Many thanks to Simon and Schuster for providing me with an E-ARC of this book to review via Netgalley.  

Kiko is a half asian girl who is just trying to fit in to a small town, where it seems she's just too different to everyone else.  With a mother who sneers at asian culture and takes every opportunity to let Kiko know she will never be beautiful and popular like her, Kiko can't wait to get away and start art school.  But when Kiko doesn't get in to art school, her world seems to fall apart.  Her best friend is leaving, her horrible uncle, she has every right to be terrified of, is coming to stay and her anxiety is spiralling out of control.  At the same time, her oldest childhood friend arrives back in town.  Will they be able to pick up their friendship where they left off and does Kiko have any chance of piecing her crumbling life back together?

This was such a beautiful and sad story.  I originally picked it up because I realised I haven't read many stories with an asian protagonist and I enjoy reading books from the point of view of someone from a diverse background to mine.  I am always so aware that I will never be able to understand what life is really like for them, but I try as hard as I can to connect with their feelings.  The author did a wonderful job of illustrating the racial issues Kiko experienced, even from within her own family.  The anxiety rep was done really well and I enjoyed the fact that another character didn't just sweep in and 'fix' the issue for her, as so often seems to happen when a character suffers from anxiety in a book.  Starfish highlighted so many important and confronting topics - sexual abuse, mental health issues, anxiety, racial struggles, the sometimes unhealthy desire to please our parents at any cost and life path disappointment.  There was no insta-love and nothing was tied up in a neat little bow, and that seemed so fitting to the story. 

Overall, Starfish was a heart-wrenching contemporary novel that was definitely worth reading.

3.5 stars

Kiko Himura has never felt comfortable in her own skin. She's half-Asian and finds confrontation and social situations stressful. Kiko blames herself for her parents' divorce and seeks approval from her mother who puts Kiko down at every opportunity.
Kiko escapes in her art and dreams of leaving home to study at Prism, an art college.
Kiko's plans fall apart when she doesn't get a place at Prism. To make things worse, her abusive uncle moves in.
Then Kiko bumps into her childhood best friend and she gets the chance to leave town and look at art schools in California.
Can Kiko overcome her anxieties and become the person she wants to be?
Can Kiko ever have the relationship she wants with her mother?

Starfish is an emotional and powerful read about learning to accept yourself.
I really liked Kiko as a protagonist and felt sorry for the things she had been through.
I liked Jamie, Emery and the friends that Kiko made.
The romance was sweet but not overpowering.
I thought anxiety was portrayed very well.
The plot was interesting and held my attention. I found myself blinking away tears several times.
I enjoyed the writing style and definitely plan to read the author's next book.

Overall this was an enjoyable read that I would recommend.

Starfish is beautiful and magical. Bowman manages to paint the narrative of Starfish as vividly as Kiko paints her art in the novel. It is a wonderful coming of age story that follows Kiko as she comes to term with who she truly is, trying to carve her place in the world. The book deals with issues of race and sexual assault and gets heavy in places but it deals with these things eloquently. The book is very readable and I would absolutely recommend it!

*I received this ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review*

Kiko Himura has always had a hard time saying exactly what she’s thinking. With a mother who makes her feel unremarkable and a half-Japanese heritage she doesn’t quite understand, Kiko prefers to keep her head down, certain that once she makes it into her dream art school, Prism, her real life will begin.
But then Kiko doesn’t get into Prism, at the same time her abusive uncle moves back in with her family. So when she receives an invitation from her childhood friend to leave her small town and tour art schools on the west coast, Kiko jumps at the opportunity in spite of the anxieties and fears that attempt to hold her back. And now that she is finally free to be her own person outside the constricting walls of her home life, Kiko learns life-changing truths about herself, her past, and how to be brave.

Rating: 5/5 stars

This is such an important book and honestly it needs to be mandatory reading in schools.
It covers so many important things but the two main points are racism and mental illness. These are giant topics to cover but the author has done a truly wonderful job of handling this subject matter in a way that just about breaks your heart.

Kiko’s family and heritage is such a painful topic. Obviously Kiko’s mother is a truly horrible character who just pricks at her constantly and lives to emotionally abuse those around her, but the every day racism that Kiko faces not only from her but also essentially everyone she’s ever met is so upsetting and frustrating. Because they’re just small comments that build and build until it essentially forms Kiko’s entire makeup and her perception of herself within the world.
And the saddest thing is that the author is clearly writing from her own experiences and all these comments mentioning ‘normal’ or 'exotic’ or commenting on beauty are just part of the everyday racism people of colour experience constantly over their lives.

Additionally, my parents both have European backgrounds which I try to keep up with as much as possible- I’ve even tried to learn Italian and I lived in Italy for a few months earlier this year because my mother was born there and maintaining heritage is something that’s important to me. So watching Kiko experience her world as someone of mixed race (and seemingly never being enough of either) without even understanding her Japanese background is something that really saddens me, especially in the scene where she finally gets to experience China Town, where people 'look like her’.

Kiko’s relationships with those around her are complicated by her anxiety, which is part of her daily life. The anxiety I experience is quite mild compared to hers, but I still read along thinking 'same’ at many points, because anxiety, like many mental illnesses, is not something you can always explain, and some days it’s worse than others, and you just need to be around people who will try to understand. Sweet, sweet boy that he is, Jamie (and also Emery) tried really hard to understand and sure Jamie may have gotten frustrated but we have to remember these kids are teenagers you can’t be perfect all the time but okay Jamie was pretty darn close the whole thing was just so delicate and pure and perfect and I loved watching this relationship unfold.

Anyway this could go for forever but basically I loved that this was #OwnVoices and that is covered such important topics and the characters were all really really wonderfully written and I spent a lot of time crying but mostly just being HERE for Kiko because her growth is amazing and you go baby girl go find your strength.

I was a huge fan and I encourage everyone to read this ASAP.

Book Review
Title: Starfish
Author: Akemi Dawn Bowman
Genre: YA/Family Issues/Abuse
Rating: *****
Review: The opening to Starfish was interesting, we are introduced to Kiko Himura who is desperate to get into her dream art school; Prism but she doesn’t feel she is good enough especially in her mother’s eyes. Her mother and brother Taro aren’t characters I especially like they make Kiko feel small and useless when she is actually amazing. Kiko is a straight A student, works full time and is finding time to build an art portfolio.
Kiko has anxiety issues and when she gets invited to a Pre-graduation party she knows she won’t go as people terrify her and her overbearing mother probably won’t allow her to go anyway. I can really relate to Kiko she has all the insecurities that most girls had as teens but hers are worse as she is half-Japanese and is constantly faced with her Asian heritage as bad thing that people don’t like. Kiko also has a younger brother Shoji who is a lot like their father who was basically suffocated in their house, but he passed on his love of anime and manga to his younger son. Kiko’s mother does agree to let her go to the party but she doesn’t really want to go but goes anyway because her Uncle Max is visiting and there’s some strange history between him and Kiko, and she also hints that this history is the reason for her parent’s divorce.
When Kiko arrives at the party she doesn’t go in straight away opting inside to hide out in her car. Several things happen at the party, Kiko realises that she doesn’t fit in with these people and wants to leave but somehow ends up in a bedroom with Adam and we learn about her history with Max and I am almost certain that he sexually assaulted her when she was a child. She also reconnects with her childhood friend and crush Jamie, but he doesn’t show any interest in her and even tells her goodbye rather than goodnight ending her fantasies with a finality that she has never felt before. I really liked how even though Kiko’s parents are divorced her dad isn’t absent as she sees him often. He is remarried with new-born twin daughters and Kiko feels wanted and at home there, so I don’t see why she doesn’t live with her dad or maybe she is too scared to ask in case she is rejected or just that she is so conditioned that she can’t physically change without her mother’s approval. Although it is plain to see both parents are a let down in a way, her dad isn’t there with them and her mother is very emotionally withdrawn from her children to the point where her children are strangers to each other.
As we approach the ¼ mark in the novel, Kiko learns she didn’t get into Prism and how she is struggling to think of what to do since Max has moved in with them temporarily and her best friend is leaving for college and on top of all that Jamie seems to be acting really strange around Kiko. Kiko herself, seems to have set her sights on Prism and when she didn’t get in she literally has no back-up plan. I loved how Kiko expresses herself through her art because she is incapable of putting how she feels into words. Things are also taking a darker turn at home with Kiko constantly checking over her shoulder for Max and her things start to go missing and her mother still refuses to allow Kiko to get a lock on her bedroom door even though she knows what Max did although I don’t think her mother believes her. In addition, to all this Shoji wants to go and live with their father.
As we approach the halfway mark in the novel, Max wonders into Kiko’s room one night drunk and although he doesn’t do anything she is so scared she drive to Jamie’s place in the middle of the night. She doesn’t tell him about Max and he doesn’t ask but he offers to let her stay at his aunt and uncle’s place while they are away with his cousin and he will help her find an apartment when they return. After moving out of the family home Jamie suggests she comes to California with him and she agrees to look at some art schools and find one she really likes but it still isn’t Prism. However, when she goes to an art show she meets the artist Hiroshi was agrees to look and her work and write her a recommendation letter for the school which is a huge deal, he also asks her to come back to his studio to paint with him and expand her range as an artist, but she has to promise him to reapply to Prism next year with a different portfolio and his recommendation letter. We also see Jamie and Kiko moving towards a romantic relationships rather than a friendship.
As we continue on and Kiko is finding her feet away from her family she seems uncomfortable with Jamie trying to pursue a relationship whether this is her own issues, or her past isn’t clear, but it is complicated between the pair and Kiko does want a relationship, but she doesn’t want to be dependent on Jamie in order to have one. As Kiko gets closer to Hiroshi and his family especially his daughters; Akane and Rei she begins to feel more like herself than her mother’s shadow and while she is still worried and Shoji she is more focused on her own happiness and we finally learn where the title comes into the story as it so often does.
As we cross into the final section of the novel, everything comes to its climax and it forces Kiko to face her mother once and for all and move on with her life not the life her mother wants her to lead and she finds despite everything that has happened it leads her to the place she wants to be the most. Overall, I loved Starfish it took me less than a day to read it and it has become one of my all-time favourites and one of my favourite books of the year so far.

Akemi Dawn Bowman’s Starfish is such an important novel and it was also a very personal read for me. One of the main topics of the book is the protagonist’s, Kiko’s, social anxiety; I don’t think I’ve said this before on here, but I also suffer from social anxiety and that’s why I’m so glad for a novel such as this one.

"Normal people don’t need to prepare for social interactions. Normal people don’t panic at the sight of strangers. Normal people don’t want to cry because the plan they’ve processed in their head is suddenly not the plan that’s going to happen."

As I said before, I think the portrait of Kiko’s social anxiety was so well done here. I’ve never read a book before that made me think: yes. That’s exactly what it feels like to have anxiety. I don’t agree with every single aspect of the way mental illness was shown, but all in all I can only say that I think Akemi Dawn Bowman did a great job. Reading Starfish made me feel understood and like I’m not alone in what I’m feeling. As social anxiety is an illness that can make you feel very isolated, I was very happy to read about people — even if they’re fictional — who feel similarly.

"If I can’t figure out how to live on my own — how to do things on my own — how am I supposed to live at all?"

Starfish is about identity and finding yourself, about accepting yourself with all your flaws and all your problems. Because Kiko has a half-Japanese heritage, it’s shown that it’s not easy to be true to yourself, especially if you’re not even sure who you really are yourself. But Starfish is also about not giving up on your dreams and about the incredible worth and healing you can experience from doing something you love, as Kiko does with her art. I thought the aspect of art was very beautiful and inspiring altogether in this book and I think I’ve never read a book with an artist as the protagonist, so that was definitely lovely to read about.

"Hearts aren’t meant to be broken an infinite amount of times."

With all the things I loved, I still can’t confidently rate Starfish 5 stars. There was especially one thing that really bothered me: the way Kiko‘s mom was portrayed. Of course I know that there are people like that, narcissistic people, who only think about themselves. But I think her problems go way deeper than that and it made me feel uneasy. It seemed like social anxiety was a mental illness that’s “okay” and that people who suffer from it deserve help, but people who’re narcissists (which is a mental illness as well) deserve to be abandoned. I don’t know, I can’t really explain it, but that was something that didn’t sit well with me.

I know that the whole thing is way more complex than that and after all the things that happened, I do agree that Kiko and her brothers did the right thing. It’s important to look after yourself and if that means leaving toxic people behind, then that’s what you have to do. But I still think that Kiko’s mom needed help, too, and that she deserves it, even though she wasn’t a good mom at all.

On this note, I think it’s important to mention that this was not an easy book to read, especially if you have a mental illness. There are a lot of trigger warnings: sexual abuse, emotional abuse, mentions of suicide.

All in all, Starfish is a very important book and I’m so, so glad I got to read it. Not all aspects of it were perfect and I don’t agree with everything, but I’m thankful that this novel exists and I’m more than certain that I will return to this book many times and that it will always give me strength: be it the strength to accept myself, the strength to follow my dreams, the strength to hold onto the things I love or just the strength to keep going, even if things are hard.

"We all have to dream our own dreams. We only get one life to live — live it for yourself, not anyone else."

Wow. That was breathtaking. Bowman perfectly balances tone, and emotional complexity in 'Starfish' to create what by my definition is the PERFECT contemporary. I felt so deeply for Kiko, and her brothers. Her paintings were extraordinary even though they were only rendered in prose - I could see them so clearly, and I felt her pain and confusion. I loved her journey of acceptance, and honesty.

And ohmygoodness the mother. Have I ever rolled my eyes so hard at a character? I don't think so! Once again, the 'type' of Kiko's mother was wonderfully rendered and the intentions were absolutely clear. There was no mistaking that she was a horrendous person, and smothered Kiko until she didn't know how to distinguish good from apathetic. Although it was painful to read about a character like her mother, it made the story so much better because she was such a real-life, believable villain.

I loved the ending too. The narrative worked out not quite how I was expecting, which was a nice surprise. I was really worried the romance was going to blindside things for a minute there, but it remains about Kiko most of all so *claps vigorously*.

I wanted nothing but the best for Kiko, which is how I know this book will be staying with me for a long time.

Couldn't put the book down and when I did, I couldn't wait to get back to it. Both main characters were very likeable and its a love story that you hope will survive. Kiko is half-Asian and has deep-rooted issues around identity and belonging. To say her family is dysfunctional is an understatement and her mother has at least one personality disorder which has a profound impact on every family member. When Kiko's best friend leaves for college she is fortunate to re-gain a long lost childhood friend in Jamie. We see them rebuild the trust between each other and recapture their friendship. They are really sweet characters, although both seem mature beyond their years. Especially Jamie in the empathy and patience that he shows Kiko. The story is full of deep messages and is delicately told.

3.25 Stars
Art is the only way to run away without leaving home. Twyla Tharp

Every parent is meant to love their child unconditionally right? But what happens when they don’t? In physically abusive relationships there are often clear boundaries, and it’s easy to tell when those lines have been crossed. Psychological abuse blurs those lines, making it hard for the victim to know when to seek help. That is why Starfish is so important. It serves as a tool to help bring those boundaries in to focus, to highlight what is “normal” and “abnormal” behaviour. To comfort those who wish their parents would treat them differently but also help them to accept when that’s simply not going to happen.

Starfish is the book I needed when I was 14 years old. When I was struggling with similar issues and painting was my escape. When I was branded “weird” for being awkward and mixed race and wanting to draw. When I couldn’t see a way forward, Starfish would’ve given me hope for a better future. I would’ve found so much of myself in Kiko, identified with her dreams of going to art college and her desperate need to be free. Had it I read it back then there’s no doubt I would’ve given it 5 stars.

And whilst I still loved Kiko and think this is an important book, it was slightly too juvenile for where I’m currently at in life. I feel like I read Starfish at the wrong time. The issues I faced as a teen are all, thankfully, behind me and new issues have taken their place. I accomplished my dream of going to art college but realized that the route to success isn’t always a straight line and that art was not going to solve all my problems. I don’t dream as much as I used to and I therefore didn’t connect to Kiko the same way I would’ve when I was 14.

What this book did for me though, was remind me what it’s like to have hope and ambition - something I have seemingly lost in my adult years. Kiko’s relationship with Hiroshi, a prestigious artist, was absolutely my favourite part of the book and held more value than her relationship with Jamie. Hiroshi’s wisdom and guidance in her artistic career spoke volumes to me and reignited that congenital desire I have to create. It made me want to dream again and to push myself to do something with my art and, for that, I am so grateful to Akemi Dawn Bowman.

Starfish is a treasure. Whether it serves as a comfort during abuse or an inspiration to dream, it’s special and well worth the read.

This book was a fantastic heartbreaker. I really felt as though I was Kiko at times, especially in the accurate portrayal of a difficult parental relationship. The representation of social anxiety was one of the best I have ever read and I shall be using this book as an example of how to portray this from now on.

Plot: Kiko has always had a hard time fitting in – with a Japanese father, who has passed on his looks to her, and American mother, who denies her daughter’s heritage, she feels she belongs to neither culture. The one thing she can rely on though is her passion: art. But when she doesn’t get into the art school she’s always dreamed of, she’s completely lost. She escapes the place she’s grown up, breaks free, and heads to the west coast with a childhood friend to try another way to live, independently.

My thoughts: I found this book really fascinating. It’s aimed at YA – a genre I love – and that much is obvious from the coming of age, falling in love and escaping storyline, but I feel it’s a novel that has something to teach everyone. Kiko was a brilliant character.
The dual heritage discussion from a young person’s perspective was especially eye-opening for me – it was a different take on the feeling of not belonging that’s told again and again in YA novels. I also really liked the portrayal of social anxiety and coming up against it – it was very real and well done. Highly recommended!
(Also bonus points for that beautiful cover!)

I tried my hardest to go into this book with no expectations but for some reason, somewhere in the back of my mind, I expected to really enjoy it. Having read some reviews before picking it up, I had seen so many people rave about this book. I was seeing nothing but 5 star reviews and people claiming this as their new favourite book and I had thought I would be one of them. Sadly, not. For me, this book was average.

I didn't hate it, by any means. There are several aspects of the book that I particularly enjoy. For the most part, though, I just found it to be kind of 'meh' and not all that exciting. I didn't feel like very much happened and found there was nothing drawing me in and making me want to keep reading. I was a little bit disappointed.

Despite there being so many different aspects to the story, I felt as though the plot dragged. The main character, Kiko, is dealing with so much in her life and all of that is explored within the story. However, it was all a little bit boring. I'm not even sure how to explain it but it almost felt to me as though there was a pretty boring main plot and then all of the complex, interesting stuff going on in Kiko's life were different subplots rather than being involved in the main story. It definitely had potential but I don't feel like it was executed as well as it could have been.

One of those "suplot" aspects that I didn't like was the romance. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't like Jamie! He was a very bland character with little substance to him, but he was also just not a great person. I really didn't like his attitude towards Kiko's anxiety. He didn't even try to be nice about it, despite promising at one point to try harder, and just made her feel worse about something she couldn't control. I may have been muttering some not very nice words while reading about him.

Kiko's anxiety is a very prominent part of the book, which I think is really great. While she doesn't let it define her, it is clear to the reader just how much it impacts her life and how much she struggles with it. While the representation in this book was great, for the most part, I did have a few small issues with it. For the majority of the book, I thought the anxiety rep was very accurate and often really related to what Kiko was going through and how the situation was being described. However, there were a few times where it felt very exaggerated or that things were inconsistent. I would say, though, that the representation was pretty good overall.

I loved how important Kiko's heritage was to the story. Kiko is half-Japanese, but has not really had the opportunity to explore the Japanese culture. I think the way this was discussed and incorporated into the story was really great. There is a real emphasis on how much not being exposed to that side of her heritage has impacted Kiko and caused her to feel so insecure in herself. There was also great discussion regarding beauty and how there is more than one idea of beauty, not just the blonde, blue eyed Caucasian models displayed all over the media. This was probably my favourite aspect of the book and I particularly loved getting a bit of an insight into Japanese culture myself.

Overall, this book has a great message and did have it's good qualities but it didn't live up to the expectations I had for it. I found the plot to be slow and a little boring, and had some issues with a few characters. However, I did really love the emphasis on embracing your heritage and exploring different cultures, as well as the anxiety representation throughout the story. I can understand why a lot of people have really enjoyed it, but for me it was just an average read.

I devoured this book over the course of a few days and I think it may be the most important book I have ever read.
This book touches on so many subjects, mental health, emotional and sexual abuse, divorce, beauty ideals, racial discrimination, family issues, suicide and the terrifying feeling that you have no idea what to do with your life when things don't go how planned. I honestly don't know how to describe the emotion this incredible book is filled with, it manages to somehow be so tender and painfully raw at the same time. Kiko is a character I think a lot of young people (and like myself, not so young) can relate to today for one reason or another and she's  such an easier character to empathise with because of that.
The writing is a joy to read, it feels like Akemi seems to be able to pluck these emotions right out of our souls and paint them onto the page in the form of words. I laughed, I cried, I was devastated, shocked and proud throughout this book, it completely sucked me in and I was there right along side Kiko watching her learn and grow and I felt like I was learning and growing too. Kiko is a great example of when we know we're doing something that is detrimental to our health or isn't good for us but we can't stop because we rely on it and watching her learn to be strong and do things for herself was eye-opening and heart warming. It made me want to be a better person.
The story itself is balanced well, it doesn't drown out the important thoughts and choices Kiko has but still keeps everything moving and interesting. There are some great twists and turns hidden away in this beautiful unassuming book with a perfect ending for a stand alone novel. There aren't many books now days that I will reread, no matter how good they are but this feels like a book I'm going to read every once in a while to remind me of all the lessons is teaches. This has been a hard book to review because it's one that has felt so important to me and I've had trouble trying to find a way to put how I feel about it into words.

To find original contemporary books it's always hard, because most of them are pretty much alike with the same plots, the same events, the same type of characters. Starfish was just a little bit different because touched diverse topics, like anxiety issues, mental health, emotional and phisical abuse, but I still didn't feel emotional captivated enough to care about the story. Also, I didn't feel connected to the main character and this aspect penalized the story without a doubt. I gave it 3 stars because the main idea was interesting and the writing style was good.

<b>  🖌</b> <b>I related so much to Kiko’s anxiety</b>. The portrayal of social anxiety is spot on, I related to much to what Kiko described. She describes perfectly what it’s like to not be a party person and feeling totally out-of-place once the person who brought you disappears. Like same. I hate parties, loud music and count down the minutes until my friend is back. Another thing that I relate to is not having a lot of friends and being pretty invisible. Kiko has one friend and a few people who are in the friend group, but not really her friends. AGAIN I relate so much to that. Furthermore,  I related so much to the way she quickly felt overwhelmed by meeting new people and had huge problems with plans suddenly changing. Kiko describes how she needs time to recharge and talking exhausting her, I feel that in my soul.

🖌 <b>I love Kiko as a character and felt so sorry for her</b>. She’s so kind and loving. Kiko is a good person who definitely deserves a lot better than what she gets. I really relate to her wanting to have harmony at all times, even though this it's even more extreme for Kiko due to her mother. She always feels guilty and never wants to be a burden. It was breaking my heart to see how hard Kiko was. She also suffers from panic attacks and flashbacks due to her assault as a child, that we initially don't know too much about as she tries to repress it. Like me, Kiko has doesn't have a lot of self-esteem, however for her this is due her mom crushed it and everything else that could bring her happiness. Moving on, I loved her dedication to art and how it was her safe place. I would have loved to see her art not only the descriptions though.

🖌 <strong>I l</strong><b>iked the friendship between her and Emery, but it wasn't very prominent. </b>It's basically an<b> </b>Introvert + Extrovert being friends! Both girls have a difficult time with their family and that keeps them together. Emery is Kiko's anchor, she's the person she usually hides behind and the one that makes her feel safe. However, I was really sad that we don’t get to see more of their friendship, because the romance does take up a large part of the book. Emery is away at college, so we don't even learn more about her background, which was very disappointing. At least more phone calls with her could have happened!

<b> 🖌 We get to see a lot of Kiko’s struggles with her identity</b>. Like the author she is half Japanese and half white, but always hates to stand out. Kiko hates it when people call her exotic and say they cannot ‘date girls like her’. The author presented her own struggles and incorporated them. I felt sorry for Kiko, as her mother is also super racist (mom = white, father = Japanese decent) and makes it public how much she despises that Kiko looks so unlike her. That prompts her daughter to hate to be different from everyone else and consider herself ugly. Throughout the book Kiko begins to learn that beauty is not just one thing, not just white celebrities like her mom wants it to be, but is different from everyone. She connects with her heritage in a way she could not, because her mom was always holding her back with her racism, I love how Hiroshi helped her realize a lot of things, he was a great mentor!

<b> 🖌 I have mixed feelings about the romance. </b>So on the one side I really dig their friendship and dynamic. It’s so realistic and heartbreaking that they grew apart as kids.  I do like how Jamie supports Kiko and is actually showing her love and validating without any strings attached, He is honest, straight-forward and loyal, someone Kiko really needs after her mom. BUT on the other side he’s a bit clueless about social anxiety and Kiko’s situation. Like he's trying to understand her but he doesn’t really get anxiety at all and it’s grew really annoying after a while. It feels like he thinks Kiko can just stop being nervous and over thinking, when it’s clerarly not a choice. He’s frustrated because she doesn’t suddenly want to go to parties and it makes Kiko feel guilty. It really makes me uncomfortable too, that he’s expecting her to turn out different despite claiming that he’s not expecting her to fulfill a certain role.  Furthermore, Kiko says she needs to stand on her own first, before becoming dependant on him, before he becomes her crutch. That's something I fully supported and I was glad that she went through with it. I was a bit stumped when we moved towards the end and there was suddenly a fight with not enough time to resolve it, but I can say that I loved the epilogue!

<spoiler>I hate that Jamie took pictures of Kiko’s art without her permission. Why does this keep happening in YA contemporary books? The love interest taking pics of the others art to send it/show it to famous people ‘for their own good’ + tadaa it works. It’s still a huge violation of privacy, so I’m not too happy that this trope keeps turning up, especially since it’s never properly called out.</spoiler>

<b> 🖌 Kiko's mother is of course the worst</b>. I knew that core theme of the book was going to be the abuse that Kiko endures. Her mom is obviously abusive, both physically (Kiko flinched away from her) and emotionally. I don't really have to get into what Kiko's mom does, there are too many horrible things. She basically only cares about herself, and is obsessed with only her needs. Kiko's mother only cares only cares about her children when it’s convinent for her. She also loves to play the victim, making everything all about herself and put the blame on her children instead. Of course Kiko’s mom never believed her daughter about her brother abusing her and invites him back in her home, which shows how little she cares about anyone but herself. Anyone who dares raise their voice, is framed as being difficult and making her life hell. Kiko wants to damn to please her, but never can. She is preyed upon the most, as her mom seems to beat up the ‘weakest’ the most, as her brothers have shut their emotions away in a way Kiko could not. Kiko craves loves and validation, which makes this even more toxic for her and I felt so sorry for her!

<strong>However I cannot speak on the representation of abuse</strong>. The rep is ownvoices and many people have identified with it, but there are other opinions I wanted to showcase. Therefore, I direct you to <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2118099685?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong>Elise's Review</strong></a> that she kindly allowed me to link here! Her Review is very in-depth and well written! She shows a different opinion of the rep and says that the book can be very hard and triggering for abuse survivors. Check out her Review, she can speak on this way better than I could!

<strong>IN CONCLUSION</strong>: <em>Starfish</em> was a very hard read, because it deals with a lot of abuse and sexual assault. I was <strong>very invested in the book the entire time</strong>, especially as I related to Kiko and her anxiety so much! However, I had a few mixed opinions about the romance and was a bit saddened that we didn't see nearly enough of Emery and Kiko's friendship.

Books like this is why I'm still breathing because they show you how a person can go through the worse kinds of abuse, neglect and hell and realize they don't deserve this shit. They become stronger and realize that they're worth so much more than how people treat them and they need to follow and pursue their dreams because it's their life to live and no one has the right to control them. They begin to realize that there's nothing wrong with the shape of their eyes, nose, face, body, the color of their skin and that does not give people a single fucking right to assume their worth.

Starfish is a painfully beautiful contemporary about one girl's journey into self confidence and freedom. It captures a full spectrum of emotions with intense colour and detail, and every page is filled with so much raw truth that it still has its fishhooks in my heart.

The book tells the story of a young artist trying to restart her life. Kiko Himura doesn't just want art school, she needs it. Because without art, she is nothing. And she wants to be seen as something, particularly in front of her mother. So when she doesn't get into her dream school, Kiko and her childhood friend leave her small town to look at new options, and with the help of a mentor who truly sees her, she begins to feel hope for her future again.

Akemi Dawn Bowman deals with the serious themes of her debut eloquently. Kiko experiences a lot of neglect from her mother, and it shapes how she perceives herself. Her mother's abuse is complex, but the more their relationship is explored, the more I grew to utterly despise Kiko's mother and how she constantly undermined her passions, emotions, and trauma. Family, race, and identity are prominent themes in this book, and it was heartbreaking to see a girl feel like an outsider in her own home and town despite feeling the same as everyone else. I desperately wanted her to escape the life she was trapped in, and the way in which Kiko emerges from these experiences was incredibly powerful.

"being around Mom is like swimming in poison. It kills your soul, slowly, bit by bit."

I felt such a strong emotional connection to Kiko. The author really captures the weights-on-your-chest feeling of anxiety, and it felt very true to me. But it didn't feel as though Kiko's anxiety was exclusively a result of her family life. There was definitely a connection, but I liked that the Bowman didn't present the two as inseparable, or that love had to be the cure.

I adored Starfish's art focus. Almost every chapter ends with a description of what Kiko has drawn that day, and each one feels more vivid than the last whilst also leaving so much up to the imagination. Her art also becomes increasingly personal, which was a beautiful way in which to see the character grow. She begins as someone afraid to express her truth in her art - someone who doesn't even know how. Honesty is terrifying, especially when expressing it through what you're passionate about, because it requires you to be honest with yourself too, and I deeply related to Kiko's struggle for self-acceptance with her art and her identity.

"As an artist, you have to know what's inside you if you want to get it out on the canvas."

I cried three times whilst reading Starfish, but not over the sad parts. I cried over how genuine it was, and for those turning points of understanding oneself. This book shines a ray of sunlight in a darkened room, and I am so grateful to have read it.

"you can't spend your life trying to make a starfish happy, because no matter what you do, it will never be enough. They will always find a way to make themselves the centre of attention, because it's the only way they know how to live."


Thank you to Netgalley for providing me an ebook copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Diversity note: biracial (Japanese-American) protagonist with social anxiety

Warnings: sexual abuse, child abuse, emotional abuse, parental neglect, anxiety/panic attacks, racism, attempted suicide

I received a free advance ebook copy from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book deals with a lot of hard-hitting themes, with also the constant representation of anxiety. I thought that this book dealt with these themes very well. I enjoyed reading through the voice of Kiko because of the way it illuminates thoughts bringing it back to this constant anxiety that she has. I loved the portrayal of the diversity and the reasons how Kiko feels disconnected from her heritage culture. The imagery represented at the end of some of the chapters where Kiko's drawings & paintings are described. I felt that the author did a brilliant job of this, keeping the language concise and also vivid.

I defiantly would go and buy a hard copy after it's released, and I would defiantly re-read in the future.

“Can I ask you something?” Jamie reaches his hand across his chest and scratches his neck. When I nod, he asks, “What do you see when you look at pictures of yourself?”

I swallow. Someone who looks too Asian to be pretty. Because being Asian means I can never be as pretty as the other girls at school— the girls like Mom. I know this because people like Henry and Adam and Mom keep telling me I don’t have the right face. I know this because when I look in the mirror, I see what they see— a girl who doesn’t belong here. A girl who isn’t good enough. But I can’t tell him that— he wouldn’t understand.

“Okay. Well, what do you wish you saw?” He tries again when I remain quiet for so long. Someone with bigger eyes. Lighter hair. A smaller nose.

“Someone who looks more like everyone else,” I say at last.

Jamie runs his thumb over the edge of his camera. “Do you know how many people would love to have your face? Yeah, you don’t look like everyone else in this town, but that’s special. You stand out because you’re unique, and people literally never stop trying to be unique.”

I twist my mouth. “But I don’t want to stand out— not at all. I want to be normal. I want to feel like I belong in the same world as everyone else.”

If I looked like everyone else, it would probably be easier to make friends. I might even have a mom who cared.

I have been looking forward to reading this since I first saw it mentioned (See my Waiting on Wednesday post for all my reasons) so am really excited to finally get my hands on a copy and read it. I knew straightaway that this book was probably going to break my heart as Kiko is such a lovable, yet breakable character. I really liked her character development throughout the book and her realisation that she needs to fix her problems herself rather than using others as crutches to support her.

I was interested to read about a bicultural protagonist and how this affects her - I found it particularly interesting how she has almost no connection with the Japanese side of her family, whereas her younger brother makes a special effort to learn the language and about the culture. This may reflect the experience of many biracial people as some embrace both sides of their heritage, some try to ignore part of it and others try even harder to be part of the dominant culture and cover up the side they see as less desirable. Her parents have issues in their relationship which result in Kiko's mum trying to impose one standard of beauty and normalcy on her children and ignoring the other half of their background.

This book is a beautiful story of a girl finding her voice and the confidence to use it. I particularly liked how she recognized that this is something she has to do for herself, rather than 'love' being a plaster to fix things. Yet, I did love her relationship with Jamie as it feels so comfortable and caring, without some of the contrived tension from jealousy, love triangles, power plays etc. E.g. When Kiko feels insecure about other girls looking at Jamie, he simple reassures her that he is looking at her and not anyone else.

A story about finding the strength to be who you're meant to be.

Highly recommended!

My fingers rest against the edge of the balcony. The ocean sends another wave toward the sand before pulling it back again. Over and over again it does this. It’s hypnotic. It’s beautiful. All my life I’ve felt lonely, and it has always left an ache inside me, like there’s a supernatural presence crushing my heart within its fist. Looking out at the ocean, I don’t know how anyone could be anything but lonely. There’s nothing out there to see— just water and space. But it feels good. If lonely can ever be something good, this is it.

This is Kiko at peace with the world. This is Kiko not in the middle of a raging war with her mother. This is Kiko just being Kiko. I decide I am in love with the ocean. I’m totally counting it as a legitimate relationship, because if I ever felt this way about another aspect of nature, it would absolutely feel like cheating.

I thought I was the problem .

But some people are just starfish— they need everyone to fill the roles that they assign. They need the world to sit around them, pointing at them and validating their feelings. But you can’t spend your life trying to make a starfish happy, because no matter what you do, it will never be enough. They will always find a way to make themselves the center of attention, because it’s the only way they know how to live.

What I liked: Biracial/Bicultural protagonist - more of this please publishers! I loved how each chapter finished with a sketch or painting in which Kiko expressed her feelings - this really added to the book. I loved the description of Starfish, when the title finally made sense, as I'm sure we all know at least one of these people!

Even better if: I felt frustrated that the people around Kiko didn't help her more, particularly as it seems that everyone knows what kind of person her mother is...

How you could use it in your classroom: This would be an excellent addition to any secondary library and would add to any collection hoping to highlight issues of identity when biracial, mental health and families. You could use this book to look at societal standards for beauty and draw out the positives of being bicultural rather than focusing on the negatives.

Kiko Himura has never been able to say exactly what she’s thinking, especially when it comes to her mother. A mother who isn’t there for her emotionally, a mother who makes her feel like a burden, and a mother who doesn’t understand her half-Japanese heritage. Kiko dreams of getting into Prism, her dream art school, which also helps her get away from her mother. But Kiko doesn’t get into Prism and she never had a backup plan. So when an old childhood friend gives her a place to stay on the West Coast so she can tour some art schools, she jumps at the chance. Kiko meets some new people, learns about her culture and heritage, and discovers a new self-confidence.

Trigger warning for parental abuse, emotional abuse, suicide attempt, sexual abuse, and racism, anxiety.

Starfish had a lot of good elements but also had some elements I didn’t really like/enjoy. One of the positives I will say is that the anxiety representation was pretty spot on. I haven’t read many books that capture what it is like to truly live with anxiety aside from 10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac. However, I really didn’t like how some people treated Kiko and her anxiety. Jamie, for example, who was supposed to this ‘perfect guy’ who treats Kiko well, who is selfless and the opposite of her mother, got extremely frustrated with Kiko and her anxiety. He did improve and learn but I still didn’t like it.

Starfish is an own voices book regarding the anxiety and regarding the racial representation. Kiko is biracial, her mother is white and her father is Japanese. Kiko suffered a lot of racist abuse and emotional abuse at the hands of her mother who made her ashamed of her heritage and her face. I enjoyed seeing Kiko learning about her culture and heritage from some Japanese people she met later on in the novel. It had some really great discussion of the microaggressions she faced every day from the barista to the boys she’s kissed.

One of the things though in Starfish that I wasn’t fond of was the healing character arc that Kiko goes through. I feel like it was too linked too much to her romantic relationship to Jamie and the whole ‘love cures all’. It was framed well a little better later on in the book, but initially, I don’t think it was handled all too well. Also, I’ve read a lot of books recently that feature a lot of art, so that aspect didn’t really wow me either.

I also know there was a lot of talk about a particular problematic quote, something about the m/c diagnosing her mum as “split-personality, narcissistic and psychopathic” due to her abusive behaviour. But I didn’t see that in my copy and I think it was edited out by the British publishers? I obvs can’t say the same for the US one, but this is what the UK edition states:

“God, your mom. Whenever I meet her she acts like the nicest person in the world, and then you tell me stories and I don’t know. Have you ever wondered if she might be bipolar?” Emery takes another drink. “I don’t think that’s it.” Besides, even if Mom was bipolar, that’s not an excuse. There are plenty of parents in the world with mental health conditions who don’t treat their children badly”.

Overall, a decent read with some really good representation.