(I received this book in exchange for an honest review)

This was a really nice little story with awesome writing and wonderful characters.
The story plays in the 80's where AIDS and HIV was a very big deal and we follow a married guy with a child who's been living a "lie" all his life and pretended to not being gay and pretending to live a happy life with is wife and kid. When he finally breaks the walls and tells his wife that he's gay they go through a whole whirlwind of divorce, custody of child and having (his wife's) parents who are extremely catholic and find it a sin when you're gay. It's very honest and sad and dramatic and there's so many emotions around him and his thoughts and what he goes true. He also meets a guy who is out and proud and that guy feels like he's just a lifeline for the other guy and he goes fighting with his own feelings and it's just a very believable story. I'm pretty sure there are many married men out there who pretend and are secretly gay and in this story you go through the whole rollercoaster of a married guy coming out as gay and how this affects him and the people around him. It's a beautiful story and I really enjoyed reading it.

This was a tough but brilliant read. I enjoyed the character growth of both MCs and it was amazing to read how far weve come.

3.5* On target to be my first 5* tale of 2020, but then came the rushed last fifth of the tale.

This tale is written with a gay man's authenticity - knowing that the author is a mature guy, I suspect he's seen a lot of what he wrote about and that comes across in his writing voice. I felt for Randy so much, and at first I thought that Violet must be some kind of angel, but that got eclipsed for a while, before it re-emerged and all came good. I *think* I liked John - I didn't get to know him as much as Randy and Violet, and I also didn't see much of 6yo Henry, who was at the heart of Randy's dilemma. Despite my gripes, this was a very feels-real tale and it was told with compassion and sensitivity.

Why the tale loses 1.5* is that it felt very, very rushed in parts, and especially at the end, and missed out a lot of detail. Without wanting to spoiler the tale, Violet and Henry were influenced by two people who should have given them unconditional love but who instead used emotional blackmail and money to get their way. Religion and reputation seemingly meant more than their happiness and what was best for them, and I hate that Randy suffered so much because of their influence, and that poor little Henry was lied to and misled. I am glad that Violet pulled up her big girl panties and made a stand that allowed Randy and Henry to be in each other's lives. And, though HIV and AIDs were mentioned, I would have expected them to have had more of an impact on John's life, especially with mention of a character who'd been a part of John's life, who got bigged up for a bit (confusingly, despite what happened next - some seguing was needed) and who lost his own life in the tale. Said guy appeared, yet seemingly for the wrong reasons - a 'lover' spurned, a bit of a bunny boiler type, and only later, a victim of a horrible disease.

I mentioned that I didn't get to really know John - I did, in theory, but that theory was told through his own words and the words of the someone he kind-of dumped. I think actions would have been louder than words, and had I seen more of him and Randy together, building a life together, I'd have appreciated that more. Most weirdly, there wasn't even one scene with him and his newly acquired stepson, or any discussions of taking Randy on meaning taking Henry on, and next thing, the tale had jumped... 3 decades. Yes, decades, not years.

With better editing and with a good bunch of betas and feedback, with the right balance and a touch more romance and 'shown, not told' emotions, this would easily be a 5* read. I felt the same about another of RRR's books, Sky Full of Mysteries. Still, even with these gripes, this book is worth a read for a reminder of how hard closeted LGBTQ people had it a mere few years ago, how HIV and AIDS were once perceived as a death threat, how safe sex was still not taken seriously enough, and how prejudiced people were, and because RRR is one of the best male authors of MM out there.

ARC courtesy of Ninestar Press and NetGalley, for my reading pleasure.