Unfortunately this was a DNF for me. It just didn't draw me in and I did not want to get bogged down trying to continue reading it.

I wanted this to be better than it was, and I can't even really explain what it was missing? I think we've had a lot of podcast thrillers lately

Eliza Jane Brazier's debut novel tells the story of an avid true crime podcast listener who upends her life to search for her favorite podcast host when she goes missing. This book is perfect for lovers of true crime podcasts and will definitely get you interested in listening if you don't already. IF I DISAPPEAR is extremely eerie, entertaining, and will keep you hooked until the shocking final reveal.

This is an extremely unique thriller that had me invested in the story from the first page. The first thing that intrigued me about IF I DISAPPEAR was the writing style. Many people would incorrectly label this book as being written in second person because of the use of "you" throughout, but this book is actually written in what's called "direct address," where the main character is talking to another person the whole time. A huge part of the creepy factor in this story is the way Sera, the main character, talks to Rachel, her favorite podcast host, the whole book.

At first, this will be very off-putting because Sera reveals very little about herself when the reader is first introduced to her. The beginning of the story leading up to when Sera inserts herself into Rachel's old life and starts investigating her disappearance feels very detached, but as you continue reading, you realize this was done in an intentional and masterful way. The title of this book is right on the nose, because disappearing, both literally and figuratively, is a the main theme of this book. Sera herself has felt like she has been disappearing for the past few years of her life since getting married, getting pregnant, having a miscarriage, and getting divorced. After these events, Sera suffers a deep depression in which she can't work or get out of bed, and spends all her time listening to Rachel's podcast, which is where her obsession with Rachel comes in.

It is easy to see why Sera relates to and latches on to Rachel as the story develops: Sera listens to Rachel's podcast episodes about women who go missing, and she feels Rachel gives their stories a voice. When Rachel herself goes missing, Sera feels compelled by her own feelings of losing herself to find a fellow lost woman. One thing I didn't like so much was the repetition of the phrase "if I disappear," as I feel the message of the book would have been just as strong without the literal use of the phrase, because this book covers so many aspects of how women can disappear throughout their lives.

Another standout element of this story was the setting. The descriptions of the ranch where Rachel lived and the surrounding area were so vivid and detailed and really contributed to the feelings of isolation and atmosphere of the whole story. Every piece of the setting added some layer of creepiness to the plot, from the deformed pack of dogs that follows Rachel's mother around the ranch to the horse herd that bullies one of the horses. Everything about the way the setting was written echoed Sera's own feelings of being isolated from other people and from her own life.

As it should with any good thriller/mystery, the sense of dread builds as we get to know more about both Rachel and Sera's lives and gets stronger and stronger until what you think is the climax and big reveal. I will admit that I thought I had the reveal figured out based on some of the clues given around 80% of the way through, but ended up being totally wrong in the end. Some readers won't like the open-ended conclusion, but for me it really worked and spoke to the message of the story in an exciting way.

This book provided exactly the escape I've been craving from literature lately with its amazing setting and thrilling plot. IF I DISAPPEAR completely distracted me from my own life and took me on a wild, unsettling adventure that has definitely made me want to pick up more thrillers and give some true crime podcasts a try. If you're looking for a total diversion from the world around you, I highly recommend picking up this unique book (and keeping the lights on when you go to sleep after you finish).

Thank you Berkley Publishing & NetGalley for the review copy!

For fans of True crime podcasts, this book was definitely intriguing! It’s decently twisty and has an incredibly eerie setting of a highly secluded ranch in a small town.

It started as an extremely slow burn for me and I felt it only really picked up at the end once everything really started to unravel. This is when I finally got hooked, I just wish it was for a little longer!

Sera as a protagonist was a bit of a roller coaster for me. Some times I was rooting for her and others I found myself truly irritated and screaming at my kindle for all the foolish decisions that I thought she was making!

I throughly enjoyed how each chapter started with an excerpt from one of Rachel’s past podcast episodes but ultimately I felt that the book just had so much more potential with this aspect!

Bonus points for a beautiful & mesmerizing cover!

What a wild ride of a story! This book truly had me second guessing and questioning everything as I continued to read, but also had me so confused with what was going on! Sera is obsessed with Rachel’s true crime podcast, and after losing her job, marriage, and everything else in her life it seems that this podcast and the host are the only things she’s holding onto. But when Rachel stops posting and uploading, Sera becomes obsessed with what happened and what’s going on and decides to take matters into her own hands and travels to Rachel’s town to get answers for herself and uses past podcast episodes as clues to help her get answers. Upon arrival, Sera meets Rachel’s mother Addy and secures a job and housing on the family farm, further solidifying herself into Rachel’s life, and works to investigate and get answers in a town that isn’t concerned at all. I was on the edge of my seat while reading trying to figure out where Rachel was and if something really happened to her, but in the end, I felt the ending was a little rushed and confusing. Overall, the storyline was great but the back and forth of the writing had me going back to re-read because I was a little confused.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an Advance Reader Copy of this book.

Thank you for the opportunity to read this book. I could not connect with the characters and was not able to finish. So I won't be leaving a full review.

Do you ever read a book and you don’t know where it’s going? Then the pieces start to come together and you’re like wow this is really clicking. Then the end leaves you like WTF? Well, that is this book!

I like books to be wrapped up neatly at the end. I don’t like any pieces floating out there for me to figure out and this one did just that. It's s good suspense novel that keeps me guessing. If you're not bothered by an ending that leaves something to the imagination, this may be a great title for you!

This was one book I’ve been wanting to read since I first saw it. I’m a thriller/ true crime lover and so I ate this one up in on swift bite.

When her favorite true crime podcast host goes missing, an adrift young woman sets out to investigate and plunges headfirst into the wild backcountry of Northern California and her own dangerous obsession.

The interesting premise drew me in, a true crime podcaster goes missing and a consumed fan sets out to search for her. Once on the isolated ranch where the podcaster lived Sera is surrounded by creepy, suspicious characters and her obsession with Rachael ( the missing podcaster) is unsettling. The story unravels with disturbing twists and foreboding suspense. However, I failed to connect with any of the characters and what started for me as an intriguing unconventional narrative fell short.

Rachel is a true crime podcaster and when she suddenly disappears her biggest fan, Sera, wants to be the one to help find her. Sera decides to travel to Rachel’s home and pretend she is looking for a job on the family ranch. While posing as a worker she is secretly investigating Rachel’s disappearance. Sera definitely can tell things are not what they seem but she’s determined to find Rachel.
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This story was a roller coaster for me. I found the first third of the book to be a little slow and I had trouble getting use to Sera as narrator. The story is told as if she speaking to Rachel. I thought the second half really picked up and I flew through it but then the ending was a little clunky to me. Overall, the premise of the story was interesting and it had some entertaining parts that are worth reading.

Special thanks to NetGalley and Berkeley Publishing Group for the ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

Going in to this book, I have to say I was a little hesitant. After reading the excerpt it reminded me of another book with a podcast on crime and a Rachel in the story. I will tell you what book it reminded me of, if you're curious, pm me.

Anyway, I was oh so wrong! This book pulled me into a completely different way of thinking. No similarities between the books at all! Sera, whose favorite part of her day is listening to a podcast, about crimes. Rachel who is the podcaster always has great podcasts on crime and the evil that's out there and tells her listeners to be careful and has tips on not being a victim. Until, one day, Rachel goes missing. Sera, cannot have this. This podcast was her everyday treat and she cares about Rachel, feels she knows her from hearing her voice everyday.I

so Sera she goes on the hunt for Rachel. As she gets closer and closer to the truth, she finds out there is something creepy and strange going on and Rachel is definitely not the only girl missing here.

This book has a big twist, so crime lovers and podcast listeners line up, because this book is for you. Rounded up to a 4 from a 3.5.

3.5 stars

"If you want to be led down a rabbit hole and gaslighted (AND I DID,) then this book is for you."

Review to come on FreshFiction.com. I will post the link once it goes live.

If I Disappear is an intriguing book that follows one woman's obsession with a podcaster that goes missing. As we follow Sera on her investigation we watch her make one bad decision followed by another. This novel made me uncomfortable and although it was well written I truly disliked many of the characters. Maybe that means it was successful in it's intent. I think you should judge for yourself.

** I received an electronic ARC from NetGalley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review of this book.

If I Disappear is told in second person, and I could not get into this style of writing for this particularly book. In fact, it took away from the overall narrative for me, and I didn’t quite enjoy this book while I found the plot initially interesting

IF I DISAPPEAR BOOK REVIEW

Rating: ⭐️⭐️💫
Drink rec: Blackberry Whiskey Lemonade

The premise of this book totally drew me in—our main character, Sera, is a crime podcast junkie. When the host of her fav podcast, Rachel, goes missing, she takes it upon herself to go to Rachel’s hometown and investigate.

I was hoping for a fast-paced investigation similar to A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, but this one was much more of a slow-burn mystery. A lot of the story centered around Sera investigating Rachel’s family ranch and uncovering clues. There was overall such a creepy vibe to this one, but I was left feeling underwhelmed by the mystery and ending.

If you like eerie, slow burn mysteries with lots of unreliable and untrustworthy characters, you’ll enjoy this one!

Thank you to @berkleypub for sending me this free copy!

TW: death of an animal

As a fan of true crime podcasts, I identified a little bit with the main character of this book, Sera. A little bit is the key phrase....Sera is obsessed with one podcaster. Rachel, who has a podcast about missing women called Murder, She Spoke. When the host goes silent on social media and no new episodes of Murder, She Spoke are appearing, Sera goes in search of her favorite podcaster....

I liked how snippets of the podcast were worked into the chapters of this story. The point of view was an interesting effect as well. Sera speaks as if the reader were Rachel. The story is intense....this isn't a comfortable read. Bizarre events. Strange people. A main character who seems strong and intelligent...but so close to a breakdown. An odd and unsettling story told in an odd and unsettling way.....but a compelling one. I binge read this book in one night because I couldn't put it down.

The ending was a bit strange....but I had no problem with that as the entire story just pretty much lends itself to strange. Very entertaining book! It kept me on the edge of my seat with a strong case of the heebies from start to finish!

**I voluntarily read a review copy of this book from Berkley Publishing. All opinions expressed are entirely my own. **

I really enjoyed this one, especially the podcast aspect of it. I did feel at times that it got a bit off track, and the ending was a little bit muddled and unclear. Overall though, it had some great twists and turns, and the creep factor given off by some of the characters is excellent.

4-5 stars, while I did enjoy this captivating read, I think something was lacking from it being a totally mind blowing read! Maybe because this type of setting, an amateur investigator type, has been done a few times, but could just be my mood. I think while it is something seen in past thrillers, this was still quite unique and well written. Pretty gripping throughout the entirety. Excellent character development, which made me invested in the story! Lots of great twist and turns, thrills, chills, and shocks! Definitely highly recommend!

From the moment I began reading this thriller, I knew it was going to suck me in and I wouldn't be able to put it down. The crazy thing is, the concept of amateur investigators isn't new and we've been told that curiosity killed the cat. So when Sera goes "off script" to investigate/search for her favorite podcast host, she's quick to discover danger.

And... I loved every bit of it. I'm afraid to really discuss my thoughts in depth as I might give it all away.

I’m sorry but this didn’t work for me.

What a frustrating story and character!

After a divorce, grieving the loss of her baby, and a series of bad romantic relationships, Sera doesn't have the desire to pick herself up and find a new job. Her sole obsession is to listen to a podcast by a woman named Rachel. Her podcasts are all about women who have disappeared.

Sera has learned everything about Rachel from her social media and from the episodes of her podcast. So when Rachel disappears, no new podcasts are coming out and her social media goes silent, Sera decides to go looking for her.

When Sera arrives at Rachel's parents' ranch in California, she immediately asks about Rachel. Rachel's mother tells her she thinks Rachel is dead. The townspeople think she has finally left the ranch but Sera is sure she can help find her. She has a list of suspects and she wants to follow the few leads she has.

I couldn’t get into this one. Sera sounded unstable. Her incessant obsession with the podcast and Rachel was borderline psychotic. The ending was so out there that I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

I’m in the minority, most other reviewers seem to love it so take my input as what it is, a personal preference.

Cliffhanger: No

2/5 Fangs

A complimentary copy was provided by Berkley via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.