It's rare that you leave a self help book with an overarching response of "damn, that was dark." Schuster's attempts at comedic retelling of her clearly traumatic past fall short and leave you less inclined to follow her advice and absolutely sure your time would be much better spent ensuring the author has ongoing access to a mental health professional than reading her book.

I wish I’d had this book when I was in my 20s. In Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies, Tara Schuster discusses how her troubled childhood led to a series of dysfunctional relationships and terrible life choices which she was able to overcome through self-care practices. Part memoir and part self-help, reading this book will almost certainly help you feel better about your life.

Tara swears a lot and uses slang and abbreviations that might confuse or turn off some readers, but once I adjusted, I found that I appreciated her distinct voice. She shares her story with honesty and vulnerability as well as humor and compassion for both herself and others. Reading this book felt like having a conversation with a friend over (possibly too many) alcoholic beverages.

If you’ve read much positive psychology or self-help, then many of Tara’s suggestions might seem familiar, but you’ll probably pick up a few new tips, and repeated exposure to these ideas can be helpful. I particular loved Tara’s discussion of pronoia—assuming that people are conspiring to help you.

The author describes this as “a guide to healing your traumas, big and small, in the pursuit of creating a life you will adore and be proud of.” Although it was clearly intended for young women, I think this book could be helpful for many people. Avoid if you dislike swearing, frank discussion of sex and drug use, or books that blend memoir with self-help.

I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review.

I did not know much about Tara Schuster as a TV Executive but certainly know her work very well being involved in The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Key & Peele. Her work with those shows helped their rise to popularity and its success. I loved to read about the personal life of very successful people and how they learned to manage the balance of their personal and professional life. The book was a great read and learned a lot from it and was able to take the advice to apply to my own personal life. I believe that other readers would be able to do the same as well. I found the read to be thoroughly thought provoking and admire the self-reflection as part of the book. I felt that the book was written with her heart on her sleeves and must be difficult to write these personal struggles for a very successful professional in the industry.
I enjoy the honesty and that the book covered a wholistic approach to the mind, body and relationships, which are the most important to develop a healthy and happy life.
This is truly an amazingly well written book by Tara that I highly recommend.

Some stellar insights here, centering around the act of re-parenting yourself and using that fresh insight to adjust your life choices. It's part self-help and part memoir, with plenty of gems to collect and implement. The author is motivated to help the reader, which keeps it on the right side of 'here's what I did.' Enjoyable, and a book you'll want to go through again to glean the next layer of gems as your healing progresses. It's a book to enjoy in stages. Definitely a keeper.

Okay. So. I LOVED this book. This isn't necessarily the type of book I would normally pick up. I don't usually go for self help type books. But I'm always a sucker from a good memoir and this one is AMAZING. It's part memoir, part self help book and totally amazing.

This book is written with such a strong and powerful voice that you feel like you're having a conversation with a close friend. And not only that, a loving and caring friend who wants what is best for you and who truly wants to help you. And that kind of tone makes you WANT to step up and listen and change your life. And I think that's part of what makes this an absolutely wonderful book. Schuster's care for her readers (and even for herself after all that she's been through) just oozes through the pages.

As someone in my late 20s, closing in on 30s, who still feels like she’s floundering and hasn’t really found her footing yet, this book especially resonated because it has A LOT of really good, helpful information. It has given me a lot of ideas and a lot of information for changing my outlook and changing my life. And I am so glad to have found this book! Because it’s a lot of information I really needed to hear. Sometimes the best advice isn’t something you want to hear, but it’s something you need to hear. And this book is full of that advice.

So overall, this is an absolutely wonderful memoir (I definitely can't believe some of the stuff that happened to Schuster; especially the men. Why are men the worst?????) and an even better self help book. If you're looking to change your outlook not only on life, but on yourself, this is a great resource. I know it is one I will definitely be visiting again and again! I'm so glad this book exists and I'm definitely so glad to have found it. I highly recommend!! This book is definitely a must read!

Thank you so much to NetGalley, Random House and The Dial Press for allowing me the chance to read and review this book! It was an absolute treat!

Many thanks to NetGalley, Random House, and Tara Schuster for an ARC in exchange for an honest book review of Buy Yourself The F*cking Lilies. My thoughts and opinions are 100% my own and independent of receiving an advance copy.

Tara Schuster finds herself hungover after her twenty-fifth birthday with a message from her therapist whom she had drunk dialed the night before. The therapist phoned her many times worried after the message Tara had left, that Tara was going to hurt herself. Truth is Tara had hit rock bottom. She felt like she was good at work but bad at life. She had a chaotic childhood and seemed to be making a mess of her twenties. So this book is the result of what she learned after cleaning up her life.

Tara is a comedian and has worked for some major hitters like Jon Stewart and now holds the Vice President position at Comedy Central. She is a great writer and interjects a lot of humour in her writing. I think it is worth mentioning that the book is skewed for younger people. I don’t think the advice is relevant if you are over 40. Also, there aren’t any new ideas here. But what she presents is good advice. Things like take time for yourself, treat yourself as someone special, enjoy life because it goes by quickly. She also shows how some of the issues can be popping up in your work life. Things like seeking approval, trying so hard to please everyone, behaviour that can make it seem like great job skills, but aren’t serving you well in your life.

So nothing earth-shattering, but sometimes it is nice to hear things in a different way. She offers concrete steps or exercises to help you through the process. For example, journaling as a way of “excavating your past wounds”. Her steps are 1) Admit the thought or feeling that you’re having 2) Touch all the feels 3) Get curious about why this is an issue for you now 4) Commit to a healing action and 5) Finish with an affirmation. All to get you to what she describes as your “Oprah Mind”. Now, you don’t that all at once! She explains each step thoroughly with examples. She even teaches you how to find the twenty minutes you’ll need to do the journaling.

What was new for me was her direction on how to journal. I was always taught to write whatever was in my mind, to get anything down just get the juices flowing. Tara, however, wants you to be more intentional. She says don’t write down your grocery list or how great your lunch was today. She wants you to dig deep down to your core and see what you believe. About yourself and about the world. It was nice to see how the journaling changes over time and gets to the positive and how that can help in your life. So in addition to working out past trauma, it might help you realize that there is a difference between what you believe and what is the truth. Then you can begin to dream bigger and want more for yourself. She also notes the physical benefits of journaling.

Tara describes how each step went for her for you to realize that it isn’t necessarily easy and it doesn’t happen right away. Usually with a dose of humour. Overall, It was a five-year process for her. I wish I had this book back when I was twenty, or twenty-five. I certainly could have used the self-awareness and I certainly made a lot of the same mistakes she did. I’ve done a lot of work in this area so even though it wasn’t new information, I still found a few takeaways. It just has a lot less relevance for me now, in my current stage of life. But a fun read and lots of good advice.

This book was exactly what I needed - a self help style memoir that wasn't preachy. While some of her advise might not work for those of us on a budget (retail therapy is not always a realistic fix), most of her advice was extremely accessible,

This is a self-help and memoir in one, which funny bits throughout. Each chapter she gives ideas of what to do to change or help you improve your life. Some are great and good reminders, journal, grateful journal, baths, buy lilies, eat health, or hike that hill. Its not too preachy which was super nice, along with practical for almost everyone. Almost, everyone could pick on of these to add into their daily life.

Tara is was easy to connect with even if your childhood was not as trauma filled as her's, but she hilarious and breaks down all the no(s) for not at least trying a couple things. I enjoyed her writing and you can tell she writes comedy for a living!

Maybe the perfect book to buy for your niece who's about to head off to college. I found the advice a little too "foundational" for someone who's been through some life already, but for a young person starting out, some of Schuster's wisdom would be a godsend. She manages to tell you all the things your mother would, but in a way that a younger audience would actually hear and take in.

Fantastic! Highly recommend this book and would absolutely buy it for others. A smart, thoughtful read.

Some books just show up at the exact right moment in your life, and this was one of those for me. I've been struggling towards creating a routine that makes me feel less like I am going through the motions and more like every day I am living- I know, this sounds cheesy, but as someone who regularly struggles with anxiety and depression, I need to be able to enjoy the small moments as much as I enjoy the big ones.

Before I started Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies, I was implementing small changes in my life that made each day feel a little bit special. As I read the book, I kept finding more and more ideas that I've started adding into my life. I highly recommend this book if you are like me and also want to add some joy to even the mundane moments in your life.

“Life is not a series of crises to be endured. Life is to be enjoyed.”

Friends, I recently read another collection of personal essays, and oh my GAWD, this one was GOOD. I really enjoy books like this, but I’ve never read one that hit so close to home before. Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies by Tara Schuster was like looking into a mirror, if a book can be a mirror. Does that make sense? I don’t even care.


As soon as I read the brief introduction where the author explains how she spent a full year accidentally telling people she was older than she actually was, I knew I would enjoy this book. I am constantly forgetting my age and telling people random numbers, only to later realize that I was in fact wrong.

Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is, in many ways, a kind of self-help book. The author spends a lot of time talking about getting her anxiety in check, loving herself a little bit more every day, and fighting her vices with exercise, best friends, and writing in her journal daily. Of course, there’s wit and humor spread out among the pages, as well as personal stories and realistic tips and advice to help you conquer whatever issue you might be facing.

The book is divided into three parts: The Mind Rituals, The Body Rituals, and The Relationship Rituals. As you’ve probably assumed, each section acts as a “how-to” to help you get control of your thoughts, your physical self, and your relationships with friends, romantic partners, family, and ultimately, your relationship with yourself. One of my favorite parts of the book were lists that the author included at the end of certain chapters, providing actionable advice for how you can start healthy habits and stick to them.

As someone who has been regularly attending therapy for over a year, a lot of the advice was relatable because I’ve already started incorporating it into my life: gratitude journals, exercise, finding my people, and recognizing toxicity and removing it from wherever the hell it exists.

However, the narrative of this book was another wonderful reminder to stay on course, and not give up on “re-parenting” yourself. It’s a difficult journey, but reading about someone else’s experience helps. Plus, the personal anecdotes and stories were entertaining, too.

My absolute favorite chapter, though, was the second last one, “If You’re Not in Love in Paris, You’re Not in Love at All.” Similarly to the author, I spent a good chunk of my 20s saving up for a trip to Paris (I studied French history in university and HAD TO GO!). When I was finally able to, it was magical, and I sat in the basement of the Louvre for about an hour staring at the original foundation of the building. The footnote the author includes about the foundation of the Lourve had me in tears, because that experience, for me, had the same meaning as her experience purchasing a Chanel bag: I worked to get there. (If you read the book, you’ll understand what I mean.)

I’d recommend Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies to anyone who enjoys personal essays, memoirs, and/or narratives around mental health.

Thank you to the publisher for an electronic copy of this book via NetGalley. Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies comes out on February 18, 2020, and can be purchased wherever books are sold.

DNF @ 21%

This is heavier on the memoir aspect than I had anticipated. And to be fair, the introduction does explain that the advice is just <i>what worked for the author and might hopefully work for the reader</i>. But the advice sections felt more like an afterthought, I didn't find the jokes particularly funny, and to be blunt the "we're in this together" approach doesn't work when the reader [in this case, me] doesn't feel like their situation is comparable to the author's.

I fundamentally disagree with the author on a lot of key points, such as the idea that life lessons are only (or at least mainly) learned through "harrowing" experiences, that coping mechanisms ("crutches") are all harmful activities that you should cut out entirely (imo, if you enjoy reality TV as a destressor, that is totally fine in moderation), or that there's a wrong way to journal. So this book really isn't for me.

If I could have gotten through this book, I would have given it 3 stars, but it became too tedious to finish (and I tried) so I am rating it at 2.5 stars.

At first this book didn't seem too bad. In fact, it made a lot of good points. But my interest waned quickly after I was about halfway through. What might work well in social media status updates or blogs doesn't necessarily belong in book form. At one point, I thought that I was simply seeing a lot of errors since I was reading a digital galley, until I realized that what I was seeing was intentional. Having to constantly decipher shorthand/ internet slang slowed down the flow of the book for me as well as took away from the messages that the book was trying to deliver.
It got to the point where I just didn't feel like trying to read it anymore.

Many thanks to Netgalley the books publisher for the digital galley.

This was not the book for me. If I were in my 20s and single/dating and struggling with what to do with my job and living situations, I might have enjoyed it more. There were some good bits of advice that could be applicable to anyone, but they were too often buried at the end of a chapter that started with a long retelling of an event or events from the author's life, and the connection to the advice seemed to be a stretch at times. Lots of blame on her parents fighting and ultimate divorce, and lots of reference to smoking a ton of weed. Overuse of capitalization. I did not find this book as applicable, compelling, or funny as the description and reviews described.
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I keep looking for a self-help book that I can relate to. One that I can find some actual help in. By trying out this book I was once again disappointed. I got really bored with this one rather quickly. The writing seemed to just drag on and on and after a short while I was so annoyed with it I had to DNF. This book as encouraged me to stop trying to read self-help books and maybe try youtube instead.

There is not a single thing I don't love about this book. It's the self-help book that everyone should read. It's no-nonse and completely common-sense in terms of its recommendations. I found myself connecting strongly to Schuster's youth and young adulthood, and I think a lot of patrons will, too. I am definitely buying a couple copies for the library.

This is definitely the kind of "self-help" book I'd gift my friends. It's light, entertaining and actionable.

Author Tara Schuster takes a deep yet lighthearted approach to self care and self improvement. Her main thesis is, essentially, that we treat ourselves in ways that we would never, ever treat our loved ones. We let things slide, often choosing to survive at the lowest possible level instead of choosing to thrive at our most opportune. We accept things as they happen instead of owning the opportunity to change them.

I found Schuster's anecdotes and stories to be heartfelt and entertaining. I appreciated that her message came from a place of both experience and acceptance. She's lived through some traumatic life events and while she didn't dwell on it, she didn't gloss over it either.

The reason I docked this down to three stars is the casual nature of the writing. Schuster's narration style made this book seem more like a long-form essay written for a teen beat publication than a "self-help" book. I'm not sure that the phrases and Twitter-like style she uses will hold up over the test of time and, as a result, I'm not sure I'd want to go back and re-read it to really absorb the messages. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll really remember having read this when looking back a year from now.

3/5 stars

Review posted on goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3186444785

I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review

I will admit right off the bat, I don’t normally read self help books. But who in their life can say they’re perfect and couldn’t use a little work on themselves. I saw this on NetGalley and decided to request it because the premise and the title spoke to me. (As I had just had a bad day last week and bought myself lillies on my way home to cheer myself up- so it seemed kismet). The book is touted as part self help and part memoir and even though I didn’t know who Tara Schuster was, I figured I could still enjoy it.

I did enjoy it... sometimes. She’s brutally honest about her past and how bad her depression had been. It oddly made me feel much better about my life. I liked the ideas/activities (for lack of a better word) to help the reader get themselves into a better head space and get their life back together, even though none of them were revelations, more just helpful.

What I didn’t like was how “informal” the writing in the book was. I’m not sure how best to describe it but maybe this book was written for people in their early 20s because the shorthand texting language was irritating and almost made me give up.

Overall, it wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t great.

Author Tara Schuster shares what works for her in this mix of memoir/self-help book on self-love and self-care.

What struck me from the beginning and throughout the book is Schuster's use of abbreviations that not all (i.e. non-millennials) may be familiar with. If you're writing a book because you feel you have something useful and important to say, the least you can do is write it using full words. OMG! Ur JK RT? No. SRSLY? SRSLY! TBH, IRL words are written out!

Also, some readers may take offense at the abundance of foul language.

I do not doubt that this is way the author normally communicates, which, I suppose, adds to the authenticity of the book. However, I found them to be questionable choices overall.

Despite the above comments, I found the author to have good ideas presented in a "that makes sense" way. I applaud her directness and honesty in allowing readers to view the troublesome parts of her life, and her willingness to share what works for her. There may not be anything new here, but she presents points that deserve revisiting time and again.

Three star review from me.

My thanks to NetGalley and Dial Press for allowing me to read a copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review. All opinions expressed here are my own.