(RNS) — When asked what she would write about if she could write about anything, Ashlee Eiland’s answer was immediate.

Kindness.

It was 2018, and the pastor said the divisiveness and contention in public conversations was weighing heavily on her. Eiland, the formation and preaching pastor at Mars Hill Bible Church near Grand Rapids, Michigan, said she felt a “holy discontent” to offer an alternative.

She wanted to help people talk across their differences and, at the same time, still be able to recognize each other’s worth as human beings created in God’s image and likeness.

“I wanted to recapture that because I feel like, especially two years ago, some of that was being lost. I was sensing that would take us down a really hard trajectory if things continued in that direction,” she said.

But kindness isn’t all holding doors and letting people merge in front of you in traffic. The goal of kindness is restoration and transformation, Eiland said.

“I think sometimes what kindness means, if we’re doing it well, is that we are righteously angry,” she said.

“We are lamenting, we are grieving and sometimes holding that grief and anger and lament with someone,” she explained. “I’m specifically thinking of people of color in this country and Black people, who, for generations, have endured an injustice. That should not be met with a pithy call to just be nice to one another, meet each other in the middle of this and this will all be OK.”

Eiland’s book “Human(Kind): How Reclaiming Human Worth and Embracing Radical Kindness Will Bring Us Back Together” was published in April of an election year, in the midst of a polarizing pandemic and not long before protests over the death of George Floyd would reveal even more divisions in the United States. Kindness can reach across those divides, she said.

In a series of short essays, the pastor and author shares her experiences as a Black woman in predominantly white Christian spaces. She writes of encountering both racism and belonging, of confronting her fears and offering kindness even in the face of radical opposition.

Eiland talked to Religion News Service about what it means to be kind, why it’s important to be able to speak to others across divides and how churches can play a role in that.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity. Please find the link to the rest of our coverage at Religion News Service below.

Ashlee Eiland writes about instances throughout her life that were "uncomfortable" in the least. How she handled it and how she gave space for others to learn about her culture and also about attitudes and actions that weren't as easy to get over.

Ashlee encourages us to create space and act in kindness and "rediscover our own humanity through another lens'. She shares that sometimes sacrifice is needed to create that space. She shared at one time as a small girl having a white babysitter that didn't know how to comb her "black" hair. She was doing her best only to become frustrated, creating an even worse mess.

I was totally surprised by a book that I was reluctant to read.
This chapter on rejection is nearly completely highlighted. This is the right attitude we should be taking in this life.

In today's racial climate, I felt it was fitting to have finished this book during this time. The author gives accounts of her life in order to help people see how we can embrace kindness for the betterment of the human race. It was a very good and enjoyable book

I received a copy of this book via NetGalley and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.

"The world needs more of what’s good and true in us. It needs to be reminded that we’re miracles."

We can't have a personal conversation with everyone. But we can listen to their thoughts if they put them down in words. That's what Ashlee Eiland does for us in this book.

Ashlee is a black woman who grew up in majority-white spaces. If you wonder what that's like, you can listen to her and find out. She shares her stories and lessons she's learned along the way.

"Being black, no matter what your black looks, sounds, or thinks like, is a full-time job here in America. Trying to stay alive is an exhausting grind, regardless of your job or the car you drive or whether you have a college degree."

She also lets us know that despite hardships, she's found that kindness is the way through. Both kindness to others and kindness to ourselves.

"That truth is this: no matter what destructive and damaging names you’ve been called, they aren’t the ones that matter. The ones that matter are Worthy, Valuable, Chosen, and Beloved. These names remind you that you weren’t, in fact, a mistake but a person who needed to live."

You won't regret reading this book because you'll learn to live better and love better by listening to Ashlee's experiences.

"Seeking to understand someone who’s lived a different story from ours, collecting different beliefs and values along the way, may be one of the most rebellious and controversial acts we could choose in our current cultural landscape."

My thanks to Net Galley, WaterBrook & Multnomah for the review copy of this book.

Human(Kind) is a collection of stories from the author's personal experiences. While this book has been labeled on some sites as self help, I would consider it more of a memoir. It's a collection of moments and events in the author's life. It's a more intimate look at her memories, feelings and emotions during specific events in her life, both positive and negative ones. I received a complimentary copy from the publisher. The honest opinion in this review are my own.
I strive towards showing kindness to every person I meet. Whether it's an overwhelmed mom with a toddler in meltdown mode who needs help carrying a tray of food, a stranger so distraught that they need someone to just listen to them as they vent, or an individual in financial need. If I'm able, I am always willing. God blessed me with a servant's heart. I will continue to show kindness as He directs me, not for my gain, but for His glory.

Ashlee Eiland is a gifted writer and storyteller. This book provided an opportunity to sit and listen to a brave and vulnerable black woman's experience in the United States. Her words are bold, her insights deep and her recounting of her stories is courageous. I learned a lot and found myself taking pauses to reflect on my own understanding of the world in light of what I was learning.

Human(kind) challenged me in the best of ways. This book is going to be on my list of recommended reading for all Christians. I hope that Ashlee will continue writing.

An advanced copy of this book was provided by the publisher via netgalley. These thoughts and opinions are my honest review.

Growing up in an upper-middle-class family in the 1990s was anything but normal for Ashlee Eiland. In Human (Kind), EIland recalls outstanding moments where she felt straddled between two worlds and the constant struggle to become her own people. She also reflects on key moments where she could have or have been shown a lit more kindness. Eiland does not ignore the pivotal moments in US History like the rise of nationalism and #BlackLivesMatter. Rather she advocates for social activism with radical kindness across the divides.
As a non-American reader, this essay collection was a delight to read because it resonated with my own experiences of racism and colourism ( thankfully, they have been few and far between). Human(KInd) calls readers to remember their inherent value as God's children regardless of their origins and to cultivate empathy for others.

Ashelee Eiland did an amazing job engaging the reader with her personal story while providing advise and biblical wisdom that could apply to anyone and addressing race in our world today. She broke the book into chapters that each featured a snapshot of an event in her life and then explained the significance of that event to her and what lessons could be learned from it. I especially enjoyed her story about she was accepted the college of her choice and then a classmate said it was only because of affirmative action. This story was written so powerfully and illustrated a racism that is present in our society. She was honest in her book and shared raw feelings that at times were a window into a world in which I am not familiar and other times a mirror where I saw myself in her story. It was a quick read that kept me engaged. I high recommended it! It think it would be especially perfect for high school, college and young professionals in terms of relating with her story and lessons.

Ashlee Eiland. has written a memoir that also serves as a self-help book, on how we can achieve social justice one person at a time. She writes from her own life experiences, as a young Christian Black woman growing up, going to college, and getting her first job.

She faces pain in her life, with tears yes, but also with kindness and forgiveness.

Today Ashlee Eiland is a pastor at Mars Hill Bible Church and holds a master’s degree in organizational leadership.

Her motto could come from this Bible verse she uses in her book —

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians Chapter 4, verse 32)

Kindness is a good place to start on a path to social justice.
Although this book isn’t as deep as this subject might seem to need, keeping it simple makes it easier for readers to see how they can use the same ideas in their own life.

Let’s knock down some walls between people!
–>Check it out — “HumanKind“ by Ashlee Eiland

I love kindness. The concept behind this book is to showcase kindness and lack thereof in a memoir, short story style. She shows us how racism has effected her personally. Her style is Melanie Shankle meets LaTasha Morrison. Her stories of her kind grandma and the kindness she encountered growing up are great encouragements. You can see clearly how small things and words can give people hope for the rest of their lives.

One thing I enjoyed reading was when she was involved in a homeless ministry. She sat down and ate McDonald's with a man who had very little to say to her and was thankful. Later on we see her angry at a woman trying to buy her dinner because she was black. That made me think about how I receive people. Do I receive some people well because I think I am helping them and others not so well because I think they are condescendingly trying to help me? How can we help each other learn best? Kindness.

Great read. Encouraging fun style.

“If we let it, kindness will be a part of what saves us from the divisions and disharmony that have become cemented in how we coexist, from the sting when we talk about what grieves us and moves us to action and from the pride of our postures online and across tables as we advocate for that which we believe in so strongly.” - From Human(Kind) by Ashlee Eiland

I opened Ashlee Eiland’s Human(Kind) unsure what I was going to read, I didn’t expect the humour, wisdom and insights I discovered! Each chapter is an essay on a single topic drawn from Ashlee’s experience but relevant to each reader and eye-opening to those of us from a different culture or country.

“Do we see people like that now? Do we look for the newcomer, the outcast, or the individual who seems uncertain? Or do we stick to our agendas, taking shortcuts so we won’t have to be disturbed or interrupted?.” - From Human(Kind) by Ashlee Eiland

Ashlee is a black, female pastor in America. She is also a mom, a daughter, a friend, a university graduate and so much more. Every facet of her humanity is explored, the roles each of us holds in life examined and how our labels and categorisations shape our world. She’s endured so many struggles and overcome so much to achieve what she has and, in the process, discovered so many insights into Christianity and living out Jesus’ love. The reader is challenged to reflect on their own life and what is to gained from the experiences.

“The assumptions we make, even with the best intentions, have the power to inflict the harshest wounds, forming craters where there could’ve been a bridge.”- From Human(Kind) by Ashlee Eiland

I thoroughly enjoyed a couple of chapters a day, taking time to reflect on the happenings and working out how it applied to my own life. It is a call to kindness, to appreciating ourselves as we are and, in doing so, to loving each other better.

“This is the journey of humankindness: knowing and loving ourselves fully and honoring the hand life has dealt us, emptying ourselves for others, seeing the fullness of joy and hurt and pain in every interaction, and then choosing to regard another with humility and selflessness anyway.” - From Human(Kind) by Ashlee Eiland

It’s a five out of five on the enJOYment scale and highly recommended, this book is a delight and a challenge but definitely one to read!

In today’s world of divisiveness and social media outbursts, we need a voice of calm and reason. Ashlee Eiland provides that voice. Only recently have I come to understand that I suffer from White Privilege. I assumed that because I speak Spanish and married a Cuban, I had an open mind and would never think a racist thought.

In truth, we all suffer from prejudice, racism, and privilege—we just don’t realize it. We also don’t realize how it shapes our attitudes and assumptions about other people. The subtle things we say or don’t say that can tear people down instead of building them up. We miss the fact that as humans, we have more in common than we think.

Eiland shares her struggles of growing up in an affluent Black family where she feels she doesn’t fit in with the majority of black people, yet never feels fully part of the predominant white culture. I can understand her feelings of dissonance, as can anyone who grew up in a subculture. But no one ever shouted epithets at me or made me feel less-than.

Her stories paint a picture of what happens when we learn to honor other people and their stories instead of spewing knee-jerk reactions to people’s otherness that seems to conflict with our ways of seeing and doing. Eiland gently points out the value in sitting “patiently under the comb, knowing in our hearts that the outcome might be less than desirable—but also knowing that trying is the best offering some can give.”

She also reminds us of the importance of giving honor to other people—not because they do something for us, but because they are human. “Standing in front of someone I don’t know and affirming his existence can be just as powerful as a formal ceremony.” When we make a habit of honoring others and their right to exist, we learn something about ourselves.

“The point isn’t to try to relate to all people and demand they affirm us. It’s to proclaim “worthy” over and over again, whether or not others are willing to give us their art, their space…or even their friendship.”

Why Read this Book?

Eiland reminds us that we can be proud of who we are and still appreciate other cultures—life isn’t either, or. She reminds us that, “Our assumptions make false demands of people we hardly even know.” Maybe we need to listen more and talk less. Open our ears instead of our mouths. Treat everyone, absolutely everyone, with honor and respect—not because of anything they did or do—but because they are fellow created beings.

If people intrigue you, and you’re tired of the vitriol strewn all over the Internet, you’ll love this book. Eiland reminds us that standing up for right doesn’t mean engaging in the same bad behavior. It takes more work than that. We need to make space for everyone and their stories without judgment. The most powerful way to change the world is to engage kindly with one person at a time.

To me, this book unfortunately read like all the others. It has a great message, one we can all learn from, but it was not unique. This is a message everyone should just live, instead of reading book after book about it.

Reading this as an older white male, I enjoyed this. The author is an articulate, smart story teller (of her experiences). Enough said. I hope she writes more in the future. Recommended.

I really appreciate the NetGalley advanced copy for review!!