This book has me conflicted. I understand that real life and the aftermath of real crimes are not so tidy and don't necessarily have a set ending; however, I felt that To the Bridge was unnecessarily meandering. It could have also benefited from a list of all of the protagonists; I was frequently confused as to who was a friend/relation of which parent (Jason or Amanda) and had to go back to see what was said previously about their interactions with the family to figure out who they were. The book did hold my interest and kept me reading; it just felt like being taken on a confusing, rambling walk that eventually led nowhere.

I received a digital ARC from the publisher via Netgalley.

To the Bridge by Nancy Rommelmann is a true crime novel or according to the author "reported non-fiction" with reconstructed true events.

Journalist Nancy Rommelmann writes an interesting account of what took place on that fateful night on May 23, 2009 when Amanda Stott-Smith dropped her four and seven year old children from the Sellwood Bridge in Portland, Oregon. Amanda, battling depression and substance abuse, lived with her parents after her marriage to Jason fell apart. Amanda had a son from a previous relationship, but only chose to kill Jason's children. Was it revenge or was she protecting her children from a life of constant abuse?

An interesting read for sure but a tad long. True crime books are insightful as they delve into the workings of the inner psyche and try to understand how a mother could harm her own children. What drove Amanda to this point? I rate this novel 3.5 out of 5 stars.

Thank you NetGalley and Little A for providing a copy of this novel in exchange for a fair review. https://moesbookblog.wordpress.com/

Reviewed: June 4, 2018. Novel Publish Date: July 1, 2018.

To the Bridge attempts to answer that we all have about mothers that kill their children. Why? How could a mother do this unfathomable act?
I think the majority of us accept that the mother must be insane to do that but still questions linger. Where was the dad, her family, her friends? Could anyone have seen this coming? Could anyone have stopped this from happening?
Nancy Rommelmann presents a compelling case that there was plenty of warning signs that this family was barreling towards tragedy.
You won't want to put this book down until all the dots are connected.

Journalist and author Nancy Rommelmann found herself captivated by a news story. Amanda Stott-Smith, a young mother, had, in the early morning hours of May 23, 2009, driven to the Sellwood Bridge in Portland, Oregon and dropped her two young children into the Willamette River below. The elder of the two, seven-year-old Trinity, survived. Four-year-old Eldon didn't make it.

Acts like this immediately draw an almost knee-jerk response of being labeled incomprehensible, wholly incompatible with our idea of motherhood. But as Rommelmann puts it, referring to a statement made in court proceedings surrounding the incident, "Truly incomprehensible..." put a period on curiosity.

What had brought her to the bridge, to a place, where she thought the right decision was to murder her children?

Rommelmann acknowledges that this is undesirable territory for storytelling, and yet makes a strong case for why the story deserves to be told anyway. It's far too easy to throw stones, our instinct in a heinous case like this, and then turn away from the ugliness of it all without trying to understand anything more about the reasoning. Because whatever happened, whatever the why is - there is a reasoning behind it.

The argument here isn't Amanda deserves sympathy - but rather to acknowledge that this event didn't occur in a vacuum. We owe it to everyone involved, and to our own understanding, to look deeper instead of following natural instinct to label it "incomprehensible" and look away.

I do not look away, because there is logic here, twisted logic, to be sure, but in the eyes of the perpetrators, logic nonetheless. We know this because they killed their children. At some point, whether a year prior or a minute before, these parents looked at what they perceived to be their options and decided their children would be better off dead.

And unfortunately, deaths like Eldon's aren't rare occurrences. The research Rommelmann shares serves to underscore how important an examination of incidents like this really is - it's not nearly as uncommon as we'd like to comfort ourselves with believing.

Unless a filicide, the killing of a child by a parent or stepparent, is committed in public, we may not hear about it at all, the circumstances of anonymous people killing their kids too tawdry, too sad, too, somehow, private to report on. The news you read this week is unlikely to include ten children being murdered by their parents.

Yet that's the statistic. What she lays out in this book about this particular crime segment is hard to believe but true.

Rommelmann sets out to uncover what happened in Stott-Smith's life, and in the family household, leading up to the bridge.

The Stott household was the picture of middle-class placidity, but it didn't matter how ordered your life was; murder flew in like a brick through a window and no one was ever ready.

Through extensive research, public records, attending court appearances, and myriad interviews with friends, family, colleagues, and various people connected to Amanda and her estranged husband, Jason Smith, Rommelmannn reveals a complex and disturbing series of dysfunctional behaviors and little mysteries. The narrative unfolds slowly and ominously - the storytelling is layered and rich with description and scene setting, always with an unsettling undertone. It meanders through parts of the past and switches time and perspective. It's a worthwhile entry in the genre of narrative true crime that focuses on telling a more nuanced story, as opposed to a collection of facts. I found myself thinking about it often when I wasn't reading, it's page turning despite the slower pace. At times it's almost uncomfortably intimate.

Neither Amanda nor Jason gave interviews themselves, but the picture of a troubled, unhealthy relationship emerges clearly from multiple accounts. It's also clear that the factors at play that eventually led, or at least contributed heavily, to this desperate attempt of Amanda's for attention are myriad, but they weren't entirely unexpected.

Amanda had been moved off the stage. And then she did something that put her front and center.

In this case, both Smiths had had run-ins with child services, domestic violence allegations and reports, and every time caseworkers had dropped the ball for varying reasons. It's even been admitted that the agencies involved made grave errors. "The eventuality was unthinkable to Amanda's family. But they did see it coming; they just didn't know what it was." Her family thought she'd be a danger to herself, not her children. But this is what's so terrifying - this didn't happen out of the blue, with a stunned friend or family member swearing they never knew their loved one was capable of such violence. So many signs and problems were at play here. Each revealing of one makes this messy narrative all the more disturbing.

Rommelmann followed the case from the beginning, and often her questioning or even presence was unwelcome. I understood this, as she did too. One long-time friend of Amanda's contacted her to say, "the last thing she needs right now is a book written about 'the crazy mom who threw her kids off the bridge.'" This seems to be the stance taken by several close family members on both Jason and Amanda's sides, including the two themselves. As Amanda's lawyer explains, imagine how you would feel if someone wanted to write a book about the worst day of your life. I get that, and I'm sure that's why Amanda herself refused any contact or input. But Rommelmann makes it clear that was never her intention - to play up the scandal and ignore the underlying psychological reasons.

I had started out determined to learn about Amanda, but as more people contacted me wanting to talk, it was Jason they wanted to talk about.

It's probing but never sensationalized, and tamps down the scandal aspect as much as can be expected, considering the subject. Psychology and cause and effect are the focuses here. Rommelmann also presents her observations carefully, with well chosen commentary, but leaving the reader to consider the bigger questions alone. That makes this a challenging - in the best of ways - read.

This is a true story, with complex motivations, reasoning, manipulation and abuses - there was much more than the headlines allowed. It's easier simply to say this was evil. It's much harder, and demands more of the observer, to look closer and allow some light to be shed on the shadows.