I thought I'd reviewed this one, but then realized I'd given a short mention on my other blog. I liked it: it was well-written and the three generations of women, all of whom had their own strengths, were interesting and likable.

I copied and pasted this from my other blog: Saumya Dave provides a look at Indian culture (from India) in America. Well-Behaved Indian Women examines the cultural differences between those born in India and their children born in America. The main plot premise focuses on arranged marriages. I found it interesting as our American culture is so different. My daughter went to high school at the Louisiana School of Math, Sciences, and the Arts, and many of her friends were from different cultures--Korean, Thai, Filipina (another Jen),and Indian students. And yes, some of the Indian girls had arranged marriages.

America is a melting pot, but tradition remains an influence on all of us regardless of our origins. Some traditions and cultural influences are positive, and some are difficult to adapt to a new country. I loved the characters and their efforts to do the best they could for themselves and for those they love--and as we all know, it isn't always easy. From generation to generation, regardless of our points of ancestral origin, ideas and beliefs have to be adjusted.

Well-behaved Indian Women excelled at showing the choices necessary for both mothers and daughters as they struggle to make the best of their lives.

Read in August.

NetGalley/Berkeley Publ.
Women/Culture. July 14, 2020. Print length: 385 pages.

This book felt like a typical coming-of-age confused adult storyline. I appreciated the way the Indian culture was portrayed - it was very real and not stereotypical or gimmicky. Personally, I thought that Simran's struggles were portrayed pretty well. That could also be because of the similarities in the age group between me and Simran. I struggled a little to connect to Nandini's point of view. I think the author took too long for the revelation of Nandini's life. Also, in Indian culture, i can 100% confirm that the grandparents are way more kinder and understanding about their grandchildren than their children. It was fun to see that portayed. 3.5 stars.

A first time novel, this book tells the story of Simram and her discovery of self. She goes from long term boyfriend to a new life. The story is well written and provides background to Indian culture and families.

This is a compelling story about three generations of women who dealt with or are currently dealing with life in different ways. Nandini as matriarch of her family, feels the responsibility and pressure of making sure her daughter, Simran has a good life ahead of her. That means making sure she's marrying the right man and following all the family and religious traditions. Simran has been with her fiance since they were in high school and strongly feels that he's 'the one'. While they're both facing stressful careers ahead, they're also committed to making their relationship work. Then Simran meets a journalist at a book signing who not only shares her love of books and writing but encourages her to look into it as a career. Everything that Simran has built her life around so far all of a sudden feels off to her. She begins questioning what she really wants and what's expected. This draws her into direct conflict with her mother who demands excellence and commitment. Nandini has always subscribed to putting family ahead of her own dreams so while she recognizes something of herself in Simran, she's hesitant to encourage Simran to be so reckless as she sees it.

This was hard for me at times. I couldn't help but get irritated every time outrageous expectations were placed on either Simran or Nandini. A lot of it has to do with some warped patriarchal thinking about what women can and should be allowed to do. A lot of it generational or cultural. Then there's the whole not wanting to care about what others think of them but then being painfully mindful of what the community does think about them. I am familiar with a lot of the sentiments conveyed in this novel (having lived some of it) which is why it was so hard on me. But what I do appreciate is how Simran and Nandini come in to their own and expand their perspectives. While mother and daughter might not come to a full understanding of each other, they do come to some sort of truce and it's a hard fought for one. What's important here is that these two women fight for what they believe in even if it means ruffling feathers and upsetting the status quo. They do so knowing that they can't be truly happy until they speak up and step outside the confines of their worlds.

Simran's grandmother, Mimi doesn't figure as prominently but she is a pivotal piece that helps to bridge the gap between her daughter and granddaughter. Call it a blessing of a long life but she has had the time to reflect on events to become the sensitive sounding board to Simran and Nandini, giving them the emotional support and nudge they need to come back to each other. She is easily one of the most precious women ever.

Reading Well-Behaved Indian Women means getting your heart squeezed and wrung out a good number of times but by the end you're wrapped in a warm blanket that lets you know everything will be all right. I was glad to see this mother-daughter duo find their strengthand voice to demand that they can also be happy!

~ Bel

What a wonderful look at three generations of Indian women, and how they struggle with taking care of their family versus living the life they want. The bonds between mother and daughter are portrayed with poignant insight and I learned so much about the Indian culture that I didn't know before. Taking place in both New York City and India, the book transports you inside the lives of Nandini, Simran and Mimi and shows us how it's never too late to go for the life we want. A stunning debut, full of warmth, laughter and humor.

Entertaining and heartfelt story of three generations of women; mother, daughter, grandmother. Their histories and experiences mirror each other through the generations. A powerful story of family, love, tradition, and discovery. I highly recommend this book.

** I received an electronic ARC from NetGalley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review of this book.

The title of Dave's debut novel triggered a bunch of feels in me. So often I've been told to "behave" in a certain way as an Indian woman. More often I've rebelled against those so-called societal rules. In Dave's novel, three generations of Indian women face the challenges of doing what is right for them, or what will be accepted of them.
Lovely first book by Saumya Dave. A nice glimpse into an Indian-American family.

Well-Behaved Indian Women kicks off with two proposals set approximately 30 years apart. Nandini and Ranjit live in India and are ready to begin their arranged marriage and move to the United States. As we move forward to present-ish day, their daughter Simran becomes engaged to her long-time boyfriend, Kunal.

This is a delightful novel primarily focused on the relationship between mothers and daughters across generations - what's different and, most importantly, what stays the same. Nandini, Simran and Mimi are complex female characters (yay!) each dealing with their own hopes and dreams (and problems). I found Simran to be incredibly relatable (her inner dialogue had me cracking up and nodding my head more often than not!) and I was in awe of Nandini's strength and Mimi's conviction.

Well-Behaved Indian Women provides a glimpse into Indian-American/Hindu culture, customs and family dynamics. The story is endearing and funny, but also touches on topics like racism, sexism and double standards (especially in the context of marriage and the workplace). The complexities of marriage are a central theme here - particularly the sacrifices that many women feel they need to make to contribute to a successful partnership.

Content warning: brief mention of miscarriage and sexual harassment.

I've really been enjoying the upsurge of multicultural historical and contemporary fiction that's been published lately. I so wanted to enjoy this story of three generations of Indian women. Grandmother Mimi Kadakia, mother Nandini Mehta and daughter Simran Mehta. All are locked not only into their intergenerational challenges, cultural and racial discords, but their personal challenges. All great tension building opportunities, however for some reason I just didn't engage to the degree I'd hoped I would.

A Berkley Group ARC via NetGalley

This book was so touching. As an Indian woman it’s lovely seeing representation in publishing and reading a book that dived into identity crises in various roles as a woman combined with cultural conflict was amazing. Saumya’s debut is fab!

A compelling new story from debut author Saumya Dave, spanning across three generations, Well-Behaved Indian Women is definitely a strong tale of love, dreams, and above all, family. Simran Mehta has never felt true appreciation from her mother, and feels like whatever she does will never be enough. Her mother had quietly dismissed her writing career, calling it a mere ‘writing hobby’. Growing up away from India hasn’t really barred her from the constrictions that come with being Indian and the author portrayed it so well through Simran’s character. This can be seen in the ways how she had to hide her relationship from her parents during her school years just because it was seen as a distraction, how she was compelled to look for a high faring job that was respected and seen as important, and to how there is so much pressure to be perfect and well behaved, to be a lady. As an Indian myself, I could relate to Simran’s character in a lot of ways, and that is something that I really relished about this book.

Simran is also engaged to her long-term boyfriend, but things start to fall apart after her run-in with a respected journalist, Neil Desai. She starts to question her dreams and schooling, and wonder if she is doing the right thing after all. While Simran is a strong character, I did feel that at times she acted out of childish instincts. Her arguments with her fiancé and mother were very silly, and sometimes she did stretch them. Simran feeling the pressure to do well and prove to her parents is such a real emotion shown, the way she was moulded into a role to play and act on. I did wish that we could have seen more of her time in school, her studying psychology and how the thoughts of self-doubt seeped in. There was a time when the emotions simply jumped from one to the other with not much smooth transition. 

Nandini, Simran’s mother, on the other hand, feels like she is failing as a mother and constantly judges if she is doing the right thing. A mother’s love is not always full of sunshine and roses, and I think the author showed this really well. Nandini is often paranoid and loud at times, amongst other things, and worries too much, which frequently leads to several conflicts in between the family. Through Nandini’s character, one could see a glimpse of the thoughts and emotions that goes inside a mother’s mind, the dozens of doubtful questions and the utter weight to do better, to make sure that things always go right. Nandini wasn’t the perfect mother but you could see that she loved truly and dearly. This love wasn’t simply told in words, but rather shown in simple and subtle acts. Simran’s relationship with her parents wasn’t entirely close and yet, the love was there. I did wish the author had shown a little more of the friendship between Simran, Sheila and Vishal though; I would have loved to see more scenes with them together.

“People always blamed the mother when the kids weren’t doing well.” This particular quote really manages to bring out the intense life of being a mother, especially in a judgemental Indian society – the way the society is always so eager to judge the mother when things go wrong, the way society always pinpoints. Nandini did portray a typical Indian mother with her own secrets, but her thoughts and emotions were something that I’m sure most women would relate to. It is also true that after marriage, so much sacrifice comes about on the plate of a women and I think this element was truly well done in the book. The author managed to reflect on the biased gender roles that still prevails, and how it falls as a weight on the person, more often the women. The story also has themes of the supposed gender roles that society compels one to play, like the way a woman is deemed to behave in a marriage which is different than what is expected of a man. All of these themes were portrayed and touched upon in this book in a relevant and terrific way.  

There were, however, certain aspects of the story that I did not particularly enjoy. For one, I felt like the story dragged a lot in the middle and thus, lost some of its flow. There were plotlines that weren’t totally necessary, which I think somewhat drove me away from the reading pace for a while. And at other times, the arguments and disagreements all seem to come back to a full circle. It felt like the author wanted to show how relationships weren’t easy and that arguments and fights were a common occurrence, which was really a good topic to touch upon, but at times it felt unnecessary and stretched. The author also tried to touch on the aspect of mental health, but it wasn’t thorough and very much forgotten later. I would have loved it if she had delved more into the character’s mental health, instead of having simply stating it.

In saying this, that was another problem that bothered me throughout the book. I felt at times, there was a lot of telling rather than showing that did make the reading a tad boring. Although the author tried to give us readers a little knowledge about Indian customs and rituals, some of these were simply stated and explained, which, to my dismay, seemed like info-dumping and I couldn’t help but skim through.

There was a lot happening at the end, and the story pace got a bit over the place. Simran was undergoing self-doubt, as well as Nandini, while she was trying to grasp the future of her job prospect and family. All of these were happening together, and seemed to overlap a little at points. However, despite it, I think this story has good representation of Indian cultures and traditions, of the rules that society unknowingly puts upon you, and the utter gravity to be that perfect women.

The end was a lovely, bittersweet one. Although we can predict it right from the beginning, the way that the author led up to that was a great journey. I loved that Simran learned to stand up for herself, for her dreams, and what her heart desired. There wasn’t much growth, but the characters did seem to learn from their own experiences and mistakes, and that was a good message.

Overall, Well-Behaved Indian Women is a stellar novel about compassion, about following and realising your dreams, and never being afraid of being yourself. There were so many aspects and elements of this book that spoke to me and related very well. The story is both intense and fun, woven with immense emotions and reflections on real life. With impeccable writing and a strong story about being an Indian woman, taking control of our dreams while staying true to our roots, this story is heartwarming and sure to resonate with you in one way or the other.

It was interesting to read a book that was seeped in the culture of Indian Americans. Simran has lived her life as her parents planned for her and is now engaged to her secret high school boyfriend. Her mother, Nandini, is a family physician, while still serving her in-laws and taking care of her home. The book is told from their perspectives, and Nandini’s mother Mimi is in the book, but doesn’t have her own sections from her viewpoint.

Each of the women are dealing with secrets and the expectations put on them by their culture. I enjoyed reading about their relationships with each other and the ways they navigated their individual issues.

This read was slower than I would normally prefer. I also did not like Simran’s fiance, as he was in medical school and quick to travel to various countries in pursuit of his dreams, but wasn’t keen on Simran pursuing her own. Simran’s father was a bit more likeable, and seemed to have a good relationship with her mother.

I would recommend this book to those interested in learning more about Indian culture and especially that of the children of immigrants from India.

Absolutely loved this heartfelt, gem of a book. Simran and Nandini's relationship was deep, complex and truly made this book for me. I loved how Dave wrote with an unflinching honesty about the difficulties of mother-daughter relationships and the heaviness of expectations we have for those we love. Truly one of the best books I've read in 2020.

Thank you Netgalley and Berkeley Pub for an advance reader's copy in exchange for an honest review.

'Well-Behaved Indian Women' is a mother-daughter story about three generations of women who strive to distinguish themselves as they pursue their dreams. Mimi, Nandini and Simran - three generations and they believe they have been judged wrongly by each other. There are a lot of misconceptions and prejudices in patriarchial Indian society which have always made the women in the family to step back and let the men take charge of their lives. It is going to change when all three of them start opening up to each other and challenge the norm.

The characters have never felt so realistic and relatable to me as those in 'Well-behand Indian Women'. Saumya Dave pens the patriarchial elephant in the room expertly using her characters. All three main characters are multi-dimensional. They share a fascinating relationship and cope with their inner conflicts. All the men in this women-centred book provide depth and support the main characters well.

Well-paced plot with non-complex writing, 'Well-behand Indian Women' is told from alternating perspectives of Simran and Nandita. The writer is a mental health advocate who does not surprise when you find so many inspiring quotes in the book to underline and highlight.

'Well-behaved Indian Women' is about family, friends, relationships, breakups, careers, immigrants, prejudices, xenophobia, diversity, own voices and dreams.

I'd recommend this book to all the readers who enjoy reading stories about immigrants, 'own voices', diversity and love Michelle Obama's 'Becoming'.

As an Indian-American, this book was SUCH a breath of fresh air. I haven't read many books about people like me so I really enjoyed Well-Behaved Indian Women. My boyfriend and I started dating in high school, just like Simran and Kunal. Reading about Simran's experience as a first generation Indian-American really resonated with me; however, I will say no two Indian-American stories are alike. There were so many things about Simran and her life that I could not relate to (i.e. having a progressive grandmother, having to deal with a very traditional mother-in-law, and not knowing what I wanted to do in life), but despite the differences, it was so nice to read about another Indian-American perspective. Saumya Dave really hit the nail on the head with all of the pressures that we face as first generation Indian-Americans and wrote a story that I am sure will hit close to home for so many people like myself.

The author had a really keen way of using aspects of Indian culture and Indian, specifically Gujarati, terms, without overtly explaining every single one of them to her non-Indian readers. That being said, a lot of this book was culturally-based so I am not sure how it would be received by non-Indians/people who are not as familiar with Indian culture and traditions.

Overall, I am so glad I picked up this book. I was in a bit of a reading rut, but devoured the eARC in two days. Thank you so much to Netgalley, Saumya Dave, and Berkley for letting me read and review an advanced copy of the book.

Book Chat| Well-Behaved Indian Women by Saumya Dave

Mothers who don’t understand their daughters and daughters who don’t understand their mothers.

You’ll like this if you enjoy multi-generational family secrets, drama and Indian culture. Simran is preparing for her wedding next year and is starting to wonder if the path she is on, career wise and family wise, is the one she wants to stay on. There is not a lot of time to change her mind and she definitely does not have the support of the community, her fiancé or her parents to say, ‘hey maybe I want something else’.

Simran is a character I think so many of us can relate to as she struggles to figure out what she wants in her life and to finally close the door on things that she knows cannot be a part of her future. I really liked the experience of Simran travelling to India and connecting with her grandmother. In the process the relationship with her mother changes.

Ok so let me start out by saying that Well-Behaved Indian Women was a bit outside of my comfort zone because I haven't read many fiction novels, especially realistic fiction at that. I usually stick to YA Fantasy or occasionally Sci-Fi when I want Jay Kristoff and Amie Kaufman to hurt my feelings., BUTTT I'm SO GLAD I did because I was pleasantly surprised by the story and characters that Saumya Dave has created.
I'm going to keep this review ~spoiler free~ but I'll share a few of my favorite aspects of this story that doesn't reveal too much of the plot but gives you a good idea of all this book has to offer! I was hooked right off the bat with the mystery of the lives of Simran, Nandini, and Mimi as well as their relationships as daughter, mother, and grandmother.
I wanted to know what was going to happen when Simran met Neil (her journalist GOD) even though she's engaged to her high school sweetheart, Kunal. I loved seeing Simran grow and find herself while exploring her true interests in life, even though it goes against what others around her want from her. I related to Simran ALOT, and could feel her struggle to live up to the expectations set for her and struggling to find what made her feel fulfilled in life.
NANDINI!! I didn't expect to love a character so different from myself, but alas I do. She's a mother and a doctor (two things I definitely am NOT) but she's so strong and takes her dreams into her hands and makes them a reality. I aspire to be such a powerful woman.
And Mimi, definitely an interesting and mysterious character throughout, reminds me of many wonderful people in my life. I'll leave my summaries of her particular tale more ~secretive~ because it's really something you have to discover by reading Well-Behaved Indian Women yourself.
And quickly some other aspects of this book that I LOVED!!! (There were a few times I screamed in joy for the rightness that Saumya added to this book, especially for WOMEN).
- FEMINISM: This book tackles a lot of aspects of feminism, especially the role and expectation on Indian women. I cannot personally speak to the Own Voice Representation of Indian women and culture, but I could relate to a lot of the ideas spotlighted in this book about women and their families and careers. I was happy to see Simran and Nandini take on such opinions and show that they could work hard and be successful in their careers. It was really inspiring.
- Female Relationships: This book boils down to the relationship between Simran and Nandini, mother and daughter. They don't always see eye to eye, but they still have a love and respect for each other, especially once they open up and listen to one another.
All in all, I enjoyed reading this book and I hope you check it out if the synopsis (~and my review~) suit your fancy. You should also check out DR. Saumya Dave because she's totally badass (she has articles and poetry on her website as well) and awesome.
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
*I received an e-copy of this ARC in exchange for my honest review and opinion. This in no way effects my review.*

I was blown away by this debut from Saumya Dave. I couldn't put it down over a 30 hour span, and stayed up far too late on two nights zooming through it. The story sucks you in with a little mystery about Nandini's life hanging over the whole book, but also trying to see what happens next with Simran and Mimi.

I found the story of Simran and Nandini's tumultuous relationship - described as almost as having fights but also being rooted in friendship - so similar to the one my mother and I have, while also leaning on your grandmother. It wasn't shocking to me that with Mimi, such a strong matriarch with in their family, Nandini and Simran were independent but also seemed to defer to the men in their lives - Ranjit, Kunal, and Neil - to take the lead until a breaking point is met.

The desire to figure out who we are and live for our own dreams and goals was seen in all the characters but in such different ways. I appreciated that these women were all written so strongly but with their own vulnerabilities. They were each so rounded out in both their strengths but also their flaws.

I absolutely loved this read - and am ordering copies for my mom and sister as well!

Simran is a grad student at Columbia, studying to be a psychologist, and engaged to her high school sweetheart, a med student. Simran was raised by parents from an arranged marriage who are doctors and show great devotion to their family. They have incredibly high and precise expectations for Simran and she always feels like she comes up short. At a reading for her recently published book of essays, Simran meets a journalist she admires, and shares a lengthy and flirtatious conversation with him. It is enough to point Simran toward her true passion, writing, and to make her question the wedding she is supposed to be planning.
Nandhini is Simran’s mother, a physician in the family’s practice who spends every spare minute caring for her extended family, resenting both the burden and lack of understanding from her husband. She too is enticed by a friend she admires, and is privately considering a job a few hours away in Baltimore where she can teach, write and practice without the pressures of her family.
Well-Behaved Indian Women was a good debut, albeit a little slow to start, and without the romance I expected. It is more of a story of women identifying their passion and less about the challenges of being an immigrant, though Dave flirts with this theme. I do think the pace of the novel reflects Simran and Nandhini's longing and indecision. In the beginning, Simran and Nandhini's lives are stalled by following the expectations of others, living lives of duty and feeling robbed of their dreams. As they explore what they really want to do and with whom they really want to be, plus the risks associated with not meeting family expectations, the novel picks up pace and becomes a little meatier. Saumya Dave is a psychologist by training, and her expertise is definitely present in her novel.
Thank you to NetGalley for a free Advanced Reader Copy of Well Behaved Indian Women in exchange for an honest review.

Many thanks to NetGalley, Berkley Publishing, and Saumya Dave for the opportunity to read this wonderful debut novel - 5 stars!

Three generations of Indian women, struggling to fit into family and societal expectations and still maintain some sense of their own wants and needs. We meet Simran, studying to be a psychologist and engaged to her childhood sweetheart but suddenly not sure if either path is right for her. Simran's mother, Nandini, working as a physician after putting her husband's career path, his family and their children first and not feeling satisfied with her life either. Nandini's mother, Mimi, still living in India and trying to make a difference in young girls' lives as well as support her daughter and granddaughter.

This would be an absolutely perfect book club selection - there is so much to discuss in this well-written book. The Indian culture of arranged marriages, familial expectations, women's and girl's roles and even the wedding planning were fascinating to learn more about. But there are issues here affecting every woman today - the feeling of not being able to live up to having it all, putting everything on hold for families, discrimination in the workplace, family secrets and expectations. Highly recommended!