"…Fantasy is the flame of passion. Desire has a way of getting us engaged, keeping us in a zonked-out zone, getting lost in lust and love, and, in some cases, blinding us to self-destructive choices."

Interesting study undertaken after many years as a marriage counselor and therapist. Useful textbook on how to deal with any phase of a sexual conundrum a couple might face. A guide as well for how to avoid the pitfalls of keeping secret one’s erotic desire.

"…That is actually the whole goal of this book: to help us accept our human desires so we can be honest with ourselves and have honest dialogue with others so we don’t wind up destroying our precious, deep love relationships with covert relationships."

What I already instinctually knew, and my intuitive personal theory confirmed by Dr. Rosenberg, was that in relationships that allow for non monogamy, honesty and trust must be strictly adhered to and revered.

"…If you ask me, the key to their success was that they never lost emotional fidelity. They never made each other second fiddle…"

this book was a good read. gives a lot of good points that people could use.

This is a scientific look at the reasons for why people cheat on their spouses.  I found the scientific information interesting like the evolutionary theory as to why we have desires to be monogamous while still wanting to look for something new.  I also appreciated the explanation of how the brain works regarding addiction and pleasure.  A lot of the conclusions and advice seemed over-obvious and generic.  The value in the book lies in warnings that infidelity can happen to anyone, and spouses need to be honest with each other about how to respond to these temptations and failures.

Some good quotes...

"When it comes to the psychology of cheaters, the biggest factor driving them to stray is the feeling that they’re entitled or deserve to cheat."

"In truth, affairs usually involve spending less time with an actual, real, live human and more time with the person that we’ve conjured up from our yearnings, our hopes, our fantasies and fears, and from what psychiatrists call our “internal representations” of another. Affairs are actually built not in the bedroom but in the mind. Concocted in our irrationally exuberant and sometimes desperate imaginings, affairs draw their power from deep wants and needs. Their magnetism has its roots in desire."

"In my twenty-five years of psychiatry and couple’s work, I’ve come to understand that emotional fidelity is the most overlooked aspect of relationship happiness."

"a culture that prioritizes independence and autonomy over commitment may present obstacles to maintaining a long-term relationship."

"the top predictor of keeping long-term love is "holding your partner in high regard and thinking positive thoughts about them.""

This book had a lot of information. A few times, it got off the track into information I don't think was needed.
Other than that it was a good solid book. Glad they gave numerous examples.