What seems at first to be a novel about sexual harassment turns out to be that and much more--Russell does an amazing job capturing what it was like to be a white girl at a particular moment in American history. The narrative also does a nuanced job at demonstrating what happens to those of us who experience trauma who do not recognize it as such at the time.

Because of the subject matter, I thought this book was going to be an extremely emotional read. At times it was, but I think part of why it missed the mark for me a little was the length of the book and the over abundance of characters.

This book has been billed as a modern-day "Lolita," and it's so much more than that. It gives new meaning to what it means to be a survivor, and how long it takes to fully heal from trauma. The jumping between teenager Vanessa and adult Vanessa provided some much-needed perspective on how memory works and whether our memories can ever fully be trusted.

I felt the book, while well written, didn't really understand the subject matter. This felt like someone who isn't a victim or survivor's attempt to write from the point of view of a victim or survivor, or a victim or survivor who has no clue, and either way ends up with something that's not luxurious or lush, honest or true, and it feels so false it's hard to keep reading.

*Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.*

My review can be found here: https://aubreysangle8.home.blog/2020/04/03/review-my-dark-vanessa-by-kate-elizabeth-russell/

Perhaps it wasn't such a great idea to stay up until 3AM to finish this, because My Dark Vanessa is an absolute gut punch, a deeply disturbing and unsettling look at a girl's experience of grooming and sexual abuse by her teacher. The narrative flits back and forth between past and present. In the past, the novel showcases the development of Vanessa's relationship with her teacher Jacob Strane, while the present shows Vanessa dealing with the consequences of accusations of sexual assault against Strane in the wake of the #MeToo movement.

One of the best - and simultaneously most disturbing - things about this book is how it gets Vanessa's mindset as a young teenager so right. As a fifteen-year-old, Vanessa is naive and lonely, and some of her thoughts and logic are so painfully adolescent that watching the 42-year-old Strane groom and manipulate her into a sexual relationship is truly difficult to read. To the adult reader, the grooming and gaslighting that is happening, the abuse, is so, so painfully obvious, and the fact that teenage Vanessa never sees it as such is heartbreaking, but so utterly realistic. Her particular mindset, that vacillation between arrogance and insecurity, is one I related to so, so strongly, because I was the exact same as a teenager. Her determination to characterize her abuse as a forbidden love affair is so frustrating but so understandable.

My Dark Vanessa is unequivocal about portraying Strane's relationship with Vanessa as abuse, but it also doesn't shy away from depicting the difficult ambiguity of it in Vanessa's mind. She struggles so much with how to define what happened to her, because Strane didn't physically force her to have sex (though even that is false), because she technically said yes, because she was forward and eager, at first. She wonders if she even has a right to say she was a victim of abuse, of rape. It's such an understandable dilemma that your heart breaks for her. She is so obviously traumatized by what happened to her, but at the same time is struggling with what she thinks is her own culpability. After all, she sought him out once he was out of her life: she cannot see that that in itself is a symptom of his grooming and abuse of her, because she is so desperate to have some agency, some control over her life.

It also doesn't help that so many people in her life seem to think it's fine that she had a "relationship" with her much older teacher (though that is so realistic). Then there is Strane's constant romanticizing of their twisted dynamic. Nabokov's Lolita is a constant running thread, one that contributes to the harrowing nature of Vanessa's reality, only Vanessa vacillates between seeing it as a love story and as an abuse story, which I thought was a brilliant commentary on the misreading of this novel. Strane also shows her poetry, claims that their relationship is fated, destiny, that they are star-crossed lovers; Vanessa falls for his claims, while you as the reader see how little he actually cares for her.

Some criticism I've seen leveled against the narrative is that it drags too long in the middle, but I have to disagree. First of all, this novel was a propulsive and engaging read, one I couldn't put down. Second, even the seemingly pointless subplots that take up the bulk of the middle section of this book serve a purpose: to demonstrate Vanessa's mindset, and to show the reader how every single facet of her life and her relationships with others has been affected by Strane and his abuse. Vanessa can't function or do anything without somehow filtering it through Strane; this is exacerbated by the fact that he remains in contact with her throughout her adult life, continuing to abuse and gaslight her.

Vanessa's sub-plot with her professor - who married one of his students and cozies up to Vanessa while hiding that he is married - serves several purposes: it shows that even men who proclaim to be decent can be trash, it shines a light on the inherent wrongness of a student-teacher relationship, and it confuses Vanessa even more. She cannot see the difference between her and Strane and her professor and his much younger wife - what, she thinks, is the difference between fifteen and nineteen? Where is the arbitrary line where a relationship with your older teacher is suddenly okay? Is it ever okay, given the power dynamics at play? It's such a fraught question, especially as Vanessa struggles with her own "power" over Strane - he has convinced her that she has the power to entrance him, to get him arrested, to ruin him, and part of her is addicted to that power, the only one she has, but she cannot see that it's no true power at all.

My Dark Vanessa is evocative, bleak, and so powerful in its interrogation of the complexities of sexual assault. I think it does a fantastic job of raising a lot of confusing questions and not providing answers for any of them, because there are no answers; the ambiguity is the point, the ambiguity is why Vanessa struggles so much. This is a book I'll be thinking about for a long time.

Vanessa Wye spends her life smoking pot, drinking, and working a hotel job, even though she has a college education. Why can't she move forward with her life? She can't get over the "relationship" with a teacher that started when she was 15. She feels love, horror, disgust, and guilt. She wants to believe it was love, but anyone she tells the story to looks at her in disgust. To make matters worse another girl has come public with her story about the teacher, and a journalist has started harassing Vanessa for her story. Was it love, or was she groomed by her by a pedophile?

This was a very well written book. However, I would not recommended for book clubs, etc because of the emotional triggers in this book. For some, it will simply be too disturbing.

What a disturbing and unsettling book, yet much needed and impactful at the same time.

This kind of story scares me more than any Stephen King book because it’s real and it’s happening with girls all over the world. You probably know someone that’s been through something similar and don’t even know.

Vanessa is fifteen years old when she starts studying at a new school. While she’s there, she catches the attention of her English teacher, forty-two-year-old Jacob Strane. He thinks Vanessa is brilliant and he loves her poems. He constantly makes her feel special and important. Vanessa has never had someone make her feel this way; she’s always felt like a nobody.

He tells Vanessa to read Lolita and she realizes she’s his Lolita and he’s her Humbert Humbert. He affirms he loves her and assures her he would never do anything she doesn’t want to. But that’s not what happens. For the reader, it is so obvious he’s manipulating her every action, and I had to remind myself so many times that she is just a kid, being manipulated.

The chapters switch between fifteen-year-old Vanessa in 2000 and 17 years later, when Strane is being accused of sexually abusing young girls.

Some parts are so hard to read it actually made me feel sick. It’s very descriptive and if the author’s goal was to purposely make us uncomfortable reading it, she was successful.

Again, it brings up such an important issue that is fortunately being talked about more nowadays. It is so important to think about the victim and how they can be affected after they go through something so horrible.

This was a very different book than what I usually read. The story follows two time periods in Vanessa's life, one when she is in high school and one when she is a young adult. There were definitely some chilling parts to it!

My Dark Vanessa is a deeply disturbing story of manipulation, abuse, deceit, loss of innocence, and violated trust. Although at times difficult to read, this haunting tale delivers a strong message regarding the need to hold the powerful accountable for their despicable actions and the harm and trauma they inflict on their vulnerable, impressionable victims.

I was fortunate to be able to read “My Dark Vanessa” as an Advance Reader’s copy, courtesy of NetGalley and HarperCollins Publjshers. This does not bear any weight on my opinion and review of this book other than to express gratitude for the opportunity.

Once I started reading, I couldn’t put it down. It was such a beautiful and horrid telling of a girl who thinks she falls in love with her teacher, when in reality this teacher groomed her. It shows us in glaring clarity what we don’t want to see when a person is being manipulative. In Vanessa’s careful mix of intelligence and naivety, we might see ourselves as we’ve all been manipulated and gaslit (or gaslighted?) at some point. The book is brilliant. The only thing is that it’s at times hard to read because of the rape and manipulation, and Strane is hateful. The book is never apologetic or blindly demonizing of Strane. It just shows us who he is and what he does, what he tells himself and what he wants Vanessa to think. It read just like an autobiography. I’m waiting on the published copy now, and will update if any opinions change, though I doubt that will be the case. 5/5 pls read but carefully.

In case anyone is wondering, no it’s not preachy or dismissive about the “me too” movement. It handles it so well.

What a painful read...not because of the writing (which is remarkable), but because of the subject matter. This is a story of how a 15-year-old girl responds to and justifies her ongoing rape by a teacher. The author excels at putting the reader in the mind of Vanessa and letting us live and cope with the aftermath as she must. At time frustrating but always compelling, this is definitely a timely novel that leads to lots of reflection and discussion.

Thanks to NetGalley and HarperCollins for the ARC to read and review.

Incredibly compelling and heartbreaking. I thought it dealt with a complex issue well, and showed the many ways a victim of abuse might rationalize what happened to them, how abuse can be cyclical, and the long, complicated process towards recovery. BUT I also thought this book was too long and could have used some cuts to keep the story flowing.

Vanessa felt she was truly loved by her high school English teacher. He was in his late 30’s. She was 15 when Mr. Strane professed his love for him. Others at the elite boarding school weren’t so sure it was love. Forced to leave the school when she lied and said she made up the story about her love affair, she returned to live with her parents in a small Maine town. She convinced herself that her teacher was only doing what she wanted him to do, she was a willing partner. But when other girls made claims about the same professor molesting them, she is forced to reexamine what her relationship truly was. This book is so aptly titled and is at times difficult to read without wanting to shake Vanessa and tell her things weren’t quite as she remembered. This forbidden relationship impacted her into her adult life and adult relationships. This is an unsettling book, but important to read for it shows how pedophiles groom their victims.

Kate Elizabeth Russell has written an incredibly absorbing book about a highly disturbing subject. Although it was hard to read at times, I could not put it down. Vanessa’s character was so real, and brought an interesting perspective to the question of why a person who was victimized would not realize they were in fact a victim.

5/5

#MyDarkVanessa #NetGalley

Easily one of my favorite books I’ve read all year (maybe even in a long time). The story is very compelling and tells the story of our main character and her English teacher having a sexual relationship, along with them growing feelings for one another. This novel has lots of hype behind it, and I can honestly say from my viewpoint I support all the hype.

There are trigger warnings in this novel just to be aware of, but other than that I absolutely recommend this novel.

Conflicted is the word to use how I feel about My Dark Vanessa. Was the material too dark for me or did it hit too close to home? Everyone has a tale to tell, including myself, so it's hard for me to judge this book. I'll give it four stars.

#MyDarkVanessa #NetGalley
A very interesting read. It made me feel uncomfortable to read, but I think that is the purpose and important part of a novel like this one. Vanessa's story is important, but how she heals from her experience is almost more important than anything else in this story. We forget the damage that a predator does to one's psychological well being over just the physical incidents. A very heart wrenching, yet decisive read.

Vanessa Wye could never be called a typical teenager. She’s wickedly intelligent, disorganized to a fault and prefers books to boys any day of the week. She also feels forsaken by almost everyone in her life.

The only time that she feels truly seen is in Mr. Strane’s American Lit class. He speaks to her as if she’s a peer - not as if she’s just a child. He understands her on a level that no one else does. And it’s the most intoxicating experience she’s ever known.

The repercussions of their forbidden relationship will bleed into every aspect of her life for years to come. Until the day when a single Facebook post shatters the illusion of the love that has come to define her.

“I think we’re very similar, Nessa,” he whispers. “I can tell from the way you write that you’re a dark romantic like me. You like dark things.”
Shielded by the desk, he reaches down and pats my knee gently, gingerly, the way you might pet a dog before you’re sure it won’t turn mean and bite you. I don’t bite him. I don’t move. I don’t even breathe. He keeps writing notes on the poem while his other hand strokes my knee and my mind slips out of me. It brushes up against the ceiling so I can see myself from above—hunched shoulders, thousand-yard stare, bright red hair.
Then class is over. He moves away from me, the spot on my knee cold where his hand has left it, and the room is all motion and sound, zippers zipping and textbooks slamming shut and laughter and words and no one knowing what took place right in front of them.
“Looking forward to the next one,” Mr. Strane says. He hands me the marked-up poem as though everything’s normal, like what he did never happened.
The nine other students pack up their things and leave the classroom to carry on with their lives, to practices and rehearsals and club meetings. I leave the room, too, but I’m not part of them. They’re the same, but I’m changed. I’m unhuman now. Untethered. While they walk across campus, earthbound and ordinary, I soar, trailing a maple-red comet tail. I’m no longer myself; I am no one. I’m a red balloon caught in the boughs of a tree. I’m nothing at all.

My Dark Vanessa is by far my favourite book so far this year! With her hypnotic debut, Kate Elizabeth Russell weaves a tale that is as disturbing as it is soulful. She made it so easy for me to relate to Vanessa on a very genuine level. I felt her isolation, her complexity and her turmoil as if it were my own. With every layer of her character that was peeled back, a more tender layer was revealed. I saw her as a fragile warrior struggling to hold together all of her jagged pieces. And her strength was awe-inspiring.

“I just feel . . .” I press the heels of my hands into my thighs. “I can’t lose the thing I’ve held on to for so long. You know?” My face twists up from the pain of pushing it out. “I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that.”
“I know,” she says.
“Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it?”
I look to her glassy eyes, her face of wide-open empathy.
“It’s my life,” I say. “This has been my whole life.”
She stands over me as I say I’m sad, I’m so sad, small, simple words, the only ones that make sense as I clutch my chest like a child and point to where it hurts.

This book clearly isn’t going to be for everyone. But for those who can look into the shadows and still see light, this is story that you will never forget…