Book review! Just recently finished Love Her or Lose Her by Tessa Bailey! I went in a little nervous to read this one because of mixed reviews from my friends. But y’all I loved this one!!! This is the second book in the Hot and Hammered series. And as much as I loved Fix Her Up, I loved this one even more. It’s so rare to read a second chance romance about a married couple. I didn’t completely love how couples therapy was depicted in this book, but I loved how fleshed out Rosie and Dominic were as characters. And how we delved into their relationship history. I found their story to be insightful, and I was cheering for them the whole time. This book is definitely an open door romance and I would probably rate it 🔥🔥🔥🔥 or close to that. Loved this book. Loved both of them. Can’t wait until the next book in the series. This one is available now so go out and get it! .

By now y’all may know that I love the marriage in trouble trope. There is something so appealing to me about reading about couples who have to figure out their shit and decide to make their marriage work. I haven’t read Bailey in quite some time, I’ve kind of moved away from reading and enjoying her brand of possessive alpha heroes. But with this trope, I was never not going to read this book.

I ended up having incredibly mixed feelings about this book. I will start with the good. In the front matter, Bailey mentions that she drew some inspiration for this book from Ester Perel’s podcast, Where Should We Begin. Perel is a couples therapist who talks to couples about their, usually troubled relationships. I have only listened to a few but the ones I have are raw and emotional and at times incredibly hard to listen to. It is like a peek in to the worst and saddest parts of these couples. That is how I felt when reading the parts of this book. When Rosie and Dom have internal thoughts about their relationship, it is sad and it feels sad to read. Rosie and Dom lost their way a while back and can no longer communicate outside of the bedroom. The conversations they have and that conflict really worked for me. I just wanted to shake them both though and say “Just talk to each other!”

What didn’t work (imagine me doing a very long sigh)

Rosie and Dom have an intense physical connection. Bailey talks about it SO much. Like I get it, they want to fuck and they are good at it. Their chemistry is so strong that their therapist even comments on it. It was weird and at times it felt like it was telling me more than she was showing me.

It was clear that Bailey wrote these characters to be very into traditional gender roles. The term masculine is used three times, feminine four times. Dom is written in a way that he has very clear ideals of what makes and defines a man and provider. I think these were used as ways to help show growth in him, but I was unconvinced that by the end of the book he had really changed on any of those things. Kind of tied into that was Dom’s possessiveness. I am not a fan of possessive heroes. They generally do not work for me. By the end of the book, Dom’s possessiveness is toned down but I also remained unconvinced that he saw Rosie as a full person and not just a thing that needed to protect and provide for.

There are secondary characters, Bethany & Wes, that Bailey is setting up for their HEA in the next book. But all they do is snipe at each other. No real reason given except Bethany doesn’t like Wes as soon as she meets him. Wes likes to needle her by calling her things that allude to her being an ice princess. I hate this characterization every time I see it and it is no different here.

I can’t not mention that the cover depicts two people of color and I was curious to see how the characters were represented. My personal identity is different than the characters in the book and I fully recognize that there is no one “right” way to be any given identity. These characters, particularly Dominic, didn’t really present in many ways as being from Latinx/African American backgrounds. Rosie does talk about her Argentinian mother and cooking a fair amount but that is it. There are a couple of references to her hair and the product she uses. Dom smokes Newports. Was this part of the coding of him as being a person of color? I don’t know but it was weird to me and a bit stereotypical. I’ve probably read a thousand romance novels and not once do I recall a cigarette brand being named.

The whole smoking Newports thing sent me down a rabbit hole of research in to what types of cigarettes people smoke. There is evidence to support the fact that a large percentage of African Americans smokers use menthol cigarettes. My research including reading articles from the CDC about how cigarette makers target Hispanics and African Americans with advertising and such.

I had conflicted feelings about some of the little things that appeared to used to code Rosie and Dom as people of color and wondering if mentions of hair type, food and cigarettes is enough? I don’t have the answers but I will definitely keep asking the questions.

Alright now back on track and talking about the actual plot of the book! The final thing that made me sigh about this book. Dominic is the one that creates the big conflict at the end of the book. SPOILER ALERT
ROSIE IS THE ONE TO MAKE THE GRAND GESTURE TO FIX IT.
NO. JUST NO.
Reader, I was mad. I am of the thought that the person that does the big bad thing or creates the awful misunderstanding needs to be the one to fix it. Not the other party. Not even when they are a married couple working to repair their broken marriated.

Overall this read was an okay read. The marriage was definitely in trouble and depicted incredibly well. With a different and less masculine and possessive hero I probably would have absolutely LOVED this book. I didn’t find the secondary characters to be likable. I felt like Rosie and Dom lacked dimension in regards to their depiction as people of color. I was compelled enough to finish the book but I won’t be reading any more in this series.

Grade: C- ish
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I thought this book was a fairly good read. There was great chemistry between the two main characters and I could feel their history and connection with one another come off of the page. But I have to be honest, it took two full-chapters for me to invest in Dominic’s character .

In the beginning, I was worried we were going to see his character as this overbearing, abusive ex-military husband but I’m happy to say that that is so far from the truth. His character was more complex and emotionally shut-off than Rosie’s character after being so unhappy in their marriage for so long.

Moreover, I also enjoyed the level of insight we were able to see with Dom’s character by the end of Love Her or Lose Her even if it was just scraping the surface.

Seeing Dom and Rosie go to therapy to confront the distance and issues between them felt real and dynamic because the sessions, although started as a joke, acted as the vessel they needed to get back on track.

And guys, these two were not just husband and wife, they were each other’s best friends. It made me root for them to mend what was broken between them.

I also liked that I could just pick up this book without having to read Hot & Hammered #1 but I suspect with the way the secondary characters were set-up in this book that the other book(s) in the series likely revolved around them but didn’t spoil much of their stories.

Hands down, Dominic’s character development was my favorite in this book because of where we see him at the beginning, but I ADORED Rosie’s breakthrough in this book. No longer settling, timid, or hesitant, we get the chance to see her character go after what she wants and follow her dream of opening up her restaurant .

It was wonderful reading the amount of support Rosie gets from her close friends and those in the small community who believed in her.

With all of that said, there were a few details that made this book just ok. For instance, the focus of the story centers on characters of color in this small, southern-like town with the brim of prejudices/racism boarding along the edges of the Dom and Rosie’s lives.

I do not think this detail would have had an off-putting effect on me as a reader if the writer was also a POC who could pull from personal details or an inside perspective of what that might feel like. Much like my points made in a different review (If I Never Met You) the snip bits of details that we read Rosie bring up when talking about her mother feeling like an outsider while living in the town were sparse and shallow.

As if added to give the story, her character and the book this depth that was ultimately forgotten and irrelevant as it wasn’t something, Rosie herself has to face or struggles with. Which begs the question of its importance or purpose?

The second flag for me in this book came down to the fact that I didn’t find the story shocking. More like a slow-paced drama with two-notes; straight and narrow narrative with intense will-they, won’t-they scenes when Dom and Rosie were alone with each other. I did like some of these scenes because they were the best carriers for connection the couple had one another. When they’re apart I didn’t get much of the background information or the ties that anchored their love for each other, so I found those scenes to be passive.

The third flag for me in this book was the subtle ways in which Dom’s character did hinder Rosie’s character in his passive-aggressive actions and personality—which is why I thought he needed more character development . Without spoiling things here, he kept a lot of good and bad secrets from her without even blinking.

Actively and consistently taking away her choice, opinion and say in things that happened in their lives. From the little stuff, all the way up to the massive reveal toward the end. And to be honest, as the reader or his wife, I would not have forgiven or forgotten that easily like Rosie .

But that’s just me.

Post goes live on G. Jacks Writes (About Everything) 2/10/2020

Tessa Bailey knows how to get you invested in a couple and turn your cheeks bright red through steamy scenes without feeling like a trashy romance novel.

Rosie and Dominic Vega have been together since middle school; they’re soulmates in every sense of the word. But they’ve both lost their way… They’ve forgotten how to be best friends. How to be partners. How to be husband and wife. They’ve stopped communicating in any other way than with their bodies, which they’re both learning is no longer enough.

When Rosie hits a breaking point and decides it’s time to make a decision for herself, both of these characters start to realize the mistakes they’ve made in neglecting not just their relationship, but themselves.

They have very hard lessons to learn both together and separately, and with the help of Armie, their last-ditch wackadoodle therapist, things begin to come together. Their love languages are revealed to each other. And even though Rosie made the choice thinking Dominic would refuse, she quickly begins to realize that it’s not just her who wants to fight for their partnership.

But secrets could rip apart everything they’ve worked for to find each other again…

This book had me in my <i>feels</i>, like for real, for real in them deep. Not gonna lie – I kissed my husband longer after starting this book. I hugged him harder. It was a reminder not just for these characters that relationships need nurturing, but for me as well. I absolutely adored Rosie and Dominic’s story, and their journey to find their forever. Every bump was perfectly executed and, in the end, it was just…I adored everything about it.

Also, not gonna lie, I freaking loved Dominic's dirty mouth, and their sizzling out-of-this-world chemistry. This story was fantastic!

I always forget how good Tessa Bailey truly is until I’m reading another of her novels, and she reminds me how talented she is as a story teller. I am <i>so</i> looking forward to Bethany and Wes’s story in September!

The “married for forever but not communicating” sounded interesting, but when I started reading and saw that Dominic was possessive around his wife, that they didn’t talk, didn’t eat dinner together and only had sex, was red flag for me. This marriage was toxic for Rosie. Period. Even the counseling with a stoner hippie (really?) was weird.

I was not rooting for this couple. Sorry, too many issues to be happy in the end (and mostly not even resolving the problems they had!).

I received this ebook copy from NetGalley and the publisher for an honest review.

4.5 Stars
I was excited to read Love Her or Lose Her after reading the first book in this series. I really enjoyed this book and the characters.

Rosie and Dominic have been together since high school and now their marriage and relationship has changed. They have to find a way to get back to who they were together. They decide on marriage counseling in hopes they can save their marriage. The whole time I was pulling for them make things work.

I loved Dominic and Rosie, they had amazing chemistry. They both had to learn how to grow with each other and learn what the other needs. I really enjoyed this book and will be doing a reread of it very soon. If you’re looking for a book that will make you laugh and feel you need this book.

Love Her to Lose Her was a highly anticipated read for me this year. I have loved Tessa Bailey’s work in the past and was very intrigued to read a romance about a couple who was already married.

I think Love Her to Lose Her was a great representation of how complicated marriage can be. It showed the difficulties that come with poor communication and differing interests. But it also showed that a marriage with someone you love is worth fighting for, worth compromising for, and worth growing for.

There were also some great steamy scenes and the angst at times was off the chart. We also got to see our cast of characters from the previous book, which helped make the world feel full and real.

I do wish that the book delved a bit deeper at times, though. It felt a bit surface level at times and the conflict was generally easily and quickly resolved.

All in all though, it was great to see the growth in our characters and just how much they changed from beginning to end. Overall, I really enjoyed it and the trope felt fun and fresh!

This book turned out to really, really not be for me. Marriages in trouble are not my particular jam, but I came in with an open mind. I was really down to read something about a couple going to a therapist, but the way it was written hit so wrong for me. Painting a therapist as a stoner hippie type is just lazy and unfunny to me. Not to mention he was grossly unethical.

Then there's the male main character. What interior life does this guy even have??? All he has is his horniness and his possessiveness, and this old-school need to provide, which again is kind of tired and lazy for me. A lot of the romance of their relationship seemed to involve nostalgically recalling instances from their high school years, which just made me sad. I'd love to read something about high school sweethearts that shows the growth of their love instead of the nostalgia for young love.

The way their issues "resolved" showed they didn't actually resolve their issues!!! This couple does need to get divorced!

There's a larger question, and it's not for me to answer, about how this book is served by having two characters who are POC while the author herself is white. It's understandable that if you're writing a series set in something mirroring the real world, that the characters should not be all white. I also think it's worth noting that the book doesn't really try to take on issues of race, which would really be a reach. But there's something about how many authors of color are trying to break into publishing while a book like this is on the shelf, the kind of story that might have more nuance from another author, and I'm just left wondering.

Tessa Bailey’s Fix Her Up was one of my favorite 2019 romance reads. I recommended it to all of my romance-reading friends. This second installment in the series follows Rosie and Dominic, a couple that was introduced in Fix Her Up. Their marriage fell apart after Dominic came home from being deployed overseas. Their communication has broken down, but their sexual relationship is still fiery. Bailey is known for her steamy romances, and she doesn’t disappoint in Love Her or Lose Her. There’s a kitchen scene that is *fans self* glorious. Rosie and Dominic go to couple’s counseling and realize that there are many different ways to communicate love. I’m not usually drawn to second-chance romances as a trope, but I couldn’t put this one down. I need the third novel in this series in my life!

I am really enjoying this series from Tessa Bailey. The characters are quirky and interesting. The stories are original and put a smile on your face.

Rosie and Dominic were unique. Yes, that’s the word I am looking for. Rosie is outgoing, fun, and has a wonderful group of friends. Dominic was ex-military and came home a different man. He used to be fun, loving, insatiable. Now he just is. And … Rosie has had enough. Everyone but Dominic saw this coming. Now, they have some decisions to make. Rosie has no idea that Dominic will do whatever it takes to get his marriage back on track. He doesn’t … can’t … live without his Rosie. It’s time for him to step up, be the man he used to be, support his wife’s dreams and just be there for her and for their marriage. Even as things start coming together, the marriage back on track, Dominic still has one secret he hasn’t told Rosie and it may be the one that really tears the marriage apart.

From the Just Us League to Armie, I had times that I laughed and others that I was a little sad. But, I didn’t stop reading Love Her or Lose Her until the end. I love how everyone pulls together and supports each other. I love how strong the woman are and how they make their men see the errors of their ways. Tessa Bailey just knows how to make me smile with her stories and I always look forward to her next one.

This was such a fun rom-com! I was already a big fan of Tessa Bailey's Fix Her Up and this book didn't disappoint at all. It was sweet, hilarious, and steamy at times in all the right places. I liked how well it mixed humor with heart, as that can be kind of tough to attain in a romance novel. Would highly recommend for anyone looking for a romance novel with plenty of depth.

This was spectacular for me. I've already been suggesting it to customers. Rosie and Dom pull at my heartstrings. I also really appreciated the depiction of therapy.

This couple most certainly should have divorced each other. And Honey girl is a weird ass nickname.

On so many levels this book failed to engage me in any sort of way. I went into this book really excited because I'm actually a big fan of the marriage on the rocks trope and I think reading about rekindled love can be very sweet and heartfelt. To me this didn't feel like love, this felt like obsession, it felt like absurd levels of codependence and I can't believe that any of this was meant to feel romantic. Dominic is an annoying, emotionally underdeveloped alpha male who is rewarded for every bit of his overbearing and posssesive behaviors.
I feel like there was a commentary in there somewhere about hypermasculinity but not really because every time he does something unhealthy he is rewarded for it. The couple talks about how they isolated themselves so wrapped up in each other partly because Dominic hated to "share her" to the that she had to rebuild her entire support system from the ground up, which finally gave her the courage to leave a toxic situation. The way Rosie would see his behaviors, know they make her unhappy, try to distance herself and then be pulled back in by him showing up and invading every bit of space she carved out for herself because of whatever "physical pull" existed between them felt so gross and not emotionally rewarding at all to me. There was nothing romantic about any of it in my opinion.

Additionally I hated this author's writing style, moments that I could tell were meant to be comical made me cringe. The sexy dirty talk made me cringe. The "emotional" therapy sessions felt so idiotic. They would talk for five seconds and suddenly the session is over and they've apparently reached some pivotally emotional turning point and then they're immediately back to square one. The therapist himself was one big joke of a character and not even a funny one. Him conducting couple exercises just so he could have threesomes in the woods??? what even???? This story was absurd, repetitive and boring. No amount of rock hard penises and wet vaginas make up for the lack of genuine emotional or physical chemistry on the page. I'm not even a prudish kind of person when it comes to sex in books, I love it actually. But the sexual overtones destroyed this book for me. These two people can't even look each other in the eyes without the woman's thighs becoming sopping wet and the man shifting uncomfortably in his jeans. Every conversation they had was completely unremarkable to me and they all devolved into long winded descriptions of how "sex was never the problem in their marriage". It got to the point where every few pages I had to set the book down because I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes or inwardly cringing at one thing or another.

In short, I did not find this couple engaging, I was not rooting for them at all. I found both characters uninspired, and Dominic outright annoying and his possesive "she's my wife she should be home" monologue gross. I felt that there were way too many cringy sex scenes which took away from the relationship development and personal development I woud have liked to see here. The dialogue was completely uninspired, and unfunny to me as well which made it difficult to even find enjoyment in the "comedy" aspect of the novel and made the dirty talk excruciating to get through. This whole book took me 36 painful days to finish and I honestly cannot imagine myself reading from this author again.

I am usually not a big fan of novels about marriages in distress...feels cliche sometimes but Tessa Bailey nailed this one- sweet & steamy and one to put on your must-read list!

Typically a romance begins with two strangers and ends with some unseen but implied happily ever after. If the author knows what her readers like there’s often an epilogue with an engagement or a glimpse of the couple’s life together. Even still, it is rare for us to find out what happens after the big bang (pun intended) of first love has puttered out. Not in Love Her or Lose Her.

Despite their intense (read: SUPER HOT) chemistry and long relationship, Rosie and Dominic simply don’t know each other anymore. They exist in each other’s space without sharing that space. Love Her of Lose Her is the story of the fight to save their marriage. It involves a hippie marriage therapist, love languages, a hilarious group of friends, a really sexy scene in a kitchen, but mostly a sweet love story worth saving.

Anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows that you can fall into routines and begin to take your partner for granted if you’re not working at it every single day. Love Her or Lose Her reminded me of all the little ways our love stories keep being written even after the final page.

This was a good follow up with two characters I enjoyed hearing about in the first book, Fix Her Up. Unfortunately, this troupe of saving a marriage wasn't my favorite thing so I was going into this book with lowered expectations. I also just didn't connect with these characters as much, particularly in the way her was introduced so negatively from her perspective in the beginning. The hyper masculinity just didn't work for me.Entertaining romance, but just not my thing

DNF at 30%. I just could not handle the alpha male of the main love interest. He was very "Well we're married, so you have to come home" and even though I'm sure at some point he'd figure it out, I literally did not care about him and had no interest in finding out if he got back together with his wife. I didn't understand why she would be attracted to him and want to sleep with him when he was such an ass.

Ratings (out of of 5):
Sexiness: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Redemption: 🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝
Heart: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Somewhere along the line, Rosie Vega’s marriage flatlined. Her home, once full of so much love and laughter and joy before her husband’s deployment and the deaths of her parents, is silent. Her husband, Dominic, her high school sweetheart is quiet and removed and now they’ve just been going through the motions for years. But when Rosie decides to leave, both she and Dominic realize that their love might have been in a coma, but it’s anything but dead.
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I don’t read many marriage-in-trouble romances. Mostly because the “trouble” involves someone f*cking someone they shouldn’t have and then dealing with the ensuing fallout. Not gonna yuck your yum, but that’s not really my bag. This book isn’t that. It isn’t about one monumental screwup. Rather, this is a book about how you can live with a person for years and stop seeing them - stop seeing yourself.
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It’s about the silence that builds and builds and how a relationship can fail, not because people stop loving one another, but because they stop remembering how to express that love in a way that will be received. In that, this book feels so goshdamn important - a cautionary tale for all of us romantics. Romance doesn’t sustain itself.
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But for all of the heaviness that might accompany a book about a man desperately trying to save his marriage, this book is incredibly fun. There’s humor, deep friendships, and so much heart that it practically bursts at the seams. In true Bailey fashion, the side characters are nearly as vibrant and important as the mains and you’ll find yourself swept up by all of them. I truly could not put this book down until it was through.
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If you like a second chance romance that is diverse, brilliantly written, and manages to balance being important with being toe-curlingly sexy, you will not want to miss this.
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Kiss and Tell:
This book is classic Tessa Bailey. For you newbies, this means that you’ll be fanning yourself while you read and maybe reaching for greater relief than just a glass of cold water. Kissing that made me gasp, hand play, oral, p&v penetration, and so much goshdamn sexual tension that you could spread it on toast. This book is cinematically sexy.

(I received an ARC for this book from NetGalley. Opinions are all my own.)

I very much enjoyed the first book in the Hot and Hammered series so I was looking forward to Love Her or Lose Her by Tessa Bailey. The long married couple Rosie and Dominic appear briefly in the Fix Her Up and you get a glimpse of how they’ve stopped communicating. They still have sexual attraction enough to fuel all of Long Island but they don’t talk, they don’t eat together, they don’t go out.

At the beginning of the book Rosie leaves and insists they go to counseling. Major point to the author for depicting therapy and illustrating a closed off guy like Dominic deciding to go. The counselor is a bit of a cliché and I wondered about his suggestions (and his clock) but it works in the story.

In many romances it is a painful trope when one character has a secret from the other half of the couple but Bailey set up the reasoning behind why so clearly and realistically I bought it.

I’ve been married for many many years and this book was a marvelous reminder that even us old married folks need romance and that a wedding ceremony is only the beginning.

Thanks to Netgalley for ARC.