This book is an incredible story of those who suffered during the AIDS crisis. They suffered from illness, death and dying, stigma, lack of understanding and knowledge, lack of treatment options, and fear. The fear of them due to this unknown and scary disease was such a major factor in how these people were perceived and often poorly treated. This was something that I saw firsthand during my earlier days in healthcare and this story truly resonated with me. The protagonist is a wonderfully written character and her story is relatable.
#AllTheYoungMen #NetGalley #GroveAtlantic #GrovePress

Sometimes you come across a book that blows you away, has a strong, fierce female character and gives you insight into the lives of others that you will never understand---that was this book. Ruth is a badass woman who found herself in a position to bring comfort to someone who was sick (sick of AIDS--a disease which at the time was considered extremely contagious and deadly). She took the chance because she didn't want the man to die alone and it set her on a life path of bringing comfort and support to all men suffering from this terrible disease. She stood her ground to prove to people that not only would you not get sick from this but you also need to treat these men like humans. She was so inspiring and I thoroughly enjoyed reading her story and learning about all her friends.

– A fascinating memoir of a woman who dodged the system, so to say, by not buying into the fears of AIDS. She is an incredible woman whose story should be told.

Imagine you are a young gay man, living in the year 1986 in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Imagine you are afflicted with late stage AIDS - lying in your hospital bed, emaciated, drifting in and out of consciousness. Perhaps hours left to live. Terrified and isolated, food trays lined up outside your door as no-one - not even the nurses, will enter your room. Everyone is in dread of this disease and its merciless pattern, - killing mainly young men in six short weeks from the dawn of first symptoms, with no cure and no treatment available to slow its horrifying progression.

Imagine you are a young woman, a single mother, visiting with a friend in the hospital and you come across this scene. What do you do?

If you are Ruth Coker Burks, the subject of this memoir, incredibly, you enter the room. You see the terror in the young mans eyes, it pierces your heart, and in that moment of compassionate connection you fold your un-gloved hands around his, and sit with him, a total of thirteen quiet hours, until his passing.

The word “hero”, often overused to the point of triteness, at its root was made for Ruth Coker Burns, a woman I had not heard of until now, and after reading this amazing memoir, want to learn everything about.

From those initial hours in the hospital room, to the hundreds of thousands of hours to follow, Ruth has journeyed to save her “guys”; themselves ostracized, hated, victim-blasted with religious rhetoric, abandoned by even their closest family. Ruth is a do-er, a practical hands-on lets-fix-it combination best friend and ruthless advocate. Ruthie, as her guys know her, managed one small step at a time, just doing whatever she could make happen for each of the AIDS victims she encountered - including wonders like support for financial aid, burial services, homemade food, lodging, medical testing, and eventually AZT and other treatments as they painfully and expensively become available., Ruth, a one-woman crusader for humane treatment for the victims of AIDS, embodies the role fully decades before the world catches up with her.

This is a lovely and challenging read, - filled with death, rejection, heart-ache, and loss, - but also brimming with hope and compassion.
I encourage you to read this book, - it will touch you.

A big thank you to NetGalley, the publisher and the author for an advance review copy of this book. All thoughts presented are my own.

Loved this so much. Reading is so powerful because you learn so much about other people. This book is one of those mind blowing books. I learned so much. Thank you to the authors for opening my eyes to
Something I knew so little about.

I've left this book feeling thankful that people like Ruth existed to care for those dying of AIDS because many had no one left to care for them.

She cooked, cleaned, held their hands, drew blood, took them to the doctors, helped them get medicine when it became available and educated people on safe sex practises to hopefully spare anyone else.
Sadly for a large amount of the men she eventually buried them in her cemetery, her guys would pick a spot and that's where they rest free from anymore pain.

One scene that particularly moved me was Ruth and her daughter Allison putting together a Christmas for a house full of men who didn't have long left. Many scenes will move you but this one in particular has stayed with me.

To think that at 26 she went in to a room and it forever changed her life. Ruth didn't know she'd become an advocate, pariah and find a whole new family of guys who would love her and Allison as their own. A must read!

I received a free copy of this book via netgalley and am voluntarily leaving a review.

I have started dipping my toes into memoirs the last few months and a whole new world of reading has opened up to me. I got in right under the wire at Net Galley for this one and am so glad I did. I like to learn from my pleasure reading and this one is a real eye-opener. It is the story of an incredibly courageous and resourceful woman who devoted many years of her life to the ostracized young men dying alone during the first decade of the AIDS crisis.

Ruth was in the hospital visiting her cancer-stricken friend in the mid 1980s in Hot Springs, Arkansas, when she noted the nurses were completely ignoring a patient in another room who was calling for help. The patient was dying of AIDS and none of the nurses wanted to enter his room. They just wanted rid of him. Ruth went in and sat and held his hand for 13 hours—until he died. Then she buried him as his family did not want him. She acted simply because he was a human too and did not deserve to be treated differently from the other patients. Unfortunately, at that time people were much more concerned with “catching the gay disease” and had no use whatsoever for “those disgusting people.”

From that beginning, Ruth, through word of mouth became the go-to woman for gay men, not only in Arkansas, but from elsewhere as well. She would tend to the sick, find them medication, housing, social security and ultimately a place to bury them when their families rejected them. She not only cared for the sick and dying but was very involved in educating these men and others about transmission and prevention of the disease. Sadly, Ruth too became a pariah and little Allison, who accompanied her mother on most of her visits, was bullied and ostracized at school. Not a single classmate came to her 8th birthday party. Ruth, however, persevered and over the years through shear will and drive she was able to accomplish more and more. She and Allison became truly trusted and loved by the gay community.

Ruth had always yearned for a husband and more children, in other words, a family. Little did she know that she was destined for a family, but a family much different, but just as fulfilling as what she imagined.

This is a fantastic read, a must read for everybody. And Ruth Coker Burks is an amazing woman. The way that gay men were treated in the past, at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic was deplorable. Ruth showed nothing but compassion and understanding to all. Allison was amazing too and I loved Billy. Ruth treated them all with the love that they deserved. Most were thrown out of their homes, alienated by their families. Ruth provided them with the emotional attention they needed when they were at one of the lowest points of their loves. To think that this happened so openly for so long, and was allowed to proceed too. It is such a testament to a wonderful woman, who should never be forgotten.

One of the most inspiring books I have read. Ruth Coker Burks is just such an amazing person, her journey and the compassion she shows to strangers give me hope. She didn’t have much money or spare time, but when faced with someone else’s suffering, she found a way to help. Ruth’s spirit and courage and the wonderful storytelling had me rapt.

Ruth's story is incredible. In telling her own story she gives voice to just a fraction of those that lost their lives due to AIDs & societal neglect. One of the most heartbreaking & touching things I have ever read.

Having watched the series It's a Sin on TV it reinforced my interest in reading this book.
From a chance encounter when she is about 26 we follow Ruth as she becomes an activist for the victims of Aids. However her approach is very hands on , cooking meals, dropping off HIV tests, finding homes for the gay men she later identifies as family. All this is done whilst being a single Mum to Allison and trying to work too. She even starts checking out the bins of food shops to help cook nutritious food for her "men".
She particularly finds a home at a drag Queen venue Our House and develops an awareness campaign backed up by practical help like offering condoms . She even takes her campaign to Governor Clinton (later president)
Ruth is never sure about her motivation except maybe as an example of her Christianity in practice (although her Church refuses to help and is passively-aggressive towards the community she deals with). Ruth is always hands on and not afraid to circumvent rules and conventions to act humanely .
In the Epilogue , written in 2019,we find out that her vast experience wasn't recognized even within the organisations that evolved to deal with the Aids crisis and particularly is disregarded by the medical profession.
It seemed that Ruth travelled round for a while, needing to get away from Arkansas and also needed time to grieve for all the losses she suffered and all the men she "put" in her own family's cemetery.
Of course people are now able to lead full lives with HIV and a generation has grown up who maybe didn't know much about it . This is due to good treatments for which we must be eternally thankful. I didn't have direct experience of losing anyone to , but do remember the climate of fear. I am glad there was Ruth to alleviate the stigma and suffering of those men and offer them love.

The story of a woman who single handily brought compassion and educated her state of Arkansas and beyond on AIDS . In the late 1980’s many young men were dying from AIDS and the medical society was ill equipped to educate its own and subsequently the communities where these young men lived . AIDS Individuals were ostracized from society. Ruth , the co -authored this book saw how misinformed not only herself , AIDS patients and society in general were on the topic . Her mission was to learn all she could and help those suffering . This book details her journey of discovery on so many levels.

Ruth Coker Burks writes about her experiences caring for HIV/AIDS patients in All the Young Men: A Memoir of Love, AIDS, and Chosen Family in the American South. She wasn’t a nurse or other health care provider. She was just a young woman with a big heart and buckets full of determination. And her mission to help simply happened because she couldn’t bear to see someone dying alone. If that’s not a relevant theme for 2020/2021, I don’t know what is.

Burks was visiting a friend recovering from cancer surgery in the hospital. The year was 1986 and it was Little Rock, Arkansas—the Deep South and the early years of the AIDS crisis. The fear and recrimination about contagion were at a fever pitch. And Burks was that helper who walked towards the crisis instead of away from it.

Down the hall from her friend, a young gay man was dying alone is his hospital room. He couldn’t get out of bed, but the hospital staff just left food outside the door. They wore full contagion gear when they did enter. And it broke Burks’ heart to see, so she decided to take a risk. She stood just inside the door and heard the patient asking for his mother. And that was the start of her journey.

Along the way Burks met many gay men, both with and without HIV/AIDS. She navigated the social services available to them. Often, she brought them leftovers from her own home. But she also learned the skills of dumpster diving and drawing blood for testing. What came naturally was her caring and ultimately love. She also didn’t take any shit from community and family members when their fear and prejudice reared its ugly head.

My conclusions
This book is the perfect combination of hope and sadness. When HIV/AIDS was first identified nearly every patient died. The differences were in their medical experience, family support, and personal attitudes. Burks helped make all three situations better. She got “her guys” as she calls them onto the first treatments, even when money was tight. When it was possible, she helped the men reconnect and spend time with their families. Often, though, it was the LGBTQ community that created their own family, welcoming Burks into their circle.

Reading this memoir, I fell in love with both Burks and her guys. She’s a born storyteller, made better with the able assistance of writer Kevin Carr O’Leary. Every time I picked up the book, I felt like Burks and I were chatting over coffee. I laughed plenty over Southern charms, and also shed some tears over the injustice and loneliness of it all. Mostly I cheered for this “family of choice,” which endured unimaginable hardships together.

In this time of another pandemic, the most important action I’ve taken away from Burks is to call and (safely) visit my friends and family. Connectedness is as lifesaving as medicine. Humans are meant to support each other—to be a tribe. And the tribe from All the Young Men is one I’ll never forget.

I recommend this book if you want a memoir that tells it to you straight and touches your heart.

Acknowledgements
Many thanks to NetGalley, Grove Atlantic, and the author for a digital advanced reader’s copy in exchange for this honest review.

A while back I read the fictional account of the AIDS crisis, [book:The Great Believers|45304101], which made a huge impression. I personally do not know anyone who has died from this, but I did have a male friend in the late seventies, whose quite wealthy parents gave him a sum of money and disowned him after he came out. I have five sons and there is not anything they can do that would make me act like so many of these parents did. Not my idea of love, nor my idea of being a mother.

Ruth is an angel, she fought so hard for these young men, tried to educate people on AIDS, but so many people doing to distrust and ignorance, then and now. She spoke at rotary clubs, other organizations, held dying men's hands, offered comfort and love when none was available and lastly buried their remains. She put her friendships, reputation, she put everything on the line. What an amazing woman, an amazing story.

She had a strong faith, and unlike many in thereligious community who shunned these desperate, dying men she saw her faith as leading her to provide succor not condemnation. A wonderful, personal story and an awe inspiring one. In times of darkness, we need our real life angels.

ARC from Netgalley.

Ruth Coker Burks is in the hospital visiting a friend when she hears someone asking for help behind a curtain.  No one seems to be heading for the cries of help so she pokes her head in.  She discovers a man dying of AIDS in need of assistance.  This is the mid-1980s and medical professionals (really just the general population) are scared that they can get AIDS from coming into contact with someone infected with the virus.  Ruth doesn't care about the risk and helps him by soothing him and helping to keep him nourished until he dies a few days later.  When she learns his family won't help with his burial, she takes it into her own hands to ensure this gentleman has a resting place.  By going to help that man, Ruth started off on a path that will change her life forever and this is the first of several AIDS patients Ruth will help through the 1990s.
This is an inspiration memoir that talks about how we need to have more compassion for those around us.  I think that's something that we easily forget in this day and age.  I did have some problems with the book and Ruth's Pollyanna attitude regarding how her community would see her actions.  She seemed shocked that they didn't help AIDS patients with open arms although she was covertly helping them since she knew she would be scrutinized for her actions and when she is scrutinized for those actions she seems shocked too.  Although Ruth had a naive attitude at times, she did some good in her community when others weren't stepping up.  
Thank you to Netgalley and Grove Press for an electronic copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
Rating: 3.5 stars

As recently as last week I became aware of this memoir when I read a trusted friends five star review of it. It sounded inspiring and Angela's words describing <b> All The Young Men. A Memoir of Love, AIDS, and Chosen Family in the American South</b> brought to mind Abraham Verghese's book 'My own Country. A Doctor's Story of a Town and it's People In The Age of AIDS' which I'd read some two or three years ago. I had been mightily impressed, shocked and moved by the Verghese title and this one impacted me in exactly the same way.

Though this is a story about the early years of AIDS I found myself reading with a similar mindset as the one I have when reading holocaust stories. Both are important because they remind us of our recent history and provide important lessons to help ensure our mistakes are never repeated. I feel shocked at the atrocious ways people behave towards others, the way they're able to turn a blind eye to what's going on around them. I feel the utmost admiration for those who stepped up to come to the aid of others and I find myself challenged to wonder which of the two categories I would find myself in.

I'd like to think I'd be in the latter category of those who risked everything for others but fear I would not have the strength nor courage to be that person. Ruth Coker Burks is one person who definitely fell into that category. Ruth was not a health professional in the regularly accepted sense. She did not study as a medical practitioner but despite her lack of formal qualifications she was so much more of a carer to dozens (scores) of people from across the state of Arkansas than other so called carers - Doctors, family members, religious groups and even morticians. In a time when fear and ignorance of AIDS prevailed, where homosexuality was an actual crime and prejudice against gays was rife. In a time when whole communities were prepared to turn away, to shun, to ignore, to abuse and to simply refuse to provide any assistance or compassion whatsoever to AIDS sufferers Ruth was out there literally getting her hands dirty and getting things done. Her greatest gift was that of compassion, showing these men and women that somebody cared for them. She fed, bathed and cared for them. She advocated on their behalf. She researched and learnt all she could and then educated others. She sought practical assistance, food and housing, she co-ordinated medical attention and medication, and when the end came she arranged funerals and buried the poor souls whose families had disowned them.

This lady was top of the class in the real world school of good deeds and humanity. There was no mention of any kind of recognition for her and she was certainly not in it for the money, but in my opinion she deserves commendation for her actions. Top marks too for Kevin Carr O'Leary who put her story into words. He made it an engaging and highly readable work and I thank him for his efforts in sharing Ruths story. My thanks must also go to Grove Press and NetGalley for the opportunity of reading this digital ARC in exchange for an honest review which it was my pleasure to provide.

A wonderful memoir by a woman who cared for AIDS patients in rural Arkansas during the height of the AIDS crisis. Difficult? Yes. But such a necessary tale of compassion and love. The added element of Ruth raising a young girl during these years added another layer of both complexity and hope.

What would you do, if you were in the hospital visiting a friend, and you saw a door covered in a blood-red tarp adorned with a BIOHAZARD sign? Just walk on by, right? What if you heard a plaintive, "help" coming from inside the room? Would you go in there? Would you hold his hand?

Ruthie did. Then, after he died, she took his ashes and buried them in her family plot. At night, because if word got out that she had buried an AIDS patient (in Arkansas in 1986), she might have lost custody of her daughter.

After that, she just... kept providing care. Cooking for others despite barely being able to make ends meet. Helping them get medical care. Respecting their final wishes. Later, her efforts would grow to include safer sex education. (Not to mention letters to Governor Bill Clinton, who she knew from growing up - she wanted him to know what she was seeing. And he later brought that knowledge to the White House.)

It's hard to describe the impact this one woman had - she just did so much.

All the Young Men is a powerfully affecting memoir. The authors neither shy away from reality, nor veer into the territory of "tragedy porn." Perhaps most stirring is the belief that there was no one behind Ruth - if she didn't keep helping, there was no one else waiting in the wings to step up. But instead of a burden, she saw her work as an "honor."

I know those hospital night shifts. Gathering information to fill out death certificates. Finding spots to bury the dead. What a book, NetGalley. Painful and raw and detailed. And beautiful and inspiring. Read this book.

Ruth Coker Burks was just 26-years-old when she found her life’s mission: to care for HIV and AIDS patients. Many of whom she barely knew, and didn’t even know at all.

She was there for those who she called “my guys” in every way possible when no one else was. She educated them, fed them, medicated them, tested them, transported them, nurtured them and buried them.

“I was tired of waiting for them to die. I was actually trying to help them live instead.”

A single mom, who was barely making ends meet on her own, became a surrogate family member to those who found her name and phone number by word of mouth. When they were shunned by their families—and even their doctors—she was there for all the young men who were left behind. Angel. Antonio. Carlos. Luke. Todd. Jerry. Douglas. John. Danny. Neil. Marc. Tim. Jim. And Billy. Plus, many more.

This deeply emotional and powerful memoir that paints a true picture of life in the past 30 years, when having HIV and AIDs was so taboo that no one would go near you. Ruth Coker Burks is a saint for giving her life to those who needed her care.


Special thanks to Grove Atlantic who gave me an advanced copy of “All The Young Men,” via NetGalley, in exchange for my review.