This story ended up being so much more than I expected. It is not meant to be your Happily Ever After romance story. While it is a work of fiction, the thoughts the author brings us are thoughts many of us might think after a tragedy such as this. What were the people on board thinking? What were the pilots thinking? Could it have been prevented? Was it on purpose? If so, what brought them to that point in their lives. Coen and Elias seem to be happy on the surface, even to Coen. But when he looks back through flashbacks in the story, he begins to sense that not all was as it was. Thus begins Coen's journey to find out the why of the accident if he can and to also find Elias' roots. Coen has a personal journey to go on as well with his own mental health and his connections to his family. Is it a depressing story? To some extent yes, but there is beauty in the sad and there is faith and fate and so much more.

This was a great read that will definitely leave you with a lot of feels. I was shocked by some of it and felt sadness for the characters at others. It is hard to believe that this is a debut with the skill the author has in writing a captivating story.

Thanks to NetGalley and DunDurn Press for the free e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

After Elias by Eddy Boudel Tan tells the story of Coen, well, before, during and after his relationship with Elias. Elias is a co-pilot who may or may not have intentionally crashed a plane just days before his wedding to Coen, with no survivors of the crash. As the book goes on, we learn more about Coen and Elias's relationship, as well as how Coen's life was before he met Elias.

Firstly, trigger warnings in this book for sexual assault, depression, loss of a loved one, and self-harm.

This book is very heavy, but I quite liked it. It was a good take on nonlinear storytelling and kept me interested in knowing more about Coen and Elias, as well as if Elias intentionally crashed the plane. As the book goes, it deals more with Coen's backstory, his issues with his family and events in his past that have led to his worsening mental health.

I see some other reviews talking about Coen being unlikeable or hard to relate to. I don't agree. I found Coen's grief process understandable, and while relating to a character is not a necessity for me to enjoy a book, I could see his reasoning for what he did throughout the book.

One of the themes of this book, to me, is that you never really know someone, even if they're someone you're engaged to or best friends with. And that really hit home for me.

After Elias by Eddy Boudel Tan is a heartbreaking novel about a man named Coen whose fiancé dies mere days before their wedding. The fiancé Elias, is a co-pilot who dies in a plane crash that also kills over 300 other people. The story is told in alternating chapters. The present moving forward after the crash and the past moving backwards as Coen examines his 8 year relationship with Elias and grapples with the fact that there was a lot he didn't know about Elias.

As you might expect, Coen is dealing with severe depression and that doesn't always make for a reliable narrator. I had very mixed feelings about this book. I liked the realistic portrayal of depression, his relationships with his friends, and the alternating timelines. Additionally, I felt the writing was beautiful without being overly flowery. Here's an example: "All they can do is try to make sense of what is in front of them. To be human is to be limited- to be hopelessly, desperately small." However, there were a few inconsistencies within the story that didn't make sense logistically and which felt placed there to artificially create an emotional moment. I gave the book 3.5 stars.

Trigger warnings for sexual assault, self-harm, attempted suicide, and death of a loved one.

This book will be published on October 6, 2020. Thanks to Netgalley for providing me with a free copy in exchange for my honest opinion.

I was really looking forward to reading After Elias, especially after reading the foreword. My expectations for this novel grew even higher after learning what inspired Eddy Boudel Tan to write this story. However, the outcome couldn’t meet my expectations.
Looking back, it’s difficult to say what those expectations were in detail. I was probably hoping for lots of heartbreak, drama, and devastating scenes. I didn’t get any of those which felt a little odd but everyone greaves and copes differently and that’s OK because there is no right or wrong way.
I also struggled to connect with Coen, the main character.

In the beginning, the story was very much about the plane crash, Elias’s possible involvement, and Coen coping. But then there was a subtle switch somewhere and the story turned. Now, the story was mainly about Coen’s current and past mental health issues. The plane crash, Elias, and everything else faded into the background. Mental health issues are important and I appreciate authors using their books for raising awareness to it but it simply felt not right here. The plane crash, its consequences, coping with death, all that were already major topics for this book. Adding mental health on top was too much. I really wanted to know more about the crash and especially about Elias.

Elias is a mystery to me—still, even after finishing the book. I have so many questions: about him as a person, about his past, his struggles, and his decisions. We learn a few things about him in the past chapters, but the information we got is not sufficient in my opinion. It was too vague. Every past chapter about Elias left me with even more questions that are never answered.
I got the feeling that Coen himself was left with one too many unanswered questions about Elias. Their relationship was definitely odd.

Another thing I struggled with was Tan’s writing. The story which alternated between past and present was written from Coen’s POV. However, a few sections from the past chapters were told from different characters but through Coen’s POV. It does not only sound confusing, it was confusing.
Overall the whole story felt like one big description to me. It was more of a retelling about events that happened long ago. Every action and feeling was told but not experienced. In the end, it turns out it was just like that: a retelling.

As fascinating and intriguing the topic of After Elias sounded, the story was not what I was hoping for. This novel was not the book for me.

Over the 3 days that I read this book, it was pretty much all I could think about. This was so fascinating to me as a character study of Coen, and seeing how a person tries to cope with grief after such a traumatic experience happens. As the story unfolded and we learnt more about both Coen and Elias, I kept getting pulled further and further in. Tan’s writing style is great, and the way that he describes the setting truly makes you feel like you are at the resort in Mexico with Coen. This was a tough read, dealing with mental health and grief in a way that felt so honest, and featured some shocking moments that I truly did not expect. My favourite part of this book, however, was the ending. After feeling everything that Coen went through, the ending felt truly cathartic, and it was perfect.

Warning : this book will generate ugly snot cry. Have tissues waiting nearby when you are reading this. Its a tender heartbreaking story which may have you question how much you really know about the person you love.
I don't want to get into to many details of the book, just know that the characters are flawless and the book will generate so many emotions

Thank you so much to #netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read an arc of this book.

This needs to be on your TBR list!

* Disclaimer: I received a copy of this novel from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. *

After Elias is a flowing and beautiful narrative that captures the whirlwind of emotions that encompass the processing of grief. Coen's character is an enigma that slowly comes clear, his journey being one that is simply heartbreaking. Both Coen and Elias are complex characters with distinct flaws, making them very believable and their actions often relatable.

The book is written in such a way that the narration both reveals and obscures, pulling the reader through the plot as if they are at once an insider and an outsider to the occurrences. This is a unique approach, but so incredibly effective. The feelings of confusion, heartache, fear, anger, and so many more are encapsulated through these types of movements, both pulling the reader in and pushing them away. It's quite masterful and difficult to define. The result is a grand description of the process of healing and working through a very confusing and complex life event.

I felt many emotions throughout my read and it is hard to walk away from the story without some lingering effects. There are moments that caused me pause and reflection of pieces of my own life in the way the best of books do. The writing was highly impressive, especially for a debut novel. Eddy Boudel Tan has an undeniable talent and his upcoming works will be ones to watch.

Going into this novel, I didn't really know what to expect. I knew it would be sad, and thoughtful, but I wasn't ready for it to tear me to shreds. The way the stages of grief were portrayed and made to be so devastatingly touching, shook me to my core. Every emotion our main character Coen felt resonated with me as a reader, even though I didn't experience his tragedy. It was an emotional rollercoaster, and I beg that anyone who sees this, to pick up this book. From the moment you start reading, to last thank you in the acknowledgments, "After Elias" is a harrowing story about the immobilizing stages of grief, and rekindling your happiness.

This book was a delight! I wasn't expecting to fall in love with it as much as I did because usually, I'm not the biggest fan of literary fiction but this broke my heart. A touching story about loss, dealing with grief and also touches deeply on mental health and the importance of relationship and communication. I loved how this story unfolded and how we only ever knew Elias through the eyes of Coen adding to the mystery. The ending was not what I expected but I loved it. There is so much heart in this book and I definitely recommend it!

The plane that Elias is flying crashes one week before Coen is supposed to marry him in Mexico. Coen doesn't know what to do, but he wants to stay on the Mexican island where he was supposed to have his wedding instead of going home. Slowly, Coen starts piecing everything together as secrets about Elias' life come to light. Did he really know who Elias truly was?

Wow! What a ride! The author wrote this book in alternating chapters between the past and the present. I was really interested to find out what had gone on in the past and what Coen was learning about Elias in the present. I felt like we really got to know both characters fairly well in such a short amount of time, so much that I honestly didn't even notice this book was under 300 pages.

I ended up reading this book in a day, because I couldn't put it down. I definitely recommend this one if you're looking for a fast-paced read, or if you're looking for an emotional ride that covers death, love, family, and friends. I also can't believe this is a debut novel! I will definitely be watching out for the next book this author comes out with because I really enjoyed this one!

“You look so happy. I want to believe it. I really do. But I know how good you are at pretending.”

A plane crashes into the ocean, and Coen Carraway loses the man he loves. He and Elias are due to get married just one week later on a paradisal Mexican island. Among rumours and suggestions in the news that the crash could have had a sinister cause, Coen decides to go ahead with the celebration planned for their wedding day, turning it into a celebration of Elias's life.

Friends and family of Coen share many of the same doubts and discomfort that the reader does, making much of this book an uncomfortable read. It is an ugly and honest exploration of grief and denial, and the author does an excellent job of creating doubts in the reader's mind.

I spent a lot of the first half of the book being made to feel uncomfortable by Coen, and also by Elias via flashbacks. I found that I could put little trust in either of them.

These doubts caused me to debate leaving a more critical review, however when part 2 is reached – over halfway through the book – there is a sudden dark turn, one which makes a lot of these doubts that have been cast suddenly make sense.

The second half of the story in particular is beautifully written – once the reader understands the perspective of the characters more, everything feels more fleshed out. Supporting characters, in particular Vivi, Decker, and Clark, coax the story along with conflict and resolve, and play a big part in making the story so relatable – several times they are there to show the reader that other people are questioning Coen's actions and motives.

For a debut novel in particular, this book is very impressive. I look forward to reading Eddy Boudel Tan's next work, due for release next year.

Content warnings for the book: a rape scene, self-harm, discussions of suicide.


(An ARC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Thoughts are my own.)

Coen is staying at a lovely hotel and planning for a wedding when he hears the news that his partner's plane has crashed. In fact, Coen's partner - Elias - was the co-pilot. In a whirl of emotion and fear, Coen insists on family and friends coming down to the resort so they can turn what would have been their wedding into a celebration of life for Elias.

Through a mixture of the past and the present, Eddy Boudel Tan weaves a remarkable story. It's not often that I am completely surprised by a story but this one caught me off guard. I will endeavor to keep spoilers from my review while still being clear about what makes it such a great book.

As the news of the crash begins to filter onto the news Coen learns that Elias' last words were, "Pronto Dios." It translates loosely as "soon God" and sparks questions and controversy around the crash and Elias' involvement in it. And thus begins Coen's search for the truth. How well do we really know the people in our lives? What do we need to know about them? Can we trust our instincts about the people that we love?

"Do not be fooled by happiness. It can wilt and die, especially when kept in a house of glass." - Maria

The characters in this book are marvelous. Each one of them is significant and authentic, each of them contributing in some way to revealing little pieces of Elias' and Coen's lives. Decker and Vivi, Coen's best friends are exactly the kinds of people that we should all want as best friends. Family has been a challenge for Elias and there are some significant and harsh reasons for that. Trust that the author reveals all that you need to know at the exact moment you need to read it. It's quite a tale... and there are moments of joy and moments of pain woven together almost seamlessly.

From the very first moments of this novel, it's clear that there's something very important being revealed on the pages. This is not your average story; it will touch hearts and make people think. The events that happen in the past have a ripple-like effect on the future and things seem to come full circle for Coen by the end of the book. He begins on a journey to discover more about his partner's life and along the way comes to terms with the things that have happened to him.

If you enjoy engaging, unique fiction then you should definitely add this one to your to-read pile. It is beautiful, haunting and I feel certain it is a book that I will reread in the future.

Thank you to Netgalley and Dundurn Press for an e-copy of this book.

I adored this look into grief and the effects it can have. I loved the setting on a secluded Mexican island. It really captured the isolation that can be found in your grief.

I adored the friendships and the intricacies of them.

And the writing was just amazing.

4.5 stars rounded up!

Coen Caraway is waiting for his fiancé Elias to arrive in Mexico at the hotel where they plan to get married within the week. Then, the news arrives that the commercial airliner that Elias was co-piloting crashed into the ocean and that all 300+ people aboard are presumed dead. To make it worse, the last thing heard over the radio was Elias saying a mysterious phrase. People begin the suspect that Elias may have made the plane crash. Coen can't believe that Elias would purposely crash the plane but through a series of flashbacks, we realize that Coen may not know Elias very well.

This was an emotional ride! I really felt Coen's pain and his need to carry-on despite this upheaval in his plans. He feels guilt and confusion over the loss of his love and the perception of Elias held by the rest of the world. His friends and family question Coen on how he is processing his grief, but Coen insists on doing things his own way.

I read this one in less than a day. The book was loaded with emotional suspense, so I wouldn't quite call it a thriller, but it still had me on the edge of my seat to see how things would turn out.

I received this book for free via NetGalley in exchange for an honest critique.

I had not heard of the book or the author before coming across the this LGBTQ+ title while “browsing” through NetGalley. It was a quick read, but not for any luck of substance, quite the opposite. There was a great mix of universal truths and “home truths” along the way, many heartbreaking moments, often leavened with hard-won humor, and some interesting twists along the way. Ultimately, I would say that this book about death offers up a lot of needed hope, and I look forward to reading more from this author.

This book completely destroyed me. It never left my hands over the two days it took me to read it. Actually, that's a lie. I briefly put it down every time I went to grab a tissue. The complex nature of the relationship between Elias and Coen was so beautifully written that I have to applaud Boudal Tan for the utterly gorgeous work. When reading any piece of fiction, I always look for realism and whether I can really see certain situations happening or people acting a particular way. Each character in After Elias had their flaws and that's what I loved so much about it. It's such a truly compelling story that I will recommend to everyone.

Thank you to Dundurn Press and NetGalley for the free ARC of the book in exchange for this honest opinion.
On its face, the novel is about grief Coen (the main character) experiences about Elias' death. But it's also about Coen's other grief (of which we learn closer to the end of the book). And it's also about grief other people experience. (I counted at least two others characters who deal with grief, but can easily see that list growing). What starts as a novel about emotions, ends up also as a mystery that gets solved by the end of the book. Even though I'm a gay male, I don't personally relate to Coen or his reactions. That's the nature of human beings: we are all different. I do appreciate though Coen's desire to find out more about Elias. Which gives a book a nice forward momentum. And I appreciate learning about Coen's past life in the same manner I learn about Elias' -- in retrospective fragments interspersed with Coen's current moments. This is a solid book worth a try!

This was an interesting story and I really enjoyed reading it.

Coen and Elias are engaged to be married, but one week before the wedding, Elias crashes a plane that he was piloting. Coen is numb with grief, but rather than return straight home to his friends and family in Vancouver, he decides to turn what would be their wedding in Mexico into a celebration of Elias’s life. But how much did Coen really know about his husband-to-be? What was a tragic event, turned into a mission of both self-discovery and a look into Elias’s past and what shaped him into the man he became.

Though I did enjoy this book, I was a bit bothered by Coen’s lack of emotion when he heard Elias had died. I know everyone mourns in their own way, but it seemed like more than just numbness in his case. It was as if he wasn’t really addressing that Elias was even gone and was trying to stay upbeat about the whole situation. I think his friends and family were right to be worried about him. I am glad that in time he did eventually express some emotion, otherwise this book wouldn’t have sat well with me at all.

Luckily I still found this to be a great book overall!

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3463944332

While AFTER ELIAS has an interesting premise, the main character's behavior in reaction to his partner's death was so bizarre that I simply didn't find it believable.