If I Disappear was not your typical thriller and I wasn't sure about it for a while. This book won't be for everyone, but it's different in a way that I finally decided I liked.

Sera, unemployed and recently divorced, is feeling a little lost in life. When she learns that Rachel (the host of Murder, She Spoke, Sera's favorite true crime podcast) has vanished, she decides to go find her. Rachel's family, who live in rural California are ... paranoid "truthers" who run Fountain Creek Ranch, a ramshackle farm that's not nearly as nice as it sounds. They reluctantly accept Sera as a farm hand and Sera begins her investigation. What happened to Rachel? And, what happened to some of he missing women that Rachel chronicled in her podcast, who also disappeared in the area.

The story reads as if Sera is recounting the entire story to Rachel. Yes, there's a mystery in here, but this story is also rather metaphorical, about missing women and women like Sera who want to get lost. There's also some subtle commentary on the nature of obsession: where does an interest in murder and crime become unhealthy. If there was a genre called California Gothic, this book would be it. Rachel's family farm features herds of feral cats, dead animals, abandoned dolls - it's very atmospheric in a really strange and often disturbing way.

Sera had a darkly comic narration that grew on me after a while. At first I thought she was completely nuts, but then I grew to like her.

If you like books that are quirky, you should definitely try this one!

"When her favorite true crime podcast host goes missing, an adrift young woman sets out to investigate and plunges headfirst into the wild backcountry of Northern California and her own dangerous obsession.

Sera loves true crime podcasts. They give her a sense of control in a world where women just like her disappear daily. She's sure they are preparing her for something. So when Rachel, her favorite podcast host, goes missing, Sera knows it's time to act. Rachel has always taught her to trust her instincts.

Sera follows the clues hidden in the episodes to an isolated ranch outside Rachel's small hometown to begin her search. She's convinced her investigation will make Rachel so proud. But the more Sera digs into this unfamiliar world, the more off things start to feel. Because Rachel is not the first woman to vanish from the ranch, and she won't be the last...

Rachel did try to warn her."

Oh, oh, oh, true crime podcaster disappearance!!!

I don’t even know what to say, but damn that was good!

Eliza Jane Brazier you definitely kicked butt with this story!!!!

We follow our main character as she goes looking for her favorite murder mystery podcaster Rachel, who has gone missing. We join her as she goes back to the ranch that Rachel grew up on, and see all that unfolds. It was a lot of who done it, with a dash of are you the killer, and a sprinkle of what the fuc.....

Eliza Jane Brazier did an amazing job making you feel like you were there, you were isolated, and you were in danger too. It had so many twist and turns, and let me say the ending... well you need to read this ending! I read it in two sittings 50/50 split, and it had me wanting more!

I was very excited to get to read this book early from netgally, and highly recommended this when it comes out later this month!

2021 I might of gotten a late start on reading, but I got to start strong with a five star read!

this book honestly started off kind of slow, and i couldn't really vibe with it. i actually almost dnfed it twice, but i'm pretty happy that i did continue, even if i didn't completely love it. there was a couple different things that i would have changed if i wrote the book, but this was still pretty good. i was kind of upset once Jed died, since he was by far my favorite character in this book.

This is a book that I know is going to be the perfect book for someone, but unfortunately it didn't do it for me. The premise is great--a woman (Sera) who is obsessed with a podcast about missing women goes to the home of the creator (Rachel) to investigate when Rachel stops posting new episodes.

This book is written in second person, as though Sera is talking to Rachel. I haven't seen entire books done this way very often, and I think it was a smart choice in this case. Sera is a troubled, possibly unreliable, narrator whose entire psyche is revolving around this person that she has never met. When Sera tracks Rachel to her home, it is in a strange, isolated ranch in northern California, and no one but Sera seems to be concerned that Rachel has disappeared.

Like I said, my problems with this book are mostly "me" problems. I like a more classic mystery/thriller pacing, where the narrator progresses logically through the case, and at the end all the loose ends are tied up. Sera seemed aimless for much of this book, not uncovering much new information or finding many clues as to Rachel's whereabouts for long periods of time, and the ending didn't have the payoff that I want from this type of book. The writing was atmospheric and well done, but the style didn't work for me either--it reminded me more of a horror novel, where the writing intentionally makes the reader feel uneasy and uncomfortable. Perfect for some, but not what I was looking for. There are also many cases of animal abuse, neglect, and death in this novel. The narrator is appropriately horrified by these, but it is just not what I want from my thrillers.

Overall, this was a unique thriller with strong writing, but ultimately I just did not enjoy it.

*eArc kindly provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Sera is obsessed with a podcast. She has no friends and is hardly involved in her job. Rachel, host of Sera's favorite missing girls podcast has disappeared. Sera decides to go to the place Rachel was last seen and solve the disappearance. After all, she has all of the podcasts memorized. Putting all that info into practice should be a breeze, right? What will happen when Sera immerses herself in the Fountain Creek Ranch? Will she be able to solve the case and find Rachel? The podcast excerpts from "Murder, She Spoke" provide the gritty atmosphere that immerses the reader in such tragedies. Sera is delivering the story in first person, speaking to Rachel. Unfortunately many of her asides get buried in the rest of the narrative. I also find the cover to be mismatched to the book inside. It has been compared to 'Night Swim' by Megan Goldin and 'Sadie' by Courtney Summer. I gave both of those titles five stars. This one was a bit of a miss.

Thank you to Berkley and NetGalley for a DRC in exchange for an honest review.

Grateful to get this early copy from Netgalley, I enjoyed the book for the most part. It was very suspenseful at the beginning and kept me reading nightly. The middle chapters seemed to repeat what was already known and I had just about figured out what was going to happen or didn't really care at that point about the protagonist or the issue. The conclusion was a decent surprise but the ending was kinda weird.

**3.5-stars**

With a story as strangely compelling as its cover, If I Disappear, is perfect for Readers who prefer an unconventional narrative. After her divorce, Sera Fleece is a boat adrift. She spends her days listening to, and obsessing over, her favorite True Crime podcast, Murder, She Spoke.

When the podcast's host, Rachel Bard, suddenly stops posting, Sera doesn't take it well. In fact, she suspects foul play is behind Rachel's sudden disappearance from the air waves. Further, Sera believes, armed with clues left within the podcast episodes, she will be able to find Rachel and possibly save her. With this in mind, she travels to Rachel's hometown, Happy Camp, in Northern California to investigate.

Once there, she is able to locate Rachel's family ranch and secure a job through one conversation with Rachel's greatly eccentric mother, Addy. Her duties will include working with the horses and general maintenance around the ranch; two things she's not necessarily qualified for. Doubts aside, Sera sees this as the best opportunity to delve into Rachel's life and possibly discover what happened to her.

The strangest part is, no one else seems to be disturbed by Rachel's disappearance. Not her parents, her brother, the other ranch hand, or any of her previous acquaintances in town. Sera is able to make some progress and soon it is clear, something is not right with the Bard family. Even though she realizes she is putting herself in danger, Sera cannot leave without solving the mystery. She is the only person left to advocate for Rachel.

While the content of this story is extremely intriguing, the writing style did not work that well for me. I never settled into the fact that it is told in the second person. I wish it wasn't, but honestly, I can't imagine it otherwise. I think it just didn't work for my taste.

I definitely needed to keep going. I wanted to find out the mystery of Rachel's disappearance as much as Sera did; even though Sera, as a protagonist, drove me a little batty. Some of the elements involved in building the mystery seemed off for me, but overall it is a good story. It's tense and dramatic, with a whole host of suspicious characters, including Sera herself.

Additionally, there is some solid commentary in here on the treatment of girls and women within our society. I found that aspect interesting as well. Overall, this is a solid debut and I look forward to reading more from this author in the future. I would absolutely pick up more stories from her.

Thank you so much to the publisher, Berkley, for providing me with a copy of this to read and review. If I Disappear is slated to release on Tuesday, January 26th!!

This was quite the book. It kept you guessing who was bad and who was involved almost to the end. The twists at the end make you reel. At times it seemed a little slow and I wanted them to get on with it but I stuck with it as I needed to know what really happened.

What happens when your favorite true crime podcaster suddenly disappears without a trace and you're the only one who seems to think she's missing? Dive into the beast of the belly and follow her footsteps of course!

Eliza Jane Brazier's upcoming novel "If I Disappear" has one of the most fun titles I've heard in some time, and the cover art is stellar. The novel tells the tale of Sera, a true crime lover, who discovers her favorite podcaster, Rachel, has disappeared when she fails to put out a new episode. Rather than alerting authorities right away, she takes the lessons and clues she's learned from listening to hours of her podcast and investigates the mystery herself, leading her to Rachel's hometown filled with more than one secret. She gets a job with Rachel's family on a bizarre ranch and tries to piece together what happened to her hero. What she discovers leaves her questioning who she can trust, and her own desperation to solve the mystery. What happened to Rachel and will the same happen to Sera if she doesn't stop investigating?

While I loved the playful premise of this book - a true crime obsessive investigating the disappearance of a true-crime celebrity podcaster, it left more unsolved questions and motivations than I would have liked. Time was spent to describe the eerieness of the ranch which slowed down the pace. There was little payoff for the descriptive detail and less time was spent on developing the characters, specifically Rachel's horrenous mother Abby. Still, I read it in less than a week as I was desperate to find out what really happened to Rachel.

Thank You Berkeley Publishing Group, Net Galley and Eliza Jane Brazier for the opportunity to read this ARC.

I really enjoyed the premise of this book but sadly it fell a little flat for me. Everybody in this book was so unreliable and had a motive I got confused on who exactly I should suspect.
I did LOVE the twist ending and was floored by it but it felt like it came out of nowhere and I need more elaboration on it.
I also didn’t love the setting it was creepy and eerie and it definitely delivered on that front.
Overall enjoyed it but wanted more from it.

Sera Fleece is a woman obsessed.
She is consumed by a podcast from Rachel Bard, called Murder, She Spoke.
And when Rachel's podcast abruptly stops posting and Rachel disappears, Sera does what every other irrational (yes, you read that right) person would do, she goes in search of answers.
From the moment Sera arrives at Rachel's home, the Fountain Creek Guest Ranch, nothing seems normal. Everyone acts suspicious. Accommodations are wretched (with rats, oh joy). And basic necessities like food and WIFI are hard to come by. Nevertheless, Sera is not deterred in her pursuit for answers about Rachel's disappearance. And she plans to do so by becoming an employee at the ranch. Like I said, she is obsessed.

While I thought Sera needed to seek some professional help, with time, it is clear that the people in this area are hiding a secret, or more than one.
Are several missing girls dead?
Is Rachel dead?
Are her parents responsible for these possible crimes?
Is Jed (another worker at the ranch)?

Sera makes a lot of reckless decisions in her quest for answers, but it is likely, the mystery about Rachel and the other girls would not have been solved without her. So, I guess in the long run, it was worth it.

While the mystery was intriguing, the story felt disjoined at times. It takes some time for the story to build, so you'll need patience, but by the mid-way and certainly towards the end, things pick up and pieces begin to come together.

For those that love podcasts, and slower paced mysteries, you may want to check this out.

Links to come-
As someone who listens to tons of true crime podcasts, I LOVED this book. I enjoyed knowing references to the crime podcasts and the specific cases brought up sporadically. I loved the start to every chapter. I enjoyed the discussion about gender stereotyping and how women may be seen as “crazy.”
I enjoyed the creepy atmosphere throughout the book. All the cats? So strange, creepy, and I loved that! The characters are odd, and the location is in the middle of nowhere. I did find it a tad slow towards the middle, but overall it was a great read with suspense, twists, and the best atmosphere for a thriller. I will definitely be recommending this one, and I’m looking forward to reading more books by this author!

3.5 Following Clues Stars
* * * 1/2 Spoiler Free-A Quick Review
We live so much through things we see, read, and hear on the internet. One of the things that have taken off is podcasts. You can find a podcast for any interest. All sorts of people have made careers through them and True Crime has become a huge draw.

If I Disappear by Eliza Jane Brazier has taken this concept and has run with it. Imagine a woman who has developed a following of listeners, loyal, and involved. As the host, she is engaging and makes it feel as if she is talking directly to you when she breaks down the disappearance of a woman and the way the crime/rescue, etc. happens. She will tease clues keeping the listeners hooked until the end of a podcast or series of them.

Sera is one of the most dedicated listeners feeling like Rachel understood her and was sharing especially with her. These podcasts filled a void and when all of a sudden Rachel's shows stop...with no warning or explanation, Sera knows what she must do.

She has listened to every show, she has deciphered the hidden clues, and feels like Rachel is telling her and only her to find her.

This is what Sera decides blindly to do. The question to ponder is whether Sera will become another woman discussed on some other true-crime podcast.

this was SO good and SO gripping at first. I was absolutely loving this for probably.. 90% of the book but the ending absolutely ruined it for me. it makes 0 sense and is just way too unbelievable.
other minor things:
- I wish we had a little bit more backstory to Sera's obsession with the podcast and Rachel
- it makes no sense for someone who is so into true crime to share so much about where they live

This is a unique thriller and was exciting to read!! I loved the beautiful writing. I never knew if I was dealing with an unreliable narrator or not which made for an exciting plot. This is a murder mystery with an unsettling ending and still enjoyable!!

If I Disappear is that rare thriller that's actually thrilling--in that it's actually a beautifully written and truly terrifying story. I got actual goosebumps at the ending. Goosebumps!

Ripe with atmosphere and with a main character whose mental state you can never be sure of, If I Disappear offers up a murder mystery (and the latest in thrillers, a podcast, although this one is very unsettling and makes the already high creepiness factor even higher) that ends on a genuinely unsettling and terrifying note. I still, days later, wonder about how everything happened and what will happen next. That's the sign of a great thriller and a great book.

If you like thrillers that are unsettling-- and really unsettling, right down to an amazing and brutal end--you have to read this book!

If I Disappear is an atmospheric thriller about a true-crime podcaster who goes missing and the dedicated listener who sets out to find her. What’s fascinating is that the story is told from the perspective of Sera, the listener, and she feels she has this deep connection the Rachel, the podcaster. She feels as if Rachel speaks directly to her, so in Sera’s POV, she is often speaking directly to Rachel. It’s quite telling about the psychology involving those obsessed with any given media and how close they feel to those hosting or putting it out there. The plot is fast-paced and unpredictable. If you’re looking for an original thriller, be sure to check out If I Disappear today!

A creepy and fascinating story of an emotionally damaged woman looking for the broadcaster from her favorite crime podcast, who has disappeared into thin air

If I Disappear follows Sera - a depressed and lonely young woman, who’s only source of connection is with Rachel, who runs a murder mystery podcast. When Rachel suddenly stops posting, Sera takes it upon herself to solve the mystery of where Rachel disappeared to.
Ending up at Rachel’s family ranch, we meet a cast of interesting, unlikeable and mysterious characters. As Sera begins to uncover weird & alarming facts, it becomes increasingly clear she can trust no one. This story was a bit confusing and convoluted. The characters weren’t fully developed and there was a lot of repetition of dialogue. The ending didn’t appear to make much sense and didn’t give a feeling of conclusion to the story.