Private Lessons by Cynthia Salaysay started off so well: lovely writing, an interesting protagonist from a Filipino family, the fascinating world of pianists. Then it took a horrible turn. I found the graphic sexual content, especially the details of the rape scene, incredibly inappropriate for a YA book, and the ending did nothing to redeem the content. I'm tempted to give this book only 1 star, but there were elements I did enjoy, so I'll leave it with 2.

I was pretty bored with this book. I struggled to connect with the main character for most of the book. There was something off with the writing style that didn't really engage me and had me skipping over some lines. Too many dependent clauses that were chopped off as sentences. It got old after awhile. The first two thirds of the book were pretty boring and uneventful. Honestly, I was expecting a lot more emotions, but it just didn't deliver. The ending felt rushed and unfinished. It just wasn't the book for me, I guess, which is unfortunate considering how excited I was to read it based on the synopsis alone. I think if the book had started off at a later point than it had, maybe right before the teacher relationship happened, it would have picked up the pace of the book and hit me with more emotions. By the end, I didn't really care what was happening and was honestly trying to finish the book as quickly as possible. Such a let down.

After winning this book in a BookCon giveaway, I unfortunately DNF'd it 25% through. I had such high hopes of this being the My Dark Vanessa for a YA audience. The narration was too slow for me and despite having a great premise and representation for Filipino culture, I couldn't get through it or connect to the voice. I really hope that other readers have gotten something from it!

Private Lessons tells the story of Claire, a so-called prodigy who is dealing with her father’s recent death. She wanted to work with Paul Avon, this very famous piano teacher, to get higher chances of winning competitions and get into a scholarship. Eventually, she gets too enamored by her teacher and lines might get crossed.

This concept alone shows who the potential of this book to be amazing. However, all I felt while reading this book was uncomfortable and irritated.

The experience of being stuck inside Claire’s head was frustrating. She belongs to the roster of those YA leads that can get into your nerves, especially now that you are older.

I cannot deny that there are notable things that this author did right. Themes like cultural differences, grief, success, and the like are things we should shed light on. And rape, power imbalance, and sexual harrassment will always be a topic that people should be educated on.

However, the writing style in this book is not one that will entice you to finish the novel. The plot was dragging. In fact, nothing much happened throughout the book. It was very hard to be stuck in its extremely slow moving pace. Moreover, the author only took effort in developing Claire and Paul as characters, then the others just fell flat.

If you’re a classical music fan, you’ll love how music is described in this book. It was very immersive and perhaps, one of the few things that is likable about the story.

Overall, congratulations for the effort. I tried so hard to like this book, especially as it has a Filipino main character written by Filipino author, but it just failed to hit the spot.

his book wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. I thought this was going to be an empowering #OwnVoices story set within the #MeToo movement, but in the end I only felt underwhelmed, disappointed, and relieved I could finally stop reading it. I knew what type of story it was trying to tell, but it was not executed well at all.

I wanted to like Claire; I wanted to be cheering for her the whole way through because I could relate to her in so many ways. But halfway through the book I was already fed up with her, and once I dislike the main character it’s difficult for me to like the rest of the story since it’s told from her point of view. I nearly DNF’d this just because of how annoying, unlikable, and boring Claire is. She and her character arc felt very underdeveloped and flat. Combined with the weird pacing of the novel overall, it felt as if her character remained stagnant throughout 95% of the story and it wasn’t until the last couple chapters is when she finally makes progress.

Something I really enjoyed seeing was all the Filipino representation with Claire’s mom’s mannerisms that I found so familiar, her Titas, taking your shoes off when entering the house, etc. That was one of two things that prevented me from rating this a one-star. The other was the lovely and poetic descriptions of the music. I’d never read music, especially classical music being described the way Cynthia does in this novel. Overall, her writing was great – fairly easy to follow, poetic, and engaging – but I did feel that the pacing was off and, for a young adult contemporary novel, read incredibly slow. (Another reason why I was tempted to DNF it.)

Although I sort of knew what I was getting into after reading the synopsis, I was not prepared to read a clear description of a rape scene. To say I was disgusted and more than a little disturbed is an understatement. There should be trigger warnings included in the beginning of the book, even if the content is hinted at in the synopsis. So, be warned that there is a detailed rape scene described in this book.

Overall, it was a valiant attempt at tackling such a heavy topic for a young adult novel, but was poorly executed, resulting in a lackluster story that does not do the #MeToo movement justice. I cannot and do not recommend this book, but I enjoyed Cynthia’s writing style and wouldn’t mind checking out her next book in the future.

I have to DNF this title. It is giving me anxiety about a period of my past, and I cannot continue reading it for my mental health.

Overall, the message of this book is really important and I love the representation in this book because there is not a lot of books out there where the main character is Filipino AND the culture is everywhere in the book. However, this book was not my cup of tea. I'm sure there are people who will enjoy it but I just felt the book dragged for so long that I wished it was over.

TW: Sexual assault, rape, non-consensual touching

I felt so uncomfortable reading this. I saw the way Claire changed from her easy-going hard working attitude, to curt and uptight after being subjected to Paul's teachings.

Private Lessons is a nuanced and moving story about Claire Alalay, a Filipina-American teen who plays the piano and deals with a lot in her life: her depressed mother who hasn't gotten over the death of her father, uncertainty about her collegiate future (whether to stay close to home or go for a musical conservatory), a drifting friendship with her best friend; everyday casual racist micro aggressions; and trying to make it into a prestigious piano competition. To complicate matters, she becomes a student of a renown pianist, Paul Avon, who mesmerizes and inspires her with his insightful teaching. She finds herself idolizing him, while at the same time, has her first sexual experience with another boy, which turns out to be emotionally vacuous. Eventually, her piano teacher grooms her to the point where she thinks she's in love with him, makes advances on him, but when things go too far and she wants to stop, he doesn't let her. The heart of the story is about Claire dealing with the emotional fallout of being used by her teacher and figuring out how to emerge stronger.

The treatment of the student-teacher sexual assault as well as Claire's first relationship are really well-written. In both situations, the reader is right in Claire's head. Those with more experience will see the trap Claire is falling into but sympathize with how she's gotten there, and empathize with her throughout. The passages about her music playing are transporting and give a great sense of what it's like to play and interpret music.

The themes and writing are mature and sophisticated, which may make this book less accessible to a YA reader used to faster pacing or simpler themes. This would be a great book club pick.

Claire wants Paul to like her. Paul is a piano teacher. I didn't get interested in the dialogue or characters. Overall I was bored

The ripped from the headlines premise of a predatory piano teacher sounded very interesting. Loved the Filipina rep and the music description. But the plot was so slow. I read another review where nothing happens by 50% and I decided to DNF this one. Sad I didn’t like it.

This was a quiet story about music, family, and standing up for yourself. I appreciated the frank way that Claire's sexuality was tackled in this one...and how she eventually came to terms with the abuse that happened to her. I didn't feel like there was much of a plot, though, which made it a slow read for me. But the descriptions of her playing the piano were really lovely. Definitely check this out if you're a musician. Thank you to netGalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

Private Lessons is not at all an easy read, but it's done really, really well.

(TW: grooming, rape, death of a parent, racism, casual mention of off-page animal death)

Claire Alalay is a 17-year-old piano player who takes lessons from the charismatic and talented Paul Avon. The blurb says it's a book for the #MeToo era, so I don't think it's a spoiler to say that Paul does something unforgiveable.

I'll be delving deeply into how well Salaysay treats the #MeToo stuff, so first, I want to say that I also really like how Salaysay explored the casual racism and sexism Claire and other BIPOC characters experience. I especially love a scene at a music competition where a white man asks Claire, her mom, and Claire's Vietnamese-American BFF Tash what their nationality is, because it was so realistic. I especially love the little details that make it especially realistic: how the man assumes the three Asian-Americans are part of the same family and is shocked that Tash isn't Filipino-American; how Claire's mom doesn't know how to respond and so just giggles nervously; how Claire's white BFF Julia is totally oblivious of what's happening; how the man has no idea how to respond when the question is turned back on him, and especially, how this isn't the first time in the story that someone asks Claire this question. Having been asked that question many times myself, I can attest that this scene felt incredibly nuanced and real, and I love how Salaysay wrote it.

There's also Julia's perception of Claire's looks, which again Salaysay handles so subtly that it's hard to tell whether Julia is somewhat jealous of Claire's looks because she genuinely thinks Claire is pretty, or if Julia is also somewhat being racist and fetishizing Claire's Asian-ness. Salaysay kinda blurs the line on this several times, with just-subtle-enough comments from Julia that it makes you a bit uncomfortable, but also, maybe you're imagining things? There's a particularly gross moment after Julia learns about the #MeToo stuff, where she outright tells Claire "You're very sensual. Asian girls. Men kind of slobber all over them." This was said somewhat within the context of Julia saying Paul's behaviour was "disturbing" and so could be read as an indictment of Paul's possible Asian fetish, but it's also equally possible that Julia believes that Asian girls are "sensual", in which case, how much of a friend is Julia, really, to Claire? Either way, Salaysay handles this with just enough ambiguity that it's difficult to label Julia as racist or otherwise, which again feels very realistic and true-to-life.

I also like how Salaysay depicted Claire's mom's grief (and possible depression) over Claire's dad's passing. Again, it's the subtle details that Salaysay gets right that makes this work: how Claire's mom can spend an entire day in bed but then turn cheerful when a church friend comes over; how Claire's mom turns to her faith for comfort and, for a long time, resists the idea of therapy; how Claire's mom also finds moments of joy, like in eating a burger and fries with Claire from a drive-through. I love the subtle Filipinisms that make Claire's mom real -- how she says "don't open the light" instead of "don't turn on the light"; how she calls Claire "anak" as a term of endearment; how she has a bunch of Virgin Mary, Jesus, and saint statues around the house; how she says prayer is what gets her through; even how she responds when Claire says prayer doesn't seem to be enough. I love how Salaysay has created Claire's mom, and I love the relationship between mother and daughter.

Now on to the #MeToo stuff, which as I said, I think Salaysay handles really well. (Minor spoilers follow -- nothing surprising, I think, if you're familiar with the #MeToo movement, but if you want zero spoilers, just skip the rest of my review.)

There are unfortunately far too many possible permutations of #MeToo stories, and I think the one most people immediately think of are incidents when the perpetrator physically forces themselves on the victim, or the victim is drugged or incapacitated in some way.

Less well-known, yet equally horrific, are the more gradual scenarios, where the perpetrator grooms the victim in many subtle, hard-to-pinpoint ways. In this case, Paul is a very demanding teacher, who uses Claire's admiration of him to push her sometimes to the point of physical injury (at one point, her wrist hurts from her practicing, and she thinks at least Paul will think she worked hard). He also touches her, ostensibly to adjust her position so her playing improves, and something the author does really well is keep the entire thing super subtle. We're seeing the story from Claire's POV, so like Claire, we can see all of Paul's comments on her appearance, his overtures of friendship beyond their lessons, his subtle bits of emotional manipulation to keep her starving for his approval, etc, as potentially innocent, simply a demanding teacher pushing his student to do better. Yet because we're also distanced from Claire's situation, we can also feel the slight sheen of wrongness throughout, the slight twinge of something not being right, even though Paul has technically not yet done anything wrong.

Paul's behaviour throughout the novel is a particularly insidious form of abuse, because it's so hard to pinpoint exactly what he's doing that's wrong, yet we can already see how his behaviour is already starting to change Claire, and make her more dependent on his approval.

Something else that may also be easy to miss in conversations around #MeToo -- and that Salaysay explores especially well in this novel -- is how easy it is for #MeToo victims to feel complicit in what happens to them. Claire is undeniably attracted to Paul. With the particular #MeToo incident, she specifically sets out wanting Paul to kiss her. Salaysay takes us through Claire's thoughts and emotions in this particular chapter with heartbreaking clarity, as things shift from giddiness over Paul's attention to confusion, shame and guilt at how things turn out. In particular, when Paul shifts from tender contact to a more explicit, self-serving act, Salaysay's language shifts as well. We are right with Claire when she realizes that Paul doesn't care about her as she cares about him, and because of that, what she ends up doing for Paul feels dirty. There's a point where Claire tries to back out, and Paul physically stops her from doing so, which I figure Salaysay included so it's super crystal clear that what happened was criminal. But even without that moment, I think the wrongness in the entire scene felt heartbreakingly real. Salaysay also handled the fallout from the incident in a sensitive, all-too-realistic way.

+

Thank you to Candlewick Press for an e-galley in exchange for an honest review.

While this book had an interesting plot and story to tell, it lacked in its execution. And charcter. I disliked the MC so much because she was boring and had no individual voice. It felt too forced and you could see that it was the author telling and not the character's voice that your were reading.

The story moved so slowly and then ended in an abrupt move. I feel like there could've been so much more to this story but it was not given enough screen space. The sexual encounter art first was graphic and somewhat realistic I felt. It tried to describe Claire's life as she grew up a little and became a teenager and wanted to experience things.

From the title and the blurb, you could guess the outcome of this story. But I wish, I wish that there was more at the end. Something of a closure and not just that vague bit.

**Thank you to NetGalley, the author, & the publisher for a chance to read & review an E-ARC of this novel!**

This was a surprisingly intense read with important themes of overcoming hardships, grief, cultural differences, expectations that we put on ourselves, expectations from others, friendship, & the confusing world of relationships. Please find my extended feedback below...along with some spoilers (beware).
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Things I Liked:
-the highlights of music...I love music & as a former vocal performer...it felt great to be back in a world of being moved by the musicality of practice & performance
-the importance of family & friendship
-the focus on culture...I always enjoy learning about different cultures & their nuances. I liked how Claire challenged people when they made assumptions about her culture.
-how the novel showed Claire overcoming the sexual assault...she didn't let it define her.

Things That Didn't Sit Quite Right With Me:
-Paul is a gross slimeball that does not deserve to teach music or have interactions with vulnerable populations.
-Claire's poor sense of self & low self-esteem...I understand that this was part of her self-image & is a realistic obstacle for many...I just hated how this made her vulnerable in a dangerous way.
-I wish it had more of a hook or perhaps the pacing was different. It felt like a challenge for me to continue reading at times.

Overall, I gave this novel 3 stars! It was a good read, but was lacking in certain areas for me. I think it would be a great read for those interested in reading novels with themes including music, culture, & relationships.

Thank you so much to net galley for sending me a copy of this book. I didn’t know what to expect when I was going into this book but I ended up loving it!

I absolutely adored this book. I loved hearing Claire’s story and was silently cheering her on from the sidelines. I think that the writing was beautifully done and the plot was well devised. I would absolutely read another book from Cynthia Salaysay. I just didn’t wait Claire’s story to end! Would highly recommend to anyone who wants to hear about tough women, good friendships, and music.

Many thanks to NetGalley, Cynthia Salaysay, and Candlewick Press for an ARC in exchange for an honest review. All my thoughts and opinions are 100% my own and independent of receiving an advance copy.


Claire is concerned about her college applications, so she decides to up her musical game and auditions for an elite piano teacher. Paul accepts her and so their journey begins. Claire is a loner who finds it hard to relate to other kids her age. Her father died and her mother is so overprotective it can be stifling at times. It comes with the territory of being a Philippino mother. Claire misses her dad tremendously. She has a best friend but finds that they are growing apart since Tash has a new boyfriend and Claire is becoming serious about her music. Claire finds it hard to make friends. How many other kids are there who come from an immigrant family, have a dead parent, and loves to listen to classical music?

Claire spends most of her time on her music. Now that Paul has taken her on, Claire begins an awakening. She begins to own her power as a woman who is really a girl coming into her sexuality. She also begins to recognize her power as a musician and how her talent can open doors that she never expected. This is a coming of age story of how Claire deals with grown-up feelings and learns how to navigate situations that might be beyond her years.

I’m not sure how many kids will enjoy this book. I, personally, loved so much about it, but that’s because having grown up as a classical pianist, that was my life. I found it authentic and relatable. Without the lens of music, kids might find it a drag to hear about the inner workings of a classical musician. If Claire couldn’t make any friends because of her devotion to Classical music, I’m not sure how many real kids will want to read about it. I will be interested to see the reaction of young adults.

The relationship between a private music teacher and a student is a powerful one. One where the adult has all the power and the student is constantly trying to please. The teacher is also opening up the student’s world, so the admiration can feel strong. Claire’s world is very small and so the relationship becomes even more powerful. Obviously there will be many opportunities for abuse of power. I’m not sure this part worked for me. First, it was creepy. And second I’m not sure how well this issue was handled.

Claire was a fully fleshed-out character. She wasn’t just a musician, but with her home life, her quiet personality, and her grief over her father there were lots to explore. Claire’s feelings were never right or wrong but rather mixed up. Sometimes she didn’t know how to feel. I remember those feelings very well. I thought that was very authentic. I didn’t feel that any of the other characters were as well rounded. They were merely side-characters, simply there to fulfill the plot point and then dropped.

Another problem that I had was that I felt this book dealt with too many issues. There was the musical part, which I thought was very well explored. The coming of age story was rushed and something I thought could have been the whole story. Claire dealing with her father’s death and the aftermath of that was touched on, but again, it could have been explored more. Connected to that storyline was the relationship between Claire and her mother. Then, to add the relationship between Chris and Claire was the thing that tipped the scale. Sometimes, too many ingredients spoil the dish.

Overall, I enjoyed this book. I’m not sure how much of it was because of my connection to growing up as a classical musician. There were other good elements to this story, but because there were so many issues, I felt some didn’t get the development they should have. I think you should give this one a chance. Let me know what you think.

<b>3 out of 5 🌟 Craving for love</b>

Claire is a 17-year old teenager whose father died of cancer and whose mother has been depressed ever since. Her best friend got a boyfriend and consequently, they're spending less and less time together. Claire finds her escape from all these problems in music. She's a talented pianist and being the best piano player is her chance to get a scholarship. Claire's new piano teacher impress her in every possible way. He is an accomplished musician and teacher, and he is nice to her, which in these circumstances is enough for Clair to become fond of him.

My main issue with the 'Private Lessons' was that for at least 80% of the book I wasn't sure what the story is really about. It gave me the creepy 'Lolita' vibes and I wasn't really sure if the book wants to be a romance or a cautionary tale. Towards the ending, things got clear, and Claire's behavior started to make so much sense from the retrospective. She was not a troublesome teenager but the lonely child craving for some love and mistaking sex for real emotions.
The book also mentions the problem of racism and how the white Americans approach non-white people and what assumptions they have about Asians (Claire is also Filipino). Although, that topic was described only briefly and I wish it was explored more.

'Private Lessons' touches the issue of rape vs consent sex in relation to age and power. This is a powerful topic and it should've been better executed. I would rather know about the incident from the very beginning and learn all the circumstances and history behind it in retrospect. I feel I would've better understand Claire and all her choices, knowing about her longing for a real relationship from the very beginning.

Nevertheless, it was an eye-opening book and I was as shocked as the main character when I realized (in retrospect) that it was indeed rape and not just a bad sexual encounter.
The book encouraged me to have some in-depth conversations about that with my husband and made me think about my past experience with not-so-100%-consent encounters. And with that in mind, I'm sure that book can be highly triggering for a lot of people.

As for the author's style, the book is well written and I read it in just a few days. The storytelling was captivating and I'll be looking for the next books by Cynthia Salaysay.

<i>Thank you Netgalley and the publisher Candlewick Press for the ARC in exchange for an honest review. Opinions and feelings are my own.</i>

Rating: 3 stars

I enjoyed the musical aspect of the book. I felt like the book developed very slow. There were several situations I had somewhat of an issue to connect with. The main character is a musical prodigy struggling with her mental health among other things. She experiences racism and mental abuse at the hands of her teacher. I wasn't too fond of the student/teacher relationship, it was very uncomfortable to read. Maybe this type of topic just isn't for me. The inclusion of sexual situations between two people with a huge age gap was somewhat difficult to get thru, including the manipulative stances of the teacher. There are situations where it may cause triggers, which may be a bit uncomfortable to digest. Some topics included are depression, statutory rape, psychological abuse, and some misogyny. This book is not a fluffy story at all, it's very raw.. not that that is a bad thing. The main character is a girl that is trying to come out of her shell, very insecure, longing to be liked. She matures throughout the story through the experiences she lives. Although there weren't many happy moments the book wraps up nicely.