What a wild ride! A horror story with a diverse cast (queer! disabled! amazing!) that had me gasping and eagerly turning the pages. I had the "who-dun-it" part figured out pretty early on, but that didn't at all change how enjoyable the journey to get to the end was for me.

Last year, Dutch young adult writer Marieke Nijkamp came to my high school during a book tour through the United States and I’ve been a fan ever since. All three of her books are a bit different but they all share a common thread of danger and an intense focus on character backstory. “Even if We Break” is more of a traditional horror story than the other two. Five white, Arizonan teenagers are hiking up to a mountain cabin where they will be playing one final role playing game together before breaking apart and going their separate ways. In reality, they’ve already started to fragment so this last weekend together is part reunion as well.

The foreshadowing starts on the way up. The mountain has a ghost story connected to it and they can’t drive up to the cabin because their way has been blocked. There are boulder fields to traverse just to get there. And all five characters have some degree of challenge that makes their lives just a little bit more complex. Hence the need for some great backstories. Finn walks with the aid of crutches and is trans. Maddy is neurodiverse and also self-medicates. Ever uses they/them pronouns and has a younger sister in need of protection, Carter is harboring secrets that only some of the group know and Livia is the wealthy one. Her family owns the cabin but she is also struggling under the weight of family expectations.

But there’s Gonfalon to return to once they get there. This is their game world that they started creating together three years ago and put so much effort and creativity into, crafting personas that were just a bit braver and stronger than they were in real life. Together, they would work to solve murders and confront danger with styrofoam swords, puzzle boxes and 30-sided dice. As anyone who has been part of a role-playing game before, that world becomes very real.

The real world starts to intrude on this fantasy when the cabin starts to act up. The cozy fireplace flames up dangerously with no one touching the controls and odd notes start to appear. At this point, the reader might recognize that the remote cabin setting bears some resemblance to Agatha Christie’s island in “And Then There Were None.”

I absolutely love a good horror book and this one had perfect timing. The wild Arizona landscape also lends a hand at heightening the danger to the characters as did the “story-within a story” role playing game element. It will definitely please readers when it comes out on September 15th.

This truly would get a 4.5 score if it was allowed, but it's not quite at my 5 star standard.

Marieke Nijkamp isn't afraid to write about hard things in hard ways. I read This is Where it Ends and was both refreshed and shocked by just how deep she got into the issue of a school shooting, including the before, the during, and the after, from multiple perspectives. In Even If We Break, she does much the same thing, albeit a different setting and different motives. The Rune and Lore Club, once named N.U.T.S. by Finn, has bonded and grown the past three years playing a tabletop game created by Ever called Gonfalon, much like Dungeons & Dragons but with several changes.

There are several reasons why the group has fallen apart recently and each of them played a role in the breaking. Knowing that they are all going to college soon or getting their careers started, they decide to play one last time. Everyone comes to Liva's cabin in the mountains with secrets and hidden motives in tow. Finn, after a vicious beating at school, is angry towards more than one member of the group for not jumping in to help. Ever, the game master, just wants the group to be together and stay together, no matter what it costs. Maddy, despite her struggles after her painful car accident, is seeking some place of normalcy and wants things to be the way they were. Carter would do anything to be equal to Liva and help his friends, even if he has to steal from his work. And finally, Liva. She's been raised to be ruthless by her parents, but is she willing to put her friends on the line to finally cut loose the ties keeping her from success?

Everyone has a motive to break the group up, even if they would do anything to bring them together. It's the last time they'll ever play together, so why not make it go out with a bang? After one of their characters dies in the game, crazier and more fucked up things begin to happen to each of them. And, once the crew splits up, they begin to realize the attacks are starting to get personal. What started as just a game turns into something much more deadly.

Even If We Break was an unexpected thriller. After reading the description, I knew it would be fast paced and nerdy and dramatic, but the level it went to exceeded my expectations. With a very diverse cast of characters (LGBTQ+, disabilities, mental issues, etc.), I was enthralled as Marieke did what she does best: tell a story from all perspectives, regardless of how negative or toxic their personality is. It's a fantastic look for a novel and it leads to a plot twist that hits hard and gets dangerous real fast. Marieke doesn't shy away from dramatic plots and difficult topics and Even If We Break is the same caliber as This is Where It Ends.

** Disclaimer: I received a free advanced reader's copy of Even If We Break by Marieke Nijkamp through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for this opportunity.
Even If We Break by Marieke Nijkamp is a young adult mystery thriller set at an isolated cabin on a mountain. It is about five friends who play a roleplay game together, and who are getting together for the last time only for things to go horribly wrong. Even If We Break is set to publish on September 15th, 2020. I rated it 4 stars on Goodreads.

Here is the summary from NetGalley:
From Marieke Nijkamp, the #1 New York Timesbestselling author of This is Where it Ends, comes a shocking and page-turning new thriller that asks how far you will go to hold onto broken friendships.
As you can see, the summary of Even If We Break doesn't really give you much to work with. It doesn't really tell you much about the premise, but honestly that's not a bad way to go into this book. I found myself drawn to this book because of the author. I read another book by Marieke Nijkamp last summer and I absolutely loved it, and I wanted to check out other things she had written. I was not disappointed by this book.
The book features the five points of view from the group of friends playing the game: Ever, Carter, Maddy, Finn, and Liva. This was a really stand out feature of this book because it added to the suspense and also kept you guessing. Because you got a piece of each of the characters' thoughts and feelings, it made it hard to know who to trust and who might be the one behind it all.
I also really appreciated that while the group is self-admittedly not racially diverse, they are diverse in other ways. Ever is nonbinary, Finn is trans, and Maddy is autistic. There is also an implication that Maddy and Carter might be bisexual. I cannot speak to the accuracy of the representation in the book but the acknowledgements at the end stated that Marieke is autistic and her website's FAQ states that she is non binary as well, so it definitely seems to be own voices. (Note: I used she/her pronouns when referring to the author because she said she prefers to use those professionally and they them personally. The author's biography used she/her.). I felt that all of the representation was well done, but as I don't personally identify as any of those identities, I can't say much more than that. I just really liked how unique each of the characters was, and how they were different from a lot of the perspectives that are so prevalent.
I also thought that the nuances of the relationships between the different friends were quite interesting.
Plot wise, I really enjoyed the story. The inclusion of the roleplay game storyline was of particular interest to me because it seems like a lot of fun, and I'm starting to find an interest in Dungeons and Dragons. I liked the world that Ever, the game's GM, built and I wished that I too could play in it. It was a really cool feature to include, especially since it was the bonding point for this otherwise unlikely group of friends.
Outside of the roleplay game, and looking at the overarching plot, I had a lot of fun reading this book. It made me cringe and gasp and definitely kept me guessing. There were a few points that I wasn't as keen on, but that's more of a preference thing and I don't want to be specific because I don't want to spoil it. I will say that the pacing was a little bit strange in places as well. However, I did devour this book in the better part of two sittings so it clearly was still quite a good time.
The setting of this book was perfect. Nothing amps up tension like a spooky and isolated cabin surrounded by forest. I really appreciated the detail included in this story.
For these reasons and many more, I highly recommend that you check out Even If We Break when it publishes on September 15th.

I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I really hate to give this book a “poor” review, but it was not my favorite! The suspense was good and I didn’t guess anything, but I felt like too many issues were taken on at once. To be honest, I’m still confused on the “why” as well. I really enjoyed Nijkamp’s book This Is Where It Ends though!

Creepy and engaging read!

I have to shout out to the author for all the LGBTQ representation, as well as autistic and disability rep. I love seeing characters that reflect real life and with only five characters in most of the story, the author really fit a lot in.

For the mystery, I liked that the story the characters were acting out in their game matched what was actually happening to them. There were a lot of details and some pretty creepy moments. I do wish the murder mystery would have gone on longer, it was over too quickly and I thought it was sort of obvious who the killer was. But I had a fun time reading this and it flew by!

I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book just wasn't for me. I had a really hard time getting into and wanting to pick it back up after a break.

I received this ARC from Netgalley and the publisher in exchange for my honest review

A wonderful YA thriller with excellent queer re (including an autistic bi character!!) and a whole lot of tension. I love Marieke’s books.

I'd give this an even 3 stars. It's interesting, but for me personally there is simply too much angst throughout this to truly draw me in. I ended up skimming after the first quarter because I simply didn't connect with the main characters enough.

What did I like?
~ the multi-POV -- I felt this was well done, and I always enjoy getting to hear from all the players.
~ the diversity of the cast -- I liked this, especially learning about different teens dealing with challenges I never faced.

What wasn't as strong for me?
~ the overall mood of the book -- I personally prefer books where something is resolved and characters really grow. That aspect was a little too minimal for my taste.
~ the ending -- I won't spoil anything, but the ending didn't really leave me satisfied.

All in all, it was an interesting window into this world, but it didn't compel me to want to remain there long.

Nijkamp has a real talent for keeping you on your toes, always having to second guess what you think you know. Their writing is so compelling and the tension is kept taut constantly. All of this adds up to a fantastic mystery that delves into found family and friendships. The characters are pulled together because of their bond through a RPG game, which we get snippets of throughout and they play an iteration of the game during the book. I was utterly fascinated by the game and the psychological aspects of why each person chose to be a particular character within their own fantasy. It’s so impressive how these two worlds and storylines are maintained so distinctly, showing Nijkamp’s vast imagination and skill.

I absolutely loved the casual representation included in Even If We Break. There’s a non-binary MC, a trans MC, two bisexual MCs and disability representation, autism rep and rep for chronic pain. This representation meant so much to me personally, as disability rep is so scarcely in YA, let alone it not being the defining trait of a character. We also have such a lack of trans and non-binary MCs in YA and as I buddy read with Ocean, they were mentioning how much little details meant to them.

The actual story is stellar too, with a really solid mystery at its centre. It was twisty and genuinely chilling, with a creepy atmosphere that permeated every page. The reveals, when they eventually come, are clever an shocking. For me, the best twists are when they effectively make you reexamine all previous events and Nijkamp succeeds with that repeatedly here. Matching this are the brilliant characters, who are well-developed and so loveable. It doesn’t take long for you to fall in love with them and their genuine, strong bond of friendship. It felt so natural in the way that their group formed and in the way that it broke, due to a number of factors which I can’t really talk about. You know from the start that they walking in as a fractured group, skating on thin ice with layers of secrets and betrayals hiding beneath the surface. Slowly the truth is revealed and the pacing is immaculate.

Even If We Break is a gripping, unique and brilliantly diverse YA mystery that will keep you thinking long after the final page.

What starts as a queer Clue-like LARPing romp turns into a real mystery in this amazing new heart-pounder from Marieke Nijkamp. While I felt that there were some laggy bits in the plot (I am often bored by long stretches of self-reflection), there was enough action to keep the plot moving along. I love that, although the characters are all implied white, there’s a tiny comment that sneaks in that basically says “this is what YA always looks like and it’s time for that to change” (it’s subtle, but one of the characters discusses bringing in a new person to add perspective and it’s pretty well shut down by the rest of the group. Makes me think of the publishing industry and i have a feeling it was intentional).

I also genuinely enjoyed all five main characters, although i wish Carter had been better fleshed out. Nijkamp has a way with writing characters that makes all their different characteristics effortless and part of their whole being in a way I rarely see in YA. Two of the characters in this story have either a physical disability or are neuro atypical, and that is refreshingly not their entire being. Two of the characters are gender nonconforming, yet it is not their entire being. They are deep and multi-faceted and just happen to have these features in their pantheon of other features. Maddy may be autistic, but she’s also stubborn and fiercely loyal and loves lacrosse and has trauma that limits her ability to shine as much as she’d like. She’s complex, not a diversity checkbox. I won’t spoil the ending, but even the villain is well-rounded and has their own reasons behind their actions, as foolish as they may be.

I also love her dedication to creating possibly the most intriguing RPG I’ve ever seen. I need to play this game, although I’m not much of a LARPer. But as a pen and paper dice game? Roll me up a character yesterday! I love Nijkamp’s writing and look forward to more of it in the future.

I was unable to finish this book. I read the first half. There was too much unexplained backstory, I felt like I was reading a sequel. Although individual characters were well drawn, I did not find the friend group to be believable. Maybe I don't understand how RPGs work but the game part of the story also didn't work for me. Overall it felt like a chore to read so I stopped. Sorry!

This book was alright but not my favorite. I don't read a lot of YA stuff but the summary of this one sounded interesting. It did hold my interest and the characters are good. It was a nice, quick read to unwind at the end of the night but not something that I will remember. It read more like a cozy mystery to me.

YA thrillers have really been on the rise, and Nijkamp is an eternal crowd pleaser. I cannot wait to get this on shelves; my students are going to love this one.

I loved the premise of this book! I was grabbed by it instantly and had a hard time putting it down. The different POVs were a great way to unravel the story of whodunit and the characters were all diverse enough to be able to make the back and forth work well. The twist at the end was a little weak but overall I give this book four, fun stars!

I received a copy of EVEN IF WE BREAK on NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. Thank you to the author and publisher for this opportunity.

FIVE stars and here’s why:

Marieke Nijkamp does not disappoint! I’m a sucker for YA stories with a mystery and thriller thread to them. And the author did a fantastic job of weaving in a suspenseful plot about how far someone would go for a friend. If you love suspense stories with a diverse cast, fast-paced writing, and characters that lingered long after finishing the book, then this one is for you. I read it in one day wanting to see what happened next. Highly recommend!

This is arguably one of the strangest books I've ever read but I will say that I loved reading about a trans character. Not just one but two. I have never read it and it was awesome to see that finally portrayed!

I felt like the concept of the book was great, but the execution seemed underdeveloped. The characters, to me, seemed shallow, which I could have overlooked if the plot was truly gripping—but that seemed like a dud fizzle as well. It wasn’t terrible but I was left wanting more.

Even If We Break has a lot to offer as a YA novel. The characters are wonderfully diverse: two of the five (Finn and Ever) identify as transgender (one of them is non-binary, while the other suffers from arthritis and uses crutches). The third main character, Maddy, is non-neurotypical and suffers from chronic pain, leading to a pain pill addiction. Carter has secrets of his own, while Liva, the rich popular teen, always feels left out. The romance between the two transgender teens is beautiful and I really loved the friendship between Carter and Maddy.

I loved the premise of this book. The five teens, who have become distant as summer approaches, and due to a painful bullying incident for Finn, come together one last time to play their beloved RPG. They have all traveled to Liva's family cabin deep in the woods for the weekend. As they prepare to play, terrifying things start happening, and instead of having their one weekend to enjoy their game and reconcile their differences, they must instead work together to fight for their lives.

First of all, I LOVE scary books. I've never had to put a book down because I was so thoroughly afraid, but this was the first one that made me do so. I loved that about it. I loved the characters, and I loved how they worked together. The only reason I'm giving this book 3.5 stars instead of 4 is because I thought the ending fell a little flat after the incredible first half and the scares I encountered. I did also wish there was more to the book. Because the characters were so different and their voices are so needed in YA, I wish there was more to this . I would have loved more backstory on the characters and their friendship because I think the terror and the way the characters were manipulated by the evil force in this book could have hit even harder.

I also LOVED the RPG element of this book. It was beautifully done (saying this as a DND novice) and I really enjoyed that aspect of the plot. And in addition to being really diverse, the characters felt real, and their friendships felt genuine. I just wish it had been a little more fleshed out. I'm excited to recommend this book to teens and educators in my community.

*** SPOILERS***



Content: There was pointedly no (or very very little) profanity, no sex but some kissing, and there was some violence due to the nature of the book. There was drug use, but the character dealing with the addiction had a redemption moment.

This was a fast-paced, interesting YA mystery thriller. Interesting characters and a suspenseful plot kept me turning the pages, but it was the mystery that kept me hooked. I enjoyed the way the characters' RPG roles intertwined and influenced their realities, but found the game itself a bit distracting (although I'm sure there are people who will love it). The mysterious ghost story about the cabin was a nice touch - I would have liked to see a little more of this element, if only to keep the reader guessing, as the ending was a little predictable - not enough was done to make everyone a viable suspect. But all in all I enjoyed this story and its diverse cast!