CW: mentions of disordered eating

For being written by two white, straight, cisgender folks, this book was surprisingly inclusive especially of gender identity and sexual orientation. I was also surprised when, early on in the book and then later on as well, they discussed the impact that white supremacy has on society. The book heavily focuses on Buddhist practices and mindfulness, which I found interesting, although I am not a huge fan of mindfulness itself. I do, however, think the mindfulness activities they suggest would be beneficial for many people. I also liked when they discussed how to work through trauma triggers when they arise in certain situations.

I'm usually a big fan of self-help/personal development type books. This one didn't do it for me and I didn't connect with the writing style. Might work for some, but this one wasn't for me.

How Not to Be a Hot Mess is a quick, light-hearted read about mindfulness practice and Buddhist principles. Overall, the book feels like a casual conversation with a friend. I love the title.

I received a copy of this when I was smack-dab in the middle of a life s*** storm.
I was with my stepdad, in his final days of hospice, had just endured a 4 month long one-two punch of head trauma followed by kidney stone surgery and stent which resulted in 4 hospital stays. Can we say rock bottom?
Nope, because, apocalypse. (Kidding.)
Anyways, I’m so glad this found its way to me when it did because it was just what I needed.

How Not To Be A Hot Mess, written by husband and wife team Craig and Devon Hase is a book that is based off of the very simplest and basic practices of Buddhism.

It focuses on 6 Buddhist principles, primarily centered around mindfulness as a way to help navigate through life, whether it’s the good days, bad days, days you want to rip someone’s head off, or days you’re just too overwhelmed to lift your head off of your pillow.

I think I personally appreciate this book right now because it was so easygoing and light. Reading this was like having a chat with a mellow, yet really wise friend.
This is that friend that will be like: “Man, one time I: did this crappy thing/had this crappy attitude/was on the struggle bus with this one thing, but I learned this really cool thing, you should totally try it, I’ll show you how.”

Each chapter is filled with personal examples, studies or statistics showing the benefits, and is concluded with a short exercise.

An example: if you’re feeling any type of negative emotions, focus on the good. Humans inherently want to do good deeds by nature, but because we’re being inundated with negative all day we don’t SEE the good.
I don’t want to give away the entire exercise, but basically if you were to intentionally LOOK and observe for one day, you’d see humans doing good human things. Holding doors open, smiling at strangers, (okay, not right now with quarantine) but what about at home? If you look for it, you’ll find the tiny acts of service.

So try that, then DO it. It’s stressful times, my friend. If you’re grouchy, get up and randomly grab a treat for a family member out of the blue, or give them a random hug or compliment. Send a loved one that you can’t be with a text to say you’re thinking of them.
These are things that will actually benefit YOU mentally in the end.

This was written in a very casual, friendly way, and each thing is explained in a way that’s simple, makes sense, and somehow leaves you feeling inspired and motivated.

I think that in this time of general overwhelm and unease this book is being released just when it’s needed. It’s not preachy (although it does address some personal views on politics and other issues,) it doesn’t ask you to become a Buddhist or get into anything super deep.
I actually think it’d be a great book for younger adults as well. (with discretion. There is a chapter focused on intimacy.)
The general meat and bones of the practices, if observed, could really benefit a lot of humans out there.

Giving this one 5 stars. Also, high five to the universe for the alignment in timing with the release. I see what you did there.

Thank you so much to Shambhala Publishing and netgalley for the advanced copy for review! As always, all opinions are my own.

An alternative title could have been "First World Buddhist Problems." Neither religious primer nor proper self help book, How Not to Be A Host Mess is really more of a description of how the authors have chosen to live their lives and establish a personal philosophy. I found most of the situations and scenarios difficult to connect with, which radically reduced the value of their advice given it was primarily based on their own experiences rather than any sort of objective evidence.

Honestly, I was on board with their advice until they started getting to relationships. Then, everything started feeling preachy. This is just one of those self help books where the authors’ personal values heavily impact their advice and I just didn’t vibe with it.