Jack Kerouac Is Dead to Me is a raw, poignant exploration of friendship, family, and the messy realities of growing up. Through JL’s heartfelt narration, Polisner tackles tough topics like betrayal, mental illness, and resilience with nuance and honesty. Beautifully written and emotionally gripping, it’s a must-read for fans of realistic, character-driven YA.

Gae’s writing always has a way of reeling me in with characters I can’t get enough of and situations that make me turn the pages to see what happens next. JL’s story went straight to my heart. So beautifully written, her experiences brought me to tears as I felt connected to her struggles.

This book is one I already feel like I need to read again to fully appreciate all of it. This eARC from Netgalley scratched the itch to read the book, but I can’t wait to hold the printed book in hand and turn the pages more slowly this time, savoring the writing and story.

Fifteen-year-old JL Markham's life used to be filled with carnival nights and hot summer days spent giggling with her forever best friend Aubrey about their families and boys. Together, they were unstoppable. But they aren't the friends they once were.

With JL's father gone on long term business, and her mother suffering from dissociative disorder, JL takes solace in the tropical butterflies she raises, and in her new, older boyfriend, Max Gordon. Max may be rough on the outside, but he has the soul of a poet (something Aubrey will never understand). Only, Max is about to graduate, and he's going to hit the road—with or without JL.

JL can't bear being left behind again. But what if devoting herself to Max not only means betraying her parents, but permanently losing the love of her best friend? What becomes of loyalty, when no one is loyal to you?

Review: A well-written YA book. It was easy to read and a great read for the coming of age.

Disclaimer: I finished reading this book on January 12th, 2022. That was 2 years after I should have read it and I’m reviewing it over a year later after that. It’s another reminder to me that I have had it really rough the past few years and it means a lot to me I can give the time to review books the way they deserve from now on.

A note on Gae Polisner: When I first read and reviewed a book by Gae she reached out to me about how much she appreciated my review. She sent me copies of some of her other books that I treasure to this day and will read soon enough. She was always kind and understanding to me when I said I wouldn’t be able to get to those books for a long time and I had always appreciated that. I had promised to always be a champion for her books and to let others know my experience and to support one of the coolest authors I know. Check out this book and her most recent release Consider the Octopus!

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Musings:

When I read this book back in 2022 I remember finishing it and feeling like I had meant to have read it at that time. It added a lot of value to my personal situation to the point where I didn’t really know how to review it back then without bringing up a well of fresh pain that went deep inside me. Even now writing this I’m taking moments to press my fingers against my palms because that’s my way of calming myself even since I was a child.

JL’s story is one of being an outsider. Her loss of a old friendship that had lasted her for years leaving her to her own devices in high school. Her realizing her friend doesn’t really share her same values but still missing and wishing they could be friends again because there is so much safety in that kind of comfort. That’s why she writes the letter she does to Aubrey. They may not understand each other anymore, but she wants to share herself with her old friend again because she was always there for her in the past.

JL develops a relationship with her slightly older boyfriend Max and while there was naivety on JL’s part from what she knew they did have a good relationship together. He was interested and attentive to her and didn’t push her beyond what she was ready and willing to do on her part. I think it’s important to remember that teens do experience sex and that they have a choice to explore it and that does not make them sluts or whores.

Aubrey’s hostile nature towards JL bothered me. Her bringing up the Jezebel butterflies that JL kept and implying JL to be a Jezebel struck me as really uncool. It reminded me of a childish scene in Little house on the prairie with Nellie going on about Jezebels and it coming off as taunting and hateful. I don’t care for that kind of nonsense.

JL’s mom is also another really important part of this story and is another thing that Aubrey uses to weaponize against JL. This causes a lot of tension between the two as JL’s mom struggles deeply with mental illness that makes her act in very uncomfortable ways a lot of the time. It’s just a really sad situation and JL’s dad had been the only one to be able to smooth it over a bit and him being away for 6 months due to a job made it really hard for JL and her mom.

Major Spoiler warning!!!

However it’s not until the end of the book with the big reveal of what Max does that I really felt hit in the gut. For context JL’s mom is bipolar and she isn’t there mentally enough to really care for or give guidance to JL in any way. It also led to this situation where her mom is so out of reality she allows the situation with her and Max to happen.

Max and her mom have sex and JL walks in and sees Max come from her mothers bedroom. This is a really intense and awful scenario. However, what struck me the most was the way JL handles the situation. She accepts it. Doesn’t have any further contact with Max despite not hating him, because she truly did care for him and decided to put herself first and stay with her dad.

This is the part that was both healing and hard for me to read. At the time I’d been healing from finding out my ex wasn’t the person I thought he was. A lot of the books feeling and the message of healing was something I needed to be able to move forward, but even though I was already with someone else amazing that pain from that relationship was still deep. How could I have been so in love with someone whose views ended up causing him to push me away with such hatefulness? It was a particularly dark time for me mentally. I wanted to be like JL and turn inward and focus on me and I did that. I didn’t feel as strong as she had been. However, even the BoJack horseman quote had such a deep meaning for me in connection to my situation, because I’d watched it because it’s my current boyfriends favorite show. Something about seeing a message of that show telling me something I needed to hear about the situation with my ex kind of felt like my boyfriend being there for me again in a very indirect way.

Somehow writing this now I still have tears left for this situation. It was a situation where after knowing my ex and going through what we did I was not the same person after even though it was long distance and we’d never physically met. I hope that some way some how my ex gets out of his situation and finds healing. I don’t wish anything bad towards him. However, I feel that I don’t think I could ever trust him enough to speak to him again and I’m sure he’d never want to and that’s for the best for us both.

Through this unique situation I was allowed to find the most wholesome and healing love of my life. I was allowed to give myself the time to just be and breath for a while and dig deep into the person I am and accept myself as someone whole and new. So finally I do feel like I am in that good feeling place that JL had reached for as well as her radical acceptance of herself.

This book mirrored my life in a way that hurt, but gave me messages I’d carried with me in the past year and a half that have helped me to heal and reach the point I am now. This book literally carried me through a muddy heavy time. Now I’m feeling emotions of intense relief and joy because I truly have gotten so much better and I have found a true acceptance of myself.

If your reading this review and you feel you can find value in a story like this in a way that I have I encourage you to read it as soon as you can. I read it in the time I was meant to and maybe writing this and you reading it now is a sign that maybe it’s the right time for you to read this story as well.

I went into this book with very high expectations and too much excitement. But it didn't quite work out for me.
It's a good book that tackles a very important subject and does so well. It could have leaned into it more, but I also feel as though it would've taken away from the message of the book. The writing is great, it flows well and it's easy to consume.
I really loved the switch from past to present. I thought it was done pretty well and I have a soft spot for books who do that.
What I had an issue with, personally, were the characters. Not with their development or how they were written, but with who they were as people. It reminded me too much of people I know which is also a good thing, it speaks about how realistic the characters are, but it was overwhelming at times.

I DNF'd this book around page 75. The writing felt choppy and did not resonate with me. This would probably be fine for a younger audience.

I went into this book completely blind and now I’m crying.
Did not expect so much emotion!
I found this book to be a bit slow at some points but I’m glad we pushed through!
Thanks for the arc!

I really liked this book and it's drama with friendship, teenage love, family problems, and just overall real-life problems that everyone has.

Told in multiple timelines, Jack Kerouac is Dead to Me highlights the devastation of coming of age in a household where not everything is as it should be. 15-year-old JL is a butterfly obsessed teenager just trying to figure out where she belongs. Her mother, suffering from dissociative disorder, doesn't fulfill the ideals a teenage girl necessarily hopes her mother will fulfill. Her father's absent, working in California, her best friend has found new best friends, and her boyfriend, Max, is leaving to ride across the country without abandon. JL has a few choices to make, and will learn plenty along the way.

An emotional coming of age tale, great for anyone who's ever felt trapped in their family's dysfunction and love, and anyone who's ever wondered where, exactly, they belong.

Thank you to Netgalley and Wednesday Books for advanced access to this title!

DNF. I will not be reading this title for review. I could not get into the novel. Thank for you NetGalley and Publisher for the early copy!

Such a great Contemp YA, coming of age, finding yourself, figuring it out sort of story! I was drawn by the title and was pleasantly surprised.

I love love love Gae Polisner. I can't wait to rate another one of her books 5/5 stars on my blog!!!

A quick read that made me feel both nostalgic for my youth and very glad to no longer be young. All women reading this book can likely see a bit of themselves in the protagonist JL, for better or for worse.

Unfortunately, this book didn't grab my attention. Because of that, I wouldn't recommend it to my students, who read below grade level and really need extra engaging texts.

DNF

I did not read this book and I know longer have any interest in reading it. This was during the beginning of my NetGalley “everything looks great so I am going to request it without looking into the book. I have definitely become more selective in choosing what books I want to request and read.

Fifteen-year-old JL Markham's life used to be filled with carnival nights and hot summer days spent giggling with her forever best friend Aubrey about their families and boys. Together, they were unstoppable. But they aren't the friends they once were.

What I love most about contemporary YA is how when written as well as this one, it can cover so many broad topics. I love finding books that have such relatable characters that not only the teens reading can enjoy, but I feel like altering reading them I have a way to connect with my own teen as well.

SO many emotions in this title, an insightful novel covering the struggles teens have leaving what they knew, for who they’re growing up to be.

As the first title by this author I had read, I know it will certainly not be my last, really enjoyed this one!

I love alternative formats in stories so having this YA story told partially in epistolary and partially in prose was what drew me in. That and a Jack Kerouac mention will get me every time. But JL and her journey is what kept me turning the pages. JL hasn't had an easy life. Her dad is out of the picture indefinitely and she lives with her mentally ill mother. She copes with raising butterflies (probably my favorite moments in the book, so lovely) and in her relationship with her older boyfriend, Max. This is definitely a mature relationship, and it's not a clean read in regards to sexual content, but it's not unrealistic in regards to a teenager in this type of relationship. Especially one who is having trouble in her family and isn't as close to her best friend anymore. If your YA reader is looking for a darker read that follows a protagonist who is trying to figure out who she is in a world of adult problems, this one is for you. And while it ends messily, such is life, and it was still a satisfying read.

JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME is Gae Polisner’s most recent YA Contemporary novel. Like in her other books, she tackles difficult subjects, such as mental illness, absentee parents, alcoholism, and growing up. Also, like her other books, it’s fantastic. The story follows JL Markham, a soon-to-be sixteen year old girl, who has her first serious boyfriend, but no one to help her navigate the relationship. JL and her former best friend, Aubrey, have grown apart, JL’s mother is unwell and doesn’t seem to be getting any better, JL’s father has moved to the other side of the country, and JL’s grandmother has taken to pretending everything is fine when it’s clearly not. Without anyone to turn to, JL’s supposedly derelict boyfriend has the perfect opportunity to corrupt her for good, which is exactly what Aubrey expects him to do.

My favorite part about this novel, and Polisner’s novels in general, is how she’s able to warp the timeline in a way that is both artistic and dramatic. This story swings between the past with flashbacks, present day with the main storyline, and the future with JL’s letter to Aubrey. As a result, there is a general sense of foreboding that I feel right in the beginning and a strong urge to find out what will happen. I also love how this book makes me think about my female relationships growing up and how difficult they were. Girls aren’t always kind to one another and Polisner paints JL’s and Aubrey’s friendship in such a realistic, tangible way.

The ending, however, left me with a lot of questions. Even though there are breadcrumbs early on to hint at what’s to come, I’m still surprised by JL’s hotel revelation. She doesn’t allow for an explanation as to how or why it happens, which makes it even harder to accept. I also want to see JL confront her father about why he has not come home, so I can understand his character more. Sometimes, he seems like a caring father, which makes it confusing as to how he could leave his daughter alone with his wife. Furthermore, because of what happens with the letter, I want to know the fate of JL’s and Aubrey’s friendship. On one hand, I appreciate that the ending mimics real life. Like JL, we don’t know what’s going to happen next. On the other hand, I need a bit more resolution and I’m hoping there will be a second book.

With that being said, anything written by Gae Polisner is a true treat. She commands her craft in a way very few do, and I consider her to be the best voice in the YA Contemporary space. JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME is my favorite book of Polisner’s to date, and besides that, the title is absolutely brilliant. To understand the meaning, you’ll have to read the book, which I highly recommend.

An excellent YA book with a realistic depiction of mental illness. It really captured adolescence and struggles that young women, especially have in perception, even among their peers. There were problematic depictions and a lot of things that remained unresolved, which is why I haven't rated this higher, but it's still a book I'll recommend.