"Your journey always starts with a murder."
Five teenagers go up a mountain to spend one final weekend playing their LARP/RPG. Each of them is broken. Each of them has a secret. Each of them is doomed.

Full disclosure - I started reading this book at about 11:30 at night and ended up reading it straight through because I could not put it down. I NEEDED to know how the story ended. If you are like me, with a bit of a runaway imagination, and you tend to be drawn into thriller/horror novels - maybe start this one during the day. The premise was extremely engaging - five friends are coming back together one last time to play a type of RPG that they all created together and have inhabited for the past three years. You find out early on that something has happened to fracture and break different individuals, but you don't get to find out why all at once. Nijkamp does a great job including just enough information to keep you guessing and trying to figure out the puzzle. The cabin where they are all staying is supposedly haunted (very "Cabin in the Woods" vibes here) but once they get to the cabin and begin the game it seems that things will go okay. Until one of the five disappears, leaving behind a pool of blood (and other spoiler-related things) and the night starts to go very wrong, very fast. Nijkamp is great at the suspense building - my heart was pounding, my brain was racing, and about the time I got to the first major scare, I had to turn on the lights to calm down. The story continued in ways that were predictable at times but always managed to be surprising in other ways. My one complaint is that the reveal/conclusion of the mystery didn't seem to have enough explanation. When we find out why all of this is happening and who/what is behind it I was a little disappointed that there wasn't more specific, explicit information about the why behind it all. However, this could also be because it was about 3 am and I was a little wired. It also doesn't negate how twisty and turny the story is and how much I needed to know what happened.

The story features great representation as well, with two trans/non-binary characters, and a character who is realistically neurodivergent. None of this felt forced either; it very much felt like these were real people and a realistic group of high schoolers who would naturally have become friends and formed bonds. I loved the way that the POV changed from chapter to chapter which let me have a better understanding of the situation as a whole as well as how each character was responding to stress and would potentially respond in the future. Definitely a great read for the fall, when the nights start getting longer, and the ghosts come out to play. "The mountain is hungry. The night has teeth. And both demand to be paid their price in blood." Ready to play?

Five friends have been part of a RPG (role playing game) throughout high school, getting together every week to play.. they've decided to play one last time, before they graduate. And they will spend the weekend in one girl's mountain cabin. But then things start happening. Is the mountain really haunted? Are the stories true? This book dragged at times, but especially at the end. Student may like the slasher-type aspect of this book, which reminded me a little bit of teen slasher movies like Scream.

I really wanted to like this book. The summary sounded really good, but I felt the story just fell short. I did figure out who did it before it was revealed. There was a lot going on in the heads of the characters and I felt they jumped to the conclusion that there was a ghost or someone wanted to hurt them really quickly.

I will definitely purchase this book for my Teen/YA collection; patrons that enjoy role playing games and murder mysteries without too much gore or curse words will appreciate this title. The diverse cast of characters also makes this a title worth adding to any Teen/YA collection.

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange of an honest review. Thank you, Sourcebooks Fire, for this opportunity!

TW: transfobic assault, panic attacks, addiction, torture, death, violence

Ever, Finn, Carter, Liva and Maddy are a group of friends tied together by a game called Gonfalon, a role play game created by one of them. Now three years later, everything is different, they are changed and one weekend in a forest cabin will force them to confront their lies, fears and secrets and while playing the role game Gonfalon, they start to realize something or someone is playing with them, trapping them in a more lethal game.

I liked Even if we break so much! Set in a luxorious cabin in the forest, everything changed and adapted to recreated the invented world of Gonfalon, the story is told by five different POVs and through flashbacks, memories and game the reader is able to know all the characters.
Ever are the game master, the creator and they are burdened by secrets, worrying for their sister and future and for their crush.
Finn is disabled and struggles with his crutches and a transfobic assault and the indifference of a nearby friend left him scarred, distrustful and in pain, psychological and physical.
Carter is a wannabe rich kid, always clashing with the actual rich kid of their group, Liva and one of the few people able to connect with Maddy.
Maddy is autistic and a knee injury left her without be able to play her favourite sport and lost in pain and in herself.
Liva is the rich kid, the almost too cheerful and insensitive one, the costume creator.
During the game, playing their own characters, they realize they are being targeted, scared and hurt by someone or something in the cabin or in the forest around them and when one of them is missing and one is killed, the three of them realize only together and relying on one other will they be able to escape.

I found the character well written and rounded and I was involved in the situation, while reading about their "adventure".
One of the things I loved the most in this book is the way the author talked about the neurodivergent character, Maddy; she, with her panic attacks, her thought and emotional process was incredible to read, very realistic and well done.
The way both Finn and Maddy were struggling with their pain, emotional, physical, was beautifully and skillfully written and really relatable. Reading about their struggles, Ever's because of their poverty, their need to take care of their younger sister, their worry about their future and the money struggles, Maddy's depression and addiction, Finn's mistrust and fear of being let down and hurt again, even Liva's jealousy, Carter's actions, everything was intense, captivating and I couldn't put down the book until the end.
The game, Gonfalon, was interesting, and the game created to hurt and expose them was creepy and thrilling.

I I loved the trans rep and the connection, friendship and love between Finn and Ever, they are incredible together and so cute and sweet. I liked reading about their crush for one other, their friendship, their memories.

Even if we break is a book about friendships and connections and I really liked the relationships between the characters, above all between Ever, Finn and Maddy and how they support, help and love one other so fiercely.
It's a thrilling thriller, creepy, captivating and with wonderful, intense and complex characters, with their problems, fears, emotions and relationships.

I enjoyed This Is Where It Ends, and the roleplaying piece should have hooked me, but overall, I just couldn't get into this one. As expected of Nijkamp, inclusiveness is evident and plays a major role throughout, which is admirable.

One of my favorite things about this author is her ability to change what her books are about so significantly. This book is unlike any other I have read by her or that I have read in general. I do not have a lot of knowledge about live action role play games, and learned a lot and gained a new respect through this reading. I appreciated the incredibly diverse and realistic group of characters. At its core, Even If We Break is a story of friendship, love, and fear of growing up. I struggled a little with so many narrators, and often had to refer back to who was telling this chapter. I also felt like I struggled to really “see” what they looked like , which did make it hard for me at times. However, incredibly engaging and original.

A good, fast paced read which kept me enthralled until the end.
Not to be confused with Cabin in the woods!
Original, gritty and thrilling.
3 stars 🌟

EVEN IF WE BREAK by Marieke Nijkamp (@matien is a fantastic YA thriller! I loved reading this book and finished it in one day! This novel is about a group of five friends who go to a cabin to play a game but no one is safe. The point of view switches between the five friends so you really get to feel where their motivations come from. I loved the elements of suspense and mystery but I really loved the diversity of characters. It was so great to read a book with a character who uses they/them pronouns, a character with a disability, and a transgender character. I’ve got to read some more YA thrillers from now on!

Author Nijkamp's first book, "This is where it ends" kept readers on the edge of their seats as a school is terrorized by a student wielding guns. "Even if we break" takes a very different direction as six friends gather at an isolated cabin to play one last session of a role-playing game that they invented before they all go off to college or off into the real world of work. Tales of ghosts are told, weird things start to happen in the cabin and players go missing. It has to be one of the players, but who? and why?
Told in chapters that switch from player to player, the reader understands what each teen is trying to escape in the real world by living in the fantasy RPG. But sometimes the fantasy is all you have to hold on to when reality is too harsh to face and preventing the rest of the players from ever leaving the game is your only choice.

So, like several other reviews, this book has several good things about it - inclusive character representation, from trans characters, differently abled characters, an autistic character ... It also treats each of these characters as significant, essential elements of the whole story. They aren't just "window dressing" or tokenized additions. That being said, the story itself was just not great. I really didn't feel like it went many places that mattered, or, rather, the book didn't do a good enough job making me feel that the plot itself was significant. I was shocked, actually, when there's a literal murder. I think I expected some scares but one of those learn and ultimately come together and move on situations. NOT the case! I didn't quite fully feel connected to the characters backgrounds. The author did try to insert backstory and provide some detail as to why something mattered, but ultimately the book felt like I began in the 3rd book of a trilogy and all the characters had already been explained and drawn out previously. It was really difficult to catch up while also following the plot and also feeling as invested as I should. Also, having the role playing story explained so much in the beginning felt really distracting from actual plot. I just didn't follow and didn't feel like I needed it.

I struggled with a rating for this one, as sometimes I was overwhelmed with the coolness of the story and other times I just wanted the author to Stop. Deeply. Explaining. EVERY. LITTLE. THING!!! So, ultimately, it gets a 4 because the story is all sorts of interesting and, better still, the cast is so wildly inclusive of atypical characters (albeit all white) that it was also really refreshing. The author writes a great mystery overall.

This book is full of LGBTQ+ representation as well as featuring physically disabled characters and a character who is neurodivergent. I had shivers running down my spine as I read it. It is so creepy and mysterious.

Whilst the final reveal wasn't a surprise to me, I still found this book to be a really compelling read and left me yearning for more.

I was so happy to read this story centered around trans, non-binary, disabled, and neurodiverse teens! The representation is fabulous, and the characters are interesting. No character is defined by their gender, sexuality, disability, or anything. They all have complete lives, positive traits, and flaws. At times, the story was terrifying, gripping, heartfelt, and funny. The characters' relationships were interesting and complex, and I liked how the story highlighted themes of wealth, class, and privilege.

On the other hand, the story world was confusing to me. I'm not familiar with RPG's and felt like there wasn't sufficient enough world building for me to understand, But readers who are familiar with it will be right at home, I'm sure.

Additionally, the pacing felt clunky. This story contains a lot of flashback and exposition to explain the character relationships and give context for their present situation. Sometimes that would kill the tension. There was also an excess of story resolution after the climax that left the reading experience feeling dulled. I would've liked a more thorough explanation of how the villain pulled off this extravagant attack and why.

Another aspect that felt strange was how there was no racial diversity in the story. My guess is the author was trying to isolate the themes of wealth and class without the added complexity that race contributes to that conversation. Since the author is white, I can understand the choice, not wanting to speak for any other race. But it still felt odd, given all the other forms of diversity on the page.

In short, I think readers with any of the characters' marginalized identities and who are familiar with RPG's will be more likely to connect with this story. I was throughly engrossed and on edge through the middle section of the book. So while it didn't nail everything for me, I loved parts of it, and I'm so glad there is a place for these beautiful characters.

I want to thank NetGalley, the publisher, and author Marieke Nijkamp for providing me with an ARC of this novel.

Even If We Break caught my eye as soon as I saw the cover, and I was not disappointed. The diversity in this book is fantastic! What a wonderful cast of characters we meet throughout. I found this was a slow start, but it did pick up the pace midway through. I have never read this author, but I think I will be going back to visit some of her earlier work. The multiple POV’s helped keep this story moving and interesting. The role-playing part of the novel also brought in an interesting part of the story. It reminded me a bit of Riverdale. All in all, a good read.

Thank you again to those listed above for allowing me to read and review this novel!

I am an avid reader of mystery, thriller, and suspense books, and Marieke Nijkamp never ceases to keep my stomach in knots when I read. I have 2 other books from this author, and they are able to capture and hold my students' (and my) interest. In "Even If We Break," readers learn about a group of friends who uses a cabin to "play a game". This book definitely brings the thrill, and sometimes loses my interest with extra information. Some elements were a little confusing, but overall, it was a good, quick read. This gives a Cabin in the Woods meets Pretty Little Liars vibe.

Thank you to #Netgalley for providing me with an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

As much as I enjoyed this author's first book, I could not even finish this one. Too many voices, too slow and it just did not keep me remotely engaged.

“I am white, non-binary, queer, and disabled” - Marieke Nijkamp
This is an important statement before I go any further in this review. There is a lot of diversity in this book - out of the five main characters, I think there is only one who doesn’t openly identify with the LBGTQIA+ community, and at least two have significant disabilities (one an invisible illness if I read it right); plus we have an autistic character as well!
I will admit, I DID go looking for information on the author, purely because of the amount of representation that we are hit with in the first chapter of this book. Being honest, I was a little wary of just how much there is, as I have had a few experiences recently where it just felt like the author simply wanted to “tick all the boxes” and prove they have diversity. This book however, despite my misgivings at the beginning, made sense and they didn’t feel like lip service. It felt more like when I was in a writing group, and the number of people who were LGBTQIA+, had invisible illnesses, or were on the mental health spectrum felt a lot higher than it did in a group picked from the street at random. And that’s ok. Creative people gravitate together - search disabled cos players for example. The are a lot of them out there, so it didn’t feel off to have that many different people in one place.
Ok. So. The beginning. This is my exact notes from 4% of the way into this book:
at 4% of the way thru I feel the need to go back and re-read because wait, who TF is Maddy? Is the MC (Finn) trans? they have a binder - injury or chest? have crutches - arth? Is Ever they/them?
Word of advice? Stick with it. This book was so good, once I got my head around the craziness that was the first 5-6% where we meet every single character in detail, I didn’t want to put it down.
And oh! The TTRPG game NEEDS to be a real game. If the author wanted to make a rule book/playable RPG out of it, I would be all over that. As a D&D nerd, the storytelling by Ever was absolutely beautiful. I would happily read the fantasy series which could use this in-book game as a jumping off point!
The teens are on a mountain, venturing into Gonfalon one last time before the end of high school - before they are separated by life moving forwards. Each if the teens is struggling with a secret; with grief; with something they can’ bring themselves to say out loud. Gonfalon and their RPG characters give them a chance to step back from their “real” problems and bond with their friends. Their game is interrupted when the high-tech. modernised “cabin” begins to have electrical problems, and things only go downhill from there, in the classic tradition of Pretty Little Liars, This Lie Will Kill You, There’s Someone Inside Your House, or movies like When A Stranger Calls.
The weaving together of the actual flesh and blood humans and their Gonfalon counterparts was perfect. The usage of the game being applied to real life gave the characters something to grasp hold of, to cling to in order to make it through the night. It was a clever parallel with how the group kept the teen together and functioning by creating a family of sorts - people who knew the real you, and didn’t judge.
“This world is a messed up and scary place. Life is too short and too hard not to embrace happiness and joy, courage and possibility, and sometimes fear and grief and sorrow too. We have to find our family. We are stronger when we stand against the darkness together, and if our brief moment of happiness is nothing more than a flare, it lights up the path for others.

Content warnings: fantasy, fantasy deaths, death, gore, blood, transphobic assault, mental illness, panic attacks, neuro-diversity (accurate thought processes could be triggering), drug use.
Overall Rating: 4.5 stars - I wanted to give 5 but the beginning was just a little too much knowledge dumpy for me. Will highly recommend however!

I really had a hard time getting into this book. I'm not sure if it's because I am not really familiar with role-playing games, but it did seem well-researched and explored in the novel. I will applaud the author for the diversity in the novel!

A disappointing story that went nowhere really fast. I found myself having to stop reading. I just couldn't engage with the characters or the story - it just was not my cup of tea.