This was another heartbreaking novel that I just couldn't put down!! I loved the same Sparrow and she is such a talented dancer and her becoming the victim of assault was so sad and felt very real. You never know when something is going to make someone snap. This book is split up between the time before and after the assault which I think worked out well for this story. It gave you a better overall feel and look at the story and I think if you would have just gotten one of those it wouldn't have had the same impact. The writing in this one was spot on and I was so engaged that it was dark out side and I didn't even realize it.


Go Into This One Knowing: Dark Subject Matter (assault)

Sparrow begins strong and builds tension around Sparrows relationships with her boyfriend and her dance partner, as well as flashbacks to events with her late mother. The story begins to fall apart after Sparrow is assaulted. Typical YA tropes are trotted out - uncannily wise therapist, long suffering granny, precocious teen friends - until a happy ending is reached.

On the surface Savannah Darcy Rose has everything. A loving family, amazing friends, the coveted spot in an upcoming ballet, and the cutest nickname ever - Sparrow. You would think that Sparrow wouldn't be surprised when Tristan, devastatingly good-looking, popular, rich, baseball scholarship recipient, college bound boy wants to take her on a date. But Sparrow is surprised when Tristan shows interest and even more surprised when she falls quick and hard.

Sparrow’s life has been anything but easy. But she is strong and brave and has an amazing support system of family and friends.

Kudos to Mary Cecilia Jackson for bringing Sparrow, Tristan, Lucas, Delaney, and all the other characters to life. The reality of the story and of the words on the page will stick with me long after I finished the book.

I loved this book! It’s an important story of community, strength, courage and not giving up.

Thank you to MacMillan-Tor/Forge and #netgalley for a review copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

There is a lot of sadness in this novel. If you are at all triggered by domestic violence and/or child abuse then this is probably not the story for you.

Sparrow is a ballet dancer. Ballet and the friends she has made there are her life... until she runs in front of Tristan’s car and collides with it.

Tristan is dashing, popular, gorgeous and abusive. Very quickly... Sparrow finds herself in a  relationship that is all-encompassing. Tristan is possessive and controlling. Soon his jealousy turns to anger and he’s physically abusing her.

No matter what Sparrow’s friends say - and they try everything - she won’t admit that she’s being physically hurt by the boyfriend who claims to love her. He always apologizes, he buys her gifts, and he always feels guilty. the problem is that the abuse never stops.

I found the time a little difficult to follow in this novel. The relationship between Sparrow and Tristan seems to advance from zero to one hundred in a very short space of time. it’s not that it’s not possible for a relationship to happen that way - it just seemed a little strange to me.

The other perspective in the book is that of Lucas. He is Sparrow’s dance partner and also... has feelings for her. he’s everything that Tristan isn’t. Lucas is sweet and kind, generous of spirit, and appreciates dance in the same way Sparrow does.

Lucas is not the object of Sparrow’s affection and despite his jealousy, he tries to be the friend she needs even when she refuses to tell the truth about her abusive relationship.

I enjoyed Lucas’ perspective more than Sparrow’s. I think I found her a little bit frustrating. Don’t get me wrong, I GET the issues with domestic violence and how difficult it can be to make the decision to get away ... but I’m not sure that the author captured the hopelessness and fear of being alone... and the million other thoughts that go through one’s mind.

Maybe I just found Lucas' perspective a more comfortable place to be as a reader.

The extreme violence that everyone is expecting finally happens and Sparrow is nearly killed. This is the point at which her past begins to be revealed. There’s much more to Sparrow’s past than the reader knows initially.

This book is emotional, especially Lucas’ perspective. (for me anyway) It’s violent but it’s about a topic that needs to be spoken about a lot more often.

Sparrow, a high school student who is an exceptional ballerina, has drawn the attention of the most popular guy in school. As any typical high school relationship goes, she falls hard and fast and what starts out as blissful and wonderful, quickly turns toxic. Not listening to her friends or family, and letting her boyfriend interfere with ballet, a tragic incident is what turns everything around for her. Years of suppressed abuse come to light and she becomes a shell of her self, and her and her friends have to work through the difficult times together and alone, and the story of Sparrow unfolds as one where you find yourself rooting for her throughout the entirety of the novel.

Savannah Rose, better known as Sparrow, is a brilliant dancer. Her lifts and jumps are the envy of everyone in the company. She will definitely be the Swan Queen in the next major showcase.

But Sparrow keeps her private life out of her dance. She tries very hard to keep them separate. Her friends are from ballet. Her social life revolves around ballet. And she has no one else.

Until Tristan.

He's everything a girl could dream of. He's kind. He's generous. He's gorgeous. And he says he loves her...

... after every time he abuses her.

His love has conditions. His love depends on her behaving. If he gets angry, then she must have done something wrong.

Sparrow learned this with her mother years before. If they are angry, you were bad.

No matter how hard Sparrow's friends try to show her the truth and no matter how hard they try to protect her, they are no match for her own deep insecurities.

And they are definitely no match for Tristan's fists when he gets angry.

Final thoughts: Whoa. This one hit every button in me. I literally cried more than a few times during this. It is NOT an easy read. But it IS a necessary one for many. The author really nailed all of the points of view on this one. While there were a few little things to nitpick, the overall story is deep and meaningful. There is no HEA (Happily Ever After) in this. It does end, but it's not the same, predictable ending that people have come to expect. This ending is real. I strongly recommend this, but warn that there are triggers here.

Rating: 5/5

Thanks to NetGalley and Tor Forge for the ARC.

Sparrow is a strong young ballerina who has haunting memories of the past and loses herself within an abusive relationship in the present. Tristan makes her feel loved and like she wants more; until she doesn't and then Tristan gets violent. While Sparrow is healing she is brought to a family therapist who allows her time to be silent and waits. Through many visits and over time Sparrow is allowed to begin the healing process which actually starts with why Sparrow always feels like she deserves what happens when you learn that her mother was also violent and abusive to young Sparrow.

The story is told in alternating segments between Sparrow and her best friend and dance partner, Lucas, point of views. With Sparrow losing herself and Lucas trying to make her see reason and then Sparrow being attacked and Lucas losing himself. Finally, the book focuses on how both characters find themselves again through receiving help and then moving onto new things in life.

This is a powerful story. Sparrow gets into a relationship that becomes so intense she forgets who she is. There are lots of lessons taught through out this novel but the biggest is “It’s also okay to walk away just because you want to. You don’t need to explain or justify anything. You don’t have to have a reason. You can just want out.” After a harrowing experience, Sparrows healing process is compelling. This is a must read for young adults.

This was a beautiful but heart-breaking novel. Sparrow is a talented ballerina with a difficult past who becomes the victim of a violent assault at the hands of her abusive boyfriend. The story follows Sparrow both before and after the attack as she struggles to rebuild her life as well as following the perspective of her best friend and dance partner Lucas who secretly adores her.
Despite the difficult subject matter I found the book addictive and very readable due to the writing style and I fell in love with the characters of Lucas and Sparrow and with their family and friends. I don’t read many contemporary books and I was only drawn to this because the main character was a ballerina – now I intend to read more books like this as I really enjoyed it. Highly recommended.
E-Arc received from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Number of Pages: 368
Genre: Juvenile Fiction
Format: Hardcover
Publisher: Tor Teen
Age Range: Teen
Book theme: Dating & Sex
Author: Mary Cecilia Jackson
Language: English
Street Date: March 17, 2020

In the tradition of Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak, Mary Cecilia Jackson's devastating but hopeful YA debut is about a ballerina who finds the courage to confront the abuse that haunts her past and threatens her future.