XOXY is a memoir about being an intersex woman. Memoirs are always personal, but this one feels extremely so. Kimberly Zieselman speaks candidly about her life as an intersex woman, her experiences with doctors, her family, and her work as an intersex activist. The book is well written and engaging, and the story it tells is heartbreaking and moving.

Intersex is something I was aware of, having been involved in LGBTQ+ activism in the past, but being aware of something and truly understanding it are two very different things. Intersex is often ignored, both by the general public and the LGBTQ+ community, and when it isn't ignored it is often just paid lip service, ostensibly included but without any actual help or support. I didn't know as much about intersex before I read this book as I would have liked to, or as much as I should have known. Luckily, this book is very comprehensive in the information it provides, and is a great starting point for people who want to learn more.

The book is non linear, switching between childhood and adulthood, before Zieselman's diagnosis and afterwards. I found that this kept the story engaging, and helped to bring context to some of the earlier events in her life as she tries to make sense of her childhood with hindsight. This book does go into detail about medical trauma, and doctors dehumanising her and treating her like a specimen, not a person. As someone who is chronically ill and has had my own bad experiences with doctors, I did find these parts of the book hard to read, but also important, because intersex people are treated in a uniquely terrible way by the medical community. Whilst Zieselman's story is just one intersex narrative, the medical trauma she suffered and the PTSD she then developed are not uncommon within the intersex community.

Zieselman talks a lot about coming to terms with being intersex, and with her identity as a woman. Identity is complex for everyone, but for intersex people there are unique complexities involved in both a person's internal identity, and how they are seen by society. I believe that this book has the potential to help other people, especially other intersex people, to feel less alone, less different. Zieselman talks in depth about the benefits of having a community of people just like you, who have been through similar experiences, and how finding her own community was the first step in understanding herself.

The second half of the book is all about Zieselman's journey to becoming an intersex activist. There is a pretty comprehensive history of intersex activism and the progress the community has made, woven into the story so it still reads easily, and doesn't feel like suddenly reading a text book. If you've ever wondered why the I should be included in the LGBTQ+ movement, then you need to read this book, as Zieselman really shows why, despite the differences between the two communities, we need to work together.

This is not just a story about being intersex. This memoir discusses trauma, mental health, identity, family, adoption, SEN parenting, advocacy and activism, and the importance of accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are. It has a hopeful message of hope for the future for intersex kids, and a life without shame, stigma and medical trauma. There is still a long way to go but thanks to activists like Kimberly Zieselman, progress will be made. Please, read this book.

Wow this book opened my eyes. I felt I learned a lot without feeling that the author was lecturing me or talking down to me. Everyone should read this book.

imberly M. Zieselman is an intersex woman and outspoken activist. She refuses to be seen as part of the “happy silent majority,” the so-called majority of intersex folks glad they were lied to about the surgeries performed on them. In fact, Zieselman loudly proclaims that the idea of the “happy silent majority” is a fallacy, and she would know. She has spoken at the United Nations as an intersex expert, consulted on the MTV show Faking It, guided Belgian supermodel Hanne through her intersex coming out, and is the executive director of intersex advocacy organization interACT. She discusses all of this in her new memoir, XOXY.

Zieselman has XY chromosomes and was born with Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, internal testes, a vulva, and a vagina. Like too many intersex individuals, she had procedures performed on her as a child without her informed consent. The doctors, she believes, wanted “to erase the intersex parts of us to fit us into strictly binary-looking “male” or “female” bodies.” Zieselman had two inguinal hernia surgeries, both caused by her internal testes, while doctors failed to mention the presence of her testes at all. At fifteen Zieselman had what doctors called a hysterectomy, which was actually a surgery to remove her testes. The procedure would require her to be on hormone therapy for the rest of her life. Imagine learning the truth of all this at age 41. That is when Zieselman learned of her intersex condition, and her memoir follows the journey her life took from there.

XOXY offers readers a little bit of everything: Zieselman’s balance between family, work, and personal history is achieved at some points more successfully than others. She adopted twin daughters and learned to advocate for herself through fighting for their special needs in their schools. Though much of her story is heartwarming, it can muddle the understanding of what Zieselman’s goal was with the memoir. At times, groundbreaking conferences or personal traumas are covered in a few sentences, giving readers only a taste in order to fit everything in. But the memoir also carries the weight of what it means to be a first. As Zieselman writes, “So many of our experiences have been hidden, buried, dismissed by society, the medical community, even by our families and friends. We need each other.” Zieselman is trying through her memoir, though perhaps trying too hard, to show both the complexity and ordinariness of intersex experiences.

Though I often wanted moments of growth, insecurity, understanding, and mental health diagnoses like post-traumatic stress and dissociative disorders to take up more space, Zieselman is often able to succinctly represent what it means to live and advocate as an intersex woman. In these places in her story, I believe readers who have felt marginalized will find validation and support. Zieselman’s interactions with ignorant doctors and with outsiders who questioned her objectivity as an intersex advocate felt familiar to me as a transgender individual. It also served as a reminder that even the most isolating experiences are not unique. As she states, “the marginalized have been conditioned to silence and retreat.” Her memoir ventures to do the opposite.

Zieselman explains for readers why promoting the term “intersex,” rather than a Disorder of Sexual Development (DSD), is a reclamation of bodies that have been mistreated and othered. She outlines the ups and downs of pushing for both local and global change—whether through assisting medical research, fighting for legal action, or speaking at events for the intersex community. Though the memoir doesn’t read with the intensity I prefer from a personal narrative, it is an impressive introduction to the powerhouse that is Kimberly M. Zieselman, her journey of understanding, trauma, and recovery, and the important work she does.

What a well told and informative read. This is a subject I knew nothing about. Straight forward and candid it's a story that will resonate long after you finish. Happy reading!

This was an incredibly interesting and eye-opening memoir.  Intersex as a condition is something that I've learned about recently, and something that I refuse to quit learning about.  There's so much that I don't know, and so much science doesn't know yet--though what remains important is the respect, honesty, and understanding one has for the intersex community.  And what a diverse community it is!  Though Kimberly had always considered herself "cis" (ie, being born female and accepting that designation), not every intersex person agrees with the designation doctors have forced upon them.  And when I say forced, I mean forced through genital surgery.  

Reading Zieselman's memoir has made me so much more aware not only of the struggles and activism that the intersex community works with, but the raw emotions, the feelings of possible betrayal, and the ways in which they're trying to make society more accepting of them.  

Reading this memoir was also pretty fun--I moved to Boston two and a half years ago, and Zieselman, having grown up in Boston, remarked upon some street names and landmarks that made me go "I've been there!  I know what she's talking about!!"  Where it wasn't fun, however, was her discussion of the medical wringer Mass General put her through, from denying her and her parents knowledge of her body, and the denial of a proper response to a letter of her grievances and urges to have them be more open and honest with their intersex patients.  Many Bostonians I've met have high high opinions of Mass Gen, so upon reading her experience with this hospital's actions not only many decades ago but recently...yikes.  Hopefully since her letter to the and after the soon to be publication of this book, their manner of aiding their intersex patients will be much, much better.  

I found this edifying, and so so illuminating.  I hope Zieselman never stops what she's doing and continues to fight the good fight.  I know she, through her memoir, has certainly educated me and inspired me to do more research and to be a better advocate for the intersex community.  This is so, so worth reading.

Although I think this book could be edited to cut some over long descriptions of family life and some obvious repetitions, the content of the book is so important and the emotions are raw and vivid. I also think I might know someone to whom the same thing happened and it is horrifying, both in the sense of the unnecessary operations and the hidden agenda of the doctors and surgeons and the emotional scars that can last a lifetime.

Wow, what a memoir. The author discovered at the age of 41 that she'd been born with XY chromosomes and that the surguries she had as a child purportedly to remove a dysfunctional uterus had actually removed internal testes. The first part of the book is a sort of coming-of-age story, both her own childhood recounted and her self-discovery of embracing her intersex identity after the revelation of her XY status.

It then goes on to follow her activism with raising intersex awareness, not just visibility but also advocacy--I was shocked and horrified to learn about how doctors had been performing surgery to alter the bodies of babies born with gender-atypical characteristics, sometimes without even the parents' knowledge or consent! Just awful.

The narrative bogs down a bit in places, like when she transcribes pages and pages worth of, say, a speech she or someone else gave at a conference or in an interview, and at times it gets a bit esprit d'escalier in its rebuttals after-the-fact to arguments with anti-intersex doctors with whom she froze up or was silenced the first time around.

All in all, an engaging and informative read which will educate the reader about intersex perspectives and rights.

This book is a memoir of one intersex woman’s story - her discovery of the fact that she was born intersex, but this was hidden from her for many years, and what she did, and continues to do about it.

I was horrified and moved to hear Kimberly’s account of the awful manipulation of her and her parents by doctors, of the long ranging effects this has had on her life. I am so much more knowledgeable now about what intersex means.

The book is well written, and for the most part, easy to read (apart from the emotional aspect). There were only one or two very short parts that I found a little dry - usually involving legal language. I think the author has done an excellent job of writing in such a way that someone with no legal or medical knowledge can clearly understand.

I highly recommend this book - it’s a real eye opener on some of the human rights abuses that have been going on in our own country, right under our noses. I have enormous respect for Kimberly and those who fight with her, I admire their courage.

I was given a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.