Calm the H*ck Down is a witty reader on how to <s>just get through</s> love life with the monsters you call your children. This is a well-written, <u>actually helpful</u> book that provides methods for anxious parents like me to laugh at ourselves and our precious cherubs, take a breath, do our best, and move the hell along.

Dale believes that we put too much weight on minutiae and lose the big picture. As a mother through in vitro and adoption of special needs and neurotypical children, Dale believes even the big struggles fade with time, so worrying about the nonsense is pointless. <b><i>"Remind yourself that this thing that seems so monumentally important right now will be a blip on the radar in a year or two." "Parenting doesn't have to be an extreme sport. We can figure out what matters the most to us and relax a little about everything else."</b></i>

She provides advice on how to stay present and do what you can, accepting that that's enough. <b><i>"Don't try to show up to everything. It's impossible. Check as many boxes as you can and leave the rest."</b></i>

Dale wants to be an excellent parent, and probably is. And many of us who feel really crappy are probably doing just fine: <b><i>"We are doing so much right, but sometimes we focus on all the ways we miss the mark."</b></i>

Still, rather than rah-rahing that mothers are goddesses and each mom is the perfect one for her child, Dale offers advice for how to change your language and outlook to parent a little better and feel better about parenting. <b><i>"Figure out what rules you really want to focus on with your kids, and depending on the kids, you might have to work on one at a time...Try to say yes as often as possible and save all the critical stuff for the big rule you're working on."</b></i>

Dale is hilarious. Her anecdotes are quick and quippy, and it's clear she laughs at her children as her advice suggests - <b><i>"You will not survive parenting kids unless you learn to laugh at them, and I don't mean laugh with them. Laugh at them." </b></i>

Each chapter has tips throughout (though it reads more easily than many parenting books) and comes with a handy list at the end - things to remember or ways to handle a certain topic. <b><i>"What's the loving thing to do here?" "Do you want to use self-control, or do you want me to use parental control?"</b></i>

Dale also discusses maintaining strong romantic relationships and a sense of self. <b><i>"Do not put your life on hold while you're raising your kids...Who were you before you had kids? Find an outlet, find your passion, and keep at it..."</b></i> And maybe it's not just about your passion. Maybe you work outside the home like I do (you monster) and you sometimes think you are sooo much better at that than at raising the kids. <b>"Maybe your calling is being a kickass orthodontist who happens to have kids."</b></i> Not to be dramatic, but that idea kind of makes everything feel better.

One note: this teeters into Christian Press territory. There are only a couple Bible quotes and one religious chapter, which was inclusive of all religions and beliefs. Dale believes her faith is important to how she parents, so I get why she went there. And yes, many readers will likely pick this up <u>because</u> it includes Christian ideology. Thankfully, Dale believes as strongly in equality and openness as she does in scripture. She also believes in open conversations about hard topics. <b><i>"Let your children see you cultivate a widely varied set of friends. Let them see you learn new things and humble yourself to other people's points of view. Don't shy away from the important stuff." "The world isn't colorblind, and our kids deserve a complete education from us."</b></i> Also she likes cursing. So she's probably OK. <b><i>"I'm less worried about the edgy words they use and more concerned with whether or not their words are kind."</b></i>

A few other bits I loved:
<b><i>"Mourning your imaginary unicorn kids in your brain frees you up to love the unique, incredible kids you actually have."
"You might spend an inordinate amount of time worrying they're going to get themselves killed. This is normal."
"Learn how to apologize well and teach your kids how to do it." "You say the wrong words, apologize, and work to find the right ones."
"Talk through how you're feeling, how you could handle it better, and how you're processing it in a healthy way. If you're having a hard day, it's okay to let your kids see you frustrated, sad, mad, or worried, and work through it."
"Approach your kids with unconditional respect."
"I've given up trying to get into a routine. There is no routine. Each day comes at you like a fire hose, and you have to just let it hit you in the face." </b></i>True story.

I received a free advance copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. This was my first NetGalley book, and I am fully geeking out right now.

This book is what every mother needs in her life. As someone who has seen Melanie Dale speak in person (and left craving more of her humor and truth), this book did not disappoint. Her personality flies off of each page, as does her love of being a mother paired with the reality of the whole parenting gig.

This book described in one word: refreshing. I've read the parenting books; the ones that leave you feeling inadequate and incapable. Melanie is real. She addresses all the "hot topics" in a way that makes you feel like someone out there sees you, understands you, and makes you feel a little less insane. Parenting little ones and trying to achieve the unrealistic mothering standards this social media driven world has thrust at us can be maddening. It's refreshing to find someone who encourages readers to lighten up, enjoy your kids, enjoy your spouse (from afar, amen!), and laugh through the challenges.