There is a much needed “Dramatis Personae” that explained the cast of characters contained in the essays, letting readers know who’s who. “Death Defying Acts” opens with his unusual relationship with Annie; who, as a circus performer invented her colorful and exciting life as she went along. Annie suggested Kreider join her in Mexico, so they could get married (for her own protection)—instead, he often posed as her husband rather than officially tying the knot.

Originally from Baltimore, Kreider, also a cartoonist-- compared his profession to being a poet. Few were “lured” into these professions by “groupie action” or financial security. Most of his followers and fans were punks, bearded conspiracy theorists, or Satanists. Before the internet evolved featuring the popular dating apps singles enjoy today, Kreider was contacted by a “pleasure activist”-- who had a teenage psych history that included admission in a mental hospital. His cartoons helped her get through a dark period of her life. Although about 65% of his time with her was spent waiting as she prepared for public appearances, she had an interesting dual use for “Violet” her purple oversized coat.

Once Kreider rented a heard of goats, and sent out a mass email with photos to prove it. The reasons for this business venture were unclear. Despite his reluctance to be known as “the cat guy” Kreider wrote with much fondness and devotion of the cat he has had for 19 years.
After his next door neighbor had a screaming melt-down, totally losing his s**t—Kreider marveled at seeing him out on the street about 20 minutes later-- calm, collected as if nothing had ever happened.
Protest and activism (some associated with 9/11) included going to Washington D.C. with his married friend and staying with her in a local hotel. As a total good guy, he slept on the floor, but it didn’t alter his strong feelings for her.

When Kreider moved to NYC, it was typically a challenge to remain financially stable; he sublet a fifth floor walk-up during a heatwave. Writing, he noted was about as meaningful as doing his taxes. Two of his former girlfriends had attended Scott College, and suggested he apply there for a teaching position. He got the position, and was immediately warned about the young uninhibited female students who would come-on to him. One of his strengths didn’t exactly involve resisting temptation, his male friends gave him a hard time, yet he had no intention of ever getting sexually involved with a student.
To his credit, none of his relationships ended with drama or bad feelings, and he remained on good terms with all his former girlfriends. This seemed a bit unusual, though it worked for him. Kreider’s relationships improved and seemed continue in a mutually supportive positive direction.
**With thanks and appreciation to Simon & Schuster via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

"I’ve often thought that the single most devastating cyberattack a diabolical anarchic mind could devise would not be on the government, the military, or the financial sector, but simply to simultaneously make every email and text ever sent universally public. It would be like suddenly subtracting the strong nuclear force from the universe: the fabric of society would instantly disintegrate, every marriage, friendship, and business partnership dissolved.Civilizations held together by a fragile wed of tactful phrasing, polite omissions, and benign lies, would sef-destruct….”

Boy and how, talk about chaos, could anything be more devastating to so many of us? Kreider had me laughing, nodding my head and saying ‘yup me too’. His cynicism is refreshing, his humor was a welcome escape from life, which as I age isn’t always a thing I can muster optimistic enthusiasm about! Who ‘sort of gets married’ to a girl just so they can accompany her on a circus train into Mexico? Tim does! Who falls in love with people who are unavailable, well who doesn’t? “I knew a number of people who had believed themselves, at various times, to be engaged to Annie.” I’m half in love with the women he’s had in his life myself, hilarious!

He had some ‘groupie action’, being a cartoonist may not be rock star level but hey, you never know, with one “Elektra Bold” or Zoey, we’re not sure, it wasn’t her real name either. It was his younger days and here he was the ‘normal one’. He needed to be ‘undomesticated’, by a woman extremely free in her sexuality. You’ll understand when you read his book! He talks about 9/11 and the bond we all had through blood lust, and the madness that followed. I laughed about his protesting, going with his friend who equally dislikes to protest. Not one for chanting “hey hey ho ho”, no matter how serious the subject, I was giggling like a schoolgirl. Not all of us can be wild-eyed revolutionaries, some of us just lack the OOMPH. Not everyone fancies landing in jail over their passionate feelings about the state of the world. Cartoons, there are always funny political cartoons that can be made!

He becomes a cat bachelor against his will, his longest relationship ever! Yes it’s actually funny reading about this bond he shares with his feline. Maybe you have to be a pet person? Against his will, don’t so many loves find us that way, animal and otherwise? Damn you, I wasn’t ready, I didn’t want this! You’re not my type! Worse when you are in love and keep it only in your own head, as Tim is guilty of. Or maybe it’s not love, what the hell do any of us know of love anyway?

Isn’t it beautiful to know humanity is sour, that the entire world is not composed of Pollyannaish types (oh dear, showing my age again)? We can’t all put a ‘positive spin’ on the miserable moments of life, and maybe we Americans are spoiled in being temporarily devastated by silly things but we own it! Don’t most of us take comfort in the fact we aren’t the only ones suffering? Funny how Tim’s searches on google, something so trivial, can let you know you aren’t the only one in the gutter looking up at those stars, maybe too lazy to stand up. Isn’t there beauty in realizing we are all just a hair away from falling apart? No? Searches on the internet beg to differ! As he says “Time will pass without mercy. We will die. It will suck.” But we can have fun and laugh at ourselves or at Tim in the meantime.

Maybe it’s all psychology, after all, he was once a test subject as an infant thanks to his mother. Maybe we’re all born to either cling or reject? Paired with our opposites, who knows? Whether he is smushing ants or dissecting his relationships, he rips open his brain and spills thoughts all over the reader. Always self-deprecating, honest to an embarrassing fault and too much like all of us, but no way will we admit it, Kreider shares his love-life and more. A talent to watch and not just one for the boys!

Publication Date: February 6 2018

Simon & Schuster

Super smart and charming collection of brilliance and insight. Tim Kreider bravely bares all, from sharing details of his own romantic exploits, to pulling no punches in addressing modern America's foibles. I only wish examples of his comics had also been included, I loved reading about the thinking that went into some of them. If you haven't seen his illustrations, many are Google-able. It's rare that one person can be so talented in two different disciplines (Beatrix Potter and Victor Hugo were two other talented writer-artists). I love how non-formulaic Kreider's writing is, and from each of these essays I learned something different; he even makes his footnotes entertaining! Whether I was in agreement or not, with Kreider's stance or personal philosophy I still enjoyed his explanations of such. It is beautiful how this succession of essays fits together in such a fully memoir-like fashion. Upon finishing I only wish that Kreider could write more, or faster. If his location weren't undisclosed, I'd like to find him and tell him it's not too late to go to Iceland! I cannot wait to read about that, and anything else he produces.