Sera is divorced, childless, and has been listening to Rachel’s crime podcast, ‘Murder, She Spoke’ devotedly. Sera feels as if Rachel is speaking directly to her soul so when Rachel stops broadcasting without warning, Sera decides to investigate.

Sera, who never has finished anything she's started in her life (including her marriage too, it appears), gets a job working with the horses at Fountain Creek Ranch (owned by Rachel’s parents), where people come to stay in the summertime. She begins her investigation. Who can she trust? Everyone appears sketchy and has something to hide. Interestingly, the POV is Sera’s, but as if she is talking to Rachel.

More surreal than realistic like a murder mystery/thriller would be, sometimes, the story droves me crazy. Then again, there are parts when reality is there. It is a story that is not sure what it is, real or not. Again, with Sera acting the way she does and even talking to her hero who isn’t there, maybe it might work for many readers. Not too sure, it did for me.

TWO-CENT TUESDAY
Below are a few (somewhat) brief, $.02 opinions about books I've read or listened to recently but don't have the time, inclination, or opportunity to review in full. Their appearance in this recurring piece often has little to nothing to do with merit. Some I enjoyed as much or more than those that got the full court press. I hope you'll consider one or two for your own TBR stack if they strike your fancy whether they struck mine or not.

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If I Disappear, by Eliza Jane Brazier


If you're a fan of mysteries based on true crime podcasts, this one may be for you. Sera is just such a fan and since her divorce she's spent most of her time listening to Murder, She Spoke. She's obsessed to the point that the "disappearance" of the podcast's host sends her off on her own hunt to figure out what happened to Rachel.

Enter creepy hometown in Northern California called Happy Camp, and Rachel's equally odd and strangely unworried family. While some of the plot involved in Sera's quest stretches the bounds of possibility, it's all in furtherance of the mystery I wanted to see unfold. On the whole an entertaining read that kept me turning pages and wondering who the most suspicious and least-trustworthy of all the characters would turn out to be.

The mystery surrounding Rachel intrigued me at first glance; however I was a unsure of Sera’s true motivations, while she is the main protagonist, for a solid portion of the novel she is also her own worst enemy. As a stranger in a new town and hesitant of who to trust, Sera tells lie after lie all the while pointing a finger at everyone she comes across (and not in the most settle way either). Abrupt, a poor liar, and shaking with nerves, Sera is far from a believable main character; while I had hopes that her development would improve as the story inched closer to the big reveal, sadly it did not. The clues, I felt, lacked realism unlike the snippets of podcast entries at the beginning of each chapter which are alarming, haunting, and gritty.

Brazier does a wonderful job with the use of her description and imagery to depict Sera’s enviroment on the ranch—poorly lit, too much open space, and people randomly popping up out of nowhere. I truly believed that the culprit was watching Sera from afar, just lying in wait for their chance to strike (in many ways this proved true). Although, just when I thought I was one the verge of having selected the villain and solved the mystery, Brazier throws another wrench in my hypothesis and I’m back to square one. But there are only so many twists and turns a writer can make before your audience becomes confused with the direction of the story. In one instance I believed Sera to be Rachel based on the treatment she received from those around her, like Rachel’s parents, brother, and ex-friends. They all mention that she had issues and would leave for a period of time and come back as ‘a new person’. Thus this explained Sera’s obsessive nature and paranoid mind, a split personality. Sadly, this theory lasted only a few chapters before I came to the realization that Sera couldn’t be Rachel and again, back to the drawing board I went.

There wasn’t a direct course of action for where the mystery was heading. Even though there is main streamline of how the missing women are connected, the pieces don’t fit well together, leaving probably the biggest plot hole of all (no spoilers, but if you get to the end you’ll know what I’m talking about). I can’t help but think that if this was a story of split personality or even if the clues flowed better and we are given a strong, well grounded motive, the novel in itself would have improved in terms of captivating my attention, instead of leaving me flat standing in the middle of nowhere.

If you like slow burn mysteries or suspense novels with a 50/50 chance of a sequel, this book maybe for you. Regardless of the rushed ending and hectic order of events, If I Disappear will definitely keep you up late at night wondering if it would be better to sleep with the lights on.

RATING ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I had the wonderful opportunity to join the Blog Blitz of If I Disappear debut launch. Huge thank you to Penguin Random House/Berkley Publishing for the chance to review an advance copy.

Be sure to checkout the Author Q&A on my blog at:
https://fallbetweenthepages.com/advanced-books/2021/1/24/if-i-disappear-author-qampa

Sera’s obsession with a true crime podcast intersects with the real world when the host of her favorite show suddenly stops broadcasting. Sera is convinced she has disappeared and is determined to find her. So she sets out to the remote Northern California forest resort where Rachel and her family live to check things out - and she finds a strange world, where Rachel’s disappearance isn’t acknowledged, her parents isolate themselves and their employees from the outside world and there are hints that Rachel isn’t the only young woman to suddenly vanish from the ranch.

The set-up for the story was nearly perfect - an isolated location with some really strange characters who almost refuse to acknowledge the weirdness of their situation. Even the people in the nearby “town,” it’s not much of a town however, seem very cagey about anything to do with the family and events from the past. It gives the novel a great creepy vibe.

And especially with true crime podcasts being so big right now - this definitely has a “what if it really happened” vibe...or a “how much do you know about who’s sending out that message” feeling. As each new clue was uncovered, I was more and more hooked. The author really hits the right notes with this one!

I just wasn’t necessarily a huge fan of the ending. It seemed too ambiguous and abrupt after the whole journey we had been on with the characters. I can’t give away too much, but some things were definitely wrapped up, but I wish some other things were more clearly spelled out and we got more closure so that we could really close the book on this one, in a matter of speaking.

But I would still recommend this one. I really enjoyed reading it and I was definitely hooked from the beginning. It’s a creepy, atmospheric read that fans of psychological mysteries will enjoy.

I'm always a huge fan of fiction involving modern technology, especially when it's as relevant to today's media as podcasts are. Everyone has a podcast these days, and that's something more authors should capitalize on - lots of shenanigans can happen! This story is a great example of that, although I did feel that the ending lacked a bit of punch in comparison to the start / build up. Still, a thoroughly enjoyable ride - and what a cover! Gorgeous!

I found this book to be just okay.
Hated the ending I feel like we didn’t get any answers.

My biggest issue is how much this book reminds me of a criminal minds episode. I mean the whole thing about young women staying with an old couple, and them being missing for years. It almost seems like they took that episode and changed a few things. Weird.

After reading The Night Swim about podcasts, I was really intrigued by the synopsis of If I Disappear, which is also based on a woman who loves true crime podcasts trying to solve a mystery based on her favourite podcast. I listened to this on audio, but I typically enjoy thrillers on audio, this one was a little all over the place for me. I didn't find myself dragged in or connecting to the story at all, which only got worse as more and more characters were introduced. There were so many characters I got really confused, which made me zone out a big while I listened. The entire book I just questioned if Sera was extremely unstable, then the big twist made me rewind and listen again because I was so confused what was actually happening.

Even though it wasn't a huge hit for me, there were some great parts to it. The podcast part was interesting, which I clearly enjoy in a book. It was interesting to watch the unraveling of who did what and how it all unfolded. I don't love open ended endings, especially in epilogues, but that might really work for readers who love endings that leave them thinking.

This book was very different. It wasn’t what i was expecting at all. I was curious about the main characters obsession with Rachel. I didn’t really get why she was so drawn to figure out what happened to Rachel. I think it was a great premise. There was a lot of suspense. I suspected everyone. I didn’t fully understand why people behaved the way they did until the end. And i was not expecting the ending! That was something else. I liked this book. I ended up enjoying it but it wasn’t my favorite either. The suspense and mystery of it all was my fav part

Negatives i would say, i wanted a little more things to happen. Maybe a little less repetitive. But overall a good read

Can I just start with this cover is EVERYTHING. I adore it. Then the synopsis: true crime podcast element (CHECK), mysterious disappearance, a potentially unhealthily invested MC, and then a creepy ranch in the middle of nowhere? This is everything my little thriller-loving heart could ask for.

If I Disappeared grabbed me from the start and I read it over two days because I HAD TO KNOW what was up! I am not typically a can of first-person narratives but I think Brazier did such a good job and I really loved her writing style that it worked well for me. Sera was also just a really compelling, flawed, interesting main character.

I'd say the first 80% of the book earned a 4.5 stars from me, but the ending (which I do consider a make it or break it with thrillers) was.... confusing? rushed? abrupt? fast-paced? I'm not terribly sure what happened and I didn't feel like it was explained or foreshadowed enough to work for me.

IG: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKg-8TNgK7a/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read If I Disappear. The premise and cover are amazing, however, I just couldn't get into it, so it's a DNF for me. I didn't care for the writing style and found it to be too slow.

If one enjoys podcasts, this was an interesting and gritty mystery. This story was too much of a slow burn for me, however I did appreciate the podcast sections. One of my favorite covers of the year.

I had difficulty finishing this one, unfortunately. I enjoyed the writing, but I had a difficult time getting into the story.

I unfortunately just couldn’t get into this book. I thought the concept was interesting but had a really hard time staying focused.

I feel like this was more of a suspense/mystery than thriller so didn't love the genre tags. This was a weird book. I really wish I had done a buddy read on it because I finished it with more questions than answers. Ultimately, I’m not really sure how I feel about it - at times I was engaged and intrigued, but at other times, I was confused and downright irritated. It also was a slowburn. This did take me a while to get into.

Thank you very much for a copy of this novel!

**Thank you Netgalley, Eliza Jane Brazier, and Berkley Publishing Group for an advanced reader copy of this book.**

Sera is a recent divorcee who listens to a true crime podcast religiously. But when the podcaster abruptly stops posting, Sera begins to worry. She becomes a detective, trying to find out what happened to her favorite podcaster, Rachel. Sera travels all over to find leads and track down Rachel.

I just couldn't get into this one. Sera's behavior was troublesome for me and I wasn't able to connect with her obsessive nature. The pace of the story was nice and it was a quick read, but I just couldn't get into the story line. I think that Sera's obsessive behavior could have built up throughout the story rather than being shown all at once in the beginning.

The narrative was a bit confusing at times as well. It took me a while to be able to comprehend. I believe this was done to show that the narrator (Sera) was unreliable, but I wasn't a huge fan of the first person point of view.

The ending left a lot to be desired. It wasn't what I was expecting, but I also didn't feel that it did the story justice.

This is a 2.5 stars rounded up to 3 because the premise of the book is intriguing and I enjoyed the story but was left with a lot of questions at the end.

I struggled with the main character’s need to find Rachel based on she followed her podcast, seemed too far fetched that anyone would drop everything and move into her home with her family. This ended up being a DNF as I just didn’t find the plot that interesting.

This was a really strange book, and all the more fascinating for it.

For starters, it's told in second person (I think there might be a different name for this POV but the terminology escapes me at the moment), which makes the entire reading experience quite jarring. However, by the end, it all makes sense why it's told this way.

As for the mystery itself, this isn't one that's really conducive to guessing. I mean, sure, you can guess? But it seemed to me to be less about solving the mystery (because a lot of the book doesn't really give you any solid clues) and more about stepping back and watching where the story goes.

The end to this one left me thinking, and while I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the story, I am impressed by the risks the author took in the way this story was told -- especially in a genre saturated with familiar plotlines and straightforward storytelling. I'd read more by this author.

Thank you Berkley Pub for an advanced e-galley in exchange for an honest review.

F-ed up. That's how I would describe myself after finishing If I Disappear. The whole time I was reading it, it was like watching a movie and you know the bad guy is JUST. RIGHT. THERE. I felt dirty, and gross, and scared. And like a trapped animal. And it's damn amazing.


Brazier makes you feel so uncomfortable while reading and that's how you know she's a good writer. The story is compelling and eerie and you have to know what's going to happen next. I became addicted to this book in a matter of pages. I felt sick at the idea of everything ending. Even thought eventually it does, and somehow I made it through.


There are trigger warnings, so be prepared. And the emotions you'll feel won't come lightly. If I Disappear surprised the hell out of me. I picked it because it sounded good. But it ended up being one of the best books I've read this year.


5/5 Stars

Sera needs to find Rachel because she is the only one that can. Rachel hosts a missing person podcast and Sera is obsessed. Brazier takes the traditional mystery genre and transforms it into something new and disturbing. The second person narrative brought a different feel to the book and made Sear seem off center. This added to the depth of Sera's character but it seemed to stop there. Over the course of the book the reader does learn more about her past but it felt very shallow and did not add to the content or character of her. For most of the book, Sear seemed detached while obsessing over a woman she did not even know, all because she thought she had disappeared. Rachel's podcast did make appearances throughout the book but they were in segments and didn't really give enough to fully textualize what the podcast was like. I would have enjoyed hearing at least a couple of episodes to know how Rachel saw the world and the people in it. The plot felt unsteady, in places fast then slowing down to a weird transitional pace. Giving the reader a sense of urgency that may propel them to read more or wonder what the heck is going on. Over all the book was sort of enjoyable, readers will walk away with a shock at the end but was the journey worth the ending.... it may not have been

This copy was kindly provided to me by Netgalley and the publisher for review: all opinions are my own. '

This is a book I walked away from and have no idea how to rate it. I finished a month ago as I am writing this review and am still unsure if it a 3.75-4. I really enjoyed it, actually couldn't put it down but it was also uncomfortable to read. I think the best way to describe how I felt was overall disturbed. I'm still feel disturbed when thinking about this book. It is atmospheric, spooky and weird (but not in a bad way- know what I mean?) and just left me feeling OFF.

The part that made the book feel so weird is that the narrator speaks in second person but by talking to the missing true crime podcast host, Rachel, she is searching for. Its like shes trying to connect more, make it feel like shes written a chronology of all she wants Rachel to know of what she is doing and how Rachel influences her actions even though they've never met. There is an overwhelming knowing that something is off about our narrator Sera. That maybe not all is well with her mentally, that she verges into points of obsessive and stalker-ish, yet we don't have a clear sense of what it is. It made her feel unreliable (in a good way). was she telling us what was really happening? Or just what she wanted Rachel to know?

The plot twist at the end of the book, and I do mean the END, will surprise many. I saw it coming but I normally do with mystery thrillers. The hints that not all is as it seems, not quite right with the whole situation are the clues to what to expect. Putting it in the last chapter had me gasping though, that feeling of 'AHAAA, I was right! but holy shit what happens next?' and we never know what comes after!! What will Sera do? Will she do what is right or follow her obsession? WE DON'T KNOW

I loved that the chapters began with information (I am assuming from Rachel's podcast) of different murder cases. And that even as Sera was battling inner demons, the ranch she felt watched always at and a town for answers on what happened to Rachel, that she was also fighting for the woman who were missing, murdered and lost to the cruelty of people.