Burgo challenges the popular view that self-esteem thrives on the praise that others give, or in motivational exercises. In his view, self-esteem is achieved deep inside ourselves, when we live up to our personal expectations and share our sense of fulfillment with loved ones. The book is filled with anecdotes from the author's life and also those of his patients. An interesting read.

The case studies were interesting but I felt like there was something missing in this book. It's an interesting approach but I feel like there needs to be more research.

I was pleasantly surprised to find this book was not what I expected. Burgo takes a different approach than others I've read, that explores shame as a family of emotions. I especially love how he differentiated SHAME (toxic shame) from shame (normal every day emotions we feel.) Growing up, I was subjected to a great deal of toxic shame, and verbal, physical, and emotional abuse. I was in my 30's by the time I learned how wrong and harmful this was, and how it has affected the rest of my life. I have found myself in several shame based work places, and struggled with it while playing team sports. Here, Burgo explains how shame exists, as all emotions do, on a wide spectrum. And he reasons that regardless of the source of our shame, or what we call it, with awareness, we can overcome to negative effects and acknowledge all of our emotions without so much judgement.

I requested a review copy of this book from NetGalley because I have been doing my own personal research on shame. I was expecting a book more in line with the current popular shame reading available. What was interesting about this book was how the author put shame in the context of a broad spectrum, from everyday shame to toxic shame. The focus was not on toxic shame, but more on being aware of how everyday shame masks itself under different behaviors and emotions.

Mr. Burgo writes in a very down-to-earth, easy to understand manner, and he has put a lot of research into the subject. I would recommend it to anyone looking for a well-written book on the broad spectrum of shame and its many faces.

Thank you to #NetGalley, #StMartinsPress and #JosephBurgo for the opportunity to review #Shame.

I was excited to have the opportunity to obtain an Advanced Reader Copy (ARC) of this book on NetGalley.

“Especially today, in our narcissistic age, when so many people feel compelled to come across as social media winners, if you admit to feeling shame, you run the risk of becoming a contemptible loser...How you feel about yourself seems unrelated to other people; self-esteem embodies an internal relationship you have with the person you feel yourself to be...But human beings are social animals who define their identities to a significant degree in relation to other people, the members of their tribe.”

The author differentiates “core shame,” related to “extreme parenting failures” similar to an attachment disorder and a violation of basic trust, from the perfectionism of “social shame,” which is related to failure to meet societal ideals. Toxic shame can be managed and self-acceptance can be obtained, but it is too ingrained to be ultimately overcome. Social shame, which is a part of life, includes the shame of Unrequited Love, Exclusion, Unwanted Exposure, and Disappointed Expectation. Unrequited Love occurs in “...a self that has failed to secure affection from the loved one or that has failed to gain acceptance from a friend.” Exclusion occurs when someone feels ostracized from a group. Unwanted exposure happens when a person makes a mistake or feels somehow lesser than others. Disappointed Expectation occurs when things don’t go as a person expected or hoped.

Case studies are provided as examples of the types of shame and the effects on people’s lives. Exercises are included for the reader to explore his personal experiences.

I enjoy reading books such as this one that help me see the world through a new lens.

*Please note that my review is based on uncorrected text.

"We are the sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, related and bound to a circle of significant others whose feelings and opinions about us invariably influence how we feel about ourselves, even when we possess a strong self-concept."

Living a lifetime with shame and lack of self esteem led me to request Shame by Joseph Burgo. It was very interesting how Mr. Burgo put shame in the light of a spectrum, or umbrella, ranging from mild to intense and specific to global. I have never thought of it that way or correlated some of the emotions of embarrassment, guilt or rejection as being related to feeling shame. He emphasizes the 'masks' that shame often wears such as, addiction, promiscuity, narcissistic defense mechanisms. Also brought to light is that self esteem is something to be worked at and earned 'rather than a fuel tank in our psyche'. Again, completely makes sense given what situations and accomplishments build us up.

Shame is a very intriguing book and, for me, very educational about self cognizance. I look forward to keeping this book close at hand and using it as a tool in my endeavor of true, authentic, lasting positive self esteem and joy!

Thank you so much to Netgalley, St. Martin's Press and Joseph Burgo for the opportunity to read and review this book.