Rarely do I read half a book and give up, but I did with this one. I got half way and still wasn't invested in the main character and didn't care to continue to even find out how this would all end - didn't help that the reviews I read said there was an open ending! The main character was weirdly obsessed with a podcaster, enough to go to her family's home and try to find her, it was just all to weird for me.

Keeps you guessing right up until the end...ideal for true crime podcast fans.

Obsessed with a true crime podcast, Sera Fleece drives to Happy Camp, California, searching for host Rachel Bard, who's suddenly gone missing. With little more than the clothes on her back, Sera shows up at the isolated ranch where Rachel lived and gets a job cleaning and minding the horses. From the moment she arrives, you're wondering, what is going on here? Is this a cult?

Author Eliza Jane Brazier leads us down a few different winding paths. And for the first half of If I Disappear I couldn't decide if Sera was lost and broken, or actually suffering from mental illness...probably both. Paranoia for sure, but maybe more? Once the action kicks in in earnest, Sera's tone shifts dramatically, and she seems more lucid and clear-headed than she ever was early on. There's a lot to parse around how women are dismissed as crazy (the word is used 54 times in the book). And around obsessed fandom/ stalking, which never gets mentioned (not surprising given it's told in first person from Sera’s perspective).

Quietly suspenseful, you'll be left wondering who to believe. A satisfying read.

If I Disappear is about Sera, a woman whose love of true crime podcasts bring her deep into the search for her favorite podcast host. Sera takes her understanding of her podcast and the host she feels close too far enough to try to solve her own mystery. I found If I Disappear a little difficult to get into, Sera's perspective was rather disjointed for my liking. However, I found the plot and story to be intriguing and powered through. Glad I did. I thoroughly enjoyed the story.

The need to know what is going on and to find out the truth in this book kept the pages turning for me. I loved the incorporatated podcast. I wish it had a bit more of that. This book definitely kept me guessing. For the way the book ended, it left some loose ends and made the dialogue through out the book seem long. I did enjoy this book, but I think at the same time it could have had so much more potential.

Thank you to NetGalley and the published for the opportunity to read this title ahead of its 2021 publication date.

If I Disappear is a debut mystery about a woman named Sera, somewhat lost herself, who has become obsessed with a true crime podcast about lost and missing woman run by Rachel. When Rachel herself seems to disappear and stop uploading her podcast, Sera takes it upon herself to travel to Rachel's parents ranch to try to find her and uncover the truth.

I thought the pacing of the first 3/4 of this book was good. It is written in first and second person, with Sera speaking directly to Rachel which takes a little getting used to, but it's isn't too distracting. I like the tension that was built throughout and the impending sense that something at the ranch was not right. However, it was the end of this book that lost me. Without giving away spoilers, I didn't mind the twist itself so much as I thought the entire ending was *very* farfetched, completed rushed, and somehow giving you too much detail while leaving some things completely hanging and unexplained. I don't mind ambiguity in an ending, but I don't think that was the intention here.

I appreciated what the author was trying to get across about women and our place in the world and how often women are taken, murdered, assaulted, etc. I felt that it was sometimes a little TOO blatant and not very nuanced but I appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.

I would read more from this author as this is a debut and I enjoyed the writing enough and found myself engaged and compelled to keep reading.

This was good, but the characters just didn't resonate with me. It is a fairly quick read and I really like the cover. Those are my 2 favorite parts.

Imagine if there was nothing going on in your life? Imagine if there was no one in your life that would notice if you disappeared? That is the basic premise with this book.

Sera is obsessed with a podcast about girls who disappear. When the author of the podcast disappears herself, she drops all of the nothing she has going on in her life to go try to find her. It's a bit stalker-y.

Also, I was half convinced that Sera was really Rachel (the podcast author) and that all of the other characters were just playing along. That about sums up how weird I thought this book was. FYI, it's not that weird. But it easily could have been. This clearly just didn't do it for me.

If I Disappear centers around Rachel, a true-crime podcaster who suddenly disappears from her family’s ranch. One of her listeners, Sera, decides to investigate the disappearance, and travels to the family ranch. It’s an interesting premise, but it never seems to build much suspense until the very end, and by then, I lost interest. The chapters are interspersed with snippets from the podcast, but they never make any sense or relate to the story until the conclusion. Didn’t really enjoy it. I received an ARC of this book from the publisher through @NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Razor sharp story of a young woman obsessed with a true crime podcast that centers around the disappearance of several young women. Sera has had her own share of problems with a divorce and the loss of her own child haunting her. When Sera’s favorite podcaster stops posting and no longer has any social media contact at all, Sera starts her own investigation. As Sera begins a new job at the family of her podcasters ranch things become very creepy and dark. Well written, extremely creepy story with lots of twists and turns.

***Thanks to NetGalley for providing me a complimentary copy of IF I DISAPPEAR by Eliza Jane Brazier in exchange for my honest review.***

3.5 STARS

When Sera’s favorite true crime podcaster Rachel stops posting, she assumes the woman has met with foul play. Determined to solve the mystery, Sera uses clues from the podcast in hopes of finding her hero.

Debut writer Eliza Jane Brazier uses synopses from podcast episodes to begin chapters, which introduces potential subplots of other missing women among as well as red herrings.

Narrated from Sera’s point of view, I often wondered about her reliability as a narrator. From the beginning, her obsessive attachment to Rachel caught my attention as a psychologist, especially as she almost seemed to think she understood the podcaster so well, they shared thoughts and feelings.

The plot and creepy minor characters kept me wondering about the level of Sera’s objectivity and even if she might actually *be* Rachel in a dissociative state. I had a hard time rooting for her throughout IF I DISAPPEAR, because I kept wanted to throw antipsychotic meds her to see if that was the mystery.

I never anticipated the twists and turns in IF I DISAPPEAR and I can’t say I finished the book feeling satisfied.

Mystery and thriller lovers will want to get their hands on IF I DISAPPEAR for this unique story with crisp writing and a very surprising ending.

This was a little too surreal for me. The protagonist/unreliable narrator was a hard character to like which made the book hard for me to get into. There was a lot of action, a few twists, and a beautiful setting. There were too many things left open at the end for me, this was just not my kind of book.

Sera loves listening to the podcasts of a woman of her own age that talks about true crime. When no new content is out, she goes to find the missing woman. She lived on a ranch that is isolated and despite her questions, nobody knows where she went.

Berkley and Net Galley let me read this book for review. It will be published January 26th.

Her mother says a gang killed her. She knows she's dead. But the mother is a controller and watches everything that Sera does. Sera hired on to take care of the horses so she'd have an excuse to snoop around.

She meets a ranch hand that is attractive and gets a crush on him. His wife supposedly went home to her parents and is divorcing him. But she's not at her parents. Is she another victim?

This book is chilling. Most everyone on the ranch is a bit cuckoo in one way or another. Sera gets a lot of warnings about where she can go and what buildings she can enter.

Then the mother wants her to move into the missing girl's room at the main house. She does it but she probably shouldn't have.

The ending is shocking. It wasn't at all what I expected. Did you see that coming?

Interesting premise! Will plan to include in my winter book recommendation roundup on Mashable.com. Will send along a link once live.

Eliza Jane Brazier has created a tale of darkness, heavy with ominous atmosphere and brittle emotions. IF I DISAPPEAR is the story of a woman determined to discover what happened to her favorite true crime podcast host. Are there secret hints to her whereabouts within her podcasts? Will the hidden truths be far more dangerous than Sera could have imagined.

Dark, dry and with a heavy feeling of storm clouds above, this tale is not an easy or fast read. For lovers of true crime thrillers, this can be savored at its slow, murky pace. For those who want more action in their reading or need some upbeat moments without dense entanglements, this can be a little harder to get through as the main character is a difficult person to know and feel for.

Still, an intriguing read written in an edgy style, if overly heavy style.

IF I DISAPPEAR by Eliza Jane Brazier is an enthralling debut thriller! We follow Sera as she tries to find Rachel, a true crime podcast host, who has disappeared. Right away this book reminded me of The Night Swim by Megan Goldin (I loved The Night Swim!) with the inclusion of snippets of the podcasts.
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I was completely hooked into this book. I read it in one day! I loved the pacing and the mystery elements and I liked how all the characters were straight forward. The setting was quite unsettling as well which leant a nice extra thrill element. The only downside for me was the narration felt a bit clunky at times because there was so much use of the second person point of view. Maybe I’m just not used to it used so much. Overall a great thriller read that I’d definitely recommend!

QUICK TAKE: when a true crime podcaster goes missing, her biggest fan decides to make herself part of the story by trying to track her down and finds herself working for the podcaster's family on their isolated and mysterious dude ranch. As Sera gets to know the family and other members of the community, she finds herself part of a dark and dangerous mystery. This one was a bizarre blast...part I'LL BE GONE IN THE DARK, part SHARP OBJECTS, the author does a brilliant job leaning into the macabre and mysterious while writing whip-smart, crackling dialogue and introducing readers to some of the strangest characters I've ever read on the page. Definitely worth prioritizing when this one is out next year.

A depressed young woman who is recently divorced becomes obsessed with a podcast about missing women. When the podcaster goes missing, the main character goes on a search using clues and lessons from the podcasts. A clever premise but tries for a twist that ends with a fizzle. A couple of things just didn't fit. Creative but missed the mark.


Copy provided by the publisher and NetGalley

Rachel runs a podcast about missing women called Murder, She Spoke. When she suddenly goes silent - no social media activity, no new podcasts - her biggest fan, Sera, starts to suspect she's gone missing.

Sera decides to take matters into her own hands and find out what happened to Rachel. Afterall, it's what Rachel has been training her for with all of the information and tips provided through the podcasts. Sera heads to Rachel's family ranch in the wilderness of Northern California and pretends to be a drifter looking for work. But once a part of the daily life on the ranch, Sera realizes she may be the only person looking for Rachel making her question everyone and everything surrounding Rachel's mysterious disappearance.

I really enjoyed the mystery this book created. Brazier's writing evoked beautiful images of the countryside and painted some pretty unique and memorable characters. I didn't think it was overly predictable but I did find that there were a lot of loose ends that left me with questions. The novel ended without wrapping everything up which I thought worked well for the story but I know can leave some readers wanting more.

I love when a novel mixes formats and this included snippets of Rachel's podcast at the beginning of each chapter. Some of the snippets were incredibly intriguing and I wish those had been played up more as the story unfolded.

Sera, though in her mid-thirties, felt like a very young, immature and naive character to me. I found her obsession with Rachel over the top and I wish there had been more back story about how that came about. I think it would have made her character more relatable if her history had been fleshed out in more detail rather than sporadic and hazy references to a miscarriage and a loveless marriage.

The writing also took some getting used to as it felt to me like the novel was written as if it was a letter from Sera to Rachel, almost making the reader feel as though s/he is Rachel.

Overall this was a really enjoyable read and one I would definitely recommend if you like a good mystery, shady and quirky characters, and books that incorporate podcasts.

Thank you to NetGalley and Berkley for an advanced copy of this novel.

This book was much slower than I wanted it to be, but it always kept me intrigued about what was going on.
My main issues with it was that the characters didn't make a lot of sense. The main character didn't seem to have a real life before the book started, we barely hear anything about it and what we do hear is forgotten fast. The other characters seem a bit inconsistent so that we won't know who really is involved or responsible.
I also was very uncomfortable about the amount of animal abuse/harm/death that there is in this book.
But I did enjoy the ending! It was somewhat unexpected and fun! Again, it didn't make sense entirely for me, but it was an entertaining read and I recommend if you want to pick up a mysterious thriller!

Thank you so much to Berkley Publishing, Netgalley, and Eliza Jane Brazier for my copy of If I Disappear. The premise was crazy good and I am a huge sucker for a podcast story. This story is about Sera, a true crime junkie. When the host of her favorite podcast seemingly disappears, Sera takes it upon herself to travel to her hometown to conduct an investigation of her own. Sera begins to find hidden clues and realizes that there is a lot more going on than she originally thought.

Thoughts: I really enjoyed the podcast element of this book. There were so many twists and turns that I really had no idea what was going on or where the story was going. The premise really sucked me in from the beginning and I enjoyed the writing in this book. I liked how this book had a lot of underlying creepiness and I actually thought the main character was delusional at points. She really was lost in her obsession and some of her traits irritated and frustrated me. I did not connect with her at all and found her to be a flat character, with no reason to exist besides her obsession.

I also felt that there were quite a few loose ends that were not explained well or explained at all. The build in this story was great, but the ending felt rushed and wasn’t necessarily satisfying. I don’t enjoy when a reader has everything spelled out for them, but the subtle creepiness in the story was enjoyable. 3-stars for me.

*Review originally published on mysteryandsuspense.com on 11/7/20.
https://www.mysteryandsuspense.com/review-if-i-disappear/


Lately, there has been a trend of incorporating a podcast into the telling of a mystery or thriller. I have seen this gimmick used successfully, and I have seen it fail. Luckily, it’s a highly effective plot device in IF I DISAPPEAR.

Sera Fleece doesn’t have much going for her. Recently divorced and without a job, she spends all of her time listening to her favorite podcast, “Murder, She Spoke.” Rachel Bard is the host, and the podcast (currently at 84 episodes) delves into missing women.

Then, all of a sudden, the podcast comes to an abrupt stop. Rachel’s social media has no new updates. She is a missing woman.

Sera, who feels she knows her so well after obsessing over the podcast, decides she is the one to find her. Sera studies the podcast episodes, finds what she believes are hidden clues layered into the stories, and sets off to the northern backcountry of California, where Rachel lived with her family. Fountain Creek Guest Ranch, to be precise.

Sera meets Rachel’s parents under the guise of looking for a job on the ranch. That’s how she starts the investigation. Through clumsy questioning and getting to know a host of suspicious people, it soon becomes clear to Sera that there are many possible motives for making Rachel disappear...and that immediate danger might be making its way to the ranch.

“I sometimes wonder if I’m destined to disappear.”

This is the debut novel from Eliza Jane Brazier. Color me impressed! It’s a taut mystery with many things to entice the reader: a possibly unreliable narrator, a cast of suspicious characters, suspense that increases at a steady pace...and keeps increasing as Sera wants to confide in someone what she is really doing in town, but doesn’t know who she can trust. Her suspicions change often, and it’s quite exhilarating to guess if she’s on the right path or completely off base.

The podcast is cleverly threaded throughout the story, and we get glimpses of numerous episodes at the start of each chapter. Are we also finding the secret clues that Sera found? I devoured this in one sitting, and couldn’t help but race to the finish line, which wraps up with an unexpected and delicious conclusion.

If you’re looking for a fast-paced, atmospheric mystery with a strong sense of foreboding and increasing intensity, then look no further.

Sincere thank you to Berkley for providing me an ARC to review.