“You were destined for this job. In your worst moments, you said, I sometimes wonder if I’m destined to disappear.”

If I Disappear is following the current trend of incorporating a true crime podcast into its story; a story within a story, if you will. And because I’m a true crime lover, this is always catnip to my little kitty heart.
Down on her luck Sera spends the majority of her time listening to ‘Murder, She Spoke’, a true crime podcast hosted by Rachel Bard. Sera feels as if Rachel is speaking directly to her soul so when Rachel stops broadcasting without warning, Sera decides to investigate. Sera heads to the Fountain Creek Ranch where Rachel grew up and speaks of frequently in her podcasts. She meets Rachels decidedly odd parents just outside the not so aptly named town of Happy Camp. She takes a job at the ranch and begins her investigation in to what happened to Rachel. But who to trust? Everyone is sketchy and seems to have something to hide.

The story is told in Sera’s POV as if she’s talking to Rachel which works beautifully for this story and the characters. I got to know Rachel through her podcasts but only little sips at a time; just enough to keep the suspenseful edge and tension mounting. Through the podcasts that are interspersed throughout the story, I also gained insight into Sera’s character. She might be flawed and somewhat unreliable but she’s determined to find out the truth.

If I disappear is a thrilling and atmospheric suspense with a quickly paced plot that set the mood perfectly with its tense narrative. A must read for any fan of the genre.

This title immediately grabbed me as I used to be an avid listener to true-crime podcasts. All of them! “If I Disappear” really struck home, as it is about the effect of these narratives on the psychology of the listener—primarily women. Sera Fleece is also an avid listener to true-crime podcasts, particularly Rachel Bard’s. And now Rachel has disappeared. Sera is steeped in true-crime narratives and feels like she knows Rachel through the podcast—so of course, Sera feels that she has to find her.
Everything about this book is creepy—in a good way. Sera’s attachment to Rachel and willingness to blur that line between author/reader/podcaster/listener to mine kernels of Rachel’s life peppered through the podcast to find and visit and start working at Rachel’s family’s guest ranch is creepy. Rachel’s family is creepy—her cabin is creepy, having no electricity is creepy. The scene is set Sera to solve this mystery and in doing so, she puts herself in grave danger.
I have a lot of half-baked theories about why women listen to true-crime podcasts and I think I understand the dangers and pitfalls and also empowerment that comes along with empathizing with these stories and the people who tell them. These stories are depressing and scary and you can get depressed and scared in learning about them, but as Sera does here, you can use these feelings as a launchpad for action. Even if that action is reckless! Some of this narrative is tried and true—a vulnerable woman wanders into a mystery, with sinister figures, a romantic interest, long-buried secrets and a surprise ending…but this one is unique.

I really liked the idea of this book. It reminded me of a cross between I'll be Gone in the Dark and The Night Swim. Unfortunately the book fell a little flat for me. The side characters were all one-sided and they were easily confused. It was easy for me to get turned around in the story. The ending felt really lackluster and a bit disappointing. Overall it was a decent read, but definitely not one of my favorites.

When a true crime podcaster goes missing, her biggest fan goes to extreme lengths to find her. The podcaster left clues as to where to look if she disappeared- it’s almost as though she was expecting it. This ending up not being my favorite. I liked the first person narration and the premise. And that cover- my god! But ultimately I never got engrossed in the story like I had hoped to. Our narrator is similar to You’s Joe Goldberg- but without his charm. The writing has this dreamy quality that washed over me and left me wondering what I was actually reading. Ultimately I didn’t love it, but I think it could appeal to those that are more obsessed with true crime than I.

Author Eliza Jane Brazier published the novel “If I Disappear” in 2021. This is Ms. Brazier's first publication.

I categorize this novel as ‘R’ because it contains scenes of violence. The story is set in a remote part of Northern California. The primary character is Sera Fleece. A divorced woman in her 30s who has become obsessed with a true-crime podcast.

Another young woman, Rachel Bard, produces the podcast. When the podcasts suddenly stop, Fleece feels driven to find out what happened to her. Fleece drives to the small town near where Bard lived. She finds her way to the Fountain Creek Guest Ranch. Bard's parents own and run the ranch.

Fleece got undercover. She is nervous and has been fighting mental disorders for several months. She gets hired at the ranch as a summer worker and begins to investigate. The clues are few and the suspects plentiful. So many are keeping secrets.

I enjoyed the 7+ hours I spent reading this 304-page mystery. I have to say that I found this novel a bit odd. Part of that is from the first-person narrative. The flow of the plot also felt a little disjointed. Fleece turns out to not be much of a 'detective'. I do not like the chosen cover art. I give this novel a 3.4 (rounded down to a 3) out of 5.

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First of all the cover for this book is gorgeous!

The insides took a little getting used to because it's told as a letter from the protagonist to her favorite true-crime podcast host. Once I warmed up to the way the story was being told I was hooked! Sera is recently divorced and obsessed with a certain true-crime podcast. Like many of us who love true crime, she enjoys the sense of control and preparedness she feels after a good episode and she thinks of the podcast host as her friend sharing her experiences. So when the shot of her favorite podcast seemingly disappears Sera feels compelled to find her and because she's such a fan she feels like she may be the only one who cares and is able to unravel the mystery of her disappearance. She's determined to prove that her listening wasn't for nothing and she's learned enough to solve this mystery.
Part I'll Be Gone in the Dark and part adult Harriet the Spy If I Disappear was nonstop thrilling and kept me enthralled right up to the end! The end was a little strange because it didn't feel as planned out as the rest of the story, but I still really liked this book.

a must read for anyone who has ever called themselves a murderino or true crime fan

"Episode 1: When bad things happen in a small town - I don't mean to say it's worse. I don't mean to diminish anyone's experience. But there were twenty-three kids in my entire school. And then there were twenty-two."

The Story: Sera, a divorcee and loner lives her life vicariously through true crime podcasts. When Rachel, the host of the true crime podcast called Murder, She Spoke, goes missing, Sera sets off to Rachel's hometown at Fountain Creek Ranch, Northern California to investigate her mysterious disappearance.

My thoughts: As a true crime junkie, I absolutely loved the premise of this story! It was interesting although a mystery/thriller with true crime podcast element is not new.

The mystery surrounding the disappearance of Rachel and the investigative work by Sera were a delight to read! It was suspenseful and I was curious enough to keep turning the pages.

However, I did not quite enjoy the first person narration. It was written like a letter to Rachel, which I find were a bit choppy and awkward. The ending left me with more questions than answers and I was confused.

In a nutshell, this is a book with so much potential but unfortunately it didn't work that well for me. But if you're looking for a quick thriller, you may want to give this a try!

Pub. Date: Jan 26, 2021

***Thank you Berkley Publishing Group and NetGalley for this gifted review copy in exchange for an honest review.***

I give this book a 3.75 rating.

I read this book in a day, and being a slow reader that says something. It pulled me in from the start and kept my interest until the last page. I was a bit "put off" by the ending, but over highly enjoyed the story.

So our main character Sera loves true crime and when the creator of her favorite podcast disappears she decides that she is the one that will solve the crime. Sera sets off to the hometown of Rachel, the missing girl, and gets a job with Rachel's family.

I loved the format of this, bits and pieces of Rachel's podcasts starts each new chapter. It took me a bit to get used the POV though. It's Sera telling the story, but like she's telling it Rachel. I was reminded of second person POV, and I really don't like that, but this wasn't totally that either. So while it wasn't my favorite POV, I was able to still enjoy the story.

The ending, as I stated earlier, didn't fully appeal to me. It almost seemed that the author was grasping at straws at how this story was to end, this is what she threw in there. You really don't know who did what, or why some people died. (Can't really more than that or else I may spoil something.) It almost felt like a choose your own adventure.

Now the ending wasn't totally horrible, it just felt a little discombobulated compared to the rest of story that was very much enjoyable.

I would read more of this author when she gets more work published. (This is her debut I believe.) I would also recommend this thriller to anyone who likes odd twists and turns in the story, unreliable narrators (to a certain point), and people who are into podcasts. If this book comes out on audio, I will probably give it a listen as I believe it will make a very listen.

If I Disappear is a propulsive thriller. Tackling the extremely popular true crime podcast world can be a tough sell but Brazier did it. I can see why this one could garnish some not as favorable reviews but I loved it. I love an unreliable narrator who has a shaky take on the truth. It's hard to tell with Sera sometimes what is fact and what is fantasy and that made me think about what the ending could possibly mean and if she in fact disappeared or found herself.

I thought I could overcome the format of this book, but I just could not get used to it. From the start I just knew this narrator would be unreliable, but she was downright weird. The ending left me reeling, and not necessarily in a good way. More in a way that I was disappointed that I spent all that time reading and didn't find closure.

First, can we talk about this cover? I love it!

This book is about a true crime podcaster, Rachel, who goes missing and Sera, the obsessed fan who sets out to find her. The book reads like a letter from Sera to Rachel. The mystery surrounding this was intriguing and I flew through the book trying to find out what happened. But the main character, Sera, has pretty much zero personality. Her entire persona and life centers around Rachel and her obsessions with Rachel's podcast. It's honestly weird and stalkers considering she's never met the woman in her life.

The ending left me more confused than when I started. It's flat, open-ended, and left me with more questions than answers. It felt very rushed after so much buildup to the reveal. I'm torn on this book because I enjoyed reading it, but the plot and characters were definitely lacking. I did enjoy the little snippets of Rachel's podcast at the beginning of each chapter.

I think the premise had a lot of potential, but for me it just didn't deliver.

3.75 stars for this twisty and slightly confusing mystery/thriller.

Sera has become obsessed with a true crime podcast. And when the host, Rachel Bard suddenly drops off the radar, Sera knows that she must gather her arsenal of information learned from countless hours of listening to her and find out what happened to her. So, she heads to Fountain Creek Ranch in Northern California to Rachel's family ranch to hopefully get some answers.

What she finds is a strange town of Happy Camp, full of people who are very distrustful of the Bard family at the ranch, and then at the ranch, she meets Addy, Rachel's mom, who is equally distrustful of the people in Happy Camp. It is a weird dynamic for sure and Sera immediately knows there is something strange going on...

Pretending to be looking for work, Sera gets a job and a shabby little rat infested cabin there on the farm, working with horses and constantly trying to sidestep Addy's overbearing personality. During her stay she continues to uncover clues as to what happened to Rachel... Addy assumes she is dead, but other people in the town aren't so sure. They say that one thing is for sure: Rachel knows how to take care of herself.

This book is told from Sera's point of view, but she is talking TO Rachel the whole time. It was really strange to navigate at the beginning until I got used to it. This book is filled with unreliable characters and a very strange narrator. Like, Sera is odd! But she is a woman determined to get answers... And answers she gets, though they may not be the answers she is expecting.

*spoilers*

This was going to be a 4 star until the very last chapter (epilogue) which changed my mind completely to a 5 star rating. This book was what I needed to help me through my reading funk.

Sera Fleece (pronounced fleas) is in her mid 30s, newly divorced, no children and no job that has hyper fixated on a Murder Podcast. The host being Rachel who talks about missing girls and then one day stops Updating her podcast. Sera makes it her mission to find out where Rachel disappeared. Going to the small town Rachel is from, living on her parents land working and trying to put the pieces together on who took/killed Rachel. Everyone is that town is sus and no one wants to give Sera answers. She's alone and determined to find out the truth.

Sera is a pusher, she asks so many questions and I wanted to shake her so hard bc she wasnt being sneaky at all with her mission. You get to know characters in the book a lot more and find how all the puzzles fit. Loved it

Thanks Berkley Pub and Netgalley for the earc

Rachel runs a true crime podcast called Murder, She Spoke. One day she goes silent, so her biggest fan, Sera, decides to find out what happened to her. Sera is very much obsessed with the podcast so she feels like she truly knows Rachel. She relies on clues hidden in the podcast episodes to lead her to Rachel’s family ranch, where she must try to find Rachel and ultimately figure out why women keep disappearing from that very ranch.

Things I loved:
- Fast-paced and kept me guessing until the very end
- Touches on gender stereotypes and how women are often dismissed as “crazy”
- This read made me want to get back into true crime podcasts. I was obsessed for a hot second, but I had to stop listening when I started getting nightmares.

I loved the concept of this book. I thought it was original, especially with how popular true crime podcasts are nowadays. Overall, I enjoyed the book, but I still wanted more with the ending. It felt like there was just too much happening within the final chapters for me to wrap my head around everything. I do appreciate that this book helped me get over my reading slump and was different from my other reads this month.

Recommended Readers: If you’re a fan of true crime podcasts, this book is for you.

Thank you, NetGalley and Berkley Publishing Group, for an e-ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Sera Fleece is unemployed, recently divorced, and finding it tough to get out of bed. She spends most of her time listening to true crime podcasts and has found herself invested in one in particular: Murder, She Spoke. The podcast covers the unsolved disappearances of women and is hosted by Rachel Bard from her family’s guest ranch in Northern California. Sera has listened to each of the 84 episodes multiple times and likes to scroll through Rachel’s social media for insight into her everyday life.
When the podcast and social media accounts all abruptly stop updating, Sera fears that Rachel has become an episode of her own podcast.

Sera drives to Fountain Creek Guest Ranch to confirm Rachel is missing. She feels ridiculous but she has to know what’s happening. After a spontaneous job interview, Rachel’s mother Addy hires Sera as the new head wrangler. Rachel’s family and the nearby small town of Happy Camp all have secrets to hide and plenty of suspects with motive in Rachel’s disappearance.

If I Disappear is an intense debut thriller. Full of suspicious characters, strange clues, and a building sense of unease; I didn’t want to put this one down! I needed to follow along with Sera’s mostly unwise investigation, uncovering secrets and the truth about Rachel.

I recommend this book to readers who love an atmospheric thriller that kicks up the sense of dread the closer you get to the truth.

Thanks to Berkley and NetGalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for my honest review. If I Disappear is scheduled for release on January 26, 2021.

This one was definitely an interesting mystery that had me hooked and very curious as to where it would go. The main character Sera is really weird and I could not tell if she was actually unto something or just unhinged. The family that owns the ranch was bizarre and the combination had kept me reading. I enjoyed the podcasts tidbits at the beginning of the chapters. The ending had started to put the pieces together but was also again a little strange. It was a hard one to review because of how weird and different it was. I would say overall I enjoyed it and liked it but I didn't love it it.

Thank you BerkleyPub, Netgalley and Eliza Jane Brazier for giving me this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Sera loves true crime podcasts. They give her a sense of control in a world where women just like her disappear daily. She's sure they are preparing her for something. So when Rachel, her favorite podcast host, goes missing, Sera knows it's time to act. Rachel has always taught her to trust her instincts.
Sera follows the clues hidden in the episodes to an isolated ranch outside Rachel's small hometown to begin her search. She's convinced her investigation will make Rachel so proud. But the more Sera digs into this unfamiliar world, the more off things start to feel. Because Rachel is not the first woman to vanish from the ranch, and she won't be the last...
Rachel did try to warn her.

What a great debut novel, it was fast-paced, creepy, intense, a little weird, full of twists and surprises. And that ending, I didn’t see that coming at all.
For fans of true crime and podcasts this book is for you, I read it in one sitting.

If I Disappear releases January 26, 2021.

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This was an incredible interesting book. I was automatically hooked by the premise and instantly intrigued. It’s about a divorced thirty something Sera who is on a search for a missing woman Racheal who is a podcaster of one of her favorite shows. There were a lot of interesting twists and disturbing characters, at times I felt like it was very dilverance-esk but the ranch version. It was also interesting the whole book was very female forward and constantly commented on the different ways genders were treated in Whipering Hills (sp) and how it’s ok to do a lot of things because a person is a man but when a female does it they’re “crazy”. Which as someone currently living in the south it is very true that these gender stereotypes still exist and I liked that she brought light to that. Then the ending kind of threw me. I was left confused and feeling like I read more of a beefed up rough draft then a book. A lot of holes and questions and the middle was just messy to me. However I did receive an ARC so it might have just been that. I would read this one for the originality alone.

The plot drew me in quickly, and I couldn’t read this book fast enough. I was honestly surprised with how much I enjoyed the book because I hated the main character soo much. She was insanely annoying the whole way through and I thought that would make me end up hating the book, but I still devoured it quickly. Ending wasn’t what I was expecting but I was pleasantly surprised and think it went well with the story.

One of the best parts of being an author is getting to read early copies of my most anticipated new books. If I Disappear is one of those!

This is the ideal book for everyone who feels sucked into true crime stories and podcasts, sometimes to the point of obsession. What would you do if your favorite true crime podcast host abruptly stopped posting episodes? In this riveting psychological thriller, the main character Sera is convinced her favorite podcast host has been kidnapped or killed. No one seems to be doing anything, so Sera drives to the woman’s remote California ranch and takes up a job working for her parents, hoping to find out what happened to Rachel—and why no one seems to care when some women disappear.