Mary DeMuth writes not as an expert in psychology or counseling, but as a person who has been there and experienced the frustration and pain of relationships gone wrong.
The book is based on the list of sins in Proverbs 6:16-19. The deadly friendships are: narcissistic Nolan, unreliable Uma, predator Paige, conman Connor, tempter Trevor, faker Fiona, dramatic Drake.
She makes a distinction between a person who embodies any of these personalities and having traits of that personality. I’m thankful that she ends each chapter with some self reflection: am I such a friend?
DeMuth offers examples of interactions with the different personalities to illustrate what a friendship with any one of them might look like.
She offers Scriptural support that speaks against the belief that we should just put up with bad behavior from our friends. Refraining from speaking up or taking action will harm not only the suffering friend but other people, and even the harmful friend, in the long run.

The chapter about Joseph tells the story of this Biblical character as an illustration of how we can allow God to use our experiences to refine us, without allowing the pain of the experiences to hold us back and destroy us.
Ultimately, our example is Jesus, and Mary DeMuth takes a chapter to show us how he interacted with all seven of the bad friends. He encountered the worst, but by the way he responded, he became our perfect role model. But not only that, he also provided redemption for all of us and gave us the Holy Spirit so we are able to respond the way he did. “Even in the trenches of difficult relationships. Oh, how Jesus knows!”

The final chapter is called the seven life-giving practices and explains them. There’s hope and there’s a future.

I feel that she wrote the whole book with these words in mind: “we are all broken, sin-scarred, clay footed people who hurt each other. We are all in need of grace.”

With thanks to Harvest House Publishers and Netgalley.

Not my usual read, but I enjoyed this and found it to be well written and informative.

Thank you to NetGalley and to the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

This book is a great book about friendship and the things to say Good likes and doesn't. What's the Bible say about that friend that hurt you? I know you've been there we all have.

The Seven Deadly Friendships is loosely based on the NLT version of Proverbs 6:16-19:

There are six things the Lord hates—
no, seven things he detests:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that kill the innocent,
a heart that plots evil,
feet that race to do wrong,
a false witness who pours out lies,
a person who sows discord in a family.

The author attempted to break the book into seven deadly friends but it was sometimes difficult to keep straight because so many of the characteristics were repeated. I appreciated the stories of persons who talked about their “deadly friendships” but did come away with a good handle on how to heal from these types of friendships. The oft-repeated advice was “stay away”. This is good advice, but it doesn’t help me to deal with the issues I already have because of past deadly friends.

I was also uncomfortable with how some of the Bible texts were handled. I felt as though they were taken out of context and used to fit the scenario at hand. Some examples:

Quote: The best way to think logically about someone enslaved to narcissism is to look at his or her fruit. Jesus said, “You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?”(Matthew 7: 16). Even by looking at a narcissist and their fruit, we have to be cautious and discerning.

Matthew 7:16 was lifted out of its surrounding context and made to fit the situation.

Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. (Matthew 7:15-20)

To someone who’s not familiar with the Bible, it would seem as though Jesus spoke out against narcissistic people and not false prophets. In my opinion, the same passage could have been used by comparing the narcissist to a false prophet.

Quote: Jesus also reminds us to be frank, to mean what we say and say what we mean. He said, “Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will, ‘or ‘No, I won’t. ‘Anything beyond this is from the evil one” (Matthew 5: 37). If you cancel on a friend using an excuse (instead of the truth), you’ll be training yourself to be unreliable. Let your words mean what they say. Don’t fear people so much that you have to make up stories and excuses to say no.

These instructions were given in relation to swearing or making oaths:

Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths:
But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne:
Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King.
Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black.
But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
(Matthew 5:33-37 KJV)

Quote: Tempter Trevor will lead you where you don’t want to go. In your rational state, you may say to yourself that you’d like to obey God and live a life that makes him smile, but in the moment with your tempting friend, you suddenly become the person you know you don’t want to be.

Violent people mislead their companions, leading them down a harmful path (Proverbs 16: 29).

They are the worst kind of rebel, full of slander. They are as hard as bronze and iron, and they lead others into corruption (Jeremiah 6: 28).

The passage from Jeremiah 6:28 was in reference to the people from the north who would come to take the Israelites captive:

Thus saith the Lord, Behold, a people cometh from the north country, and a great nation shall be raised from the sides of the earth.
They shall lay hold on bow and spear; they are cruel, and have no mercy; their voice roareth like the sea; and they ride upon horses, set in array as men for war against thee, O daughter of Zion.
We have heard the fame thereof: our hands wax feeble: anguish hath taken hold of us, and pain, as of a woman in travail.
Go not forth into the field, nor walk by the way; for the sword of the enemy and fear is on every side.
O daughter of my people, gird thee with sackcloth, and wallow thyself in ashes: make thee mourning, as for an only son, most bitter lamentation: for the spoiler shall suddenly come upon us.
I have set thee for a tower and a fortress among my people, that thou mayest know and try their way.
They are all grievous revolters, walking with slanders: they are brass and iron; they are all corrupters.

Quote: We see this play out in Jesus’s life at the Passover supper before his betrayal and crucifixion. He literally dined with those who would desert and betray him—the deadliest of friends. Yet he feasted. He poured himself out. He fed his friends, washed their feet, prayed over them. He provided comfort, all the while knowing that in a few short hours, their sins would be forced upon his back. If he can feast in the midst of that kind of strife, we can too. So my prayer for you as you close this book is this: May you be feasting.

The Passover wasn’t a feast. It was a reminder of the night when the angel of death visited all the families in Egypt and killed all the firstborn that were not covered under the blood. Jesus was the perfect Lamb. He didn’t feast. He ate the Passover meal because He was the lamb who would be slain the next day (Exodus 11:1-12:30).

The disciples’ sins weren't "forced on his back", He willingly took them on. The word force suggests that it was done to Him against His will. If Jesus didn’t willingly take on the sins of the world, then we’re not really saved. Only a willing sacrifice could have saved us from the punishment that we deserved.

There are other examples that I could have included but I didn’t want this review to be too long. There is some knowledge to be gleaned from this book, but I would recommend reading it with your Bible close by so you can check the references.

I received a review copy of this book from Net Galley.

Mary's honesty is always both wonderful and heart wrenching at the same time. To see her strength as she holds tight to Jesus is encouraging to the reader. She lets Jesus use all situations to further His kingdom.

An excellent read on friendship and dealing with the breakup or toxicity of it.
Many thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author. All opinions are my own.

In "The Seven Deadly Friendships", DeMuth breaks down the seven types of toxic relationships she has encountered in her life. The descriptions of each of them are very thorough and detailed. You can tell she did her research! It really opened my eyes about some of my past relationships and hurts. She details each of them in a way that doesn't demonize any of them, yet still shows their danger. I loved that she had real-life examples and stories of each type. The only thing I think would improve this book is a little more detail on how to deal with them. She seemed to have the same answer for many of them: walk away. But she didn't talk much about what to do when you can't walk away (ie, family and coworkers). Otherwise, I really enjoyed it and learned a lot from it.

If you’ve ever questioned a friendship, or why a friendship ended the way it did, this just might be something you want to read. It delves into the dynamics of these and how they effected us and how to deal with it, with examples. In my personal opinion I think the author did a good job at this. But you be the judge.

Every single one of us has been in a toxic, unhealthy, "deadly" friendship. We have all been touched by hurt, pain, betrayal, envy, drama, some even abuse. And this book is a healing balm to the parts of us that have been broken by such relationships. This book is for each and every one of us.
The book is broken up into two parts: chapters on each of the deadly friendships, and a section on healing from those friendships.
The chapters breaking down each deadly friendship were absolutely FASCINATING and eye-opening. (There is also a quiz to decipher what type of "deadly friendship" you are in on the author's website.) And it really helped me because I thought some relationships were a certain way, but I realized some of them were a mixture of a couple of the types of friendship. Although the one thing I wish was a little more discussed was how people can, in fact, be more than one of these relational types. Just like personality tests, where we are a mixture of those types, I feel like these deadly friendships are the same way.
The second section on healing from those relationships was really great too. I love how the author shows that Joseph and Jesus were both faced with all 7 of these deadly relationships, and how they overcame them and healed from them.
I highly recommend this book, and I am so grateful to the author for allowing me to be apart of the launch team and read an advanced copy!! However, this is 100% my own opinion and I recommend it to everyone who has been hurt by a relationship.

What's great about this book is that it touches on friendship, something we all experience and at some point in time can tell a story about a toxic friendship and the hurt it inflicted upon us.
This book explores the underlying factor in these relationships and why we barely see it when it's happening to us and provides advice and examples from the Bible as solutions. Thank you Netgalley for the eARC.