I really hate writing such a low review. I felt like this story just lacked so much with it's bland characters. And while it has heavy subject matter, it was barely touching the surface. I am not saying I wanted full blown content, it's just Victoria's narrative was very monotone and she had no personality. The most part of the book felt like a long boring diary entry. I wish I could better describe how I feel, but I basically kept going to see if it got better and it did not.

Victoria is a intelligent 17 year old high school student who just got a scholarship to her dream school, but one night changed all of it and now she is a orphan who has nothing left but one night that ruined her life, she doesn't want to come to terms what her father has done, she thinks, what did I do wrong, maybe I made it up.The Quiet You Carry is such a sorrowful but exceptional book that you won't be able to put it down, you feel nothing but empathy for Victoria and root for her to let everything out and let people who care in.

«The Quiet You Carry» partially inspired by Nikki Barthelmess own experience in the foster care, gives us a glimpse into the life of foster care kids.

Victoria Parker is a senior and only a few months away from turning 18. And just one moment changes her life forever. When her father locks her out of the house, Victoria is placed in the foster care system and ends up in a different town, different school and different home.

She comes from a household with many issues that began a long time ago. Her mother’s death wasn’t the trigger. I dare even say that the foundation for this unhealthy relationship was laid down by her mother.

This journey that the author took us on, the memories that Victoria had from before her mother’s death, and how it all slowly progressed, was interesting, but also chilling to read about.
I would have preferred if the story focused more on that part of the plot, instead of constantly deviating to the high-school theme.

It was nice to see Victoria as a good student and someone who cared about her future. But her relationships in high school didn’t add anything to the story. From day one, she became friends with Cristina, who basically forced this relationship by being constantly there. The same thing happened with Kale. Taylor and Lauren took on the spots of the “means girls” of the school, Alex and Zach were the “jocks”. All these characters had no depth to them and were created only to help Victoria.

In the very beginning of the story, we don’t know yet what actually happened to her. We suspect a few things, we are given a few hints here and there, but Victoria is afraid to admit, even to herself, the events of that fateful night.

This was a good tactic to intrigue the reader, to make them turn the pages faster. But when I got to the middle of the book and the pattern was still the same, it just stopped being intriguing, and started to be annoying. At that point, I had a very good idea of what happened and just wanted Victoria to tell everyone for the book to be over.

Written for a younger audience, this book has the possibility to capture its readers' attention, to show them the inner struggles of someone who’s been mentally and physically abused. It brings important topics for discussion.

However, I’m not sure if people are giving it higher ratings because of the serious topics, or because they genuinely liked the book.

It's so refreshing to see something so real and so raw that explains and portrays something not a lot of people know about. The system. Nikki Barthelmess did a great job with this story for that aspect alone. Its scary for kids who know nothing about what's coming for them in the system and they are already traumatized from losing their families and what they went through and then on top of that being thrown into the system. I admire this author for bringing it to light so perfectly and not being afraid to step out there for that. Five stars hands down.

My Review: "None of us can understand what’s going on in another person’s life from the outside looking in. No one can really see the quiet you carry unless you let them."

The above statement can't be any truer and this is what the bases of this book is. It's a look into the life of one girl who carries a quiet unlike any other. I found this book to be very heartbreaking and deep. This book starts out with us not really knowing what in the world is going on. The MC is being taken away from her home by Children Services.

Although this is a very dark title I also want to say that it is also a very inspiring story as well. Even though Victoria is in the foster care system she never gives up on school etc. She never lets it define who she is and I really enjoyed that about her. I also have to say that I was surprised to find that the author herself spent time in the foster care system. I think this gave the story a better real look about what happens in the system.

All of the kids in this story were amazing. I loved that she had a BFF with a weird name and just everyone she came into contact with.

In the end, I think this one was a big eye-opener for those who don't know about the Foster Care System as well as mental illness etc. The author did an amazing job with this one and I hope to get a finished copy soon.


Go Into This One Knowing: Foster Care, Sexual Assault, Family Violence, Physical and Mental Illness, Eating Disorders, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt

I found this to be enjoyable but unfortunately nothing phenomenal.
I like the characters within this story and the friendships the main character makes really sweet.
The foster care aspect seemed very genuine and authentic which I'm guessing is down to the author's own experience with being in the system.

Nikki Barthelmess paints a realistic and haunting portrait of what it's like to experience foster care, including the heart warming and heart breaking moments. So many of my students have had experiences like Victoria's, even if only for a month or so, and it's exciting that they will be able to see themselves in a book. Positive identification within painful narratives is so important for teen readers...everyone really. Barthelmess does an excellent job.

"I didn't do anything" says Victoria the narrator of this Teen/YA novel even when she finds herself locked outside in the cold by her father and both the police and a social worker arrive to dramatically change the course of her life.
The author explains at the end that she had also been in foster care and would have wanted such a book as this to understand the trauma she was experiencing and for such a young person (Victoria is approaching her 18th birthday) she has already witnessed much.
Even though we get flashbacks as to what the truth was surrounding the situation at home with her father, stepmother and step sister Sarah, Victoria takes the blame and will not reveal what has really happened to her.
Sent to a foster home and having to start a new school Victoria has a lot of growing up to do especially to try and salvage her dreams of going to college, while still keeping her past hidden and in many ways not opening up herself to friendship or love again.
Victoria's birth mother had died of cancer when she was only 12 and the dramatic effect this had upon both her and particularly her father in his grief opens up to a frightening set of accusations against her when infact she needs to be the victim. "You can trust us Victoria, " say many she comes across but as is often the case in such dysfunctional settings the main person feels they can trust no one. However, Victoria is surrounded by some great new friends including a boyfriend Kale, the school Principal Mr Nelson and finally the foster mother she fought against for so long.
The plot twists and turns and is dramatic. I am sure many young people will be familiar with the subject matter from what they have seen in the media or perhaps more telling if they have experienced such a scenario in their own lives.
There is hope, even from the darkest tragedy and scenes which are distressing are written well. A good read and extremely useful for discussion I would have thought amongst young people.

I received an e-ARC of The Quiet You Carry from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review!

Content Warnings: Abuse, Sexual Assault/Molestation, Alcohol, Suicide Attempt, Self Harm, Eating Disorders

As shown in the content warnings, The Quiet You Carry is not an easy read, whatsoever. Right off the bat, we meet Victoria Parker, who’s getting taken from her home by CPS. According to her father, Victoria tried coming onto him & he tossed her outside in the freezing cold. She’s now forced into the foster care system & living with a foster mom who enforces a list of rules, and only seems to be in it for the government’s money.

She tries to keep the past hidden, but the thought of her father sneaking into her room often sneaks up in nightmares & causes her to freeze up in the middle of conversations. Victoria’s also worried that her step-sister, who still lives at home, might be her father’s new target.

The Quiet You Carry is such an emotionally-packed ride. This isn’t the first book I’ve read with this subject matter, but that doesn’t make it any less special (& painful, honestly). By the time I made it to the final page, my flesh broke into goosebumps. It was definitely a powerful read.

One of my favorite aspects of The Quiet You Carry is the character development of Victoria. We get to witness her grow in strength, and watch as she ends up being the hero in her own story. The Victoria in the beginning is definitely not the same Victoria in the end, and I’m so extremely proud of her.

Victoria’s relationships throughout The Quiet You Carry also has such an amazing impact on the story (including a relationship very unexpecting). I absolutely loved Christina and Kale, who regardless of what they learned about Victoria, stuck by her side. We love good friends in this house.

At some point during my read, I ended up being absolutely absorbed. My heart shattered multiple times, and I wanted to scream at others. The Quiet You Carry isn’t an easy read, but it’s definitely a meaningful one. Due to the subject matter and the content warnings, I wouldn’t recommend this book to everyone, but if it’s something you are okay with — please read this book.

This was a really powerful debut YA novel about not only sexual abuse, but the foster system and a lot about the feelings of guilt and inadequacy that we (I feel especially women) carry around after we experience trauma in our lives. This story delves into some of the deeper rooted issues that can arise that we may not even recognize as being symptoms of or resulting conditions of the trauma we experience—such as cutting, eating disorders, unstable moods, depression, suicide, and so much more. This book also explores the ways that we can come together to help assuage these overwhelming emotions by being more aware of where and how they originate and most importantly making certain their are resources made available for people to be able to find a way to break the cycle, believe in themselves, find value in their life despite anything they may have suffered or even to be freed from the pain of the actions of others who have done wrong that has made them feel shame. This book exposes the ugly truths about an overwrought system that is being overlooked and overworked st the cost of children who need help desperately. I received an ARC from NetGalley of this book, so I’m not judging anything for editorial mistakes that will be more than likely fixed by publishing. I did think this story created a sense of tension within me as the reader because I was so connected to Victoria’s story through the writer’s style and impactful storytelling, however there is some parts that need smoothing out and refined and maybe a bit more escalation in the most climactic scene of the novel just to have the story be smoother and even a bit more intense at the climax because it does sort of build up and then plateau instead of peak. Other than that, I think this is a necessary novel that is very relevant, full of good writing, great characters and very important messages that not many books, especially YA books have ventured into, so this was very fresh.

This book is an absolutely important and necessary story that (in my opinion) adequately illustrates what foster care can be like. (My perspective, my way of learning the foster care system in the US, is from that of a foster mom.)I will work on more fully-formed thoughts later, but suffice it to say this is a book that needed to be written, and that everyone should read.

i had no idea what this was about when i started it and soon found myself feeling absolutely repulsed. this is a hard topic to read about, it broke my heart for the victims in the book as well as real life. the fear, the inability to open up and speak the truth, the blaming of oneself, thinking no true life or happiness can exist after those experiences happen.
this allows you to see people one way but soon discover there's much deeper truths behind what you may believe, whether it be positive or negative, whether you discover someone is more than they seem. or less.
i found myself tearing up and having a heavy heart a few times. maybe more than a few.

"His problems may be different from mine, but none of us can understand what's going on in another person's life from the outside looking in. No one can really see the quiet you carry, unless you let them."

Heartbreaking and realistic look at our foster care system. I really liked this book so much - so wonderful to see it from the young girl's perspective and why she wouldn't talk. Recommend.

The Quiet You Carry is a book that covers many sensitive subjects such as foster care, child abuse, domestic abuse, and suicide. Each event has been researched well and presented to the reader in a way that keeps your attention so that you want to fight back for Victoria.

It had my complete attention from beginning to end and I would recommend this book.

The Quiet You Carry by Nikki Barthelmess (March 5)
Overview: Victoria never thought she'd end up in foster care. She's in her senior year, nearly eighteen, when she's suddenly brought to a foster home after being put out of the house, and she's not even sure what happened. All Victoria knows is that what her father claims she did is a lie, and she's getting punished for his actions. Victoria wants out of her rigid foster life and the tiny Nevada town she gets dumped in, but, as time goes on and she awakens to her reality, she realizes that home might not be where she wants to return after all. Overall: 4.5

Characters: 5 Victoria has grit. Even when put in one of the worst situations imaginable, she keeps her head up and keeps working toward shaping her future. As she loses one thing after another, she constructs new in its place. She stays remarkably understanding and open, and her focus is strong despite dealing with probable PTSD.
Those around her are helpful and understanding. She's able to make two friends at school, Kale and Christina, despite her best efforts to keep them away. They keep encouraging her to open up, but they're never too pushy.
Then there's her foster mom, Connie, who seems like the classic, horrible foster parent, but her character evolves beautifully as Connie and Victoria teach each other more understanding from both sides of the relationship. Victoria also forms really beautiful bonds with her foster sisters, even though who's in the house is constantly changing.
Finally, there's her original family. Victoria's abusive father is gut wrenching, Tiffany, her step mother, is both upsetting and frustrating, and her step sister Sarah makes for a complicated dichotomy in Victoria's head.

Plot: 4 Victoria's story is tragic in many ways, but her devotion to turning it around is amazing. She processes grief, and she arrives on the other side of it ready to fight harder. She has to face her own learned thoughts that are keeping her from acting on it.
Over the course of the book, with the help of distance and supportive relationships, she's able to confront what has happened to her and help her step sister. Victoria has to challenge her deceased mother's dying wish to care for her father, and she has to realize this toxic, traditional notion of the patriarchy has allowed her mother and herself to become victims of abuse.
Then, she has to reconcile how far her notion of family extends as she becomes increasingly worried about and determined to help her step-sister even though her step-mother and sister didn't stand up for her when she was thrown out.

Writing: 5 I really enjoyed Barthelmess's writing style. She writes a story full of emotion and honesty. Though there are moments when her weaving of flashbacks and the present gets confusing, overall, she is a powerful writer who makes those who have never been in Victoria's position understand.

Amazing read! The author wrote a story that was interesting and moved at a pace that kept me engaged. The characters were easy to invest in.

Content warnings include foster care, grief, sexual assault, family violence, physical and mental illness, eating disorders, self harm and a suicide attempt (the method used is included).

“none of us can understand what’s going on in another person’s life from the outside looking in. No one can really see the quiet you carry, unless you let them.”

Victoria lives with her father, stepmother and stepsister. Well, she did until the night her father locked her out of the house. Suddenly this shy, studious 17 year old finds herself stuck attending a new school in a new town and living with a foster mother who appears to hate her. Everything she thought she knew about her life has crumbled around her in a confusing mess.

Foster care isn’t one size fits all in how kids wind up in care in the first place or their experiences once there. There are so many negative stereotypes about foster kids so I was delighted to discover that Victoria wasn’t a stereotype. It never occurs to her to quit school and give up on her dreams because of circumstances outside of her control. There’s no smooth sailing here but she’s determined to move on from this experience and not allow it to define her.

Victoria’s foster care experience, while it sounds horrendous, is fairly average. Some foster kids fortunately land in families that provide the love, protection and encouragement they so desperately need and at the other end of the spectrum there are those who wind up in abusive situations that mimic those they were removed from. The portrayal of overworked caseworkers is sadly realistic and the shame of being a foster kid is all too real.

Nikki Barthelmess notes that while this book is fiction, she spent a number of years in foster care herself. I think it’s a testament to Nikki’s resilience that she has managed to articulate so well the way foster care feels. While there are some minor details in the way things unfold in the story that I could perhaps question (and will in a minute) I have nothing but praise for the authenticity of Victoria’s feelings from beginning to end.

I loved that Victoria has Christina and a boy named after a vegetable supporting her the entire time, before they know her story and, even more importantly, after. She also has supportive teaching staff, who truly can make a world of difference in a foster kid’s life.

I only hope that foster kids who read this book have someone in their corner as well because foster care can be such a lonely and terrifying experience. Even with support being a foster kid can make you feel so separate from other kids, who are worried about things like makeup and clothes while you’re worrying about the potential consequences if you tell the truth about what’s happened to you and where you’ll go next if this foster home doesn’t work out.

I found it difficult to believe (maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part) that [SPOILER - in juvie a male worker would be responsible for searching a teenage girl. I would hope that if it was protocol to do a physical search for new arrivals that a female worker would do this for girls. I also found it weird that Victoria’s best friend doesn’t try to make contact with her when she drops off the face of the Earth; sure, Victoria doesn’t have access to a phone or social media anymore but her email account is still active. - SPOILER]

Because of my own experiences and those of other foster kids I’ve known I had expected this book’s contents to be more brutal. I’m not saying everything is peachy or anything. My content warnings alone give you some indication of what to expect. I’m sure that what’s described in this book would be shocking for a lot of people so I expect I’m an outlier in this regard.

There needs to be more YA and kid’s books about the foster care system. When I was in the system I would have loved to have seen any aspect of my experience mirrored by a character I was reading about. This book will hopefully be an eye opener for people who don’t know the foster care system from the inside and provide much needed empathy and validation to those who find themselves fostered, for whatever reason.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Flux, an imprint of North Star Editions, for the opportunity to read this book.

The Quiet You Carry
by Nikki Barthelmess
North Star Editions
Flux
Literary Fiction , Teens & YA
Pub Date 05 Mar 2019


I am reviewing a copy of The Quiet You Carry (Lovestruck) through North Star Editions and Netgalley:



Victoria Parker’s Father’s behavior towards her is unusual but she has done her best to convince herself everything is fine, but the truth is everything is far from fine. One night she finds her Father has locked her outside of the house at 3 am.


Victoria finds herself dumped into a chaotic Foster home with a dominee foster mother she feels she has to tiptoe around, and somehow she must get through her Senior Year at a new high school while somehow salvaging her dreams for College, while trying to keep her past hidden.


Some secrets are not meant to stay hurried though especially when the memories of those moments makr Victoria freeze up at rand moment, no matter what shes doing and the same memories cause nightmares but worse than either one of those things is she is worried about her Step Sister Sarah whose still with her Father. She worries he’s doing the same things to her that he did to Victoria.


How is safe supposed to move forward and look towards the future when the past is haunting her?


I give The Quiet You Carry five ou of five stars!


Happy Reading!

Pros:
- I couldn't put this book down.
- Barthelmess took a hard subject and turned it into a book that I wanted to keep reading.
- It gave an honest insight into the foster care system.
- It had a happy ending, after all of the emotional blows that were thrown at Victoria.
- Look at that cover!

Cons:
- Nothing really, it was such a great book.

My Thoughts: 
I went into this book blindly. I liked the cover and the title, and only read the first tiny bit of the synopsis. And I'm honestly glad that I did, because I didn't form any opinions on what I thought was happening in Victoria's home or anything like that before I started reading the book.

Being inside Victoria's head, you get a glimpse of what it's like to be inside the head of an abuse survivor. The grounding, the flashbacks, the blame and guilt, and finally the acceptance. It's all there. I felt that Victoria's character was so true-to-life and relatable that she almost seemed like a real person.

My favorite thing about this book was the slow acceptance - Victoria realizing that she was not at fault. coming to terms with living in a new town, and becoming closer to Connie. I'm so glad that this book ended on a good note, because it was so emotional and so hard to read at times. Victoria deserved that happy ending.

I would recommend this book to both kids in the foster system and readers who prefer more gritty YA.

The only reason this book didn't get 5 stars is because I don't think I'll read it again. It was fantastic, though.

When you aren't sure what you remember, what to believe, what went wrong, or even which way is up trying to rebuild a future can come in a distant second to protecting the ones you love.