There were so many interesting things to learn from this book. She does a very good job of describing what severe depression is like. It was also refreshing to read about someone being so open about their experiences with mental illness and depression. I think the things she went through are relatable to anyone who has suffered from depression. It was also wonderful to see how supportive her family was of her and how much they helped her while she was going through the experimental treatment; not everyone has that privilege. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who has a mental illness or knows someone who does.

I received an eARC via Netgalley; all opinions are my own.

A brutal and honest look at one woman's desperate attempt to alleviate her debilitating depression. It was really interesting to hear about how different family members reacted to Heather's decision to undergo this extreme treatment for her depression. I appreciated the detailed accounts of the process and her very honest descriptions of her personal experience of depression, which can manifest a little differently for each person. I will definitely be recommending this book.

I really feel bad for this woman. The book is written well but you can tell she is still very unwell. Many things aren't deeply explored (like her marriage) and I think writing this book and then going on tour wasn't a good idea for her emotionally. It's a shallow look at a serious issue.

This was a fascinating read and to think that it is actually all true! Reading it from the view of someone who has, thankfully, no experience with depression I was even more enthralled and I really learned about this horrible disease. And to think she had to suffer through this all while trying to be a mother also. Amazing! So impressed that she was able to be so vulnerable and share her life/experience with the world, thank you! I would definitely recommend this book to friends!

Although author Heather Armstrong suffered from profound depression, she wasn’t suicidal and would never take her own life. In her fascinating medical memoir “The Valedictorian of Being Dead: The True Story of Dying Ten Times In Order To Live” (2019) it was this fact combined with other criteria that qualified her for a new cutting edge study and treatment: Armstrong would undergo a 15 minute chemically induced state similar to actual brain death while on a breathing tube. The treatments were designed to re-program her brain chemistry and cognitive function to (hopefully) reduce or eliminate depressive symptoms and behaviors and improve her quality of life.

As a single mother, Armstrong was overwhelmed with stress and anxiety; fearing her former husband would petition the courts and seek sole custody of their young daughter if her ever found out she was so ill. Unable to do simple tasks and basic life skills, she went for days on end without showering or changing her clothes, she would emotionally break-down, crying for extended periods over the phone while her alarmed mother consoled her—Armstrong simply did not want to be alive, and needed to feel better as soon as possible.

Some of these brain treatments seem risky and experimental: In Singapore researchers and doctors are using brain implants to treat opioid addiction (2019). Armstrong was very fortunate to have a caring family (especially her mother and step-father) that offered her unconditional love and full support before, during, and after treatment which greatly improved Armstrong’s chances for a full recovery.**With thanks and appreciation to Gallery Threshold Pocket Books via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

This memoir is a very deep and personal look into the mental and emotional health of the author, Heather. After years of battling depression, trying various methods to find relief, she signs up for an experimental propofol treatment that requires almost a dozen sessions of putting her under and very ‘close to death’ as she puts it.

Being a mother, with the pressures of society and the difficulties of meeting those expectations while going through a divorce, Heather desperately needed help. I found myself in the beginning questioning some of her decisions that may have helped her situational anxiety, however it is very clear from her memoir that the deep clinical depression she was going through was completely out of any type of “normal-range”.

Heathers writing is raw, honest, funny at times, and informative. I can see how others may relate to her feelings, which slightly concerns me that others reading the book may come to believe an extreme treatment like this one might help them. Thankfully the afterword by the Doctor addresses this slightly. I enjoyed reading the story because I enjoyed reading about Heather and her family, especially her mom and stepdad who’s unconditional love and support for her throughout the book was heartwarming and quite remarkable. If you find memoirs interesting, or books about mental health, I definitely recommend picking this up. I read this book in 2 days, which just shows how well Heather was able to speak so well to the reader about her journey.

Thank you #netgalley and #gallerybooks for my egalley ARC in exchange for an honest review.

PHENOMENAL.

**Note that I think your prior knowledge of Heather and dooce before reading this book will factor heavily into your understanding of her life and your appreciation of her humor. I’ve loved her years and years and years based on dooce, so I had LOTS of background knowledge

Thank you to NetGalley for the advanced reader copy of The Valedictorian of Being Dead. I'd heard of The Mommy Blogger before but hadn't read much by Heather B. Armstrong. With the national conversation on mental health becoming more encompassing, I love that Armstrong was willing to be open with her own struggles, knowing that the stigma surrounding mental health could cost her. This book had me fascinated from the beginning, and I finished the whole thing in one plane ride. Excellent book I'd recommend to all readers.

I applaud the author for writing about something so harrowing and debilitating as depression. I think when I initially read the premise I was expecting more of an exploration of what it felt like to actually go through the procedures and be dead. This seemed like the author was writing for her blog followers rather than readers like me who knew nothing about her. She doesn't introduce herself and set the story up, rather starts as if we know who she is, but I didn't. I thought her sharing of her experience of depression was admirable and I understood through her writing the pain and struggles she experienced. However, I wished for more in terms of depth and meaning of her experience. She made many references to issues with others in her life like her father but then dropped them immediately when referenced. Overall, this was an ok read but I expected more.

I was interested in reading this book because I read "Brain on Fire" and found it fascinating. Heather Armstrong's disease and treatment have nothing in common with Sussanah Calahan's illness so I don't know why this book is being marketed as similar.

Heather Armstrong suffered from severe depression. She enrolled in an experimental treatment to treat it. I know nothing about the science behind the treatments described this book. I do know a lot about depression,self-destructive behavior and suicidal thoughts.

Heather has a supportive family and a privileged background. Perhaps that is why I had difficulty relating to her story and difficulties. It was tough for me to complete this book. I am glad that her experimental treatment was so helpful to her. I hope this treatment turns out to be valid in helping others with severe depression.

I've only read about 1/3 of this one, and I kept thinking I would continue... but I don't think I will. As always, Heather Armstrong is acerbic and funny, but the subject matter was just so sad that I struggled to continue with it. I hope that the book ended with more happiness!

This was incredible. I was amazed at how honest and clearly Armstrong portrayed, explained, and detailed the most difficult part of her entire life. The process she went through was fascinating, and her thoughts about the experience and the retelling of it were educational, illuminating, difficult, and heavy. I'm incredibly impressed by this book and by her experience. It takes a lot to go through such an experience, and then to relive it in the writing of it, I really feel like this is a triumph even in it's imperfection. I will not forget this for a long, long time.

Just wow. This is an amazing book. Should I just stop there? Because all other statements may simply pale.

"Depression robs us of the ability to think of anything but the worst possible outcome. Period. It is inevitable. That is the logical end to every thought and action and sequence."


Heather B. Armstrong is a brave person to have written this saga of how depressions kills your soul. Let me just tell you now how I feel about those who don't believe there is such a thing as depression. It's real. It's debilitating. It's soul robbing. It's exhausting. It's scary. Depression has been a part of my life, unfortunately, for years. There is a long, unrecognized lineage in my own family of anxiety and depression. My father called them all "high strung". Yeah. That's the truth.

The author gives us a brilliantly written autobiography of how bleak life is living with depression, and all you ever want is peace. She talks about wanting to be dead, which is so relatable to those who also suffer. No plan, because that would require thinking, so just the wishing is all that is possible. I . Get. It.

Heather takes us on her journey through a research study to eliminate her depression by the use of "the Michael Jackson drug" propofol. We feel the heaviness of her depression in the beginning, and share her hopelessness. Told on the backdrop of a Mormon upbringing and single motherhood, we feel her struggle. Such a well written book, the reader becomes a cheerleader for Heather in her recovery. We read her descriptions of her awakening to a world that allows her to once again live and love her life.

This book is a must read. Period. If you know someone that has depression, this book may help explain how the illness itself impairs the patient to help themselves to help themselves. If you suffer, just go buy this book. You will cry many times in recognition of your own thoughts. I applaud the author for her honesty to bare her soul. A total five star read. I will be adding this to my book club read for October 2019.

Thank you to #NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced review copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. And most of all thank you to the author #HeatherBArmstrong and all the medical personnel who commit their lives to helping those of us who have mental health disorders.
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"Help us find our way up and out and back to the truth that you would not be better off without us."

The Valedictorian of Being Dead by Heather B. Armstrong is unlike any book I have ever read. This book is real, raw, heartbreaking, uplifting and brutally honest. I have read many, many books about the devastating disease of depression. This book is one woman's journey through drug resistant depression. She bravely participates in a clinical trial that actually had only two other participants before. There was no guarantee that this clinical trial would work. Her driving force was getting better for herself and her children. The author is totally blessed to be surrounded by a loving mother and stepfather. They walk this journey with her. They also give up alot in order to see her through this treatment. I will not give any spoilers here. If you are even remotely interested in mental health and would like a glimmer of what one person goes through to make herself whole, I wholeheartedly recommend this book.
It is well written and all encompassing. Job well done!

I'm lucky to have never suffered debilitating depression and while I thought I understood how it would feel I really had no idea. Armstrong's book makes is so very clear how you can love you kids more than life and still want to be dead. I think everyone who knows someone who "needs to get their shit together" needs to read this to gain some empathy. I pretty much read this in one straight sitting, and the listened to a handful of podcast interviews with Armstrong. I am amazed and stunned that you'd literally die in order not to die and wish her all the best.

Heather B. Armstrong recounts her struggle with mental illness in "The Valedictorian of Being Dead." Heather has a history of severe depression, and some of her other family members are similarly afflicted. She was concerned not just for herself, but also for her two young daughters whom she was raising alone. During Heather's worst moments, she telephoned her mother, Linda, and screamed that she wanted to die. Fortunately, Linda is a patient woman who, along with her second husband, Rob, supported Heather every step of the way.

For a period of eighteen months, Armstrong endured "an episode darker and longer than anything she had previously experienced." Since her medications did not markedly improve her condition, Heather agreed to take part in an experimental study. The protocol involved having an anesthetist administer a drug that placed Heather in "a chemically induced coma approximating brain death." After fifteen minutes, Heather's physician gradually revived her. Heather went back nine more times over a period of four weeks to repeat this procedure. The goal was to reboot Heather's brain in order to break the back of her crippling depression.

The author narrates her experiences with humor, candor, and a detailed account of how, even at her worst moments, she juggled work, family obligations, and numerous crises. She wrote this book, not just as a catharsis, but also to help reduce the stigma of mental illness and give hope to those who are mired in misery. Armstrong educates us about the many ways in which severe emotional distress affects not just the patient, but also those who care for her. She gives full credit to the dedicated professionals, such as Dr. Brian Mickey, who donated their time and expertise to conduct this clinical trial. Going forward, there is still much more to be learned. "The Valedictorian of Being Dead" gives us a fascinating look at the research that is being conducted by scientists who are determined to relieve the agony of those who suffer from intractable depression.

An enlightening glimpse at how normal everyday activities--such as getting the kids to school, showering, and doing the laundry while also running a business and paying the bills--become insurmountable when one is suffering from depression. These are tasks that most of us do every day, and though we may feel frequently overwhelmed by "what must be done" and utterly exhausted, doing "what must be done" when depression has a hold of your brain is a different challenge entirely. The book helped me to better understand a family member, which is no small thing.

It is the boundary-free relationship with the mother Armstrong worships that is perhaps the most disturbing, interesting, and ultimately unexamined part of the memoir. The author's descriptions of her own supportive and anxious daughter, who worries daily about whether her the author will be okay when she gets home from school, are heartbreaking, especially as there seems to be little reflection about the effects of depression on children. One of Armstrong's primary goals is to hide her depression from her ex so that he won't get custody of the children, but there is no discussion of why living with their father would be more damaging to the children than living under the daily uncertainty and anxiety of a parent's crippling depression.

Ultimately, Armstrong's unique voice and her sense of humor carry the book.

Heather Armstrong covers some important information, but I found her tone off-putting. It seems like she was writing for her blog audience instead of a more diverse group of readers.

This is another one of those books that I happened to read just at the right time. And it ended up being far more applicable to my life than I had expected; I only requested to read the ARC because I thought the idea of the study the author participated in sounded fascinating. As it so happened, I had more in common with the writer than I knew before I dove right in.
Heather B. Armstrong was a popular and successful “mommy blogger” (I never regularly read people’s blogs on mothering, though I was probably right in the key demographic during what I’d consider their “heyday,” so I’d never heard of her before reading this book), and she struggled with depression for decades. After one particularly bad bout of depression that lasted 18 months, in which Armstrong describes herself as “wanting to be dead” though she never thought of suicide, or, at least, actually taking her own life, her psychiatrist suggested she enter a trial that was happening at the University of Utah, very close to where she lived in Salt Lake City. She would be the third person to be “put under” so deeply with the anesthetic propofol (yes, the one that killed Michael Jackson) that her brain activity would go down to almost nothing. The process involved 10 visits to the hospital over the course of just a few weeks, with doctors administering the medication and monitoring her brain waves and then bringing her back out of what essentially was a deep coma or near-brain death within an hour. The protocol had the same effect on the brain of essentially “jump-starting” it as happens with the seizures produced by electroshock therapy, but with far fewer side effects than that old but still effective treatment for depression that is resistant to medication.
Armstrong captures so well the feelings and ideas that are so common in those experiencing clinical depression, those that people who have not experienced it cannot fathom, and she relates her experiences with great insight, some wit and even great compassion. It’s clear as she says at the conclusion that she feels she has been given an opportunity to make a difference and to help others. She talks about being a single mom and working a couple of jobs and the anxiety of never being able to get things done. She opens a window into the depression, into the anxiety, into the hopelessness, and then into the tiny ray of hope the trial gave her at the beginning. And in sharing her experience, she is shining out that ray of hope for others, whether they are suffering as she did or they are watching loved ones go through this darkness of depression.
Interestingly enough, Armstrong also happens to have been raised a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or as a “Mormon,” and I am also a member of that faith. She says she became an atheist and believes in science, not in God, but her family members are all still strong and active Mormons. I have sometimes read about people who have left the church becoming bitter or having negative things to say about the church and its leaders and members, so I was particularly warmed by the way she wrote about the religion and her church-going loved ones in this book. She related some beautiful and poignant moments that happened in the course of her treatment and the faithful views of those moments shared by her family members, particularly her mother and two siblings, and I found myself deeply touched by what they all had to say. Her family had some issues along the way, and her family members aren’t perfect people, of course, but she is able to convey their weaknesses and all-too-human problems just as she relates how loving and good they are. Her mother and stepfather are especially loving and generous supports for her as she goes through the trial, and her love and appreciation for them shine from the pages.
Armstrong’s experience truly seems like a miracle; she found happiness again and broke out of the despair and darkness of depression after the treatments, and she still feels happy a year and a half later. I will look forward to hearing more about how trials progress and if this treatment can be used more widely to help more people. And I might pop over to Armstrong’s blog here and there to follow up with her. She’s a skilled writer and a person who wants to make a difference.

Heather Armstrong might be the valedictorian of being dead, but the words I’d use to describe her are courageous, indefatigable, and victorious.

In the midst of a severe depression, one in which no medication or therapy has been helpful, Ms. Armstrong stumbles into a clinical trial using propofol, an anesthetic drug, to induce a deep state of unconsciousness, literally one step from death., in an attempt to “restart “ her brain. It is interesting that this anesthetic agent was used in this trial, which apparently was never tried again (I could only find one scholarly article on the subject) given the current surge of research underway on using ketamine for treatment resistant depression, and just recently the FDA approved a ketamine treatment, when Ms. Armstrong’s experience occurred, this therapy was unheard of.

Every day for a period of weeks, her parents took her to the hospital for treatment. Her mother sat in the room with her and watched as her daughter almost died every day. I cannot imagine what this was like. She, too, deserves accolades for courage and love.

While the treatment took its toll on Ms. Armstrong in the process, eventually her depression lifted and she was able to rejoin the world that despite, for so long, she had barely hung on to it by her fingernails and relishes life.

This is a remarkable book. It gives hope to people with depression and is a profile in personal courage. for any reader. The book itself is very well written, and the people in Ms. Armstrong’s life deserve medals for standing by her and supporting her and taking care of her young son when she wasn’t able to. This is also a story of what unconditional love looks like.

I received this book as an ARC from the publisher and NetGalley, for which I am extraordinarily grateful.