Twenty by new to me author Debra Landwehr Engle offers up a huge serving of Murphy’s Law and got me right in the feels. This story introduces the reader to Meg. At age fifty-five, she’s seen plenty of tragedy, loss and heartbreak in her life. Her father died when she was a child, her own child died at ten years old which also ended her marriage and five years ago, her beloved mother passed away. Her days run together between working at a flower shop and trying to keep the plants and flowers at her home alive during a horrific drought. She is fighting what feels like an uphill battle. Meg feels no joy and decides she is done with life.

Before her mother passed away, Meg went to her mother’s doctor for advice on making her mother’s suffering minimal. He gave her a bottle of pearl like pills that when taken would give her mother a pain free death in twenty days. Meg’s mother passed away before the pills were administered and they have been sitting in Meg’s freezer, almost forgotten, for the past five years.

Meg misses her parents and her daughter and wants to see them again. She doesn’t feel like she has anything good left to experience in this life and is done. She takes the pills and begins a journey of putting her house in order, literally and figuratively. Everything from cleaning out all the closets and the entire house and traveling to Seattle to see her sister and family one last time to seeing her ex-husband, Joe for clarity and closure. This story chronicles Meg’s days since taking the pills and the transformation that occurs in Meg’s life. Now that she has twenty days left, she begins to see the magic and beauty that can be found in life. She also wonders if the pills will really work.

I wondered the same thing or if the pills were just a placebo given to Meg by an empathetic doctor trying to give a woman peace of mind while caring for her dying mother. The pills have been sitting in a freezer all these years, so anything is possible.

I kept wondering what I would do if I knew I only had twenty days left. How would I spend that time? I admired Meg’s courage to confront her grief and deal with it once and for all, but I was also saddened that it took her decision to accelerate the time she has left to do it. I loved this story but it brought me no closure or easy answers, other than we all need to look outside of ourselves and chase after the magic and joy life has to offer before it’s too late.

The author does an amazing job of bringing Meg’s story to us. I felt so much empathy and compassion for this woman. I tried very hard not to judge her harshly, but I was so sad that she wanted to finish her life. I also loved the supporting characters of Meg’s ex-husband and her sister.

My Final Verdict: Overall, this is a very thought-provoking book that will make the reader feel all the feels as they walk this path with Meg. I highly recommend this story to readers of women’s fiction as well as readers that like stories that are multi-dimensional, where not everything is black or white, right or wrong.

Thank you to the publisher, Kensington Books, who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.

Absolutely stunning cover. And it was interesting to read about it. It was enjoyable.


I got this eARC from Netgalley.

DNf! I just was not able to get through this book. I always try to go outside my comfort zone of genre and books. I never know if I am. Going to miss out on a wonderful
Book if I don’t try. But this one is one I couldn’t get it to.

I started reading this book and it just wasn't for me. I appreciate the opportunity to give this book a try.

A beautiful book that made me feel both sad and hopeful at the same time. I'm really glad I read this one.

Twenty is a book that will take you on a journey. It is well written and the characters are well thought out and well developed. I felt contacted to the story from start to finish and I will recommend this book.

What an interesting premise!

Meg's life isn't exactly going as she planned. It doesn't seem to be getting any better either. Her father died when she was very young. Her daughter, Rose, left her almost 16 years ago. Her mother, only recently, 5 years ago. Then there's Joe. Joe the love of her life. Joe who she could not stand to look at after losing Rose. Joe who was the last bearer of heart. Her ex-husband. She lost him too when the loss of Rose fractured their bind. Now, well now she has nobody. Not even her garden. Now she is truly alone with nothing but a lifetime of memories bidding her time in this life, and she wants out. She is done with this awful thing called life and all its sadness and pain. She is going to see her Mommy and her Rose with the help of these little green pills and she is fine with that decision. It seems as if all is tying up neatly away as expected as she gets her affairs in order; what she doesn't expect is to begin to see life in a way she hasn't in a very long time.

What I loved:
-I loved the beginning. There is absolutely no beating around the bush. Right from chapter 1, we dive into Meg's story without very much build-up. It isn't hard at all to get sucked into this book.
-Her relationships are wonderful. Joe seems so great. They really have a connection. Her mother's character is vibrant and so pure and I want to give her a very big hug. Her daughter Rose's character is a bright, and intelligent, and truly independent. Exactly as free-willed as I would want my daughters to be.
-This last half of the story was easy to get sucked into. I really love the mystic bits of it.

What I did not love:
-The ending. I did not love the ending at all. I will leave that there for your own interpretation as to avoid spoilers.
-The middle of the story dragged for me. It needed something else, something more but I do not know what.
- I so badly wanted to delve headfirst into Meg and Joe's relationship but it was so choppy and rushed. Super sad that did not bloom further.

Overall, this was a poignant story, had wonderfully quotable parts, and definitely left me in my feels.
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Twenty is a contemporary story about a middle-aged woman who has reached a point where she wants to give up on life. Broken by the loss of close family members, loneliness and an unbearable Iowa heatwave which is killing off her beloved garden, Meg takes pills intended to ease the end of her (late) mother’s life. These untraceable pills are designed to turn off the control centres in the brain after twenty days, allowing the patient to drift away peacefully. That was what the doctor said five years ago, but will they still work? With just twenty days until the end, Meg sets out to leave everything neat, tidy and in order for her sister.

I slipped easily into the story, and I read eighty per cent of the book in one sitting. I liked how the short timespan gave Megan the focus that she needed to sort out much of her life’s baggage that was weighing her down. There were subtle messages about forgiveness and appreciating the magic and beauty which is all around which suited the story and led to its denouement.

Overall, a gentle tale which might suit those who feel that they have reached a crossroads in their life.

Meg is 55 and battling depression, loneliness & grief. Her daughter died as a teen, then she and her husband divorced as a result of the death of their daughter, then to cap it off Meg's mom died five years ago. Meg doesn't feel like there is any point in going on, so she decides to use the special pills her mom's doctor gave her. Once they were taken, in exactly 20 days the person would pass away quietly in their sleep. Now that she has taken them though, she is starting to have second thoughts.....
I thought the description of the book sounded unique and was really excited to read this book. Unfotunately, the book didn't live up to my expectations. I felt that it rambled a lot, and seemed to spend a lot of time hammering home the point that once you don't have long to live you start to notice things you took for granted before. Meg spent a lot of time in her head reliving the past, so it made for a really depressing main character.

Meg can't take much more- she's lost her child, her mother, her sister lives far away, and now, the last straw is her garden. Doesn't seem like much, a garden, but it meant something to Meg. She decides that she's going to take the pills a physician gave her mother which are meant to lead to death in twenty days. This novel is her reflection over that period about life, love, and what it means to claw one's way back from the edge. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. Well written, interesting and thoughtful but at times heavy.

Thought-provoking and inspiring. The author brings us a well-crafted, unique plot, and keeps us connected to it even when the subject of being through with life tugs at the heart. We get nice realism in her steps, lovely memories of her mom, and a journey through gratitude for living.

As the main character in this book was the exact same age as myself, I thought this was an interesting premise for a book, indeed.

What would happen if you knew that you were going to die, in exactly 20 days? Would you do anything in particular or do anything differently?

Meg has had a hard road in life. She lost her dad early, then she nursed and lost her mother and then her daughter. Her husband left her. She spent her days rattling around in her parents old home, tending to the flowers in the garden and not a whole lot else. She couldn't see the point of it all, so she took some pearls that would end her life, but not for 20 days. What to do with that time?

I really enjoyed this book. Meg is not physically impaired like someone who has a life-limiting illness, say. In fact, as the days go on, she is feeling physically better and better. She has time to contemplate her life and what she would like to do with those days, things that mean the most. Things left unsaid or actions left undone.

So interesting!!

5 stars from me.

Thank you to NetGalley and Kensington Books.

This book was very middle of the road for me. It is about Meg, a woman who had faced so much less in her life, and she has access to little pills (or pearls) that if taken will end her life in 20 days. The book is her countdown after taking them and what happens after she starts loving her life in preparation for her death.
I felt like Meg was a very well defined character and I understood her decision to take the pearls. Reading about her loss throughout the book was heartbreaking and I felt for her. I liked how this book was different from other books where someone knows they only have so many days and goes out to make a big bucket list. Hey lost was rational, cleaning and making sure her accounts were in order to make her passing smooth for her sister who would have to handle things.
Throughout the 20 days she waivers back and forth about her decision and goes through stages of grief about her own decision. Reconnecting with people including her ex husband make this even harder on her.
The worst part was the lack of any answer at the end, but the author wanted the reader to make their own decision about what happened. Meg decided that she was happy with whatever happened in the end.
Thank you #netgalley and #kensingtonbooks for this ARC!

This novel fell a bit flat for me. We meet Meg when it’s around the 5th anniversary of her mother’s death. Her only child, Rose, had died many years before when she was only a child. Her husband, Joe, had left her after Rose had died. She misses her daughter and mom and has regrets concerning how she treated Joe. She feels there is nothing left to live for, her life is lacking and she isn’t happy. She takes these “pearls” which are meant to give her a peaceful death after twenty days. Within just a few days she begins to have regrets about the pills. Sure the premise is good, but, I didn’t really “feel” the pain Meg was going through, in my opinion there just wasn’t enough of that to really justify why there was nothing left to do but to end her life. Thank you Net Galley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I really wanted to like this but just didn’t. The story moved along well enough but I wasn’t a fan of the constant back and forth between stream of consciousness and memories. I also absolutely hated the end. It didn’t feel resolved for me at all.

I was not a fan of this book. I thought the blurb of it sounded really interesting. But it seemed like the blurb was the into to the book. The book started and I felt like I had missed a few chapters. I also wasn't a huge fan of the writing and how it flowed. It wasn't a win for me, but it wasn't the worst thing I have ever read. So there's that.

Twenty is a well written, easy to read story of a middle aged woman who's had enough of her lonely life. I jumped back and forth wondering if I should feel sad or joyful, just as the main character, Meg felt during her twenty days of reflection on her life. It's hard to talk about this book without giving too much away, but what I can say is that this is a wonderful reading experience, filled with both joy and sadness.
Many thanks to Kensington Publishing and Netgalley for an advanced copy in return for an honest review.

Have you ever gotten lost in all the negative aspects and monotony of your day today life?  Have you forgotten how to see joy in the little things in life?  Have you ever gotten so lost in grief that you don't have the desire to go on for another moment?

That is Meg's reality as we dip into her life.  She decides to take a drastic step to end it all.  She takes these pills that give her 20 days to get her affairs in order and promise a quiet drift out of this world.

The idea is really interesting and as the pieces of loss unravel across Meg's life, it's easy to empathize with her choice.  But as an outsider we see all of the aspects of her life that still bring her joy: her beautiful home, nature, her family and friends.  Over the 20 days Meg too begins to see the silver linings of her life.  She makes peace with her demons and rather than lingering in grief she begins to confront and make peace with all of the things that have kept her from moving on.  But does moving on mean passing away, only she can decide.

I will say that the story moves rapidly from place to place.  Meg getting her affairs in order and revisiting the events of her life has no real semblance of continuity which can be a little difficult to follow.  But, I think if I was facing the last days of my life, I might be all over the place too.  So while as a reader it was disruptive, I think it was true to what a person in that position might be like.  I do think it's a good snapshot of what grief can do a person and how maybe, in the midst of it all you might find reasons to go on and find the hidden joys in life.

Simply beautiful. A reminder about what it means to live in the moment, to find the joy all around you each and every day.

When Meg loses her young daughter, and then her husband, and finally her mother, she begins to function on autopilot. Just going through the motions of life, not truly taking pleasure in anything. Eventually she decides that she’s done. So she decides to end her life, but in a most unusual way. She has twenty days to live. Twenty days to get her affairs in order, wrap things up, leave no loose ends. But what she discovers about herself, and life, in those twenty days makes her second guess her decision.

This is such a deeply moving story, the perfect one to kick off the new year!

I received a free digital copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book was SO GOOD! UGH! I loved it so much I read it twice. I think it accurately describes depression and anxiety to such a truthful extent. I really enjoyed the characters and how much they grew through the entire book.

Thank you kindly to the author, the publisher, and NetGalley for allowing me to review this title.