I had high hopes for this book and it did not disappoint! I love ironic or twisted fairy tale retellings, and this book delivered those in spades. I was particularly delighted/disgusted by the Velveteen Rabbit retelling. The writing had moments of being a little choppy, which is what knocks this down a bit for me, but I was engaged throughout and thought the stories flowed from one to the other very nicely.

The Velveteen Rabbit story is the golden star of this book. Good god.

I have a certain affection for fairy tales. I love them all, from the dark original versions to the colorful and happy Disney films all the way to the retellings, like The Lunar Chronicles. The stories are so familiar, but each has their own tiny spin. I can't ever really get enough of them.

The stories in this book are their own retellings, but they're dark retellings of the original dark stories. Unfortunately, they're not all winners. Most....are not winners, actually.

We start with The Little Mermaid and end with The Fisherman and the Fish. Both of these are favorites of mine (Disney version of the former, original of the latter), and I am especially disappointed that the last is so intensely disappointing. It...there's no magic here. There's no witty turn on the classic tale.

And that happens a lot throughout. And at least one, I have literally no idea what fairy tale it's based off of. Seemingly it's The Goose Girl, but the ending...makes no sense? I've googled the tale repeatedly and still can't figure out WTF is happening here.

I'm so disappointed. Especially because The Rabbit is so fucking creepy, it deserves an award of its own. I would give that story 5 stars, but the rest of the book has dragged the overall rating down to a 2.

I received a digital ARC of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I love Mallory Ortberg’s voice as a writer, whether as Dear Prudence at Slate, her weekly newsletter The Shatner Chatner, and at The Toast. This book came out of the “Children’s Stories Made Terrifying“ series there and does a marvelous job of extending it.

I was a little worried at first when the first story in the collection didn’t click with me, but by story three I think I had fully adapted to the tone of the stories. I love the way each story interweaves multiple sources in a way that feels familiar but entirely uneasy- her take on The Velveteen Rabbit is one of the creepiest things I’ve read in a while in the best possible “I need to put this book down for a little bit” way.

4.5/5 stars

What a strange collection of stories. I'm gonna have to split this book right down the middle. I absolutely loved some of the stories...The Daughter Cells (a gory re-telling of The Little Mermaid)...Fear Not (I read and loved Good Omens, so this was pretty funny)...The Rabbit (this f-ing story is gonna give me nightmares)...The Six-Boy Coffins (this was a great story that was very reminiscent of a Grimm Fairytale).

Other stories were just ok...The Merry Spinster (this was a strange take on Beauty and the Beast)...The Thankless Child (a Cinderalla-ish story that was good, but very strange).

Then there were the stories that I either didn't like or flat-out had no friggin clue what was going on...The Wedding Party (no clue what this was about or what was even happening)...and all the rest.

For the most part, I enjoyed this book. I don't know that I would recommend it to everyone as this type of storytelling appeals only to some, but for those who enjoy the strange and the twisted, this book is definitely for them

My feelings on this book are probably best described as "it's me, not you." I feel like there were themes or ideas in these stories that I just didn't get. It's an odd little collection and I get the sense that the author is playing with larger issues of gender and psychology and relationships. However, it was done in such a strange way that I didn't ever really feel invested in the tales (I felt like The Wind in the Willows inspired story was the only one in which I really understood what was going on). I love fairy tales and fairy tale subversion, but I think I might need it to hit me over the head a little bit more to connect.

As a librarian in New England, I was the perfect demographic for the late, lamented blog The Toast, so I clearly enjoy Mallory Ortberg's writing. If you also liked The Toast, or you just love fairy tales with gothic twists, you will enjoy these modern takes on classic stories.

I really thought I'd love this one, but it was just okay. I feel like I've read a lot of similar stories in other collections before. I felt like the author didn't really make me think about classic tales in any new ways.

Take the usual fairy tales, give them a dark feminist twist. There, that is what this book contains. Short tales shrouded in darkness.
Cleverly entertaining.
4 Stars

Charming, disturbing fairy tales and children's stories for fans of Kelly Link and Helen Oyeyemi.

Mallory brings us a collection of short tales based on fairy tales, with a twist!

I really enjoy her writing style. It's almost as if she is having so much fun writing that her joy spills all over the page!

If you are expecting some lovely version of your favorite fairy tale, that would be a mistake. There is nothing pretty and Disney about her version. It's horror, pure and simple. 

The innocent Velveteen Rabbit? Never again will I look at that book the same! Mallory puts her unique spin on her versions, both feminist and queer (her words). And as horrified as I was starting with The Little Mermaid, I still laughed until I cried and enjoyed every moment. 

Check out her writing and see if you get hooked!

Well Done!    Netgalley/Holt Paperbacks   March 13, 2018

I usually enjoy Mallory Ortberg's writing style, but these fairy tale retellings were a little too dark for me. I was expecting more humor than I got.

The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror, by Mallory Ortberg. Holt, 2018

This is a collection of retold fairy tales. Some of the stories are some of the better of this genre, in the vein of Angela Carter. Others left me just puzzled. The author lists her influences in the back of the book, which I liked because I wasn’t sure about some of them. She didn’t just work from the brothers Grimm; she also has Biblical influences, Shakespeare, the Wind in the Willows, and even does a riff on the Velveteen Rabbit (which I thought was a really creepy tale).

These are not pretty tales; they are all on the dark side. The ‘Wind in the Willows’ one, “Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad” is about as dark as you can get, seeing how far people can go in the name of ‘helping’ others. One really different aspect to these stories is how Ortberg puts a spin on gender and terminology; princesses can be male or female, as can wives and husbands or sons and daughters. I liked the idea of ‘wife’ being a job description rather than a term fixed by one’s genitals! The author also has a wicked sense of humor that comes out at times. Four stars.

I was unable to connect with these stories and am not a good reviewer for a collection of short stories. I believe I requested this book in error. I hope it is a success. I apologize for my lack of input.

Thanks to Disney's whimsical remakes of capital "R" Romantic folklore, my only childhood exposure to fairytales was cheerful princesses singing their way to happy endings surrounded by industrious animal friends. But we're all adults here. I think by now, we all know these are just sugar-coated versions of some pretty gnarly source material.

The Merry Spinster meets us somewhere in the middle with 11 twisted versions of well known fables and fairy tales that are somehow as playful as they are sinister. The shorts are adapted from Mallory Ortberg's series Children's Stories Made Horrific from the temporarily offline The-Toast.net. It's certainly not required that you know the OG classical versions of the stories to understand what's going on, but it can't hurt. As with any sort of parody, the better the grasp you have on what is being referenced, the more you'll get to wryly smirk to yourself as you read along.

If scary stories aren't really your jam, just know that these aren't necessarily as gruesome as fairy tales of yore (...okay, maybe some are). Rather, they're well-crafted and sly in their horror-- the truly chilling undercurrents are the social mores, the patriarchy, and what we endure in the name of love. This is where Ortberg's particular brand of dry dark comedy really shines through. Much like her debut book, Texts from Jane Eyre, the language and style remain faithful to originals, a truly gritty homage.

Reading through past interviews, I feel like Ortberg's love for the title might be what willed the rest of the book into existence. It's super fitting too: the Merry Spinster archetype may be the only uplifting motif running through these bleak pages. So on that note, here's a quote from the author explaining the concept beautifully:
"I would always love for my next book to be a light comic novella called The Merry Spinster and to explore those themes of glorious female solitude. I think female solitude is a mental condition as well as a physical state. You can be married and a spinster. I think spinster is an identity every woman can claim, if she will. …I feel like a lot of women, or a lot of feminists, joke about taking to the sea or living alone in a cottage as this kind of fun freedom."

The Merry Spinster is Mallory Ortberg's take on all the classic fairy tales that you never realized were so problematic and terrifying. It would be a mistake, though, to dismiss these stories as simple re-tellings. Rather, they follow a theme of suffering and realness that at times reminded me of C.S. Lewis's fiction. Mallory writes beautifully. She crafts sentences that draw you in and spit you out before you realized the journey she has taken you on. The stories are short, but pack a punch. I only wish I had more of them to read.

These stories are not for everyone, but for those who love the unique writing style of Ortberg, you are in for a real treat with these scary tales.

Story collections are always something I think is a great resource for writers as well as a good way to find new and interesting takes on different genres. If you like creepy and twisted fairy taes you will like this book.

A truly original and clever collection of stories. All at once weird and compelling. I had so much fun trying to identify the basis of these tales. From the Grimm Brothers to the Bible, Ortberg finds inspiration in the most unlikely places and puts just the right twist to make them almost unrecognizable and totally original. The titular story, based on Beauty and the Beast was my favorite, even if it's heartbreaking. I also loved Good Fences Make Good Neighbors and The Frog's Princess. This is not Disney though. These are very dark and messed up stories with a twisted sense of humor and the way that the author plays with the language surprised me and made me laugh. And yes, these are tales of horror, but everyday horror... the casual cruelty, the desperation, the sadism are recognizable in the real world, even if they are disguised as fiction. Very good.

I received an advance copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

If you've read The Toast (dot net may she rest in power), you've read Mallory's weird, twisted, unforgettable Children's Stories Made Horrific. Some of the previously published entries are in this book, and the rest of the stories are new (at least to me).

Mallory's skill with words is hard to deny-- she has a way of tweaking a sentence to take it from mundane to something that invokes dread in you, whether it's because of the character's sudden and distinct lack of humanity, or the terrible and dispassionate response of a god. In these stories, she not only turns fairy tales on their heads, she also plays with the ideas of gender, gender roles, friendship, and love. Her Frog and Toad story continues to terrify me, and her Little Mermaid is fantastic.

This was a solid four star book for me, and I encourage anyone who appreciates the weird (or The Toast) to pick this up