4.5 "glaringly honest, painful and ultimately liberating" stars !!

Thank you to Netgalley, the memoirist and University of Iowa Press for an e-copy. I am providing my honest review. This was released April 2020.

I want to thank Mr. Rastrelli for his courage, humility and perseverance in getting to a place where he could express his truths, honor himself and live a blessed life away from institutional abuses, transgressions and crimes done to him from his adolescence (by a pediatrician) to various clergy that took advantage of his trauma history, naivete and personality vulnerabilities to their own sexual advantage. Mr. Rastrelli has endured too much for one soul and I hope that he has healed sufficiently to enjoy his life with his husband and friends while he continues to do good for others.

This memoir shook me, moved me and gives me hope that those that have been hurt as youth can heal and have fairly happy and fulfilling lives.

May the remainder of your life be full of grace and peace Mr. Rastrelli and thank you for sharing your very painful narrative.

If you have a history of trauma--this may be very triggering so please have the appropriate supports by your side.

This is one of the most devastating books I have ever read.

Tom Rastrelli has literally put his heart and soul into this memoir. The writing was impeccable and provided in-depth details of his life before and during the time of his studies to become a priest. To get a personable glimpse behind the scenes to the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church and the power-plays and cover-ups of sexual abuse was both fascinating and horrifying. This is an essential and important read.

The courage that Rastrelli displayed while writing his memoir and publishing it is phenomenal. The sheer amount of dreadful and nauseating things that he has gone through in his life is unimaginable and his ability to fight and come through on the other side as a happy, proud, openly gay man is inspiring. I sincerely wish the absolute best to Tom and hope he has a wonderful life full of happiness, love, and peace.

Thank you to NetGalley for sending me this book to review

This memoir presents a very poignant and brutally frank picture of one man trying to balance the teachings if the church with the undercurrent of sexual abuse, celibacy and homophobia.

The novel begins with 28-year-old Tom Rastrelli’s ordination in Iowa. The setting is austere and grand, as is to be expected. Suddenly, there is an explosion and everything is plunged into darkness. The cause of this is a squirrel who meets its death where the power wire meets the junction box. This is almost a foreshadowing of the events to come in Tom’s career as a priest. The memoir enfolds at a time when the church was trying to cover-up the sexual abuse of minors and pedophiles. The story suddenly moves two years into the future as he leaves the archbishop’s office in tears and rage when advised to cover up the sexual abuse of the catholic church.

The memoir moves back in time to Tom’s college days and his innocent liking for drama and musicals. At this point Tom is frustrated with the catholic church and has experimented with the Lutherans, Methodists and fundamentalists. At university, Tom has an unhappy homosexual affair. However, two of the most critical events in his youth are his being taken advantage of by Doctor Lauz, whom he consults as a teenager for a earache; and by a priest Fr Scott Bell who takes advantage if his confusion and sexually exploits his instead of guiding him; he realises that the church did not consist of holy men as is commonly thought of by a faithful and devoted congregation but by a code of silence which protects the guilty priests and ironically in the case if Fr Scott Bell even rewards him by promoting him.

What is remarkable about the novel is the unapologetic and compelling authenticity and detail. Few people would be aware of the sub-culture of drinking, smoking, the secret infatuations, the sexual subterfuge, the powerful liaisons and the closeted sexual relationships which Rastrelli writes about at length and in a very convincing manner. His mental breakdown, the cruel treatment meted out to his by the alcoholic priest who runs his parish and the indifference of the people in power are described in an extremely heart-breaking manner. It is a relief to read in the Epilogue, that Tom finally finds the happiness and the peace he has been denied during his teenage years, his days at his university and seminary and his life as a priest.

Memoirs are read because you know of the person or event. Memoirs are read because of interesting titles and covers. After a brief moment on discerning why I requested this title, I am still unsure why I opened its pages.

The scandals of the Catholic Church are well-known, almost overly so. The institution serves both as the butt of jokes and as a highlighted example of abuse of power. Tom Rastrelli experienced an interesting life on the inside as a seminarian and as a minister. He lived through ups and downs of the church’s reputation with his own mental health on the line. I admire that he was able to keep his faith through it all, despite his disappointment with the events within his archdiocese. By the end of the book, I was so relieved that he was able to find peace and happiness in his life.

Oof. This was a particularly tough one to read, and even more difficult to review. Tom Rastrelli, a former Catholic priest, discusses exactly what is promised in the title: sex, love, abuse, and scandal in the church.

Tom was repeatedly sexually abused as an adolescent by his pediatrician, an odious man named Dr. Lauz. In his teenage years, Tom realizes that he is gay through experimentation with one of his friends, who engages sexually with Tom but is still deeply homophobic. When Tom goes to college, a sexually and vocationally confused musical theatre aficionado, his family guilts him into going back to church, expecting him to be the good Catholic boy they raised. He meets Father Scott Bell, a cheerful and youth-friendly priest who welcomes Tom back into the church.

During one of Father Scott's sermons on a gospel reading about Jesus healing a deaf man, Tom is awakened. He suddenly and powerfully feels the calling - Ephphatha! - to become a priest.

Thus begins Tom's arduous journey to priesthood. Father Scott takes him under his wing and has him do chores around the church, but the relationship is a mixed one, often emotionally manipulative. Tom continues to struggle with his sexuality, understanding the vow of celibacy to mean that he must curb his homosexual desires. He seeks therapy to do this, and needs many years of counseling to work through his abuse as a child. However, he still "acts out" many, many times - including with other priests.

It's difficult to know what is consensual or what is coerced in this book, as there is a massive gray area for the kinds of power dynamics between a priest and a seminarian. But more than anything, the lesson you take away from this book is that the institution of the Catholic Church - the hierarchy, the lack of transparency, the righteousness of priests, the constant sinning - is deplorable. Many of the priests in this book are clearly functioning alcoholics, and many have homosexual desires (while not calling themselves gay) that they act on despite the vow of celibacy. The abuse that Tom suffered was not really prosecutable in civil law, but certainly should have been in clerical law, but when Tom tried to report it, he was silenced, shut down, and summarily dismissed. Tom even found hard, cold proof that an associate pastor he replaced was viewing child porn and potentially participating in it himself, and his efforts to report it to the diocese were not only brushed off, but the diocese sent a representative to erase the proof on the hard drive.

It's frankly sad that the institution of the Church is so corrupt, because Tom genuinely seemed like a good person and a good priest, someone who cared about his parishioners and felt the vocation to help others find solace in Catholic teachings in the way he did. Yet the institution of the church and its patriarchic, hierarchic, iron-fist rule is what ultimately destroyed Tom's relationship with the priesthood and frankly led to Tom's general downfall.

This is a fascinating book and a great insider look into the Church from someone who saw it intimately. Thank you to University of Iowa Press for the ARC.

The intensely conflicted struggle of faith and redemption amid the power of the Catholic Church is highlighted in this unforgettable memoir: “Confessions of a Gay Priest: A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary” (2020) is written by Tom Rastrelli.

When Tom Rastrelli returned to his hometown in Clinton Iowa, he was enrolled at the University of Northern Iowa and studying the dramatic arts (1994-1996). Although he was raised in an observant Catholic home by his hardworking middle class parents; he was gay, closeted, lacking in self-esteem, and felt terribly shamed and diminished by childhood sexual abuse. Rastrelli’s decision to enter the priesthood didn’t happen with any amount of ease. As his faith and spirituality deepened, his resolve to follow the teachings of the church increased. Eventually Rastrelli realized he could serve and administer to a parish flock, with the priestly vows of celibacy offering a path towards redemption, keeping him right with God.
As he entered his local parish to study under the guidance of Father Scott Bell, Rastrelli quickly learned that behind closed doors the priests were not the noble holy men of public perception—and honoring the vows of celibacy was a priestly “journey” that wasn’t clearly or directly followed. It was surprising how one priest old enough to be Rastrelli’s grandfather could face himself in the mirror. Rastrelli was advised by Father Scott to watch the movie “Mass Appeal” (1984) -- also to date women and enter therapy designed to address his homosexual orientation—none of which seemed realistic or helpful.

The path that was strictly followed was the “Code of Silence” as the governing body and hierarchy within the church acted in its own best interests to protect itself from the disgrace of all public scandal. In 2001, Pope John Paul II issued a public apology for the child sexual abuse cases within the church that had been brought to public attention. The mistrust of church officials became apparent as members began leaving the Catholic church in greater numbers.
After becoming a priest and serving in a parish, Rastrelli experienced a crisis of faith that slowly led to a mental breakdown after a shocking cold and cruel rejection by someone he had deeply loved. Despite his own difficulties and serious issues within the priesthood, this is not a memoir of judgment, self-pity, or blame but rather of a true holy man that embarked on a spiritual journey that led to unexpected love, peace, and happiness. **With thanks and appreciation to the University of Iowa Press via NetGalley for the ADC for the purpose of review.

Horrific, anxiety-inducing, disgusting, but revelatory is how I'd describe this book. Having grown up Catholic and forced to be friends with more priests than I'd care to admit, it shocks me, and I find the behavior in this book completely revolting. What Rastrelli went through with his abuse and the covering up by high leaders, only makes sense given the church's history of hiding away despicable actions.

This is a book about pain in the Catholic Church and the enormous grief and shame placed on one priest as he tries to fight against everything about who he is. It moved me in a way that I was not expecting at all. Several times I was so angry that I wanted to throw my kindle across the room. But if Rastrelli was able to live through this, then I could read through his pain.

There are many triggers throughout the book: sexual assault, rape, gaslighting, and the one to me that's even worse than the rest: the acknowledgement of these things, and then turning and ignoring it. It is NOT a book for anyone who wants to continue to love and feed at the breast of the Catholic Church. This book is about abuse, and the long-enduring pain that comes from the Church's power.

It's mesmerizing and heart-breaking. And I am so glad to be away.

Confessions of a Gay Priest publishes 4.15.2020. Pre-order this book immediately. And I don't make that recommendation lightly.

6/5 Stars

Confessions of a Gay Priest is a must read if you want a peak into the Church and sexual activities of its principals. I found it compelling. I was hurt by the protagonist's experience as a seminarian and then as a young priest. He eventually left the priesthood, found a young man to be his husband and they were living comfortably in the Northwest. If you are intrigued by the sexual goings on of priests it is a must read, if sad.

This is such a hard book to rate and review. As you can gather from the title, the subject matter is infuriating. I personally have a hard time with the Catholic Church and their cover-ups of pedophile priests. It’s maddening and disgusting. It appears that it’s the same old, same old with elder priests abusing their power towards seminarians. This memoir will shock you — one man’s raw and honest story kept me thinking about this topic for days. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it warrants more conversation about the Church and how it’s systemic abuse MUST end.

Thank you NetGalley and University of Iowa Press for this advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you for the opportunity to read this. I will be posting a full review to Goodreads, Amazon, and Instagram.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
The title is an honest encompassing "warning" on what this book is truly about. It's a hard one to read because of how awful the coverup of sexual abuse in the Catholic church truly is. And how far up the coverup goes. This book is a raw, honest account of the author's experience with his own sexual abuse from when he was a Child and then later while going through the Catholic seminary. His struggles with his sexuality versus the very mixed messages the church sends really give an insider's view of the corruption.
Overall, I found d this book interesting but it did seem a bit too long.

Tom Rastrelli’s Confessions of a Gay Priest might just be the most painfully difficult book to read that I’ve finished in my entire life. I realize that sounds like an exaggeration, but believe me, it’s not. And it’s not Rastrelli’s style or writing ability that made this one so hard for me to stomach, it’s what the book is about. The book’s subtitle (A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary) accurately warns readers of what’s inside, but even then I thought I could maintain an emotional detachment while reading it. That did not happen. Instead, I found myself growing angrier and angrier at the Church hierarchy that allowed the things described in Confessions of a Gay Priest to go on for decade after decade. And not only did those at the top, the only people who could have possibly stopped the kind of abuse described by Rastrelli, allow it to continue, they covered up for the criminals in their midst by transferring them from parish to parish or seminary to seminary every time it appeared that the truth was in any danger of being exposed.

This is Tom Rastrelli’s personal story, the story of a rather naïve gay teenager who felt a calling to the priesthood. Rastrelli is a handsome man, and as a young man he was eagerly targeted by an authority figure in his parish church eager to take advantage of his confusion about his sexuality and the role of gay men in the Church. Then, having survived (for the time being at least) that relationship, Rastrelli was immediately targeted by a mentor-priest of authority at the seminary in which he would spend the next four years of his life. These would be four years during which Rastrelli would struggle to live up to the Church’s celibacy requirement while being sexually abused and exploited by some of the very people responsible for his physical and mental well-being as a seminarian.

But somehow, Rastrelli did manage to survive the seminary experience and become a Catholic priest. Probably because he was older and a bit wiser, the new Father Rastrelli began to question the hypocrisy of the church elders and came to the realization that the corruption and cover-up of the predatory sexual nature of some of his fellow priests went all the way to the top – all the way, in fact, to Rome. The lack of support he received from his Archbishop when he exposed what he had witnessed and what happened to him personally, Rastrelli’s desperate cry for help, left him suicidal and on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

Tom Rastrelli’s story is a sad one, and it does not really end well for Rastrelli or the Church even though Rastrelli has now found a second career for himself. Rastrelli ended up a disillusioned man and the Church lost a talented priest. That’s a lose-lose proposition. The thing that still infuriates me (as a lifelong Catholic who has come to feel cheated of his faith in the Church) is the way that the church hierarchy continued/continues to hide the sexual abusers in its ranks, in effect creating thousands of new victims year after year of the kind of abuse that should have been stopped decades and decades ago.

Bottom Line: Nothing in Confessions of a Gay Priest particularly surprised me. What the book did do, is confirm my worst fears and, as a consequence, I sometimes found myself struggling to begin the next chapter. Rastrelli is a frank writer who does not pull any punches here. I hope that the right people read this book and that they are moved to help make sure that this kind of thing is not allowed to happen anymore. But somehow, I doubt that that will happen.