Member Reviews

I really enjoyed this book following the friendship of Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman throughout the years and the ups, downs , and in between bittersweet times. This book is also peppered with interesting and factual tidbits from experts about relationships and friendships. And it definitely made me want to “call my girlfriends” and send this book to them after reading it!

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I really adored this book and read it along side one of my friends reading it which enriched the experience. This book in so many ways is like any good friendship. It is funny, honest, and raw, will have you laughing out loud and almost in tears. It made me think about all of my friendships through the years and how I am lucky to have some Big Friendships.
What I really liked was that this story isn’t just a story of a friendship - it’s a story of conversations we have with each other, a story of how we have those conversations and why we sometimes don’t have them. Every friendship is a relationship and there maybe different ways you talk to certain friends and talk about certain things with them. I have had friendships come and go through the years but there have been a few that I really consider Big Friendships, who I want to tell everything. Each chapter follows the journey of these two women’s friendship but has its own focus, so that many readers can find something to relate to.
A great read that I will be gifting to all of my friends in the future!

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As a big fan and admirer of both Aminatou and Ann, I was so excited for this book. It did not let me down! It was an excellent, honest look at what a deep, meaningful, adult friendship has to offer and the ways being in one challenges us. Through their decision to go to therapy together to save their friendship, they provide a model for friends everywhere about what it means to really show up in a friendship - to be present and really make the choice to commit to the relationship again and again. While therapy may not be the path for every set of Big Friends, we all inevitably have rough patches with our closest friends. This book was a comfort, in that these rough patches don’t have to mean the end, and a joyful celebration of Big Friendship. I already bought a copy to give to my best friend and I’m so excited for her to read it as I think it will leave her feeling as full and inspired to keep investing in our friendship as I do.

BIG thanks to Simon & Schuster and Netgalley for the advanced copy in exchange for this honest review!

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This gave me some insight to how I communicate with my friends. I am definitely going to be buying it for birthday presents and may even suggest it for my book club!

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I'm so thankful I read this book, it was really inspiring. It made me feel like a better person for reading it. This book was absolutely amazing!

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This book is like any good, lasting friendship. It is funny, honest, and raw. But this story isn’t just a story of a friendship - it’s a story of conversations we have with each other, a story of how we have those conversations and why we sometimes don’t have them.

Each chapter follows the journey of these two women’s friendship but has its own focus that many readers can relate to. As you’re reading Aminatou and Anne’s struggles and rooting for their triumphs, you’re learning about your own friendships and why they work or don’t.

This is a must read for everyone whether they’ve experienced their own Big Friendship or not.

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I recognized Aminatou’s name immediately from listening to the #WhoWeekly podcast (Who? Dat correspondent) & I knew I had to grab this book. It seems extra important during this global pandemic we are all going through, which can make us feel so isolated. Most of their friendship has been spent living apart from each other on different sides of the country. Having gone to college out of state & then moving to a different state after that, my Big Friendships are spread throughout the country too, so that component really spoke to me. It dives into how to make those long distance friendships work (& flourish), why female friendships are so important (with science backing it!), & actionable steps that they took to save their friendship during a week point. It’s a book I can absolutely recommend to anyone & everyone, because we can all learn how to be a better friend.   
   
“When we notice a person seems to have something we want, instead of turning them into an external barometer for how we’re feeling about ourselves, we work to see them as a potential ally.”   
   
This quote really spoke to me because so often I see women getting into competition with each other & tearing each other down, when really we should be working to lift each other up & watching each other shine. Speaking of – the book dives deep into “Shine Theory”, which is a practice of mutual investment with the simple premise that “I don’t shine if you don’t shine”.

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Loved this intimate look at a previously undefined category of friendship. As chosen families become more important, it’s wonderful to have people who are willing to discuss both the high points and the struggles of committing to friends.

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Loved this book full of truth about friendship and the work it takes to maintain relationships. Other readers mentioned COVID and I, too, feel like the current moment deserves a close look at relationships, love, connection and community.

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As a big fan of Call Your Girlfriend, and Ann and Aminatou on their own, I was very excited to read this book.

I too have lived on the opposite coast of my best friend for most of our friendship. It is hard, it is complicated, it is messy. but it is also something so special, and lovely, and valuable. Big Friendship reminded me of all these emotions. Reading it felt like a logical extension of the podcast, in the best way, It covers the "fan favorite" shine theory, but also opens up and honestly discusses the hard parts and the fears. Their friendship is something special and one we should all be lucky enough to experience.

The back-and-forth style between them talking individually and them as a unit did bother me some but furthered the conversation style of the book. It was like a conversation between friends, and really couldn't have been any other way, Definitely think a large part of my enjoyment of reading this is because I listen to the podcast, and wonder how it will appeal to those just discovering them as a duo.

I have already preordered a copy for my long-distance bestie, and can't wait to discuss it more and together!

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When was the last time you talked to your best friend? 👯‍♀️⁣

BIG FRIENDSHIP, by popular podcasters Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, explores their own friendship and examines what it takes to make a friendship last. I found it insightful and riveting, and tore through it in two sittings. ⁣

While I can come across extroverted, I am a person who needs a *lot* of time by myself. I have a very small circle of friends, and near the end of last year I knew I hadn’t prioritized them enough. I knew I could blame the time suck of being a new-ish teacher and newly married, or the stress of my mom’s cancer treatments. But I also let it be too easy to just not reach out⁣

Ironically, one of my goals for 2020 was to spend more time with friends in person, and pre-COVID, I was doing really well. So now it’s time to think about how to keep that investment going with all the restrictions of quarantine. These women mean too much to me to fall back into the patterns of the past few years. ⁣

Anyways, if you cared enough to read this far, you will definitely enjoy reading BIG FRIENDSHIP. ⁣

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I didn't know about the authors' podcast and I believe that fans will have a richer experience of this book. For me, it was a well-written book, but it didn't feel like a necessary book. It seems limited to women with a certain socio-economic status that are preferably fans of their podcast, or even to these two specific women. One of the things I value about my closest friends is that we have remained unconditionally bonded throughout time and long distances. There's an ease that in itself defines our friendship. So all this hard work to reconnect, to keep the friendship alive, felt more like a marriage dynamic than an organic friendship. Perhaps it's a cultural issue, or generational, or a class thing: I had trouble relating. Perhaps this book wasn't for me—or for a broad audience—, but for the right audience it is well written and I suspect it would be great on audio, especially for fans who are used to hearing them already.

I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

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This is entirely my about Aminatou and Ann's friendship; certainly not feminist theory, general friendship, self-help, or research that I thought the sub-title suggested. Rather, Aminatou and Ann share how they uphold their friendship. They're great, healthy, self-aware friends - from which we all can learn, but I'm thinking this book is for fans of their podcast "Call Your Girlfriend" and not outsiders.

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I don't think I've ever read a book like this before. As an unmarried person, I really appreciated this look at other really important relationships in our lives. It also helped me decide which of my friendships are truly meaningful and which I truly want to spend time putting the work in on. Read this book!

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Thanks to NetGalley for the early e-book!
I’ve been a fan of the podcast Call Your Girlfriend for years. The hosts of the show, Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, are long-distance besties who discuss topics including friendship, books, politics, and money. In BIG FRIENDSHIP, Friedman and Sow use the third-person plural to dive into their 10-year friendship, alongside discussions of the complexities of friendship, a relationship that often does not get the deep coverage or nuance it deserves. This book was a quick read, and may inspire you to invest more in your important friendships. I think it will land best for listeners of the podcast who specifically want to hear more about Friedman and Sow’s lives, as I don’t think any of the content is particularly new or groundbreaking as an informational text.

The first chapter reveals that Friedman and Sow had a large rift, and the rest of the memoir pieces together their origin story, their best moments, their large friend web, and the struggles they faced while trying to maintain their friendship, which also happened to be their public business. These conflicts include everything from differences in their preferred communication styles to the ongoing struggles involved in an interracial friendship. They have clearly done a lot of work on their friendship, and can now recount their lowest points with a lot of maturity and love for themselves and each other. They also include friendship research from books and interviews, and show how their personal highs and lows fit into these larger narratives of friendship.

This book was a nice reminder of the importance of friendships for the long haul. I will note that it still feels like their friendship is in the repair phase. There was a lot of narrative building up to how they acknowledged their problems and began steps to repair the friendship, and even then, all that was really said was that they went to therapy together. It felt like they may have written this book a few years too early, but the point is that friendships are complex and you have to keep working on them even as things inevitably change. This may be a giftable book for a close friend, but do so with caution since a primary focus is on the pitfalls of their friendship.

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I’ve never listened to the authors’ podcast, Call Your Girlfriend, but that’s exactly what I want to do while and after reading this - call my girlfriends. All of them. Reconnect and learn more and dig deep and hopefully nurture the kind of Big Friendship described in this book.

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This is probably the first book like this that I've read. Sow and Friedman wrote this together (like 100% together and not just taking turns with chapters), and it was interesting to see their honesty and perspectives about friendship - they make some really great points. Admittedly, I have not listened to their podcast, and I think this book would have landed better for me if I did. I liked learning about the two of them, but at some points, it was just more detailed than it needed to be. I would definitely recommend this for those that listen to or enjoy their podcast.

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I loved the story of Ann and Amina's friendship, especially under the kind of microscope usually reserved for romantic relationships. Buying a copy for my best friend!

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I love that this book exists. I love that it treats friendship as importantly as any other kind of relationship, especially in a culture where friendship is more often than not made to seem inherently ephemeral or disposable or a pit stop to marriage and children. I love that this books breaks down components of friendship and treats them seriously and thinks about how to build up on them. It challenges readers to examine their own friendships. I love the way the two authors discuss race so frankly; this was the most enlightening and engaging chapter for me. I love the authors' honesty, humor, vulnerability and insights. I love Shine Theory. This book is such a fantastic way to (re)connect with friends, build new relationships, strengthen existing ones and grow together. It's a conversation starter and changer, and it's great reading for anyone, but I think especially for anyone in their 20's.

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Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman are best known as the podcasters behind the very popular podcast <I>Call Your Girlfriend</I> which chronicles their relationship, current events, and opinions. Their friendship really comes through there, and so a book about friendship by these two totally makes sense! <I>Big Friendship</I> is a history of their BIG friendship in the context of the importance of friendships and the data behind that. While there are many books on romantic relationships, there is not a lot out there about friendships, and these can often fall to the wayside as we age and prioritize things such as families, work, health (the "four burner" context from David Sedaris that they cite). At first, Aminatou and Ann's friendship is pretty instant and incredibly close. At that point they live in the same city and are introduced by a mutual friend, and fall hard for each other. As the book begins though, and throughout, they discuss the amount of work that needs to be put into friendships, and they too have been strained and have had to work through their friendship, as it is important to them. They also discuss the origin of "Shine Theory", which has since been taken up by many others, where one helps a friend be their best, and relying on that friend to reciprocate. They write about how friendship is <b>work</b> and can require a lot of stretching on by both people. Really nice mix of examples of a close friendship with its ups and downs and reiterating the importance of nurturing those important relationships in our lives.

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