She's a princess who is in a tower under a spell. She wouldn't marry the man the King wanted her to so that's her punishment. When she awakens, she finds her fingernails and toenails are all extremely long, as is her hair. She first cuts her nails and then her long hair. She decides to leave her beard alone. It makes a good disguise...

Del Rey and Net Galley let me read this book for review (thank you). It will be published October 8th.

She heads out away from the tower. The next town has a diner in it and she goes in to eat. There she meets some pirates and asks to join them. The captain is a parrot. Besides his regular crew, he has a centaur on board. He can do magic with food. Doesn't sound like much but blocking cannons with sticky frosting is useful...

They are looking for treasure. Patrol boats are looking for them. So are monsters from the deep. I think the scariest part is when they meet these nice folks who clean them all up, massage them, and then when they go back to the hot springs they get dropped into a soup pot. The nice folks are cannibals! Can they escape?

It's a busy tale with all kinds of outlandish things in it, but it's great fun to read. You won't be bored!

The Princess Beard is the third novel in the Tales of Pell series, which is a joint project by Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne. Together these two authors have created a truly inane and amazing world.
The Tales of Pell is a world full of fairy tales flipped on their heads, with dozens of stereotypes warped into the funniest ways imaginable. They stretch plots to their extremes, and have oh so much fun along the way.
There once was a princess who fell to sleep thanks to a magical rose that cursed her. It was her second curse, which resulted in some interesting side effects. Now that she's awake, she's determined to change her destiny. And maybe save some otters along the way.
This novel is full of unique and brilliant characters, all quirky, silly, and utterly lovable. Morgan is the princess who woke up from a cursed slumber...and she wasn't too thrilled about the massive amount of hair and nails she grew during that time. Though she's cool with keeping the beard. And with becoming a pirate.
Vic is a centaur with a specific gift. He can summon tea and biscuits on a whim. But he doesn't want that power – he wants to be all swoll and tough. And ideally, have everyone know exactly how manly and macho he is.
Tempest is a dryad, and now that she and her sisters have been newly freed, she has big plans for her life. That is, she's got plans on how to spend the part of her life before she turns into a giant and blood hungry tree. That part is already set in stone for her, and the rest of her kind for that matter.
Albartalus, aka Al, is the world's worst elf. He doesn't look or act like any other elf out there. Unless you count his talent for taking advantage of rubes. But he wants better for his life. He wants something new and better.

“Everyone loved dryads and drynads when they lived as slightly leafy humans, looking beautiful and healing folks of any ailment, but no one wanted to tolerate them when they were living the part of their life cycle that required them to be bloodthirsty trees.”

The Princess Beard was an amazing followup in the Tales of Pell series. It was so much fun – lighthearted, chaotic, and just a tiny bit crazy. Just the way I like it. I adore what Dawson and Hearne have created together here. And it has left me hoping to see more author collaborations in the future.
The sass and satire were strong in the third novel in the series, as it continued to warp and twist stereotypes and expectations left and right. And it was glorious. Some of this I had been expecting; fun twists on the classic fairy tales. I still loved those moments.
But then there were some surprising twists and moments. Such as the voyage and seas they were on – a surprise which I will not ruin by talking about in too much detail. The other surprise? Taking a massively popular novel series and just having a blast warping it all over the place. It was absolutely hilarious.
As always, I loved the chaos in this tale. I also loved some of the undercurrents and messages. It's hard not to adore what these two authors are doing here. And it's hard not to keep hoping for more. Though even I have to admit that if the series ended here, they did so on the perfect spot. So I couldn't complain – except to say that I miss it.

★ ★ ★ 1/2 (rounded up)
This originally appeared at The Irresponsible Reader.
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Readers of Kill the Farm Boy (the first installment in the Tales of Pell trilogy) may have been wondering about what happened to Princess Aurora/Snow White-esque figure, Princess Harkovitra*. Well, she wakes up, and finds herself in the position she's always wanted—a chance to start over. She leaves her name and home behind, hitching a ride with our old acquaintance Morvin on his way to start a new life himself.

*Then again, maybe you're like me, and figured she was like Worstely and that her only purpose was to kick-start the novel and hadn't thought of her since.

They're not the only ones looking for a new start. We also meet a swole centaur prone to over-compensation, seeks to reach a mystic temple that will heal him of (what he considers) his emasculating magical abilities. A pariah elf is looking for the opportunity to do something more meaningful than swindle tourists. And we also pick up with one of the newly liberated dryads from No Country for Old Gnomes, who needs a way to get to her chosen law school, Bogtorts.

All of these new starts require the characters to travel somewhere inaccessible to foot/horse/carriage traffic. Enter the Clean Pirate Luc (a.k.a. Filthy Lucre), who happens to be a one-eyed talking parrot. He needs new crew members and is willing to let these travel to their intended destinations in exchange for labor. Even if the result is something incongruous, like a centaur swabbing the decks (thankfully, that's a funny image—a great thing for a comedic fantasy). Except for Morvin, who has other plans that involve less of the high seas.

The pirate ship ends up being just the thing to take our characters from quick adventure to quick adventure, creating opportunities for bonding and character growth. It's different enough from the land-based pilgrimages of the past two novels to keep things feeling fresh, while allowing the same kind of vibe to permeate the book. I'm not the biggest fan of pirate/ship-based adventures, but when they're done well, they are a lot of fun. And who doesn't like a good Melville-based joke (or several)?

Not just Melville-based jokes, but there's more than a couple of The Princess Bride riffs (in case the title didn't tip you off). Which seems timely, given the resurgence in interest in William Goldman's classic thanks to some nonsense about remaking the movie. I could be wrong, but this seems to be the jokiest of the three (I'm pretty sure my notes/list of great lines is longer than normal). Not that the others were joke-light, but this seems more focused on them and less focused on the story. Which makes it less successful as a novel in my opinion. But that's in comparison to two really strong and effective novels, so I'm not saying it's not a good read—it's just a not-as-good-as-I-wanted read. If this was the first Pell book I'd read, I'd rush out to get the others (particularly, if a charming and insightful blogger had said the others were better than this one). I started chuckling within a page and didn't finish until the end. Sometimes I did more than chuckle.

I'm not complaining a bit about the number of jokes, the character names alone are hilarious and make the book worth reading. It just takes away some of the impact of the story and the characters—or it distracted the authors from making them as compelling as they could have been. It's kind of a chicken vs. egg thing.

Each of these characters gets an opportunity to find themselves, find their inner-strength, true desires, real self—whatever you want to call it. It turns out that some of them were right all along, and others just needed the fresh perspective that extreme circumstances can bring.

I didn't connect with this one as much as I did the ones before, ditto for any of the characters. But I expect that my experience isn't typical—The Princess Beard will resonate with some more than the others did. Either way, the reader will enjoy the ride. It's exciting, it's affirming, it's a hoot.

I'm going to miss Pell, and hope the authors decide to dip their collective toes back into the land from time to time in the future. If not, at least we get the beginnings for these beautiful friendships.

Disclaimer: I received this eARC from Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine via NetGalley in exchange for this post—thanks to both for this entertaining romp.

Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses. When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails--which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise.

This is not a story about finding true love's kiss--it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong. But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there's Vic, a centaur on a mission to expunge himself of magic. Then there's Tempest, who's determined to become the first dryad lawyer--preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They're joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero,. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you've got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas!

The third book in the Tales of Pell series is just as silly and over the top as the first two. Word play and skewered tropes are the name of the game. As with the first two books in this series, this Tales of Pell entry has almost an entirely new cast of characters.so jumping in here won't be too confusing. This is a fun read.

Oh, man. These adventures in Pell just keep getting more wonderfully ridiculous. No, wait. I'm wrong. The level of ridiculousness has remained constant in THE BEST WAY. They're just a rollicking ride from beginning to end.

The Princess and her beard are no exception. Because waking up after a cursed sleep to find yourself crusty and overgrown is only the beginning of Morgan's journey. I mean, the lady definitely finds herself along the way. And a cause. A cause that strikes her in the deepest part of her heart and which she can't walk away from.

You know, because otters.

Well, otters and friends. Sure, sure. Sometimes, these friends are the type of people who you don't exactly know are friends until the chips are down and they've got your back with tea cakes, glitter, and rage. Glorious, glorious rage.

Adventure on the high seas comes with monsters, introspection, swole pony boys, and more than a few ARRRGHS. GOOD TIMES!

Another fantastic romp with the punniest authors around. Hearne and Dawson's love for fantasy is evident throughout their trope-filled third adventure. Highly recommended for lovers of Terry Pratchett.

Another "foine" story in this series by Kevin Hearne and Delilah Dawson! This story follows an interesting group of characters, a dryad, a gnome, an elf and a centaur, among others. They all end up on a pirate ship, with a parrot as the pirate captain. All are on some sort of personal journey but also end up on a group quest as well. I really enjoyed this story! Many times I was smiling and laughing out loud! So happy I had the opportunity to read this and I look forward to future collaborations by these authors!

Not going to lie. The comedy for this just didn't land for me. I 100% see how other people could love it though.

This series is hilarious. Every chapter has something familiar, yet totally wrong. Chapter 14 had a Harry Potter reference that made me roll on the floor laughing. I even had to share it with my cubical mate. In one of the chapters they talk about Elf butts and otter balls for a long time. I don't know what is going on, but I love it!

Book three of the Tales of Pell by Kevin Hearne and Delilah S. Dawson was probably my favorite of the three books in this series.

As with all of the Tales of Pell books, this one starts with a connection to the first book. In this case, we are asked to imagine what happened The Lady Harkovrita after she awoke in her tower after having been cursed by the rose from the hands of Argabella? In fact, this book has us uniting a number of previous characters from the two previous books, Tempest (one of the dryad sisters) Morvin (brother of Poltro and former servant of Lord Toby), along with two new characters Vic (a centaur with an interesting bit of sorcery) and Alobaralus (Al - an elf).

The Lady Harkovrita dons the disguise of a male (or non-gender binary individual) and renames herself Morgan upon meeting Morvin in the woods. As the two eat at Dinny's one night, they are approached by Filthy Lucre (a one-eyed parrot) and asked to join his crew. Before long, Morgan, Tempest, Vic, and Al are all oon the adventure of their lives aboard Captain Luc's The Puffy Peach.

One of the things I enjoy the most about this series is how it doesn't take itself seriously at times. You can almost sense how much the authors had fun peppering the book with pop-culture referenes just skewed enough for their reading audience. From references to alochol brands, to Harry Potter, to Star Trek, and so many others, it's fun to recognize these pearls of fun tossed liberaly throughout the book.

The basic adventure may follow the general tropes of this genre, but it's the fun and insanity that happens along the way that makes this book an absolute joy to read.

I want to thank the publisher for allowing me once again to read a pre-published version of this manuscript. Although the publisher gave me access to this book, my review here is 100% my own opinion.

I really love the way Kevin Hearne and Delilah twist these fairytales. They are fun and hilarious. Another wonderful addition to the adventures in Pell!

I read the first book in the series, and this book does not disappoint. It was full of humor and absurd situations; we got to see characters that we met previously in the series, It still reminds me of Galavant.

The Princess Beard is a laugh riot, as well as having an interesting story, and a very odd way of being written.

The only thing that prevented me from giving it five stars was a little bit of feeling of confusion at the beginning when the tenses switched. Once that was done and things settled in, the story started to get good and after it started to get good. Indeed, it started to get very good.

I enjoyed this book for its character, its depth, and the amount of fun that was had obviously by the authors while writing it, and by me when I was reading it. Iwas provided this copy by netgalley to review and I'm very glad I asked for it. Thank you for the opportunity and I hope to do so again.

**Disclaimer: I was given an e-ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review**

I love Delilah Dawson and her writing, but not this book. The humor is too in-your-face and immature potty jokes. I restarted it twice thinking I just needed a fresh perspective, but it’s just not for me.

Unfortunately, this book suffers from the same problem as the first two, and that is the writing. The humor lacks nuance and the jokes try so hard to push genre self-awareness that they aren't even funny. This series would definitely appeal to fans of fantasy who enjoy poking fun at themselves, however, they also have to be o-k with immature, unironic potty humor. Would recommend many other twisted fairy tales or parodies over this one, but every book has its reader.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC copy in exchange for an honest review.

As with their other two books of this trilogy/series, the author team upends traditional fantasy and turns it on it side for hilarious results.
Nothing of the traditional fantasy can be expected except in veeeeery broad terms, but this tale will keep you laughing while you read.

You probably want to sit on the floor amid cushions while reading this third tale of Pell. Otherwise you may fall off your couch because you are laughing so hard. Once again Hearne and Dawson partnered to write a tale that combines wit, wordplay, and wisdom. Follow Morgan, Tempest, Al, Vic, Luc and many other “fione” characters as they adventure to they find where they belong. If you enjoy puns, poking fun at fairy tales, and not taking a story seriously, you’ll enjoy The Princess Beard.

The Princess Beard is a puntastic laugh out loud gigglesnort of a good time read. This adventure of self-discovery is not without the occasional mishap but what doesn’t kill you … This tale is filled with epic wordplay and the occasional shout out to various adventurers past, present and future. I heartily recommend.

Another witty and hilariously fun adventure in the land of Pell. I have grown to love these twisted fairy tales. The Princess Beard is a action packed romp with the leading lady taking matters into her own hands. Why not?! I love that she takes up with pirates and the diverse under tones of this series always make me happy. It's full of various characters that come together when they are not likely allies. I hope to see more from the land of Pell!
Thank you to Edelweiss and Del Rey books for the opportunity to read and review The Princess Beard.
#E-Arc
#ThePrincessBeard #NetGalley #DelReyBooks

I'm glad I don't eat eggs anymore after seeing g them called "buttfruit."

Another truly foine tale. I really enjoyed this trilogy and am a little sad it's over.

I received a free e-galley from netgalley.com.